QDB: Today's Popular Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

#301975 (37/65) ⚐Flag
<GrooveDog> Unfortunately I have the programming knowledge of a walrus.
<GrooveDog> But I'll figure it out, thanks for the help. :)
<bburhans> I happen to have in my possession a very gifted walrus who speaks four natural languages and was computer literate at the age of two months... and walruses live a very long time :)
<GrooveDog> lol.
<GrooveDog> Either way, I have less knowledge of python than a python.
<bburhans> a shame, indeed. My python only knows Perl. But damn, he can do regular expressions nearly as well as the penguin...
Comment: from #supybot on freenode
#311395 (85/111) ⚐Flag
Xhiel: OH MY GOD
Xhiel: so these's an online company that make mini bricks for construction stuff
Xhiel: and there's a reddit thread where a poster said he once masturbated used a miniature brick anally
Xhiel: and it got stuck inside, so he had to literally shit a brick
Xhiel: so someone links the website that makes tiny bricks
Xhiel: and the owner notices all the traffic
Xhiel: and tracks the fucking thread down
Xhiel: I can't right now
Xhiel: I have lost my ability to even
Xhiel: THAT'S IT
Xhiel: I"M DONE
#311366 (93/99) ⚐Flag
* vens is now known as venz
<aciou> this is the internet equivalent of turning your cap backwards
#311282 (52/66) ⚐Flag
<AndyWojo> If I were coming up with a package manager, I'd name it just
<AndyWojo> 'just install tmux'
<AndyWojo> and instead of a -f for forcing dependencies: 'just fucking install tmux'
#276906 (55/77) ⚐Flag
xxx: told my boyfriend I wanna wake up to oral pleasure
xxx: and I woke up in the morning, cuz he was trying to stick his dick into my mouth
xxx: fuck
#258726 (46/58) ⚐Flag
<AtoB> I needed an extra xp cd, so i downloaded one and formatted my computer. When i was about to reinstall, i found out that i had forgot to burn the cd...
#309850 (536/568) ⚐Flag
<bbitmaster> bah, this is the dumbest thing ever. I broke linux mint over the silliest thing, and I am quite pissed.
<bbitmaster> The bottom panel was too small. I was adjusting it to be more manageable. I accidentally right clicked on the "+" in the dialog that makes it larger.
<bbitmaster> right clicking causes it to go to max size. It now fills the screen and I can't go to any other window or menu or anything. I restarted and it kept that setting.
* 1 hour later
<bbitmaster> I joined the linux mint help channel, the guy there helping me suddenly left
<bbitmaster> he came back and said he was stupid enough to "recreate my problem"
<bbitmaster> and now he's in the same boat
#142667 (1355/1759) ⚐Flag
<Turra> the 5th element is awesome
<Kar> Boron?
Comment: #TGi
#80430 (1457/1643) ⚐Flag
<Rocky> awesome! script done
<Rocky> simple but useful know what i mean?
<Rocky> if you type !song, you can view what i'm listening to
<Rocky> try it
<Rocky> oh shit wait
<Siege> !song
* Rocky is dancing to brazilian gal fucks horse MUST-SEE awesome porn slut rape bitch bestiality hot porno jpg mpg mpeg jpeg great scat whore [53:24m/371Kbps/44KHz]
* Quits: Rocky (grapes@40597861.8D6CA4AC.718E664C.IP) (Quit: )
Comment: irc.cheatlist.com #warez
#297753 (1855/2039) ⚐Flag
<Seth> We were out fishing one time, and I was like, "So what would you do if I was dating your daughter?"
<Seth> And he goes, "I'd kill you."
<Seth> Straight faced, too. ;(
<Seth> And then he pulls out a knife, still straight faced.
<Seth> And then goes, "Just kidding man. She already told me."
<Seth> I damn near shit myself. ;<
#310093 (203/223) ⚐Flag
<vee> god my brain is so dumb sometimes
<vee> I looked out the window and saw a lot of birds and squirrels and I thought "yeah it's the weekend" as if they all normally have jobs to go to during the week
#159419 (922/1048) ⚐Flag
ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
#311162 (72/80) ⚐Flag
<VesicantDerp> Is there a name for selling your blood plasma, then using that money to get super fucked up on a normal amount of booze while you're low on blood?
<SpaceMarine> no
<SpaceMarine> but there really should be
#294682 (2113/2509) ⚐Flag
<sniep> my servers are all named after computer parts so that users sound like retards asking for anything
<sniep> "i need full access to ram!"
<sniep> "why is megabytes broken?!?"
<sniep> "who rebooted hard drive??!??"
Comment: SomethingAwful
#305711 (741/881) ⚐Flag
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks
#30552 (213/461) ⚐Flag
<Summoner> Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing Hide&Seek.
<Summoner> Archimedes is counting down, Pascal takes off and hides, but Newton takes few steps, turns around, comes behind Archimedes,puls aout a chalk, makes a square 1 meter by 1 meter and steps in it.
<Summoner> Archimedes finishes counting, turns around and, praise the Lord, sees him immideatly:
<Summoner> - A-Ha, Newton!!!
<Summoner> Newton smiles and says:
<Summoner> - No, this is Newton per sqare meter, and that's Pascal.
#309889 (18/38) ⚐Flag
<Zelest> I downloaded a porno today...
<Zelest> Which started with a HUGE dubstep drop
<Zelest> Biggest turn off ever
#306347 (29/51) ⚐Flag
<Symantic> Envious i need help.
<Symantic> I have a extra internal hard-drive space in my laptop. I'm only using one.
<Envious> Okay?
<Envious> fill it with peanut butter,
<Envious> then it won't be empty.
Comment: #computerhope on irc.mibbit.net
#303447 (33/59) ⚐Flag
< Broseidon> i've got a trial shift tomorrow \o/
< AdmiralGT> trial shift?
< Broseidon> yeah
< Broseidon> on a customer returns desk in ikea xD
< Extapathy> do you have to build the desk first?
#301493 (28/64) ⚐Flag
<Abdoul> will u quit if he fired me?
<Ryan> shit no i got bills to pay
<Abdoul> what?
<Abdoul> u're not a friend
<Ryan> not a stupid one
<Abdoul> i'll get u fired
<Abdoul> and then quit with u to prove how much of a great friend I am
<Ryan> uhm...
#311431 (42/70) ⚐Flag
curiousjock> hi
<sickleanna> hiya curiousjock
<curiousjock> hey there sickleanna
<bubblegumbitch> oh sick leanna. i thought anna was a communist lol
* sickleanna is now known as sickle-anna
<sickle-anna> lets roll with it
<TungstenCarbide> can't roll
<TungstenCarbide> someone sliced the tires
<TungstenCarbide> someone with a SICKLE
#309789 (102/114) ⚐Flag
<Taryn> toolbars can die in a fire
<Taryn> Do you want to install FreeVirusPorn.cn's toolbar? [YES] [no]
<Taryn> Are you sure you don't want FreeVirusPorn.cn's toolbar? [No]
<DahrkDaiz> actually
<DahrkDaiz> Do you want to refuse the installation of FreeFirusPorn.cn toolbar? [Yes] [No]
<Taryn> Do you not want to avoid refusing to non-uninstall FreeVirusPorn.cn toolbar? [Not No] [Not Non-No]
#301631 (547/713) ⚐Flag
[Thrasher]:  there needs to be Star Wars themed snacks
[Thrasher]:  Chewy granola bars
[Thrasher]:  C3PO Henry bars
[Thrasher]:  and the moneymaker
[Thrasher]:  Han Rolos!!
[Buchwald]:  /block
[Buchwald]:  /ignore
[Buchwald]:  /delete
[Buchwald]:  Goddammit one of these has to work
[Buchwald]:  /kill
[Thrasher]:  come on!!  HAN ROLOS!
[Buchwald]:  /abort
[Buchwald]:  /put up for adoption
[Thrasher]:  sorry youve heard
[Thrasher]:  you laughed
[Thrasher]:  and now youll remeber it forever
[Buchwald]:  I went to a sushi place last night that offered something called the "That's How I.." roll.  And I thought that was the worst pun I'd hear all week.  15 hours later, you top it.
[Thrasher]:  haha
[Thrasher]:  "Han Rolos!!  Share them with your friends...don't be Greedo"
[Thrasher]:  too far?
[Buchwald]:  I hate to admit it, but that line finally got me to laugh
[Thrasher]:  Emperor Pralines: Your feeble powers are no match for the Dark Nougat
Comment: Thrasher continued on for another five minutes
#60934 (463/637) ⚐Flag
<mikedep333> while I appreciate the attempt of ubuntu to be user friendly, automatically connecting to my neighbor's unencrypted wireless network is technically illegal for meComment: #ubuntu on freenode
#30416 (189/333) ⚐Flag
<pyxl> my schedule says I'm taking physics this year
<matterless> Good, it builds character.
<pyxl> your sympathy is overwhelming
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,784 quotes approved; 8,799 fermenting; karma: 189.3158