QDB: Random Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random
#29649 (231/375) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<km-work> none of my coworkers have done any work in four hours
<G3-Game> hahaha
<dmose> is that longer than it usually takes them to do nothing?
#10745 (10/244) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Atlas> Wouldn't it be easier to sneak a gun in, shoot Ben, and STEAL BEN STEIN'S MONEY!
#1627 (216/394) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Zonkto> I'll bet you could ski through a revolving door if you timed it really well.
#29156 (110/338) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<icorislicoris> does anyone else have this problem where if you open your mouth too wide while you yawn your jaw unhinges and gets stuck?
<icorislicoris> it's really painful :(
<octothorpe> no, but can i fuck your mouth?
#29005 (223/391) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<yaynana> anyone here ever done a dual penitration before?
<BlackDeth> most of the people here haven't done a single penetration zaney
#2166 (183/347) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<grey> wow
<grey> i didn't realise afghanistan had enough infrastructure for two nights' worth of air attacks
#10682 (187/355) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Birk> Since you know, you get to choose a name when you are pope
<Birk> If I ever became pope I would choose the name Perri.
<Birk> So then people would call me pope perri, and they would be forced to laugh whenever saying my name.
#16778 (1/216) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<uno> you don't see us tossing around phrases like "throbbing cock" do you?
#11224 (147/353) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<k0reany0> hey it's been long time since I've talked to you.
<Xilokumsh0t> let's meet up and have a beer sometime
<k0reany0> sure.  btw how is your wife nancy doing?
<Xilokumsh0t> her name is suzy
<k0reany0> who cares!
#26311 (314/416) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FunG´┐Żaway> and i dont dress quite like the other boys
<Logic_BomB> "what are you wearing?" "a kilt" "no man thats a skirt.." "its a kilt im telling you..." "uhhh its pink, has flowers and shoulder straps" "its a prety kilt"
#10811 (134/287) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MadMax> I'm going to buy myself another 6 80GB Seagate Barracuda IV's :D
<MadMax> That way, I can set up a 1/2 Terrabyte array
<MadMax> Wouldn't that be incredibly cool?!
* Altariel looks at MadMax and shakes her head
<Altariel> thats a penis thing, isnt it.
#32058 (4/262) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bobelina> bunny porn
<ZestyO> speaking of porn
<ZestyO> I need to download this video
<ZestyO> ...
<ZestyO> you didn't just hear that
Comment: #MxO
#42095 (130/276) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<KyleG> I know why aliens haven't landed here. They've seen the way we think of them on tv and in video games and know if they get close we'll just blow them.
<KyleG> *blow them up
#17009 (190/374) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jonathans> i can stand on the sides of my ankles
<jonathans> both heels inward
<jonathans> i can balance on one for a bit
<clay> i can touch my penis with my hands
#40783 (320/426) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nudger> The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's website's background to Goatse.
* Antifreez sighs
<Antifreez> So many memories attached to that song.
<Nudger> It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said "We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
<Nudger> I swear, I was almost sick from laughing.
Comment: From Metafilter's IRC Channel.
#30849 (102/286) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<JFeeple> OONGABOONGAWOONIEWEEKIETOOVIE!
<OrcaW> I was only joking that you should take meth Feeps :p
#70953 (283/535) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rjx> transcribing the parts of my journals for the last year that i can actually decipher
<Rjx> i think a lot of this is going to remain a mystery forever
<Rjx> "She might not be a slut. Maybe she just fell down a naked man mountain and forgot to close her legs before she hit the ground."
Comment: #geekissues
#302037 (187/289) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kkstrong> saying if my absolute max budget is $5000, how expensive of a car can I get :/
<incluye> $5000
#4954 (253/389) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<`rip> when you go into a job interview
<`rip> and they ask you what 3 of your weaknesses' are
<`rip> what do you say
<clay> you tell them that youre indecisive
<clay> and then stop talking
#18663 (265/453) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@boohiss> YOU AREN'T MY REAL FATHER
<@boohiss> I HATE YOU
<@boohiss> YOU NEVER WENT TO MY BASEBALL GAMES
<+DuoMaxwell> you never played baseball, you signed up for ballet you fuckin fag
<@boohiss> oh yeah...
#51460 (153/339) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
&#8226;&#8226;&#8226; Join: Drehiel
(Anonymous) who is this?
(+Drehiel) Who am I? Who are you? Who is anyone? Who are we?
(Anonymous) wat
(+Drehiel) olololo
(Anonymous) Are you a real person?
(+Drehiel) Am I real? Are you real? Is anyone real? Are we real?
(Anonymous) Or is this some crap Microsoft made up.
(+Drehiel) Am I crap? Are you crap? Is anyone crap? Are we crap?
(Anonymous) yo
(Anonymous) cfdfd
(+Drehiel) Am I yo? Are you yo? Is anyone yo? Are we yo?
&#8226;&#8226;&#8226; Quit: Anonymous (Anonymous@dm-18266.vnnyca.adelphia.net) (Exit: Quit)
(+Drehiel) I WIN
Comment: #screwthischat : irc.darkmyst.org
#3584 (21/228) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
MrProgrmmr: I want to encode my sperms DNA with the DeCSS code, that way when I jack off, I'd be breaking the law
#45537 (186/350) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<robotron> Dr_[^o^] is it true that people in your country name their kids by throwing silverware in the air and naming their kids after the sounds it makes when it hits the ground
<robotron> like ching chong kang
<robotron> @_@
<Dr_[^o^]> robie: is it true that you guys name your kids by throwing the bible
#28859 (3/275) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Insomniak> Did anyone else get a boner from watching The Lion King?
<Insomniak> that girl lion was suck a cock tease
Comment: One of many easter eggs from the ZDaemon launcher
#88844 (261/481) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Slowking_Man> Ugh, I'm dealing with a site that apparently uses javascript to load flash to load WMV files
<Slowking_Man> It's like something out of Richard Stallman's nightmares
Comment: #defocus@irc.freenode.net
save page | share

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,736 quotes approved; 8,851 fermenting; karma: 189.5284