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#311160 (36/44) ⚐Flag
<oclet> i used to drink at work
<oclet> it was pretty sweet
<vorstyles> Then you tucked in your shirt, and became the man.
<oclet> bro
<oclet> i do not tuck in my shirt for anyone
<oclet> my wife told me to tuck in my shirt on our wedding day and i slapped the shit out of her
<oclet> i said "I'M A GROWN MAN I DONT TUCK IN MY SHIRT FOR NO BROAD"
<hep> im telling her you said that
<oclet> plz dont
#8586 (80/244) ⚐Flag
<rg> my f key got fucked once
<rg> i tried to tell people to use the shift key and all hell broke loose
#8583 (259/449) ⚐Flag
<sugar> if superman and batman got into a fight, who would win?
<muffins> well, superman wears his undies on the outside...batman wears his on his head
<muffins> tough call
#8576 (255/390) ⚐Flag
<baguette> hey, anyone know how to find a hamster?
<is> set a cat loose
<is> the location of the hamster and the location of the cat will converge quickly
<is> though it may be difficult to separate them again...
#311508 (12/58) ⚐Flag
<SirFinkus> woohooo
<SirFinkus> hype as fuck
<SirFinkus> seeing earth in a few hours
<Heads_Up> hahah just look at the ground dude it's right there
#310745 (-14/64) ⚐Flag
<powersurge> someone at work is having a breakdown
<powersurge> he's about 70% sure someone took his mousepad
<powersurge> but 30% unsure if he even had one to begin with
#8537 (246/494) ⚐Flag
<jackal-> someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it on my keyboard
<jackal-> hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my cruel master and free me from this prison
<jackal-> omg
<jackal-> bad cat
#310861 (23/27) ⚐Flag
<jacquilyn> Eh. Being kicked out of the lab.
<Agent_Orange> wear pants next time. They like that
<Leth> agt: but the sign only reads "No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service." Pants aren't ever mentioned
<Agent_Orange> leth: I've tried that argument many times and it *usually* ends in bitter disappointment
#309691 (24/52) ⚐Flag
(Earnestly) Arch is not the right distribution for you if you can't use Linux without a GUI environment.
(buhman) and what Earnestly said
(Earnestly) Not meaning to sound like an elitist-jerk
(buhman) by contrast, I do intend to sound like an elitist.
#306046 (61/81) ⚐Flag
skyhawk2891_: captchas will be the death of me
skyhawk2891_: one day a man will hold a gun to my head, show me a captcha, and say "WHAT DOES THIS SAY OR I WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT"
skyhawk2891_: and that's how I will die
#8644 (129/255) ⚐Flag
<Wehrwolf> From CNN: "Sci Tech / Featured Sections : Is VHS obsolete?"
<SD-Crono> this is a followup to thier Future of Gaming E3 2002 report with a Dreamcast picture ... nice ^^
<Wehrwolf> Maybe their sci-tech guy is some 90 year old who lives in the woods
#8637 (234/414) ⚐Flag
<NiTro> i gonna go test for hiv
<NiTro> bbl
<Impolite> think positive
#8620 (226/400) ⚐Flag
<Cyride> the other day i was in the mall with my wife and we pass by a pictuer of two girls that are in the playboy bunny
suits and my wife says i bet you wished i look like that... what is someone supposed to say to that? is "duh" the
proper response to that?
#302460 (-8/46) ⚐Flag
<Trillkott> I've been screwed alot in life, but to only have 6 episodes of season 2 of Southland has to be the worst ever to be honest...
<@eFinger> yeah, im thinking kids living in Rwanda
<@eFinger> are thinking the same
#118151 (20822/24384) ⚐Flag
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .
#301369 (323/627) ⚐Flag
<shinaku> My prediction is that in another ten years we will look back on this decade with 2020 hindsight.
#310864 (55/69) ⚐Flag
<Raven> Is it still Passover?
<Kyol> Is Jesus still dead?
<Morwen> No Kyol, thats what Easter was all about.
<Kyol> Ah. So let me see. He gets nailed to a tree on Good Friday, spends a few days in a cave, comes out on Easter.. Then  what?
<hockwork> if he sees his shadow, its another 6 weeks of winter
#310713 (47/63) ⚐Flag
<Somasis> peter anvin has a pet python named perl
<tanderson> since it's a python, perl can C its tail, but because of the forked tongue it speaks with a lisp; his mother Julia always corrected him, but unfortunately was bash'ed in the head by an accidentally dropped cup of java.
<Somasis> oh my god
<tanderson> Thank you, I'll be here all week
<Somasis> that was just criminal
<tanderson> He was sed for a time, but decided to go forth and ultimately met Ada, gave her a ruby ring, and lived happily ever after.
<Somasis> STOP
#303236 (35/65) ⚐Flag
<jkalex05> my grandma jogs with me
<jkalex05> and she runs ubuntu
<jkalex05> ftw
<jkalex05> she says windows are for carebears
<jkalex05> that made me lol
#311447 (-9/55) ⚐Flag
<Crusher> when I invited the top dozen or so botnets in here in 1997 it was empty
<tev> Where *did* the bots go?
<Crusher> tev: we opped them all, put them on bitch and the resulting -o+k+b+o... resulted in a network flood that not only completly split eFnet, but also melted blackend's primary router taking down Internet access to half of Arizona for around a week, which caused them to delink from eFnet till 2005
#295456 (257/467) ⚐Flag
Note: he was on AIM on his phone
dr4yn30: AAAAAAAAAAAHH
dr4yn30: I HAVE T9
dr4yn30: HATE*
dr4yn30: I WAS TELLING SOMEONE I LOVED THEIR APP
dr4yn30: FOR A GAME
dr4yn30: AND T9 MADE IT SAY ''I love your ass''
dr4yn30: FFFFFFFFFFFFF
#295367 (180/374) ⚐Flag
< r3in> wow
< r3in> so i totally forgot that i was 21
< r3in> I guess i missed a year somewhere
#295382 (445/753) ⚐Flag
<Fualkner> You know, Carry on Wayward Son is one huge innuendo.
<Fualkner> "Carry on wayward son / there'll be peace when you are done"
<Fualkner> "Carry on, nothing equals the splendor"
<Fualkner> Kansas is apparently made up of chronic masturbators
<Pingly> Stop.
<Pingly> STOP.
<jabbers> You just fucking ruined that song for me.
#294961 (1708/2122) ⚐Flag
[jenna] *hsus: hey i got a question
Rask: yes
[jenna] *hsus: i thought hawaii was like, warm? and alaska was like cold? so how is that since they're right beside each other?
Rask: is this a real question
[jenna] *hsus: yeah, why?
[jenna] *hsus: ive always wondered that.
Rask: like are you being serious
[jenna] *hsus: like sarah palin was always like ohh alaska is cold i shoot moose and i can see russia...
[jenna] *hsus: but then hawaii is all like warm and shit with little chubby chicks belly dancing.
Rask: worldmap
[jenna] *hsus: so i was like, they're so close together, how is the... uhm, climate or w/e so different?
Rask: see where hawaii is?
Rask: see that part off canada that says USA?
Rask: thats alaska.
Rask: its like, six thousand miles away from here
[jenna] *hsus: oh god.
[jenna] *hsus: this is like that time i thought new england was like a... place beside england... kinda like new mexico and mexico... but new england is really a bunch of states.
[jenna] *hsus: everytime they're on a map they're right beside eachother though
Rask: you should probably spend awhile staring at this map
[jenna] *hsus: That bitch is lying ,you cant see russia from alaska, not possible.
[jenna] *hsus: unless it wraps around or something?
Rask: are you saying the world is flat
[jenna] *hsus: wait so do you like have the same president we do?
[jenna] *hsus: no. i mean i think its round.
Rask: this is a joke right
[jenna] *hsus: dude. i quit school.
[jenna] *hsus: wtf do you think
Rask: in 2nd grade?
[jenna] *hsus: uhhh, we dont have map studying in school anymoree
Rask: the world is round yes
#294707 (562/896) ⚐Flag
<%Zac378> yo, you guys still playing xbox?
<@tet> I got off but I'll go back on if you want to play
<@tet> wait you have halo 3 right?
<%Zac378> nope, I got xbox pajama pants...not an xbox 360 for xmas -.-
<@tet> that's like giving an Ethiopian a picture of food
<%Zac378> lmao
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