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#57641 (318/516) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<NiteHawk> My mom just caught me masturbating.. Dammit...
<Mikkel> Ah well, everyone does it man. Shit happens
<NiteHawk> Yeah but while I was about to blow the dog ran in, I was trying to push the dog out of the room when my mom walked in.
<NiteHawk> Lets just say its not a good site one hand on the dog, the other holding a kleenix full of jizz, and my pants half down.
<NiteHawk> The look on her face dood, she was mortified.
<Mikkel> >.<
#52373 (118/390) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<an0n> If I was in a pool naked with Elisha Cuthbert and she was flirting with me, I wouldn't be shitting because I saw the principle of my highschool.....
<an0n> .....I'd need to see like...Jesus giving me the finger or some shit.
<an0n> God would have to carve "Thou shalt get out of the fucking pool" into the tiling.
<an0n> The offensive line of the Raiders would have to rope me from the edge of the pool and DRAG my ass out.
<an0n> Shit, she could whip her cock out and I'd still have to float around and think about it for a while.
<an0n> She could be like "I've got a set of false teeth grafted onto the inside of my vagina and it has a taste for cock" and I'd still be floating there going "I wonder if she does anal? WTF? Where did the Raiders come from?"
Comment: irc.sorcery.net #nodewar
#23443 (84/282) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** Signoff: JediJawa (Quit: do you ever just sit around for a minute trying to think of a witty quit message and you can't think of anything so you type a long nonsensical message?  Just me then...)
#16682 (267/423) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** UndErX has joined #help
<UndErX> sup lamer newbies
<UndErX> answer this if u r not newbiez:
<FiEsTy-> well, ask
<UndErX> no newbie lamer
<UndErX> lamerz
<FiEsTy-> hey please dont type /quit fiesty- because it makes me quit IRC.. please
*** Quits: UndErX (Quit: fiesty-)
#57670 (172/376) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TMH_> hmmm-mm
<TMH_> there really is no feeling quite like a new razorblade
<Rjx> that sounds like a linkin park lyric
Comment: EFNet/#geekissues
#52798 (162/318) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Lemmiwinks> omfg i took this shit 5MEO-AMT i got off this research chem website its like LSD but woah haha
<DaFool> what web site?
<Gewgle> haha drugee
<Lemmiwinks> hold on im gonna get some juice
<DaFool> NO WHATS THE WEB SITE!
<Gewgle> its been like 20 minutes prolly kicked over lol
<DaFool> bs i wanted that site lol
____________________________________________________________________________
5 hours later
<Lemmiwinks> ok back sorry had to use bathroom
<DaFool> dude that was like 4 hours ago
<Lemmiwinks> no way omg
<DaFool> hah that good huh?
<Lemmiwinks> dude this juice is warm i jus poured it
<L1nuxFox> wtf is he talkin bout
<Lemmiwinks> OMG ITS 9pm! wtf
Comment: Exerpiments with Japanese Chemicals
#10949 (2/270) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Twitch`> i should get "caution: filling is hot" tatooed on my ass
<@Twitch`> i'd be just like a mcdonalds pie
#33711 (185/339) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Neon[UK]> i'm starting a successful online business
<Neon[UK]> and im 17
<Neon[UK]> so fuck you all
<Neon[UK]> apart from rjx
<Rjx> heh
<Rjx> you can't _start_ a succesful business
<Rjx> you get that status after a few years
#26215 (267/391) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Video] I've been watching the warez scene for like two months.
[Video] Nothing is worth DOWNLOADING
[Video] That's sad
[Ouija] i know
[Video] Is that their new anti-piracy technique?
[Video] Release shit no one wants?
#3581 (51/241) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Slant> In the process of arguing for chinese food
<Slant> I appear to have slipped my guilt in .. err .. inability to cook food.
<Slant> If it reaches the complexity of boiling water, I don't have the attention span.
<Slant> As such, we have had a few vict.. err .. accidents around the house.
<Slant> So it looks like I'll be eating ramen tonight. Worse, I'll be eating it carefully monitored.
#57077 (319/605) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dyno> Lesbian porn IS boring. Do I want to watch a hamburger eat another hamburger? No. I want to eat that fucking hamburger. Both of them.
#6530 (81/241) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zaph23> I am getting so sick of my underling
<Zaph23> He sucks ass
<Zaph23> Almost every time I come out of my office I catch him web surfing
<biggles> any good sites?
<biggles> i'd be pissed if he was only looking at fatchicksinpartyhats
#304514 (329/419) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@nukespoon> okay so a bit of a crisis
<@nukespoon> the project folder for this program is called "cuntbollocks"
<@nukespoon> i have to upload this in 15 minutes
<@nukespoon> and i don't know how to rename it without fucking shit up
#15181 (138/305) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<red> just because something makes you briefly nauseous doesn't mean it's wrong
<mute> red, that's what i tell my woman
#15567 (161/305) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Bezoar    of all the liver disorders one could get, hep A is pretty good. you get it, you feel like shit for a little while, it goes away, and you're immune for life.
eval      sounds like religion
#11148 (184/338) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Meredy31: Hackers is just the coolest movie :)
Rann XXV: Indeed. n.n But only if you're not an actual hacker. But that's okay, because those people deserve to be annoyed. ^^
Rann XXV: A little payback for every system crash and virus-eaten file is in each hacker's scream of "DAMMIT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"
#127 (74/378) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MadHatter> I've been using mirc exclusively for like 6-7 years or whatever
<MadHatter> I could get mIRC certified by now
#41056 (88/200) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Hatman> Well that was fun
<@Hatman> At dinner, we usually watch tv, and as usual I am mesmerised by it..
<@Hatman> Well, I was trying to scoop some sauce out of a bowl with my knife...actually that was after I was trying to eat my food with two knifes, wondering why the fuck it wasn't working without realising..
<@Hatman> Anyways, I'm trying to scoop some sauce out of this bowl while watching tv...
<@Hatman> So my Dad goes 'Constantin, why don't you just use that spoon in front of you'...
<@Hatman> ..just when he said that a ad for Matrix, which is going to be shown tomorrow, came on, and I just said "there is no spoon"
<@Hatman> ..and he get's all pissed of and goes "what the fuck are you talking you moron, it's right in front of you"
<@Hatman> ..I'm done.
#55291 (179/319) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Noia> now I have to get dressed to go to the kitchen to get a new drink >.<
<myarray> why can't you be nakid in your own house?!
<Noia> I live in a flat with a few other people
<myarray> ah
<Noia> they might be a little disturbed if I start walking around in my underwear :P
<myarray> you never know, they might like it :)
<Noia> thats what I'm afraid of :P
#31935 (203/387) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[@cjohnson]: I found out today that I'm only 5'5"
[@cjohnson]: :(
[@cjohnson]: I thought I was like 7'2"
[[DC_T]Rowsdower11]: heh
[@beoba]: what, your height?
[@cjohnson]: ...
@cjohnson]: no, i weigh 5'5"
#8320 (285/467) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<K-Ecchi> SABER DATED A GUY
<Saber> YOU HAVE NO PROOF
<K-Ecchi> YOU TOLD ME
<Saber> I HAVE NO PROOF EITHER
#27407 (339/497) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kweeky> Heh. :P
*** Quits: HotPants
<Kweeky> I have some good stuff in there. :P
*** Quits: MiniReapa
<Kweeky> lol. On every single sentence I said, someone quit. :P
*** Quits: `Horn
<VA_Pel> should we tell him to stop talking, or to talk more?
<Kweeky> ...
<VA_Pel> and the spell is broken
<Kweeky> I didn't say anything, that's why. >:P
*** Quits: Isojalka
#308049 (63/95) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> you can talk a population into going to war or domestic surveillance
<@Rjx> but free healthcare and legalizing harmless plants
<@Rjx> not quite as easy
#7765 (52/232) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<n> i bet that game is gonna sell huge
<n> just cause people will be like... ah well its only $20
<faz__> well its fun, they deserve it
<anathema> yeah
<Stonefire[i]> now that n opened his mouth, it's gonna tank
<faz__> haha
<anathema> haha
<koko> bahaha
<Stonefire[i]> ya jinx'd it
<faz__> sam sells 6 copies
<n> oh yeah?
<n> well in that case
<n> i bet stonefire will get laid soon
#119961 (98/188) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Squirrel^^> hey hey
<Robin> what's shakin'?
<Squirrel^^> ur mum
<Robin> possibly
<Robin> thanks to the parkinsons disease and all
<Robin> :/
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