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#301562 (171/281) πOld
bakayuki@live.com: i kinda want to explain to her about the positrons in bananas
bakayuki@live.com: and see if i can get her to think eating moar bananas will slow down time...
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: if she comes in tomorrow shoving bananas down her throat i win at life
FRIN NY KAO: /awesom
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: already talking to her
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm backing it up with fancy science problems
baka.yuki@live.com: which is actually just my chem homework
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i just showed her an mole-balanced equation for how iron and water become rust
FRIN NY KAO: oh wow
baka.yuki@live.com: and explained that was the pime taradox equation
baka.yuki@live.com: if she runs in to another /b/ tard he's gonna have a field day
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: she's an english major
baka.yuki@live.com: of course she is
FRIN NY KAO: you're bullshitting
FRIN NY KAO: she bought it?
baka.yuki@live.com: why didn't i think of that
baka.yuki@live.com: she took it hook line and sinker
baka.yuki@live.com: "oh so thats why i feel so slow and bloated when i eat to many bananas"
baka.yuki@live.com: i almost couldn't keep a straight face
FRIN NY KAO: aw dude
baka.yuki@live.com: "yes exactly, the sodium is slowing down your time sphere"
FRIN NY KAO: ever seen commercials for 'the invention of lying'?
baka.yuki@live.com: nope
FRIN NY KAO: oh
FRIN NY KAO: tl;dr
FRIN NY KAO: THE WORLD IS GOING TO END UNLESS WE HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW
FRIN NY KAO: response?
FRIN NY KAO: do we have time to get to a motel room?
FRIN NY KAO: that woman
FRIN NY KAO: is banana girl
baka.yuki@live.com: she's going on and on about odd experiences she's had with bananas
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm having
FRIN NY KAO: oh
baka.yuki@live.com: real issues
FRIN NY KAO: god
baka.yuki@live.com: not laughing
baka.yuki@live.com: like i can feel my face contorting
FRIN NY KAO: if she asks you whats wrong
FRIN NY KAO: you should just say
baka.yuki@live.com: i ate a banana
FRIN NY KAO: im sorry, you're just a total idiot
baka.yuki@live.com: no i told her i ate a banana and then an orange earlier
baka.yuki@live.com: and now they're duking it out
FRIN NY KAO: what
baka.yuki@live.com: she bought it
baka.yuki@live.com: and feels bad for the orange
FRIN NY KAO: i feel bad for her parents
baka.yuki@live.com: oh thank god
baka.yuki@live.com: she's leaving
baka.yuki@live.com: HAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i WIN
baka.yuki@live.com: "Well I wanna go to the cafeteria to get some bananas, I have an exam this afternoon and a few more hours would be nice"
FRIN NY KAO: OH GOD
FRIN NY KAO: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
baka.yuki@live.com: I told her she wont physically notice the difference but to just keep eating them
baka.yuki@live.com: you can't make this shit up
FRIN NY KAO: oh god
baka.yuki@live.com: how do these people function
FRIN NY KAO: iunno
baka.yuki@live.com: the guy in the cube next to me heard the whole conversation
baka.yuki@live.com: he just asked to shake my hand
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: "I want to shake the hand of the man, who is the greatest troll I have ever met"
FRIN NY KAO: remember that comment about another /b/tard?
FRIN NY KAO: well, you met him rather than her
FRIN NY KAO: fuck
FRIN NY KAO: you won so hard
FRIN NY KAO: you found the motherfucking holy grail
baka.yuki@live.com: i want her number so I can like
baka.yuki@live.com: have something to do when bored
baka.yuki@live.com: just call her up and troll her
FRIN NY KAO: "hey, water causes you to develop tumors faster"
baka.yuki@live.com: the feeling bad for the orange
baka.yuki@live.com: that
baka.yuki@live.com: that about killed me |
#303479 (128/168) πOld
<Tom> Guys, I just pulled the best prank ever, took 2 months to do the whole thing.
<Matt> ... Go on?
<Charlie> what was it?
*** Joins: Craig
<Craig> Fuck guys, James died.
<Matt> What the fuck?! How?
<Craig> Noone knows, a midget found him dead in his bathroom apparently.
<Craig> He is up there on the suspect list.
*** Quits: Tom (Ermm.. sleep)
<Craig> That'll teach the prick to hide midgets in my bathroom.
*Craig is now known as James |
#128655 (65/121) πOld
<Kitty> I'm not a vegetarian because I like animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. |
#303515 (103/125) πOld
&Akensai: i just brutally slaughtered some russian asshat
&Akensai: called me an elephant penis in russian
&Akensai: so i let him know i could understand russian
&Akensai: by calling him 2 week old moldy dick juice
&Akensai: now we're friends. |
#303571 (79/103) πOld
<CoJaBo> There was a moth icon on a site I just visited.
<CoJaBo> I thought it was an ad so I mousover'd to adblock it.
<CoJaBo> And it FLEW IN MY EYE D: |
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#303566 (64/94) πOld
lollz> And what did babys drink before people discovered cows?
Aeon> they drank there moms milk
lollz> Yeh but where did they get the milk
Aeon> omg
CoJaBo> ...
CoJaBo> !wp breast feeding
AmiBot> Breastfeeding is the feeding of an infant or young child with milk from a woman's breasts.
lollz> wtf milk comes from boobs?
CoJaBo> LOL
Aeon> wow u srsly didnt kno that?
lollz> EWW! MILk comes from cow boobs!Comment: Milk Day, 2008
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#303524 (94/136) πOld
[DominoEffect] so, I saw quite possibly the best thing ever today
[DominoEffect] had to go to the hospital because my mother had to have surgery done
[DominoEffect] and in the lobby there was a little bakery type thing, with coffee and bagels and such
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter was short, big nose, bald on top, short curly hair on the sides and back of his head
[DominoEffect] when I came in there was a big guy standing around outside, he came in after me and ordered a bagel or something with a thick german accent
[DominoEffect] took a bite and said "you know, we can't get decent baked goods in germany anymore"
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter just said "oh, and whose fault is that?"
[DominoEffect] I was fuckin dying, I had to step outside for a minute |
#303611* (?/32) πOld
<@donoteat> well, I'd like to be able to blow things occasionally
<@donoteat> DON'T YOU DARE BASH THAT QUOTE
<@donoteat> MOTHERFUCKER |
#138889 (-21/179) πOld
Raycaster : I thought you hated poetry?
Nightripper: Poetry? Here's some poetry:
Nightripper: Roses are red.
Nightripper: Violets are blue.
Nightripper: Shut the fuck up,
Nightripper: Or I'll assrape you.
Nightripper: Enjoy. |
#303607* (?/18) πOld
<dat_dam> Aren't you supposed to be at work?
<braddock> someone called in a bomb threat today. everyone in the office had to be cleared out so we got the day off.
<dat_dam> wtf
<braddock> we think we all know who did it, but we're not saying anything because now we all get a long weekend. |
#303589 (-14/148) πOld
<Omi> Who are the hardest people to distract?
<Xa> No clue
<Omi> Jews
<Omi> All that time spent in concentration camps. |
#131422 (76/148) πOld
<lolage> Holy shit. Most epic idea ever.
<lolage> In the history of mankind.
<lolage> A rocket-coffin.
<lolage> You get put in standing upward. Door gets closed and you get launched into the sky
<lolage> with a parachute attached to your body
<lolage> the door blows in mid air
<lolage> parachute autodeploys
<lolage> you float, dead; down into someones garden
<oohal> lolage, you've got issues
<lolage> Oh man. I'd better get started on the blue prints. |
#134332 (43/135) πOld
<drharlem> Hey, I never believed in programming with it but I've come up with a resolution:
<drharlem> That cocaine stuff actually works, got a mug, put in hot water,
<drharlem> four bags of the stuff,
<drharlem> and I've been up ever since
<drharlem> shit! CAFFEINE!! CAFFEINE! |
#133097 (44/110) πOld
<Peppery> i did get started on that xml thing
<Peppery> then got bored and wrote a program that prints random strings and makes my terminal look like the matrix |
#302252 (56/204) πOld
<Goose> Say alpha-Kenny-body out loud.
<Demii> GENIUS. |
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#303601* (?/35) πOld
<HanSorbo> Oh shit, you will not believe this story.
<HanSorbo> My lesbian cat just saved my life, and got me laid.
<Rexx> hopefully those acts were mutually exclusive
<@Amigod> Have you been trolling the lolcats channels again?
<HanSorbo> Oh for fucks sake, no. I was having a bowl in my living room when I get a knock. I stash my stuff and I've got the fan on so I figure no biggie.
<HanSorbo> I answer the door and say "Good evening officer."
<HanSorbo> Lady cop takes one look at me and one look at my living room and invites herself inside. Well I figured I was pretty much screwed. But I've barely got anything, it'll probably be just a ticket, so I try to play it cool.
<HanSorbo> Lady cop asks me what I've been doing tonight. I reply "Just hanging out..Me and the cat..." whom had just gotten a healthy dose of catnip.
<HanSorbo> Lady cop goes, "Daw! Kitty!" as my kitten comes bounding into the room, straight for her.
<HanSorbo> Side note: My cat loves women. She is all over every girl that has ever been in my place. Doesnt much care for guys. So I say to lady cop, as my kitten is demolishing her hand with kitten love...
<HanSorbo> "Wow, thats really unusually. She uh...Doesnt care for women much. You must be something special." *cough*
<HanSorbo> She stands up and pulls out her notepad thing and takes something out. Says "Dont be stupid. Your neighbors called you in. Consider this your one get out of jail free card."
<HanSorbo> She hands me her card. "And if you ever want to spend an evening not breaking the law, my cell is on the bottom." Jaw. Floored.
<@Amigod> You absolute asshole
<Rexx> how in gods name do you know how to spend a night without breaking the law
<Taro> Are you sure you dont have to pay for that night? Cause I'm pretty sure thats still breaking the law |
#303608* (?/16) πOld
Abbie: I need to buy my mama a b-day gift
Abbie: i'm thinking a bread machine
Abbie: I love ours
James: lol i was gonna say to send her a loaf of bread
James: because it makes no sense at all
Abbie: she said she'd like anything I'd send
James: send her a grape
James: just one
Abbie: so I said I'll send a 2 foot glass dildo
James: well shit
Abbie: she said oh thanks
James: i don't know what to say to that
Abbie: you think of a loaf of a bread and I think of a glass didlo
James: send a glass dildo IN a loaf of bread |
#303612* (?/24) πOld
<DuckmanDrake> WE ARE NOT VERY SKILLED IN THE NUANCES OF HUMOUR.
<Adrian_Doyle> hohoho
<Adrian_Doyle> indeed not, my good man
<Adrian_Doyle> but we'll make a comedian of you yet
<Adrian_Doyle> Come this way
* Adrian_Doyle beckons
* DuckmanDrake approaches...
* Adrian_Doyle puts a rubber nose on DuckmanDrake's face
* Adrian_Doyle honks it
<DuckmanDrake> Well... I am thoroughly bemused.
* DuckmanDrake is slightly heartbroken.
<Adrian_Doyle> Here, you try
<Adrian_Doyle> go on, honk!
<Adrian_Doyle> No, like this
* Adrian_Doyle honks it again
* DuckmanDrake honks his nose. He is stone-faced. The contrast between the nose and face is quite amusing to others, but he himself does not get the joke.
<Adrian_Doyle> hrm, you need to turn that frown upside down. Lessee here
* Adrian_Doyle pulls out his Magical Trunk of Wonderment(TM)
* Adrian_Doyle rummages through it
* Adrian_Doyle pulls out a bowling ball and casually discards it. It's styrofoam
* Adrian_Doyle pulls out a rubber chicken and squeaks it at DuckmanDrake.
<Adrian_Doyle> Huh? Huh?
<Adrian_Doyle> No?
<Adrian_Doyle> meh
* Adrian_Doyle throws it over his shoulder. It hits the ground and shatters.
<Namegduf> Perhaps he just needs the rest of the face work, as well as the nose.
<Namegduf> Any paints in there?
<Adrian_Doyle> Paints? What kind ya want, I got red paint, blue paint, glow-in-the-dark, invisible ink, dragon's blood, fairy's tears, you need it, I got it
* Adrian_Doyle throws each tin of paint over his shoulder as he names them; they hit the ground and turn into small flocks of doves.
<DuckmanDrake> Good god! What devilry is this!
<Adrian_Doyle> It's aaaaaall part of the show
* Adrian_Doyle pulls out a deck of cards and casually shuffles it
<Adrian_Doyle> the magic
* Adrian_Doyle makes it disappear
<Adrian_Doyle> Of illusion
* Adrian_Doyle pulls a table from the trunk
* Adrian_Doyle sets some cups and tiny balls onto it
<Adrian_Doyle> I got ball one, ball two, ball three, see that? Ball one *squeak*, ball two *squeak*, ball three *squeak*, you follow?
<DuckmanDrake> Yes sir, I follow that.
<Adrian_Doyle> Yeah, ok, wise guy
* Adrian_Doyle produces a short wooden stick from nowhere
<Adrian_Doyle> Then we've got cup one *tap* cup two *tap* cup three *tap*
<Adrian_Doyle> I'd like you to take these cups, inspect 'em, look for any false bottoms, mirrors, smoke, insects, and general suspicious debris
* Adrian_Doyle uses the stick to pick up the cups all at once and offers them to DuckmanDrake
<Adrian_Doyle> you know why I'm using the stick, right? those used to be specimen cups. *har har har*
<Adrian_Doyle> DuckmanDrake: are you satisfied that the cups are solid and that there's no weird stuff goin' on with 'em?
<DuckmanDrake> I believe so...
<Adrian_Doyle> Very good, very good!
* Adrian_Doyle retrieves the cups
* Adrian_Doyle sets them on the table, using only the stick
<Adrian_Doyle> Now then, watch careful, watch careful
<Adrian_Doyle> Here, in fact, why don't you do it, friend? Take ball one, put it on cup one
* DuckmanDrake does as told.
<Adrian_Doyle> No no no
<Adrian_Doyle> *that's* ball one
* Adrian_Doyle doesn't point to it
<DuckmanDrake> You confuse me!
* DuckmanDrake grabs a random ball.
<Adrian_Doyle> there you go
* DuckmanDrake accounts it to luck.
<Adrian_Doyle> OK, now then
* Adrian_Doyle sets another cup on top of it
<Adrian_Doyle> now then, you set that up, no way there's anything funny goin' on /and yet/
* Adrian_Doyle taps the bottom of the cup on top
* Adrian_Doyle tilts the cups back towards him and the ball rolls out
<Adrian_Doyle> Here, I'll do it again
* Adrian_Doyle repeats the setup
<Adrian_Doyle> here we go, now it's cup two, ball two, cup three on top, here we go *tap*
* Adrian_Doyle reveals the ball again
<Adrian_Doyle> Now, here's the really good one, I haven't even done a trick yet
<Adrian_Doyle> Here it is, cup one, ball one, cup two, ball two and ball three, with cup three on top, here we go and *tap*
* Adrian_Doyle tilts the cups to reveal all three balls under the bottom one
<Adrian_Doyle> now then, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not paid to be out here, I do this more or less on *your* coin - yes, you, fair Citizen - I'm not paid by the men who run the market here, even though I'm sure I'm quite the draw
Adrian_Doyle sets the cups out on the table, bottoms on the table now
|<-- DuckmanDrake has left irc.tellaerad.net (Ping timeout: 301 seconds)
<Adrian_Doyle> And every little coin - just two copper pieces would, I think, be wonderful - but every little coin helps me do what I do - fuck
<Adrian_Doyle> I knew that was gonna happen
<Adrian_Doyle> right when you start asking for cash
<Adrian_Doyle> they run like rats from a sinking ship
<Adrian_Doyle> Good patter though ._.
* Adrian_Doyle sits, dejected, on the steps of a nearby building.
* Adrian_Doyle has to resist breaking into a musical number with every ounce of his being
* Adrian_Doyle mumbles under his breath, "I will NOT start an 'I Want' song. I will NOT start an 'I Want' song."
* Adrian_Doyle sighs deeply
<Adrian_Doyle> SO
<Adrian_Doyle> that was fun
<Adrian_Doyle> can I do more of that?Comment: irc.tellaerad.net, mostly private channel
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#303602* (?/28) πOld
*** now talking in #aeongen
<@CaptainJistuce> OHAYO WASABI ASL KTHX
<Taco_Hell> ...
<Taco_Hell> What?
<@CaptainJistuce> O-ha-yo wa-sa-bi aay-ess-ell kay-th-x |
#303606* (?/17) πOld
Xen: <tear rolls down cheek> It's truly Blizzard's Starcraft II... After install it already needs a patch.Comment: SC2 release date
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#303609* (?/15) πOld
Jesse: link from a co-worker, figured you'd appreciate it...
Harper: Blocked by our proxy... Apparently it's "adult content"
Jesse: squirrels can be kinda racy
Harper: Is it that Brew Dog beer-in-a-squirrel?
Jesse: uh, looks like it. why do you know that Harper? that's not right.
Harper: It's beer news... I don't care if I'm 20mi from the edge of civilization on top of a mountain... if it's about beer, I just know
Jesse: there's something wrong with you
Jesse: probably something with your liver :)
Harper: I'da thought that was a given :) BTW - you see the price on those fuckers? $500 for a stoat & $700 for a squirrel
Harper: (Which ought to be a standard measurement for beer, IMHO)
Jesse: lol
Jesse: and now MY nerd is showing as the first thought that popped into my head was a hobbit going "it comes in squirrels?"
Harper: Bartender, gimme a squirrel o' yer finest!
Harper: Ya never know about them hobbits... coming in squirrels and such
Jesse: oh god
Harper: Would explain a thing or two about Frodo & Sam's "friendship" though
Jesse: fuck you for that mental image
Jesse: (the squirrel fucking, we've all assumed frodo & sam were fucking)
Harper: I always thought it was supposed to be gerbils, but I guess you gotta make due with what's at hand...
Jesse: or at butt...
Harper: Adds new meaning to the term "hobbit hole"
Jesse: it isn't just your liver that's fucked up... |
#303603* (?/26) πOld
<Bernardakins> *WB(Splash)WB* - <Nezucho> Splash doesn't like secretive geese. :p
<Ebbit> Who does like secretive geese?
<Ebbit> I personally find them quite fowl.
<onkeikun> xDD
<Bernardakins> Ebbit XD;
* Bernardakins whacks with the pun stick
* Ebbit ducks.
<Bernardakins> XDD
<Ebbit> Don't hurt me for the jokes. I didn't plan them. I'm just winging it.
<onkeikun> xD;;;
<Ebbit> Also, if you hurt me and I have to go to the hospital, I will be sending you the bill.
* Bernardakins is dying
<onkeikun> orz you're killing me
* Bernardakins 's mother who is reading this over his shoulder cannot breathe she's laughing so much
<Ebbit> Thank, thank you. I'll be here all beak.
<Ebbit> You're such a pheasant audience.
<Ebbit> Except for you in the back giving me the bird. Fine. I'll stop now.
<Ebbit> I wouldn't want to ruffle any feathers.
<Bernardakins> She's laughing so hard she's honking, which is appropriate.
<Ebbit> Flying off the handle would be inappropriate, so I'm glad she's laughing. (Yes, they're getting weaker, I know.)
<Ebbit> (It's a hard truth to swallow, but there's a limit to how long this remains amusing to even my easily entertained sensibilities.)
* Bernardakins rofl
<Bernardakins> It's true. The edges of my mouth are starting to creep a little down.
<Ebbit> Sigh. But I'm too lazy to find new material. Sloth's a cardinal sin, you know.
<Ebbit> Seriously now, that last one will have to be my swan song. No more.
<Bernardakins> This conversation is quickly flying south.
<Ebbit> XD
<Ebbit> Soon it will be dead as the dodo.
<Bernardakins> At least if we keep using mallardictions against it, it will.
<Ebbit> Now they're not even puns, just working in avian idioms--okay, I was going to make one more, but, really Bern, mallardictions? Super effective, critical hit, OVERKILL, you've finished me. |
#303600* (?/20) πOld
<@otako> M07w: no one's ever here
<+M07w> of course, this is IRC not some sort of chat network |
#303469* (?/48) πOld
< ME-tan> had a fun day the other day
* tjon dances with inline4chan
< ME-tan> I was working in central London again, in a building that is shared with several companies
< inline4chan> ME-Tan that sounds like a clusterfuck
< ME-tan> The fire alarm went off
< ME-tan> We all leave and crowd around outside. The fire marshals are supposed to hold up a sign with the company logo on it so we all go there, however ours forgot to bring it
< inline4chan> did he run back in to get it?
< ME-tan> I grabbed my netbook on the way out so I plug it into my G1 and google image search for the company logo, and hold the netbook above my head
< inline4chan> lol
< ME-tan> Our people had a good laugh but it worked a treat
< ME-tan> The thing was, There was another bunch that was eyeing me funny
< ME-tan> On the way back in i realised
< ME-tan> We share our building with Microsoft, and I'm sitting there holding an Ubuntu netbook above my head, plugged into a linux phone...
< inline4chan> lol |
#303605* (?/22) πOld
<Rithli> .......................................................................
<ikusat> watch out rithli
<ikusat> HERE COMES PACMAN ('<)
<Rithli> i poisoned the 11th dot
<Rithli> and pacman can only move in a straight line
<Rithli> he's fucked
<ikusat> (.V)...................................................
<Rithli> good
<ikusat> . (>.)...................................................
<ikusat> . (/\')...................................................
<ikusat> . * ...................................................
<Rithli> pacmelt.wav
<ikusat> ('<) x 2
<Rithli> wtff!!!!
<ikusat> dude i put in 3 quarters
<ikusat> fuckin thinkin ahead |
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