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#309120 (74/94) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<chernobyl> Last night, Chewbacca and I were having a conversation in my billion dollar mansion about how much we hate people who lie on the Internet...
<mabus> well there's lying, and then there's exaggerating about your wife and apartment
#307486 (15/63) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<centrinia> I am going to make something similar to a home pregnancy test device.
<robb_www> but it will be made of RAZORBLADES
<robb_www> and it will always say "not anymore"
#309784 (19/37) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Noseless> AirmanPika: you happen to know anyone working for NSA?
<AirmanPika> personally? no
<Noseless> ok
<sluissa> noseless: my dad knows a retired NSA employee... oddly enough he's one of those people who won't stop talking.
<ender|> has to make up for the time spent silent during work? :)
<sluissa> that's what I figure
<sluissa> 40 years spent unable to talk about anything, he's going to make up for it in the last 10
<Noseless> why I'm asking: I have an AES (iirc) encrypted bitcoin-wallet... I was hoping they could open it using their backdoor :D
#309395 (12/38) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<BlackoutIsHere> Hey, how much space does it take to host a debian package repo?
<cZk> the same amount it did 7 years ago
Comment: Found in #ramnode @ irc.esper.net
#297618 (39/55) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Elleo> we should invent a dance called the Mersenne Twist
<@Elleo> where you just move about randomly
<@Elleo> but with an even distribution
Syswear: Geek & Gamer T-shirts. Discount code QDBREADER
#257924 (48/62) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Orbixx|Work> We just got hold of a workmate's phone as he went out on a break. We composed an SMS to all his contacts reading:
<Orbixx|Work> "I know your secret. Cant talk now. Chat later."
<Orbixx|Work> 3 replies so far.
<Orbixx|Work> He isn't back yet.
<Orbixx|Work> Brace for impact.
#301267 (19/69) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<segosa> hey guys, let's write a befunge program
<segosa> i'll go first
<segosa> >          v
<shawnz>            ^
<shawnz> oops
#302835 (24/36) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Somebody> Who knows, maybe you created AI, and have a bot speaking instead of you.
<fahadsadah> So what if I have?
<fahadsadah> Is that a crime?
<fahadsadah> Are you prejudiced against bots?
<fahadsadah> Brb, oil chang^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hperforming typical human activities
#301909 (51/79) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sebas> Heh, so I have this "Insult Dictionary" which has witty insults for every occasion, as well as a translation into 4 different languages
<Sebas> But it seems that, although the translation is generally correct, every now and then they went for an interpretation instead
<Sebas> So "Moron" comes out as "Naked savage" in the German translation, and "Greasy bastard" becomes "Filthy Italian"
#310308 (38/42) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@swight> Ikea Bags Stuffed With Skeletons Found in Sweden
<@swight> good luck putting them back together
#310299 (22/38) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<JordiGH> I can't figure out what to name this module.
<JordiGH> misc.py it is, then
<JordiGH> Then I'll have etc.py, general.py, and other.py
<roryg_> wait until you have util.py, utils.py and utils2.py
<roryg_> "utils2.py: even more util"
Comment: Freenode #montrealpython
#309795 (34/48) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
GeDaMo| What's a moba?
sixthgear| GeDaMo: an RTS game where you control one unit
sixthgear| and be a dick to people online
sixthgear| those are the two main components
#309704 (57/85) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ButchDeLoria> hey guess what I got
<advi> a boner
<ButchDeLoria> worse
<ButchDeLoria> It starts with an M and ends with an R
<advi> midget boner
#309671 (20/44) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<zifnab> one of my old wow friends
<zifnab> always yelled "GET YOUR RAID CUP"
<zifnab> so we asked him what a raid cup was
<zifnab> "So I can urinate without getting up"
Comment: irc.gamesurge.net #RedditMC
#309104 (18/56) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Killswitch> nananananNANANANAN I CAN'T HEAR YOU
<powersurge> Killswitch: is that how batman ignores people?
The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
#309095 (42/58) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<nicks> you are going to invent a new microblogging platform
<nicks> where you can only send 20 characters per message
<Haz> twitter lets you get too complete of thoughts through you've got to really condense it to get the core of the message
<||bass> 20 bytes
<||bass> and it's all 32bit unicode
<||bass> and null terminated
<||bass> which gives us 4 characters
<||bass> so pretty much limits you to short sentences in chinese
<nicks> I can communicate a lot with four characters
<nicks> damn
<nicks> crap
<nicks> fuck
<nicks> shit
<nicks> piss
<||bass> dude
<||bass> stop
#308192 (36/66) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Ikthyrion> oh wow... finding stuff when you are drunk is really hard
<Ikthyrion> what was I looking for?
<Ikthyrion> I found a cat
<&ZachPrime> you were looking for your phone
#305702 (47/65) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Polynomial> my favourite pastime when I worked as a techie was putting horse porn in random system folders on customer machines
<+Polynomial> it surved two purposes
<+Polynomial> first it was funny as fuck if they found it
<+Polynomial> second it meant I could tell which ones I'd serviced before
#303934 (22/72) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< niekie> Someone said to someone else "There's a hole in your shirt."
< niekie> That was just the perfect moment for me to say "That's better than the other way around."
#302601 (18/32) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
snookums: today was just another first interview
snookums: she told me to go find a seat the furthest down the way.. so i'm sitting there and for 15 minutes i'm getting antsy sitting there so i start messing with my resume.. at that point i realised the third page of my resume papers was a coupon for yogurt
#301808 (64/96) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Flack> hey guys whats the link to that website that goes through a little animation telling you to google things
#309109 (55/67) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> ....
<Pryoidain> I just fucking got OWNED by a plastic bag
<Pryoidain> So I finished my twizzlers right and I had this 1 gallon plastic bag with a double seal thing
<Pryoidain> so i closed it up real tight and used a straw to inflate it to bursting, then sealed it
<Pryoidain> and i sat it on my desk chair and plopped down on it HARD to try and pop it
<Pryoidain> fucker shot out behind me, I flew forward face to desk, chair went backward, I fell off the desk and slammed my fucking head on the wall, and then the bag fell, still inflated, onto my lap
#297665 (37/53) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Strengths> I have this huge zit on the side of my nose :/
<subcontinental> Paint it gold or silver and it'll look like a peircing
<Strengths> that's ... brilliant!
#304575 (29/63) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[convo about airport security]
<paul> myself, did you get body scanned or groped
<myself> I walked through gates but didn't step into the federal dick-measurer
<myself> good thing, too; I don't know what maxint is on those things
#299461 (48/62) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> Write a small Windows application, that locks up and crashes (infinite loop or something).
<fahadsadah> Wait for the error report window to come up, but before clicking send, locate the report in AppData.
<fahadsadah> Fill it with the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up.
<fahadsadah> And that's how to rickroll Microsoft.
Lyndon B Comic: A tri-monthly comic of the deathly important
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