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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random |
#309308* (?/38) ⚐Flag
< vanu> what if like
< vanu> the higgs boson is the heart of a particle
< vanu> and it gives them mass because that is what keeps them ATTRACTED TO OTHERS
< vanu> oh shit
< vanu> i've solved it
<@sta|ker> no
<@sta|ker> you're juset high
< vanu> I'VE SOLVED IT ALL |
#309307* (?/74) ⚐Flag
< BaKamann> my cabbage is 4 gigaleaf but it still can't run linux
< BaKamann> i don't want to pay the extra fee to upgrade to lettuce
< BaKamann> this is how i see all your techy talks |
#23245 (122/256) ⚐Flag
<mAJ0RD> im so glad i spent $0 on office xp |
#68626 (211/399) ⚐Flag
<toor> MandaCakes: what does yom kippur taste like
<toor> is it sweet
<toor> :/
<MandaCakes> er.. yom kippur is a holiday
<MandaCakes> the holiest day of the year
<toor> no way!
<toor> i just got thru text messaging this hot jewish girl that i want to eat her yom kippur
<toor> GOSH
<toor> i always screw everything up.
<toor> >:( |
#25503 (223/349) ⚐Flag
<jonathans> brooklyn rules
<jonathans> some dude just leaned on his horn in his old italian mobster car and it played the theme to the godfather |
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The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
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#266051 (373/609) ⚐Flag
<PandaFister> pedo = feet or love of the ground
<OliveTower> America spells it pedophile
<@PandaFister> because their FUCKING STOOPID
<@PandaFister> do I have to go through the whole pedo/paedo explination
<@PandaFister> e.g. a pedometer counts how many footsteps you've made
<@PandaFister> and a paedometer counts how many children you've fucked |
#1628 (229/386) ⚐Flag
<reflector> I'm skinny and I have a big nose, but girls still let me touch them sometimes
<Viseus> reflector: Yeah me too. In packed subway trains and stuff |
#31761 (376/494) ⚐Flag
<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two" |
#86255 (714/858) ⚐Flag
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor. |
#29036 (170/300) ⚐Flag
<Daisuke> yea, sucking cocks is fun
<Daisuke> that came out wrong |
#8070 (73/247) ⚐Flag
<whippy-X> Max Payne (the game) looks cool, but Max Payne (the character) looks like he's taking a perpetual shit
<whippy-X> and it's a bit of a ghey name too eh? Max Payne. get it? Max PAIN. very lame. how about he just calls himself Action Man. |
#52089 (186/366) ⚐Flag
<Epesh> danielle's rack isn't huge but she's well-formed, like an XML document with proper namespacing and closures |
#15834 (167/321) ⚐Flag
<@redium> i have never had a condom break on me ever
<@redium> maybe the gas-station generic glow in the dark ones break.. but real ones dont
<+elf> ...glow in the dark ones...?
<+elf> how can you misplace your penis so badly that you need for it to glow?
<@redium> its the entertainment factor, not the visibility factor
<+elf> i see... |
#409 (513/701) ⚐Flag
<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4 |
#302050 (608/772) ⚐Flag
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect |
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Lyndon B Comic: A tri-monthly comic of the deathly important
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#28849 (229/387) ⚐Flag
<psypete> ooooo!
<psypete> i stepped outta my door and what do i find? a fresh spool of 100 48x CDR's :-)
* rik steps out of his door
* rik finds no spool of cds.
* rik pouts
* danamania peeks out her door too
<danamania> some leaves.
* danamania tries burning them.
<danamania> yup! 48x leaves
<rik> oh. hm. now there is a flatmate there.
* rik waves to flatmate.
* danamania burns flatmate
<rik> * flatmate flickers gently
<danamania> aww. only 2x |
#307868 (124/184) ⚐Flag
<Greed> You guys wanna hear something fucked?
<olleman> we're on the internet, after all
koala_bot waits for it
<Greed> The previous owner of my cell phone number died in a car crash involving a drunk driver.
<Greed> His mom, who has dementia, calls me 10-14 times per week and leaves messages asking when 'Thomas' is going to come home and stop dallying around with his friends
<Greed> Or when he's going to come vistit her
<Greed> Or asking Thomas what's for dinner
<Greed> Or pleading with him to call her more
<olleman> dude.
<Greed> And if I pick up the number and explain to her that I'm not Thomas
<Suppa_Spic> :3
<Greed> She'll argue and cry and plead with me to stop messing with her
<Greed> And this happens on almost a daily basis
<Greed> Sometimes she'll call me at 2AM and ask me where I am
<Greed> Why I'm not at home eating cornbread
<olleman> that is heart breaking
<Suppa_Spic> Greed: tell her her son is dead
<Greed> And when I pick up the phone now and again and tell her that she has the wrong number, that Thomas isn't even part of this world anymore
<Greed> She gets angry and even more sad and yells at me to stop playing sick games with her
<Greed> And because of the Dementia, she doesn't remember each encounter the next day
<Greed> Every day is just a replay of the day before he died for her
<WordpressNoob> wait
<WordpressNoob> your number is tied to your phone not a SIM?
<WordpressNoob> get off CDMA man
<Greed> Google Voice.
<Greed> Actually no, the number she calls is the phone's
<chiper> I'd have gotten a new number a long time ago
<Greed> Nobody else knows that number but she and I
<Greed> I mean
<Greed> I can't do that
<Greed> I don't know what it would do to her if every time she called him (Once or twice a day), she got a dead line |
#305289 (192/272) ⚐Flag
<dr_jkl> I HAVE A THREE DAY WEEKEND AND A SOLDERING IRON.
<dr_jkl> i am going to have so much fun. :D |
#307623 (124/186) ⚐Flag
<azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog |
#301489 (265/349) ⚐Flag
<Anoria> but the replacement parts are coming out of a $3 camera from ebay, so maybe something weird happened to this particular screen. there were no polarizers in either of the parts cameras.
<Bunsen> Man, this is why we need mantis shrimp vision.
<Anoria> I'm simply dying to know what you mean by that.
<Bunsen> Mantis shrimp have freakishly detailed perception of light.
<Bunsen> Like several more pigments than us, plus sensitivity to horizontal, vertical, and circular polarization.
<Anoria> yikes.
<peer> what does a shrimp need with that kind of vision?
<Bunsen> Hell if I know. Ask one.
<Anoria> I know there are beetles whose carapaces circularly polarize light, but I somehow doubt they share habitat
* Anoria reassembles the camera with both polarizers in place so they don't get lost in case someone eventually figures out what to do with them
<Anoria> or not polarizers. gratings. whatever.
<Bunsen> Oh my, I had forgotten that mantis shrimp are also capable of snapping their claws hard enough to cause cavitation and sonoluminescence.
<Anoria> wtf they're physics shrimp
<Bunsen> Exactly.
<Bunsen> Put 'em in heavy water, and I'm pretty sure they'll discover fusion.
<c0nsumer> why have you not done this yet?
<Bunsen> Because I, for one, do *not* welcome our new fusion-powered optics-researching crustacean overlords.Comment: I'm going to start a band called Physics Shrimp.
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#306819 (318/424) ⚐Flag
<MisfortuneCooki> so i had this group meeting
<MisfortuneCooki> where several groups had to make a model of some new building that serves a purpose on campus
<MisfortuneCooki> my group built a stripclub
<MisfortuneCooki> a hexagonal stripclub
<MisfortuneCooki> and we named it the sexagon
<MisfortuneCooki> and we WON |
#305635 (217/301) ⚐Flag
< JDigital> my sister found out that I know the names of the my little ponies
< JDigital> I don't know how long I can keep up the facade that I don't watch it |
#308688 (306/396) ⚐Flag
<^_^> I thought you didn't use B in Finnish?
<Bill> The thought of that makes me ill
<^_^> the thought of what
<Bill> Not having a B |
#296310 (7/79) ⚐Flag
! v3ritas np: [ T-Rock, Three 6 Mafia - Slang & Serve ]
(v3ritas) hey guys
(v3ritas) i want you to know what song i'm playing
(v3ritas) you probably won't notice, nor care about it, but there it is
(v3ritas) but if you particularly appreciate a strict adherence to a set spoken meter, this song is a fine example |
#309309* (?/53) ⚐Flag
<Number6> Ducks have corkscrew shaped penises
* rsynnott hopes the people who made the Flintstones were unaware of this |
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