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#28686 (195/409) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Bank6000> What is the best way to approach a person who you are attracted to at a book store, library, animal shelter or football game shown on TV at a bar?
<CrustyNutz> You can do it put your ass into it!
<TheBrat> uummm personally just don't say some cheesy pick up line..
<xTrinityLuvx> yeah just be yourself
<speedracer> Kick her in the shin.
<speedracer> She'll remember you next time.
<Evil_Couch> zap her with a fucking tazer and then drag her back to your place
<Evil_Couch> by the time she wakes up, she'll be chained to your bed and she'll HAVE to love you or you'll cut her food ration in half.
#6869 (49/219) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* BrooKiki is NOT a bad person.
BrooKiki: I'm not even a mean person.  In fact, if people like that were drowned at birth like they SHOULD be, I'd be Miss Freaking Congeniality, dammit!
#126370 (706/828) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pthree> it came to light the other day that I don't own any clothes that I picked out myself
<pthree> I'm a 28yr old barbie doll for my wife
#51011 (323/481) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pmv> How do you escape from a for loop?
<Argue> Make a break for it.
#14442 (119/263) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<harb> I wanna sleep. Forever.
<Danelope> Yeah.
<Danelope> Where is cryogenics when you need it?
<Danelope> "Wake me up in 50 years. Everyone I know will be dead."
<harb> There's this CryoLife company here that was hiring a sysadmin.
<harb> But they didn't email me back.
<Danelope> Hahah.
<harb> I was hoping that'd be part of the benefits package...
<Danelope> <harb> I was grabbing the latest debian pkg when something hung.
<Danelope> <harb> And now all of the coolant systems are down. And the pods are starting to melt.
<Danelope> <harb> ...
<Danelope> <harb> Fux0r.
<harb> hahaha
<Danelope> * harb runs away.
#10749 (7/209) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<davidc> we will set you up a refuse where you can make PHP5 if you ever have to flee the country!
<[Rizz]> start a fund "bring zeev to the UK"
<@Zeev> I'd rather die than make PHP 5.0, thank you :)
#6923 (21/215) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<piman> Lindz: Does Ricky Martin scare you too?
<piman> Based on the way he dances, I think he's Steve Ballmer's long lost twin...
#7074 (98/266) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<gegi> same reason people look down on you if you're into BDSM but prefer the man to be the dom
<Naivete> people look down on that?
<Naivete> why?
<Nicademus> cause the girl is tied to the floor duh
<Nicademus> kinda hard to look up at her
#5590 (148/324) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
*** Joins: lick_me_man (sss@202.146.243.202)
<@splicer|work> lick_me_man: <-- one of the lesser known superheroes
#60441 (267/527) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Quietus> I'm still banned from #idiots-club >:(
<factnfiction101> Maybe your to big of an idiot?
<orb> Maybe you're* too* big on an idiot
<Quietus> Maybe you're too big of* an idiot
<orb> >:|
#48107 (341/533) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@dma> root@laureate:/etc/ssh# cowsay -f sodomized `fortune`
<@dma>  _________________________________________
<@dma> / When confronted by a difficult problem, \
<@dma> | you can solve it more easily by         |
<@dma> | reducing it to the question, "How would |
<@dma> \ the Lone Ranger handle this?"           /
<@dma>  -----------------------------------------
<@dma>       \                _
<@dma>        \              (_)
<@dma>         \   ^__^       / \
<@dma>          \  (oo)\_____/_\ \
<@dma>             (__)\       ) /
<@dma>                 ||----w ((
<@dma>                 ||     ||>>
<@dma> well that didn't come out like i wanted
Comment: #d&d on ZiRC
#296464 (173/393) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Slith> Law: Gun control.
<Slith> Intended effect: No more shootings, lower murder rate.
<Slith> What's really happening: People are arguing on the Internet.
#6208 (223/346) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<skrike:#916> Ill prolly just go into work next week and kill everyone
<pozer:#916> skrike: I do that all the time.
<pozer:#916> We're hiring, by the way!
#90780 (1722/2164) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Elixir> my mother tried to ground me
<Elixir> for farting when we had company
<Elixir> i'm like
<Elixir> "i'm 20"
<Elixir> CONVERSATION FUCKING OVER
<randumb> i think you lost that one
<randumb> you farted when company was over while you lived with your mom at age 20
<randumb> and you almost got grounded
Comment: #machogang on popn.cjb.net:4400
#14738 (1/309) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tortoise> what should i name my turtles?
<archon> name one kurt, and one courtney, and blow one's head off with a shotgun
#12175 (321/498) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TC|crapping> I AM HOMOSEXUAL AND SHOULDN'T LEAVE MY STUPID GAME LOGGED IN WHEN I GO TO THE RESTROOM.
<TC|crapping> Love, TC's wife.
#47952 (306/528) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(Galisus): the clitoris is that thing in the back of the throat, right?
#304546 (158/230) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+wubbson> When I was 7 I wanted to be a paraplegic but then I realized professor X didn't get his powers from being in a wheelchair
#8719 (180/360) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<AndrewB> Lonely..
<Linguica> aww
<AndrewB> Come to bed and snuggle with me.
<AndrewB> Er, wrong window.
#48902 (161/339) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> "i wanted to install OS 9 to use classic mode on my laptop but since i already have tiger it said the file system wasnt compatible so i did a clean install and now it wont let me boot up into tiger"
<BlackDeth> "uh yeah... a clean install erases the hard drive."  "you mean all my stuff is gone?"  "yes."  <shouting fuck many times>
#11593 (130/310) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Fireklar> Anyone know what could cause a monitor to dim like that besides impending death?
<mig|flurry> fireklar: impending death.
<slurpee> impending death of your eyesight
<mig|flurry> fireklar: capacitors pretending to be resistors.
<Fireklar> DAMN YOU CAPACITORS
<Fireklar> I hate those bastards
#307843 (409/491) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Grauwolf> The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not
#26308 (293/471) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Methodical Pain: but tomatoes are fruits
TheOffspring326: no they're not!
TheOffspring326: they merely prefer the company of other tomatoes, thats all!
#309228 (14/50) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<arieldanielle> There's an apartment complex in which a dead girl was found recently
<arieldanielle> Now they have a sign outside advertising "killer leasing specials"
#28325 (47/265) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Net Force7000> I am the Matrix.
<ChixLoveUnix> int joey[5][3];
<ChixLoveUnix> No, I am the matrix.
Comment: C++ humour.
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