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#14431 (114/248) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<antix> im bored
<antix> i think i might go mod my toilet
<Shady> what are you going to do? :S
<antix> i think i might add some little flashin lights so i can read the paper in the dark... |
#48300 (327/511) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tumnus> i just set my clock the easiest way ever
<tumnus> i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it |
#25623 (21/255) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(timmo) id fucking stab someone if i was in a dorm room
(timmo) and woke up
(timmo) and they were fucking whacking
[Gimdb] i'd finish them off |
#7979 (185/350) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<VOLVORacr> hello
<VOLVORacr> why are so many pepole here but nobody is chatting
<sc1> i'm masturbating
<sc1> leave me alone |
#8336 (172/331) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sanji> I eat people.
<Sanji> I'm a humanitarian |
#38412 (124/254) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< jordan_> A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for
Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender
between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an
unfortunate error in translation. |
#164080 (574/736) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Well I think the turning point in our relationship was when I said something weird (as a joke) and kinda freaked her out
<DamnedPixie> and that was?
<Stueh> Well we were having sex
<Stueh> And I wanted to say something for a laugh
<Stueh> So I was like "I wish I were you right now." |
#46051 (336/468) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<top-cat> there was an article in the guardian recently suggesting that after the EU arguments "anglo-german relationships hit an all-time low"
<top-cat> evidently two world wars were not as serious as an argument about economics |
#8070 (69/255) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<whippy-X> Max Payne (the game) looks cool, but Max Payne (the character) looks like he's taking a perpetual shit
<whippy-X> and it's a bit of a ghey name too eh? Max Payne. get it? Max PAIN. very lame. how about he just calls himself Action Man. |
#149510 (2099/2739) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sambito> 4chan is like your retarded nephew.
<Sambito> When he was little you thought his antics were funny
<Sambito> But now he's 28
<Sambito> And it's just sad. |
#31488 (154/384) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Now talking in #asc11pr0n
* Demented-Idiot sets mode: +o Segosa
<@Segosa> give us the ascii pr0n
<@Demented-Idiot> ( . ) ( . )
<@Segosa> omg
* @Segosa jacks off |
#35070 (147/409) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<splice> this conversation is like teaching retards to do calculus |
#49662 (105/299) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
adthelad: when Mario Kart DS comes out
adthelad: i'm going to draw a cock on my car
adthelad: DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU NINTENDO |
#307868 (166/240) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Greed> You guys wanna hear something fucked?
<olleman> we're on the internet, after all
koala_bot waits for it
<Greed> The previous owner of my cell phone number died in a car crash involving a drunk driver.
<Greed> His mom, who has dementia, calls me 10-14 times per week and leaves messages asking when 'Thomas' is going to come home and stop dallying around with his friends
<Greed> Or when he's going to come vistit her
<Greed> Or asking Thomas what's for dinner
<Greed> Or pleading with him to call her more
<olleman> dude.
<Greed> And if I pick up the number and explain to her that I'm not Thomas
<Suppa_Spic> :3
<Greed> She'll argue and cry and plead with me to stop messing with her
<Greed> And this happens on almost a daily basis
<Greed> Sometimes she'll call me at 2AM and ask me where I am
<Greed> Why I'm not at home eating cornbread
<olleman> that is heart breaking
<Suppa_Spic> Greed: tell her her son is dead
<Greed> And when I pick up the phone now and again and tell her that she has the wrong number, that Thomas isn't even part of this world anymore
<Greed> She gets angry and even more sad and yells at me to stop playing sick games with her
<Greed> And because of the Dementia, she doesn't remember each encounter the next day
<Greed> Every day is just a replay of the day before he died for her
<WordpressNoob> wait
<WordpressNoob> your number is tied to your phone not a SIM?
<WordpressNoob> get off CDMA man
<Greed> Google Voice.
<Greed> Actually no, the number she calls is the phone's
<chiper> I'd have gotten a new number a long time ago
<Greed> Nobody else knows that number but she and I
<Greed> I mean
<Greed> I can't do that
<Greed> I don't know what it would do to her if every time she called him (Once or twice a day), she got a dead line |
#31151 (98/278) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ssx> Saddam's just been captured
<hoes> My dad! I cant find my dad! My god! |
#6788 (189/348) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<drdink> hey
<drdink> who's good at graphics and logos and crap?
<xanatos> drdink; I'm pretty good at crap (I make my own) |
#14301 (78/203) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<McMoo> i need to start making a list of crap i need to buy for my new place
<timmo> 1) food
<var-> 3 gallons vaseline, subscriptoin to hustler, 100 cases of ramen
<timmo> hah
<kisama> heh
<kisama> vaseline isn't even that great
<kisama> fuck that pussy shit
<kisama> you need astroglide
<kisama> and a set of japanese wack mittens
<kisama> let me link you
<kisama> http://www.jlist.com/cgi-bin/disp.cgi?img=http://images.jlist.com/c2/jr6992.jpg& x=573&y=500
<kisama> One of the tools used by soap girls is a rubber "magical mitten" which works with soap as lubricant for a great feel. This is a super soft rubber sheet that is held in the hand and used to clean anything you might want to clean.
<var-> haha
<timmo> you scare me snow
<kisama> just trying to ensure a soapland experience in the privacy of your own home. |
#2732 (143/310) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<im3t8> my last nightmare was of my computer trying to kill me
<Apathetic> really?
<im3t8> but in the end it was just the mouse
<Apathetic> maybe that's metaphoric for something
<Apathetic> :/
<im3t8> its a microsoft mouse
<im3t8> :/ |
#5626 (4/259) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** jonathans changes topic to 'PLZ FWD ALL PACKAGES MARKED "GAY" TO PROPER DEPARTMENTS (IN REAR)' |
#7247 (2/320) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sylwia> I'm drawing black people
<sylwia> for a poster for my english class
<sylwia> I think I made tham too black
<sylwia> you can't really see their faces |
#9045 (161/315) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DogDiggity> I've worked here for 5 years.. might get laid off tommorow and have never jerked off in the bathroom here... BRB got a mission. |
#305505 (40/74) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Now talking on #shakesoda
<Karai> I need to stop having very sexual dreams about my sister.
<LHoT10820> ...
<LHoT10820> What an awesome thing to walk in on.
<LHoT10820> Tell me more, Karai.
<Karai> rofl
<Karai> I had a dream last night
<Karai> that I found a new way to make music
<Karai> by using a glass soda bottle stuffed in her whowho to control airflow or some shit
<Karai> it was WEIRD AS FUCK
<Karai> I seriously woke up with the :| faceComment: #shakesoda on Freenode
|
#178044 (114/162) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@tesko> the bartendress at the strip club i went to said the champaign room cost $100 for 15 minutes
<@tesko> i immediately said "i can't last 15 minutes" |
#297648 (8/538) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[+Knoeki] think eating poo is disgusting?
[sZam] only when im sober yea |
#302269 (389/573) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Vasir: there was an evil dick staring at me all day
Mel: O_O WTF.. um are you okay?
Vasir: yeah i'm fine. it was starring me down through the windows all day though. i'm pretty sure it had malicious intent
Mel: Are you okay?
Vasir: yes.
*10 minutes or so pass*
Vasir: you know Mel, we never talk much anymore...
Mel: I know, but Vasir, why are you talking about dicks?
Vasir: I'm not?
Vasir: OH FUCK. I meant DUCK! AN EVIL DUCK WAS STARRING AT ME! NOT AN EVIL DICK! |
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