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#302407 (26/38) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don&#65533;t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#311629 (19/49) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< jayis> yesterday my architect said our base64 encoded username "token" is encrypted and i said it isn't and then he said it is and i said it isnt and then he walked away
#305505 (39/67) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Now talking on #shakesoda
<Karai> I need to stop having very sexual dreams about my sister.
<LHoT10820> ...
<LHoT10820> What an awesome thing to walk in on.
<LHoT10820> Tell me more, Karai.
<Karai> rofl
<Karai> I had a dream last night
<Karai> that I found a new way to make music
<Karai> by using a glass soda bottle stuffed in her whowho to control airflow or some shit
<Karai> it was WEIRD AS FUCK
<Karai> I seriously woke up with the :| face
Comment: #shakesoda on Freenode
#308984 (29/45) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tali> They call you TheWatcher? I can guess what you do :P
<TheWatcher> Yep, I listen.
#303699 (26/48) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<William> i just find it strange how life is so much about spending money now on the chance of saving money later
<William> we insure everything
<William> i have three kinds of home owner's insurange: one to protect me if i lose my job, one to protect the bank if i lose my job, and one to protect me if someone gets hurt on my property
<William> same thing for cars
<William> also life insurance
<William> health, dental, vision
<William> it's crazy
<William> at some point in order to break even, i'm going to have to start injuring myself on purpose ;-)
#311640 (37/49) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<whitequark> i used to work with a guy
<whitequark> who was working on ruby on rails website
<whitequark> in dominican republic
<whitequark> and he was doing it exclusively on a mixture of cocaine and amphetamine
<whitequark> and i had to refactor his code
<whitequark> i literally asked my coworkers to give me an ice pick and an one way ticket to dominican republic as a new year gift
<whitequark> unfortunately they refused
#307801 (28/40) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Drazhar> someone help me
<Drazhar> because I think I went insane
<Drazhar> I found something that I agree with Glenn Beck on
<Malware> Drazhar
<Malware> You are undoubtedly, irrevocably mad.
<Drazhar> The radio talk-show host says George Lucas should be "tried for movie crimes" not only for what he has done to a beloved franchise, but also for producing "Red Tails."
<Drazhar> George HAS fucked up Star Wars big time
<Malware> Now we are both undoubtedly, irrevocably mad.
<Malware> Because now I agree with Glenn Beck.
#311438 (18/34) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ednos> lol, I accidentally started a flame war in work IRC about the gopher protocol
<ednos> I fucking love this company
Comment: they work at red hat
#309169 (14/30) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<snacky> oh. FUCK you krut
<snacky> you are the worst person in the world
<snacky> I look forward to viciously murdering you to death a whole lot.
<snacky> hmm, that sentence is kind of unclear. I will clarify.
<snacky> I will viciously murder you to death a lot, and I also look forward to it.
<snacky> it's not that I "look forward a lot" to viciously murdering you to death
<krut> you look forward to murdering alot
<snacky> the death certificate will list the proximate cause of death as "vicious murder, a lot"
<snacky> although if the coroner isn't careful, he might not notice the signs of murder. in this case, he will identify the cause as "severe acute death"
<ShyJoe> which becomes chronic death after about a week
#311357 (41/53) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<netham45> Bash.org is offline
<netham45> But it responds to SSH.
<netham45> I tried to log into their SSH as 'ERROR CRITICAL BASH.ORG IS DOWN' in hopes their log management system picks up on the keywords.
#300358 (20/38) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Fax> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapeseed
<Fax> because if you write nutrition information labels for a living you need to get your kicks from somewhere
<Fax> I'd totally do stuff like "Polyethylene Monosodium Carbonate (Vitamin A, Vitamin B4, Vitamin lol this doesn't even exist I just made it up...but let's see you eat it NOW. Man I can't believe you're even still reading this. Go outside.)"
<lolfighter> Vitamin lol DOES exist.
<lolfighter> It was an experimental food additive developed in the very late 70s.
<lolfighter> By the early 80s a few human experiments had been made.
<lolfighter> My mother was strapped for cash, so she participated.
<lolfighter> She didn't know she was pregnant at the time.
<lolfighter> I was the result.
<lolfighter> The records were sealed after that and all research abandoned.
#307291 (51/75) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[22:25:04] <horrorfax> I want to make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
[22:25:39] <oughts> Still, that was a noble attempt.
[22:33:04] <horrorfax> I'm not even going to try to top that.
[22:33:07] <horrorfax> Well done.
[22:33:20] <horrorfax> That's a lie. I tried to top it for seven minutes.
#307327 (33/49) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Rabbi> don't ever forget to live life
<@Rabbi> it could be over any moment
< Gobina> and hopefully it will be, soon
<@Rabbi> for instance right now I'm writing code for an emulated 16 year old game and drinking a bourbon, alone in my apartment
<@Rabbi> gotta remember to live
#301256 (36/56) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Sebas> So today's dinner is leftovers.
<Sebas> Problem is, being the greedy fucks we are, we ate all the food yesterday.
<Sebas> I'm not entirely sure how my mum plans to make dinner out of nothing.
#311061 (34/46) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<KateLibby> and no, im not iliterate, my parents were married
#309325 (12/22) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< CoJaBo> Well, found the Gmail April Fools prank- they now force you to use that stupid new compost form >_>
< CoJaBo> compose*
< yano> hah
< CoJaBo> ..actually, yeh, I'm calling it the Compost Form from now on ==DDD
#303955 (28/62) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
singularity: I don't find alcohol is so much liquid courage
singularity: as it is liquid loss of bladder control
#311246 (24/32) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MoikeLap> the E7450 was never designed with datacenter work in mind
<MoikeLap> apparently they can't withstand the rigors of being jammed under a 4U Sun server and used as a lever to line up rack-mount earholes
#301838 (68/106) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Digga> aaaaand
<@Digga> the site's died
<@Digga> fucking played
<@Sebas`> Rage against the Machine thing?
<@Digga> mhmm
<@Sebas`> Bummer
<@Digga> 120,000 people registered for it
<@Digga> and seetickets can't handle it
<@Sebas`> Too much raging, not enough machines.
#307236 (42/64) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Parsee> I don't know... Yuyuko, you were suggesting giving missiles as messages, right?
<Yuyuko> Yeah, you don't need an interpreter.
<Yuyuko> Everyone speaks missile.
Comment: #touhou, irc.darkmyst.org
#310326 (60/78) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Spengo> so
< Spengo> I met up with one of my transgender friends who I haven't seen in forever
< Spengo> had a child
< Spengo> now he's transparent
< ryantmer> Somewhere, a drummer did a rimshot, and they have no idea why
< xmc> so technically you still haven't seen him
< ryantmer> Ha!
#308025 (17/37) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<RoKenn> he's sort of like the community pet, he keeps pooing on the couch, but we're too kindhearted to send him to the animal shelter
#301289 (45/73) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<JON> my g/f has a new friend. Cleverbot.com laaaaame =D
<KAT> I asked it: How should I lose weight?
<JON> Oh?
<KAT> And it responded with "With a chainsaw."
#311313 (8/34) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@itszn> Only 53 days, 8 hours, 34 min, and 15 seconds until Christmas
<@xerphn> im already looking forward to the one after that
#304684 (46/82) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BrokenHaiku> No but my former neighbours had a lot of sex, which was evident from her yelling. We have pretty thick walls though so often I only hear hear vagely when it's quiet at night...
<BrokenHaiku> And so one night I heard her and it sounded pretty hot so I thought I'd get in on some parallel action so to speak.
<BrokenHaiku> And just when I'm hot and going her screaming gets louder
<BrokenHaiku> And I suddenly realise...it's not her.
<BrokenHaiku> It's her baby crying.
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