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#309185 (198/208) ⚐Flag
<lucky> i got into it with an asphalt contractor at work and then had his truck towed for being in a handicapped space.
<SatNiGHTS> did you shout at him "MENTAL HANDICAPS DON'T COUNT!"?
<lucky> the best part? the lines are barely visible because HE didn't paint them as he was hired to do last summer. so he didn't see them.
<lucky> he came storming in, scared my paraschiz resident (poor guy), and demanded he be "payed what he was owed for his time in August". i told him that according to our records, he was paid exactly what he was owed - in that, he was paid for what he did, not what the original contract said. He never re-striped the lot or sealed the south end of the cul de sac.
<lucky> he wouldn't shut up.  i asked him to leave. he didn't. i told him to leave. he didn't. i made his truck leave without him while he was making an irate phone call.
<myself> did he see it in mid-tow, or only after it was gone?
<lucky> mid tow. told him they regularly monitor the handicapped spaces, it is after all a senior community. his reply : "YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE FUCKING SYMBOL!!!!" my reply: "my point exactly."
#311142 (116/124) ⚐Flag
<l0de> oh shit that "walked over my grave" feeling when someone's IRC nickname is your root password
#298212 (1006/1104) ⚐Flag
CoJaBo> Tho technicly, if its combusting at a subsonic rate, its called defloration..
RADiX> Thanks, Ill fix it on the way to class :)
! RADiX has quit (Leaving).
CoJaBo> *Deflagration, lol that would have been bad o_O
CoJaBo> uh-oh...
#22130 (133/311) ⚐Flag
<tsohgVAIO> bluetooth and wifi arent used for the same things
<netmunky> are too
<netmunky> their both used to send pictures of my penis wirelessly
#310732 (55/61) ⚐Flag
<camel> > Do you have a full-time job? > No > We're sorry, you do not qualify for this survey.
<camel> Why the fuck would I be doing a $2 30 minute survey
<camel> if I had a full time job
#311595* (?/4) ⚐Flag
<dokodonmystery> reading character descriptions of smash characters is so funny because it's like
<dokodonmystery> this is lucas, his life and family were ruined by colonialists and capitalism
<dokodonmystery> this is snake, he's a genetic clone who suffers from the cost of endless war
<dokodonmystery> this is king dedede. he loves food
#311594* (?/6) ⚐Flag
<AAA> Ugh. SELinux is a pain in my ass. :(
<BBB> I'm not sure it's designed to go there
#303649 (51/91) ⚐Flag
<Camille> I love my new job
<+ericc> where d'you work?
<Camille> it's a small coffee shop. doesn't pay much, but nearly everyone there is a gamer or irc'er.
<+ericc> nice
<Camille> yeah, we got busy around 1pm and it was loud cos of people chatting
<Camille> so one of the guys there shouted out "now I know how those marines feel when I hit them with a zerg rush"
<+ericc> hahaha awesome
<Camille> the manager heard him and frowned, I thought he was gonna yell at him for talking like that in front of customers
<Camille> and he just replied "man the bunkers and bring out the siege tanks!"
#308942 (251/265) ⚐Flag
<munin_> roughly it is modeling language and the brain, or, a graph-theoretic approach to modeling how language is represented in the brain
<munin_> she is teaching a graph to speak english by having it read reddit
<munin_> the first 2 phrases it learned were 'm night shamalamadingdong' and 'cockjuggling thundercunts'
<munin_> so it seems to be working
<munin_> she is going to try and get 'cockjuggling thundercunts' into her dissertation
#309577 (526/560) ⚐Flag
<Caboose> Mango, you're a programmer, right?
<Mango> Depends.  If you're asking because you're curious, yes, I've been a programmer for most of my career.
<Mango> If you're asking because you installed 5000 toolbars and now your computer "runs kinda slow", I work at Starbucks.
#64573 (1060/1148) ⚐Flag
[b] "If you're ever interviewed for a programming job at a big company, you're
gonna get questions like this. At Yahoo! they asked me one about how to figure out which one of 1000 bottles of wine was poisoned, using less than 10 prisoners as 'test subjects'."
[b] I'd tell the prisoners that if they don't work it out on their own, I'll kill them all
[ctho] that's the answer that gets you hired for upper management
#139309 (3821/4169) ⚐Flag
<FossZombie> wtf
<FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes" them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
<FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes
<Wolfed> It would have been interesting.
<FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
<FossZombie> I spent the next three years shitting myself and learning how to speak and learn my ABCs
#300391 (3881/4233) ⚐Flag
<dessin> I got a spam email about a week back that slipped through my filter
<dessin> usually they don't get through, I get maybe one or two every year
<dessin> so I open up the headers and it turns out there's a yahoo account as the reply-to
<dessin> figured it's a long shot but I emailed it saying "stop sending me spam, asshole"
<dessin> turns out this guy is a complete dumbass and actually put his real email in the reply to - emails me back saying "fuck you, I'll spam who I want" and asking how I got his email and shit
<iggi> lol
<dessin> so I checked the headers again and found the IP that the email was sent from
<dessin> did a geoip lookup and got a pretty specific location in london, and found the local exhange from google maps
<dessin> and it was kinda out of the way in london so the exchange maybe covered 600 houses or so
<dessin> so I print off like 1000 leaflets saying "there is a spammer in your area, if you have any information please forward it to the police" and stuff
<dessin> took a train to london, two bus changes to the area
<iggi> wtf hahaha
<dessin> went round and posted the leaflets through every house in the area
<dessin> anyway this morning I get an email from the guy asking how I found his house and begging me not to tell the police
<iggi> ROFL HAHAHAHAHA!!
<iggi> massive overkill man
<dessin> I fucking hate spam :P
#302091 (1612/1760) ⚐Flag
PH: Note to car companies. Don't put "Best in class" and "In a class of it's own" in the same commercial.
#311335 (48/50) ⚐Flag
< danl> being lazy and running everything as root is so much easier
< danl> lol
< danl> damn it
< danl> I screwed up my script and lost a years worth of access logs
#61180 (3251/3563) ⚐Flag
* Joins: redryan_
<Trinexx> ryan! :D
<Trinexx> dude, where you been at?
<redryan_> man, I have no fucking idea. I went outside to get the mail, next thing I know I've got a job and a social life
#73450 (971/1059) ⚐Flag
<Buck> the MPAA site has an interesting anti piracy blitz going on for Christmas
<Buck> they say that they're protecting users from buying pirated copies of films
<Buck> then they go on to say that you can recognize pirated films by the fact that they're a lot cheaper, out before or while films are still in theatres, are region free and contain no DRM
<Buck> if I wouldn't have pirated before.. the MPAA sure has convinced me to do it now
#297753 (1854/2036) ⚐Flag
<Seth> We were out fishing one time, and I was like, "So what would you do if I was dating your daughter?"
<Seth> And he goes, "I'd kill you."
<Seth> Straight faced, too. ;(
<Seth> And then he pulls out a knife, still straight faced.
<Seth> And then goes, "Just kidding man. She already told me."
<Seth> I damn near shit myself. ;<
#64822 (3660/4026) ⚐Flag
[DAY] Trinexx: I saw the most awesome Windows error today: "A malicious program has attempted to shut down Windows. As a precaution, Windows was shut down."
#309152 (181/195) ⚐Flag
TheEnd. : I hate my job, too boring.
JimmyKillsAlot : I hated my last job
JimmyKillsAlot : I worked for this call center for the board of education
JimmyKillsAlot : we managed servers and helped teachers all over the state
JimmyKillsAlot : like teaching approved sites and keeping them certified
TheEnd. : Sounds boring.
JimmyKillsAlot : it was
JimmyKillsAlot : and always buggy, people couldn't register and had to call us
JimmyKillsAlot : and when we made the account the username was based off of first name, last name, and a random number
JimmyKillsAlot : one day this woman calls and we go through the motions to make her an account
JimmyKillsAlot : when the info pops up
JimmyKillsAlot : I had to keep a straight face as I told Irene that her username was IMaho247
JimmyKillsAlot : my boss had to put the lines on hold for 5 min until the laughing stopped
#295827 (1422/1564) ⚐Flag
<paul> my mom was suspected of child abuse by my pediatrician as a kid
<paul> she swore up and down i wasn't being abused
<paul> the doctor was sceptical
<paul> they went out into the waiting room where I was
<paul> mom was like "paul, come here!"
<paul> I get up, look at her instead of where I was going, and run full tilt into a pole
<paul> doctor's like "sorry maam, you had to see this from my position"
#62116 (1187/1305) ⚐Flag
<@Pie> unemployment rocks
<@Commander> you got fired?
<@Pie> long story
<@Commander> well, you're not going anywhere
#296968 (1353/1491) ⚐Flag
<rmrfResume> So let me get this straight.
<rmrfResume> You built a linux system from scratch using hardened GCC
<rmrfResume> secured the whole system with RSBAC
<rmrfResume> Developed private chroots for each and every service ran on it
<rmrfResume> which include an http, ftp, smtp, pop3, imap, irc, and dyndns server
<rmrfResume> WITH mail filtering and dynamic mysql databases for each service
<rmrfResume> with the mysql daemon in its own chroot
<rmrfResume> then did same system networking for the whole lot
<rmrfResume> and had everything running in a single night?
<Pryoidain> I do cocaine.
<cjk> oh
<asaph[Away]> WOW
<rmrfResume> suddenly it all makes sense.
#297192 (1062/1170) ⚐Flag
<aestetix> This is more of a good birthday present idea which lead to my mate getting dumped by his GF.
<aestetix> She couldn't afford buying him a bday present, so she gave him a bunch of slips for meals, massages, blowjobs etc.
<aestetix> She dumped him because for weeks he'd pull out a blowjob slip everytime they'd have an argument.
#64104 (1814/2010) ⚐Flag
<pipo> ...um.
<pipo> ... kids these days ...
<pipo> just came from the strangest conversation with my little sister
<niccolo> ?
<pipo> she's reading the comics
<pipo> and she asks me
<pipo> "hey what's 'friendship-with-benefits?'"
<pipo> so I give the big brother response
<pipo> "it's a physical relationship, without any commitment"
<pipo> mind you, she's 11 and I don't want to get into much detail with my sis
<pipo> anyway she was quiet for a moment
<pipo> and then she goes
<pipo> "ok so like f***buddies then?"
<michelle_113> ...
<niccolo> dude wtf
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