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#29167 (7153/10555) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Digga> they're all shit in my....WHAT THE FUCK?
<Digga> it sounded like someone just tried to kick the door in
<Digga> brb
<Digga> i open the door
<Digga> someone's lying there
<Jiggaboy> wtf
<Digga> they came to deliver a pizza leaflet
<Digga> tripped up the step
<Digga> smashed into the door
<Digga> and fell over
#11122 (193/360) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Super_User_2> the very first time I practiced driving I scared the shit
out of my dad. It was a manual transmission truck. I had it in first and
tired to shift, but the timing on the clutch was fucked up and it just
spun, but the pedal was lighter then I thought and I floored it. The
truck sounded like it was doing 90 and my nervous laugh sounded maniacal.
He just screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as we moved about 1/2 mile an hour...
he drove home.
#22001 (65/210) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* Cold_Lich wanders off to see if there's any of that garlic sausage I noticed a few weeks ago left...
<lord_skyman> sausage == pwn
<lord_skyman> hmmm i think i have a sweet ass sausage pic
<lord_skyman> let me go get it
<Cold_Lich> ...
<Cold_Lich> Ohhhh
<Cold_Lich> I SO interpreted that statement badly
#3846 (7/289) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<d1cer> omfg
<d1cer> i just shit the bigest shit in the world
<d1cer> :/
<d1cer> it was like a fucking legg
<LivinDead> lol
<LivinDead> how big was it?
<d1cer> umm
<d1cer> k
<d1cer> hold on leme get my ruler
#14374 (4/270) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@jaffy> how the fuck does my moniter get so dirty, its like some cunt eats his meals off it while im asleep
#117518 (2494/3094) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rijnzael> correcting wrongs on the internet is like subtracting 1 from infinity
#3552 (49/244) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DAL9000> he prolly cried and then shot himself in the head 14 times
<Wronski> DAL9000: I think it would be rather difficult to shoot yourself in the head 14 times.
<DAL9000> Wronski: think about it.
<DAL9000> if he's stupid enough to use an imac and need help
<DAL9000> then he's prolly not using very much of his brain
<natescape> b'sides, they say we only use 10% of our brain most of the time anyway
<natescape> his 10% was probably located closer to his ass....
#72216 (272/410) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Taimur: Oh man so funny story.
Taimur: I've been playing Day of Defeat a lot lately.
Taimur: One thing that annoys me about it is that whenever I switch windows, it crashes.
Taimur: So recently it's been minimizing randomly, and then crashing when I try to get back into the game.
Taimur: It was very frustrating I thought steam was just being dumb for minimizing it.
Taimur: Then I noticed something:
Taimur: I had the voicechat key bound to "alt"
Taimur: and the score key bound to "tab."
Taimur: and then I realized that my game minimizing seemed to coincide with me checking the score while talking.
#310968 (48/58) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Thugzilla> jesus
<Thugzilla> i just won the hardest battle of real life
<Thugzilla> internet was down all day, so i went upstairs knocked, [Redacted 1] answered and i told him to plug the ethernet cable back in
<Thugzilla> he didnt
<Thugzilla> 2 hours later i knocked again and no one answered, even tho i can hear footsteps
<Thugzilla> i knocked like 20 times still no one answers
<Thugzilla> i flip the breaker for their fridge and living room, go back upstairs, knock again and [Redacted 2] answers within 2 seconds
<Thugzilla> now my internet is back
#20082 (38/289) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<etiolate> high:one post, a girl proclaiming she has leopard print underwear
<etiolate> low:next post, girl proclaiming fred durst turns her on
<Wala> high; girl that lives in your city and then comes over and plays wc3 with you and then you have sex with her and then she brings friends and you have sex with them every day and then you win the lottery for 500million
<Staquaft> What's the low against that?
<Wala> low; girls have aids
<Wala> but
<Wala> that's not very low
<Wala> considering how you have 500 million
<Wala> to pay for treatment
<Kevyn> high; you stop talking.
<Kevyn> low; you keep talking.
#36142 (97/215) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<timmo> my friend and i were driving someplace one day
<timmo> and we were driving his womans car
<timmo> he got a nose bleed and i was looking through the glovebox
<timmo> for tissues
<timmo> the only thing i saw was a tampon
<timmo> he shoved it in his nose
<timmo> the thing they dont tell you is
<timmo> when a tampon soaks up blood
<timmo> it expands
<timmo> so after like 5mins
<timmo> hes trying to pull it out
<timmo> and its not coming out
<timmo> eventually he got it out
<timmo> and threw it on the sidewalk of the mall
<timmo> :x
#20734 (170/312) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Bivens> Internet Explorer Tip: when it says "turn off images", it only refers to inline images.  Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl.  I think it's obvious how I figured this out.
#31748 (121/313) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gr> So, uh, both Gentoo's main servers and Red Hat Network are dead in the water at the moment.
<gr> Which one of you naughty children has been hax0ring?
<DJ-Pyro> sorry..I'll back off
* Lippizanr checks the weather
<gr> Pyro, you really don't have to be that ambitious just to get your letter published in 2600, I promise.
* Lippizanr snickers
<DJ-Pyro> it was to get the girl..not to get in 2600
<DJ-Pyro> Hey Lippizanr, I took down RHN and Gentoo just for you baby
<Lippizanr> wow!
<DJ-Pyro> see
<DJ-Pyro> it works
<Lippizanr> you really DO love me!
<Lippizanr> your hax0ring ways have woo'd me! lets go have sex!
#67551 (291/449) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Bulrog Cartman: Well, my sister got in an argument with her boyfriend in Monday, and when he walked out the door she punched the window in anger
LitlMsScareAll13: o_O
Bulrog Cartman: Lost some blood, got light-headed, I had to call 911
LitlMsScareAll13: Wonderful.
Bulrog Cartman: Her right hand is all bandaged up now, she won't be using it for 10 days
Bulrog Cartman: She gets to pay for the window too, although she can easily afford that
Bulrog Cartman: and she works with her mouth, so the hand won't be a huge problem
Bulrog Cartman: wait, that came out wrong
LitlMsScareAll13: ..........
Bulrog Cartman: She's a telemarketer
#48794 (176/306) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fry> "winnt_accept: Asynchronous AcceptEx failed."
<fry> what?
<fry> okay.. the first result I get when I google for it is a forum entry telling me to google for it..
Comment: #gscript
#1379 (255/442) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<studmuffn> ive been to one star trek convention, and i was 14
<studmuffn> it was cool. patrick stewart was there
<studmuffn> they told us not to ask why they cant fix baldness in the 24th century
#1341 (34/230) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<SPD-DMN> i wanna get a 6.5L turbo-diesel and like.. put it into a honda accord
<SPD-DMN> or is that.. put a honda accord into a 6.5L turbo-diesel?
#51320 (134/312) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Thatch> If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
#10815 (43/243) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Topic is 'Your mom has sex with sharks.' *** <Drewtig> oh SHIT, that's fucked up =D * Drewtig 's mom read that, and said: "Yeah, but he was more like a weasel that thought he was a shark."
#45596 (291/471) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jessica>  ok back
*geek throws the stick again
#6892 (108/238) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fagg0t> I need no ignore list...I'm quite capable of ignoring people with my BRAIN
#1323 (218/400) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hypr> �
<LkTruth1> hypr is confused in Spanish.
#1029 (272/438) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<timmo> you know maybe we need a real woman in here to help us, give us a womans point of view cause i mean if i asked amanda what makes a man a badass
<timmo> how much you want to bet she would say something like
<timmo> great grammar and 100% kill rate in quake
#30966 (227/389) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TriviaServ>  mus.1145. Music: Name the Artist/Band that recorded this song: Get Another Boyfriend (Martin/Rami) ?
<TriviaServ>  1st Hint: ********** ****
<SpAz> backstreet boys
<TriviaServ>  YES, SpAz!!!  got the answer ->  backstreet boys <-
<SpAz> god i cant believe i jsut got that
* SpAz shoots self in face with shotgun
#309577 (540/574) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Caboose> Mango, you're a programmer, right?
<Mango> Depends.  If you're asking because you're curious, yes, I've been a programmer for most of my career.
<Mango> If you're asking because you installed 5000 toolbars and now your computer "runs kinda slow", I work at Starbucks.
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