QDB: Random Quotes
DreamHost About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

#51840 (441/623) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dudicon> Hmm.
<Dudicon> What I just did started out ridiculously lazy, but then... I don't know what happened.
<Dudicon> I was too lazy to get up and get a piece of paper, so I decided to print a blank page from the printer.
<Dudicon> But... I couldn't open any new files in Word Perfect, because I had the max number open already
<Dudicon> So I went through all the files to see which I could close
<Dudicon> Then closed that one and made a new file
<Dudicon> But it wouldn't let me print it blank
<Dudicon> So I put an "F" on the document and made the font white.
<Dudicon> Then printed it
<Dudicon> Just to move this piece of paper 18 inches closer to me.
<BaronSamedi> ...
<BaronSamedi> Dud, kill yourself. Your life is now complete.
Comment: #almea
#32785 (44/246) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MKendora> I get concerned when what I see on TV enters my dreams.
<MKendora> since that happens fairly often...
<MKendora> and since all I watch is Law & Order : Special Victims Unit...
<MKendora> I get all kinds of sex crimes in my dreams :/
#14100 (164/284) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mommiebear44> so max....how long have you stopped smoking for?
<|non_smoking_max|> let me see ....... about 1 hour 30 min ...
#1600 (185/354) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Prae> <mmp> Prae! Today its my birthday!
<Prae> <Prae> wanna present?
<Prae> <mmp> yes
<Prae> I�m ping flooding him
#42614 (146/248) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Drag[Slumber]> Ok, what the fuck
<Drag[Slumber]> Just now, RIGHT NOW, someone JUST shot out the windows on all of our cars
<Drag[Slumber]> On my car, it's just the back window, and nothing else
<Drag[Slumber]> But they went easy on it, compared to everyone else's car
#68207 (159/411) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
jingoisticbsnis: e^x is walking along and 42 goes running by screaming, "There's a differential operator at the end of the street! If he catches me, I'll be nothing!" So e^x goes up to the operator and says, "I'm e^x. You can't do anything to me!" And the operator says, "Hi, I'm d/dy."
#3697 (184/341) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Villager> i was really pissed off this morning
<Villager> it was about 9am, i had a free period and i had just bought my breakfast; an egg, bacon & sausage bap, hash browns and a coffee,
<Villager> when the damned fire alarm goes before i've taken a bite
<Joshua> ...
<Joshua> you left the building just because an alarm went off?
<Joshua> with FOOD waiting for you?
<Villager> i put the hash browns in my pocket and carried the bap, but they all got cold
<Villager> i was going to stay but the security guards came round
<Joshua> oh
<Joshua> we don't have security guards just for fire alarms
<Joshua> "ya stay, ya burn" is the official policy i beleive
#8906 (78/267) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<vidividividi> kristen dumped me
<greggyhot> oh NO!
<vidividividi> i cant believe it
<vidividividi> i JUST bought her a 300 dollar necklace!!!
<vidividividi> at least i can count on all of you for support
*** vidividividi has been kicked by krassproduction (get the fuck out of here, you cheap jerk)
#1617 (31/219) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ground0-> as if your opinion matters, or means anything in this world at all
<hypr> as if your elitest bs opinion matter, or means anything in this world at all
<hypr> ;P
<ground0-> actually it does
<hypr> and how is that
<ground0-> highschool/college graduate/registered voter/licensed driver
#59529 (248/462) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ArchPlan> I'm expecting an onslaught of malware to my company's network this week... we're temporarily disabling the firewall.
<ArchPlan> alot of malware may already be dormant on the company's machines, but then again, some new stuff might come as well
<fr_gment> So why not install some sort of warning system, by hanging out lanterns:
<fr_gment> One if by LAN, Two if by C:\
#61 (92/449) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Guilty> Really, celerons make me laugh
<Guilty> The white trash chip
#56036 (142/294) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
NowImNothing9194: when's vista comming out?
r3u28d87y: like end of the year
r3u28d87y: its supposedly a piece of shit too
NowImNothing9194: i hear there's "flavors"
NowImNothing9194: like business, home, office
r3u28d87y: and they all taste like shit
#17044 (220/384) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Laura_ken> ameeeerrrrr
<amer> why do people do that
<amer> why can't you do "amer: this is my question blah blah blah?"
<amer> why do you have to wait for a response
<Rhayde> lol
<amer> goddamit i'm here, ask your question
<amer> or say what you have to say
<amer> jesus
* amer throws up his hands and leaves the room
<amer> well?
*** Exekiel (ZelementZ@ has joined #lineage
<Exekiel> AMER
<amer> lol
#14519 (88/281) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Craig> craig's penis - 8===========================D O: - spooky
<Spooky> Your "penis" is less that 3 inches long.
#33414 (220/424) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TehFattyLove> Oh dear god..
<TehFattyLove> NOOO!
<TehFattyLove> Fucking eh
<infinitevalence> ??
<infinitevalence> you ok
<TehFattyLove> A fly was flying around.. It was on the other side of the room and was coming at me
<TehFattyLove> I saw it.. like in slow mo.. then it like hit my face.. so naturaly I tried to get away..
<TehFattyLove> but was sitting down.. so instead of dodging it..
<TehFattyLove> I flippe backwards out of my chair..  and crashed my head on the ground
<TehFattyLove> When I got up I felt somethign wet on my head and I was like "FUCK!" thinking I busted my head open..
<TehFattyLove> But I reach back tehre and the fucker was crushed in my hair
<TehFattyLove> It was awesome.
#42214 (1/323) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Lenoh> I am 191 times 7.
#80931 (567/723) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<conner> All I know is, the World Of Warcraft entry in wikipedia is 20 pages long and the Personal Grooming entry is like 1 page with a picture of a cat licking its fur.
#307555 (175/211) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Sarig: problem with satelites is ping
Sarig: You don't know what lightspeed is until you try to game over a geostationary satelite
#7347 (91/265) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kaniff> yes, neep and i had a capital time at the mall
<Neep> too many people...I could never make my move on kaniff
<kaniff> i could see the desire in your eyes
<Neep> I wanted you
<kaniff> alright
<kaniff> stop that now
#5357 (21/238) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+shagman> man, my ice water tastes like shit this morning
<+SuperGayHomo> well don't get it out of the toilet bowl
<@shagman> I wonder if it's my ice cubes
<@shagman> I'm gonna try the ones from the other tray
<@shagman> ahhhhh, much better
<@SuperGayHomo> those ones came from the tank
#50574 (297/419) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
EternalFootman: 25g of wafers and 20mL of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of Jesus. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
LittleBunny32: if you assume that the material properties of GOD possess an infinite enthalpy, and obviously that of mortal materials are finite, then the transubstantiation process requires an infinite amount of energy and will freeze the entire universe. Alternately, if we assume they can be transmuted from the infinite creative capabilities (and energy) of GOD, then by combusting them we can receive an infinite amount of free energy and the catholic church is holding out on us
#20972 (74/236) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Heythere> i've always wanted you
<Heythere> every night, i dream of us in a prison cell
<CommanderStab> That's understandable
<CommanderStab> I've always wanted me too
#300986 (91/125) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@luke-jr_> what is the world coming to? Debian stable has a newer version of Perl than Gentoo testing.
#204833 (353/657) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< tripletech> do old people really say pew pew pew? i thought that was a 00s thing
<@Fib> tripletech of course, winston churchill himself said in his famous speech "we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, pew pew pew!"
< fansipans> "do not want" was originally a prohibition protest song
< pmv> i thought it was the civil rights movement
< fansipans> pmv no that was can has
< pmv> haha
< fansipans> remember martin luther king's famous speech "i can has a dream" ?
< pmv> i can has cheezeburger was black slang for equal rights
< fansipans> well back in those days cheeseburgers were only served in the "whites only" section of diners
< fansipans> so it really was a rallying cry for many
< pmv> nice
Comment: #cobol
#90649 (523/695) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<X> i want like
<X> a vagina for a week
<%Growly> Me too
<%Growly> Not on me
<%Growly> but access to one
<X> i'd want one on me
<X> just to see how it feels
<%Growly> I'd call you creepy if I hadn't had that thought myself
save page | share

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
0.004 (1) 14,841 quotes approved; 8,749 fermenting; karma: 189.6182