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#303479 (679/915) ⚐Flag
<Tom> Guys, I just pulled the best prank ever, took 2 months to do the whole thing.
<Matt> ... Go on?
<Charlie> what was it?
*** Joins: Craig
<Craig> Fuck guys, James died.
<Matt> What the fuck?! How?
<Craig> Noone knows, a midget found him dead in his bathroom apparently.
<Craig> He is up there on the suspect list.
*** Quits: Tom (Ermm.. sleep)
<Craig> That'll teach the prick to hide midgets in my bathroom.
*Craig is now known as James
#303421 (812/1074) ⚐Flag
<boikpark> The guy was found dead in his apartment with his penis in a jar of peanut butter, apparently.
<Sohcahtoa> Well it sounds like that guy...
* Sohcahtoa puts on his sunglasses
<Sohcahtoa> ...was fucking nuts.
<Sohcahtoa> YYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH
#35401 (468/652) ⚐Flag
�XAnimal� I can fist my own throat
�SilentB� There is no emoticon to describe the horror of what you just said.
#108496 (466/568) ⚐Flag
Dexi: dude
Dexi: i feel stupid
Dexi: my friend put down "C" for every answer on the ACT...
Dexi: and scored higher than me
#76659 (466/646) ⚐Flag
<@Ho0chie> i had awesome nerd moment with flat mate earlier.....
<@Ho0chie> ...he threw me a packet of crisps and they fell on the floor...we looked at each other and he said 'oh man, packet loss'
#13077 (465/590) ⚐Flag
corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words.
#54322 (463/595) ⚐Flag
<Stereo``> you know
<Stereo``> maybe the statistics faculty is not the best group of people to play poker with
Comment: #geekissues
#33231 (456/636) ⚐Flag
<+milkman`bot> 9. �Animal�Trivia: The�hummingbird is the only bird that can ---------
<@Merlord> fly
<+Yoink> fly
#32419 (455/649) ⚐Flag
<Shavnir> I missed lunch
<Shavnir> and breakfast
<Shavnir> i'll nuke a pizza then >_<
<Mayseth> Typical American behaviour
<Mayseth> Oh, I missed a meal. I'll just nuke this poor defenseless pizza!
#296954 (453/577) ⚐Flag
<@robodex> you know what's sad? there's another guy in the GTA with the same name as me. And my name isn't common.
<@robodex> and from what I can tell, he's cooler, better looking and more popular than I am
<@robodex> you know how that feels? It's like one of those movies where you're off trying to stop your evil clone
<@robodex> but in the end, you find out
<@robodex> you're the evil clone
#51035 (450/582) ⚐Flag
<Rjx> so guys
<Rjx> i gotta get my computer to the USA somehow
<Rjx> as cheap as possible
<GerbilWrk> wrap it up in a condom and swallow it
<Jimmothy> put it in a condom and swallow it
<Rjx> you two aren't allowed to talk anymore
#305711 (735/875) ⚐Flag
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks
#55289 (693/821) ⚐Flag
<pssh> tonight i was watching tv and eating some chinese food
<pssh> my three year old walks in and i turn around and say "Here, want some?" and she just starts crying and runs out of the room
<pssh> my wife barges in and starts yelling at me for scaring her like that
<pssh> turns out my daughter came in asking if i had seen the cat
#49442 (688/824) ⚐Flag
<LOAF> So, I'm out back in the alley
<LOAF> I figure I'm alone, right
<LOAF> And it's completely dark
<LOAF> And I see a tiny round silhouette on the ground
<LOAF> Now, we've all been there: is it a coin or is it a splotch?
<LOAF> Do you bend over or don't you? What do you do? You have literally nanoseconds to figure it out.
<LOAF> But it was dark, damned dark, so the call was all the much harder.
<LOAF> And my brain gave the final instructions: coin, go for it, assume it is a coin.
<LOAF> And so I did.
<LOAF> And it was.
<LOAF> Which made me ever so pleased with myself
<LOAF> Which made me decide to do a little hop-and-spin and hold the coin up in the air
<LOAF> Which I did
<LOAF> And as I spun around and put the coin up in the air, there was a homeless guy digging through the dumpster, now staring at me.
<LOAF> And he clapped.
<LOAF> I offered him the coin, but he said I'd earned it.
#49568 (610/836) ⚐Flag
<DJ-Mike> ATTETNION
<DJ-Mike> DJ MIKE
<DJ-Mike> WILL BE ON
<TempestxJuggalo> a dick
<DJ-Mike> IN A MATTER OF MINUTES
#309805 (115/131) ⚐Flag
<@dmd> if i had a multi-watt laser or something i would probably sit in a book depository and kill people with it
<@dmd> does that make me a bad person
<@Krrrlson> it makes you a person who has not considered the power consumption and cooling requirements
#27806 (319/447) ⚐Flag
(@LoTTy): I HATE being a chick
(@LoTTy): i cant get the lid of this jar
(@LoTTy): that i wanna put on my corn chips for nachos
(@LoTTy): i got it
(@LoTTy): I'm STRONG!!!
(@IngeniusSpliffWizard): whats that got to do with you being a chick?
(@IngeniusSpliffWizard): we dont use our penis to open jars
#311421 (34/42) ⚐Flag
<CaptainJistuce> I am still waging a linguistic battle against that use of the term fixed. Surely an animal works as intended before the procedure, which renders a major subsystem inoperational. They are broken afterwards.
#304196 (355/467) ⚐Flag
Panucci : Guess what my geek wife said when we were on bed last night?
Magicpork: HTTP 411, HTTP 417, HTTP 403?
#304240 (225/309) ⚐Flag
<@Amigod> i want to play my guitar
<@Amigod> But Eleni's asleep
<HanSorbo> So wear earplugs.
<HanSorbo> So you cant hear her yelling at you to stop.
#304158 (224/290) ⚐Flag
<welandB> God dammit.
<welandB> I went to the Renaissance Festival and hit it off with a girl so I tore off a piece of paper from the map and wrote down my number for her.
<welandB> So my friend tears off more pieces and writes down "Call Nate for gay sucking and fucking" with my phone number.
<welandB> And starts handing them out.
<welandB> So I take them away from him and stuff them in my pocket.
<welandB> My cat just dragged one right to my mom.
<welandB> We just had a sit-down talk where I had to clarify that I am not soliciting sex from strange men.
#306189 (385/491) ⚐Flag
<%Mehcore> I want a band called 1023MB
<%Mehcore> We'd never get a gig though
#305813 (461/585) ⚐Flag
<Dr_Pressure> Q: How can you tell if somebody owns an Apple product?
<Dr_Pressure> A: Don't worry, they'll tell you.
#305620 (349/449) ⚐Flag
<Gale_> my sister's neighbor is a dumbass
<Gale_> "Look at me, I'm going to have an unsecured wireless network and not change the default login settings for the router!"
<Gale_> My question is should I protect their network and change the login settings on the router just to teach them a lesson, or should I leave it be and let my sister borrow their connection whenever she feels like?
<Gale_> I did that to my neighbor a couple of years ago.
<Gale_> put a password on it and changed the router login info.
<Gale_> The router was in the dumpster a few days later and a new unsecured network showed up at the same time.
#305793 (508/606) ⚐Flag
<jenni> i should apparently empty my sofa more often
<jenni> i found a laptop i didn't remember i owned
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