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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..388389390391392393394..596Next> |
#304386* (?/33) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Lorimarko> Nobody loves me.
<Natalie> Lots of people love you.
<Lorimarko> Quiet you! I'm cutting my wrists so I can drink the blood and tears mixture in a deepening pit of sorrow.
<Natalie> ... |
#304429* (?/39) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Dude: Never guess what I'm haulin
Me: blowup dolls?
Dude: Nope the 4 hr wounder pill lol
Dude: Wonder
Dude: That's right the big V
Me: lmao
Dude: wonder what would happen it I took all of it at once
Dude: Would my dick turn into godzillia
Dude: I can see it on the news giant dick destroys tokio
Dude: Again |
#304553* (?/37) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Primis: And now for something completely different: cell division!
Primis: O
Primis: 0
Primis: 8
Primis: oo
Primis: o o
Primis: 0 0
Primis: O O
Manhim: 8 8
Primis: oh god
Primis: its never ending
Manhim: oo oo
Manhim: =D
Manhim: 00 00
Primis: 88 88
Primis: muhaha
Primis: oo oo
Primis: oo oo
Lymia: H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl-
Lymia: H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl-
Lymia: H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl- H3O+ Cl-
Lymia: Counterattack.
Primis: oh god the nucleotides...
Lymia: Hydrochloric acid!
Lymia: You lose....
Valek: And ozone? Provided the oxygens bond. |
#304595* (?/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<masterzora> ... overheard in the Mudd Hole:
<masterzora> "if you just take sex from someone without asking, it's rape"
<prototype27> ...
<Elyscape> wut.
<Goobergunch> PARSE ERROR: Line 1, Character 18
* prototype27 upgrades Martin so he can parse sex
<Goobergunch> srsly I haven't figured out what that sentence means yet
<masterzora> well, you see, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much....
<masterzora> and if mommy doesn't love daddy....
<Goobergunch> UPGRADE FAILED: Version Error -- New Oxford American Dictionary Patch Issue
<Elyscape> then daddy puts his sperm into a bucket...
<prototype27> balls
<Elyscape> ties down mommy
<Elyscape> gets a turkey baster...
<Goobergunch> ok my parser needs a squick escape
<Elyscape> and covers her in strawberry ice cream
<Elyscape> then he goes to vegas
<reacocard> godammit ely
<Elyscape> and forgets about her
<Elyscape> and she dies of dehydration
<masterzora> Ely
<masterzora> seriously
<masterzora> stop
<masterzora> turning me on while I'm in public
<prototype27> ...
<prototype27> wut |
#304596* (?/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Extravisual> Anyway I don't think he's gay, he just has cock up the ass and is confused |
#304625* (?/39) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Krittick> I think I found out how to show sarcasm on the internet. 'It's really subtle.' |
#304636* (?/29) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<aritap> who mispells no with know
<aritap> or am i just being retarded?
<MADDMAXX> yup
<Keevan> who misspells "misspell"
<Keevan> BOOM
<aritap> hahaha loser
<aritap> !
<Keevan> i OWN YOU
<Keevan> FOREVER
<MADDMAXX> hahaha
<aritap> ALONE
<MADDMAXX> period* teehee
<Keevan> aritap you are now my SLAVE
<Keevan> feed me some grapes
<Keevan> and fan me
<aritap> lmao |
#304673* (?/29) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<OlEnglish> fuckin shitty network
<slakr> OlEnglish: told you that irc.sexscatnet.net wasn't all it was cracked up to be. |
#304686* (?/43) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<NitroX72> contents include:
<NitroX72> family of inbreeders, which because of genetic mutations get shit like fucking multi dicks and a spiky long clitoris
<Tentobot> and family issues
<mno> LOL tentobot
<Tentobot> lol
<taiyal> FUCK
<NitroX72> FUCK I LOST SO HARD
<mno> NOTHING GETS ME OFF HARDER THAN FAMILY ISSUES
<NitroX72> welcome to incest porn
<mno> SON I'M DISSAPOINTED IN YOUR GRADES
<mno> *fap fap fap*
<taiyal> SON I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL!
<taiyal> *fucks son*
<NitroX72> DAAD I TOLD YOU NOT TO WEAR THAT STUPID SHIRT TO SCHOOL
<NitroX72> *boners*
<taiyal> man that would be just
<taiyal> the worst　kind of schadenfreude
<taiyal> like imagine an "America's Funniest Videos" spinoff where the videos had footage of really tense uncomfortable family situations instead of people getting hit in the balls
<mno> oh god
<NitroX72> MOM WHY ARE YOU HERE I THOUGHT YOU DIED YEARS AGO
<NitroX72> MOM WHY DO YOU HAVE DAD'S MOUSTACHE
<mno> LOL
<taiyal> "Look at this urban family. Mom doesn't even know Katasha Latawnya's strung out on Meth!"
<NitroX72> OH MY GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD IN MY ASS
<NitroX72> OH HOLY FUCK ITS YOU MOM |
#304718* (?/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<lahwran> don't go overwriting stuff now
<Risugami> hmmm
<Risugami> time to fuck shit up
<Corosus> thats the spirit!
<kingbdogz> it's a separate folder
<kingbdogz> don't worry
<kingbdogz> shit |
#304784* (?/25) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<kaywinnit> freaking dammit
<kaywinnit> I thought UT app was due tonight
<kaywinnit> not this morning
<kaywinnit> at least I still submitted it before the deadline
<kaywinnit> but I still wish I had known this earlier
<lordzippy> beh. doesnt matter
<lordzippy> you can actually submit after the deadline
<lordzippy> they dont care too much
<kaywinnit> well
<kaywinnit> it's been done
<lordzippy> yep
<lordzippy> ..or is it
<lordzippy> what if your application was sent not to the school...
<lordzippy> but to some shady organization
<lordzippy> who at this very moment are perusing your accomplishments
<lordzippy> nodding their heads as they realize you would be perfect for their needs
<lordzippy> of WORLD DOMINATION
<lordzippy> its only a matter of time now
<lordzippy> soon they will take you away, to be a pawn in a game you didnt even know existed
<syntax_serv> I think we need to find lordzippy a doctor |
#304785* (?/51) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.Comment: used to be on bash, but bash is now defunct.
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#304791* (?/33) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<aaron> the shit i find under my bed... unbelievable
<blason> the bed i find under my shit... |
#304796* (?/35) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Beardface: I don't know GH, my fox things kept eating everyone else
Beardface: and then my birds wouldn't have sex for some reason
Beardface: and then my bunnies all diedComment: The joys of Viva Pinata.
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#304812* (?/35) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sahaqiel> if anyone needs me, say my name like I am a Russian prostitute and you are angry at me for killing you in an online FPS
<DekuLink> FUCKING SAHAQIEL YOU BETTER FUCKING CUM OVER HERE DAMNIT
<Sahaqiel> OH THANKS DEKULINK
<Sahaqiel> I NEED YOU TOO
<Sahaqiel> FOREVER AND EVER
<Sahaqiel> LET'S HAVE CHILDREN
<DekuLink> Sorry, I was just practicing.
<Sahaqiel> ); |
#304860* (?/33) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<KungFuHamster> HD?
<KungFuHamster> high density? hard drive? hound dog?
<_303> high definition |
#304865* (?/31) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sirmonko> you can't hack kernels without a magnificent neckbeard, but you can't grow magnificent neckbeards without hacking kernels. kind of a deadlock situation, but there is a solution:
<sirmonko> if pregnant kernel hackers with magnificent neckbeards give birth while hacking kernels, the kid may have a chance to already sport a magnificent neckbeard at neckbirth. |
#304925* (?/53) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+SquiRoFL> hmm...what game uses paddles to fling a white object back and forth?
<SoranTheBunny> wait
<SoranTheBunny> wait
<SoranTheBunny> paddles...
<SoranTheBunny> white object...
<SoranTheBunny> fling...
<SoranTheBunny> back and forth..
<SoranTheBunny> bdsm?Comment: #FurAffinity on FurNet
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#304981* (?/79) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Eleo> god im so angry i could kill ten niggas
<sinecity> so many?
<Eleo> ya
<Eleo> one because i was gonna kill a nigga anyway
<Eleo> two because one nigga just isnt enough
<Eleo> three because i want to go for a multikill
<Eleo> four because three isnt an even number and it would bother me to stop there
<Eleo> five because four is the traditional number of base elements in every mystic philosophy ever and i really want to see them add "heart" for the captain planet factor
<Eleo> ten because once i got to five i would realize i actually killed a few niggas, so i may as well kill twice as many
<sinecity> eleven because youd choose to commit suicide instead of facing jail time?
<Eleo> fuck you |
#305032* (?/37) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
ms thurman: I don't need a psychiatrist...
ms thurman: I have an imaginary speech therapist... |
#305107* (?/41) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< mimcpher> 14 / f / cali
< hpgross> mimcpher: 13/f/cali I beat you haha |
#305134* (?/43) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Don't trust furry things with green eyes. They've been following me everywhere ever since I went to my first funeral. |
#305244* (?/27) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
chelsea: i think the best killer robots would be the kids from small world
Ryan: OMG
Ryan: THATS AWFUL
chelsea: how awesome would that be
chelsea: unicef would cry
Ryan: OMG
chelsea: thats going to be the next 9/11
chelsea: rewiring the ride on disney's busiest day of the year so that they burst out and overwhelm all the guests in the park
chelsea: and by overwhelm i mean destroy mercilessly
chelsea: orchestrated by al qaeda through disgruntled ex-imagineers-for-hire
Ryan: this moment brought to you by call of duty and disney
chelsea: thanks america! |
#305272* (?/27) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<UlfHrafn> fuck being single. right in the ear. no lube no warning
<UlfHrafn> just an ear full of cockComment: #furaffinity on #furnet
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#305334* (?/39) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
me: why are anonymous inner classes shit in java?
co-worker: why girls are crazy ?
co-worker: those are universals truths my friend
co-worker: axioms that should never be questioned, just be dealt with
me: sad....you speak sad truths |
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