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#28824 (351/571) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Thom> I'm British. In history classes over here to study world war two someone holds up a picture of Churchill and we masturbate in silence for forty minutes. |
#17271 (351/491) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Tetrad> the program I just wrote 1) compiled the first time without any errors and 2) worked like it was supposed to
<Tetrad> I don't know whether to be proud or scared to death |
#304777 (350/450) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<coxy> Benoit B. Mandelbrot died
<coxy> what did the B. stand for?
<coxy> Benoit B. Mandelbrot
<spartan> thank god he wasn't murdered...
<spartan> would have taken forever to draw the chalk outline |
#110372 (350/818) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Beastage> notice how life and fail have same letters?Comment: irc.neowin.net, #neowin
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#61477 (350/626) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ktek> yesterday some dumb teen on a bike heading toward my car shone a green laser in my eyes, laughing as he rides away
<ktek> so i did a u-turn and went after him
<ktek> he looks behind him as he hears a car coming, sees that it's me and starts booking it down the road
<ktek> i get behind him and match his speed, and he's freaking out screaming like a little girl
<ktek> i lightly hit the gas and hit his back tire, and he flipped off his bike and hits the shoulder pretty hard
<ktek> i stop, roll my window down, see he's okay and i laugh and take off.
<ktek> now that's a good day |
#34748 (349/499) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<gloone> most of the people in there really are geeks with issues
<gloone> we were talking about weight
<gloone> and everyone in there were like "I'm 5'2" and i weigh 230 pounds."
<gloone> and then i told them i'm 6'2" and weigh 165
<gloone> and i got permbanned |
#18754 (349/495) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Tac0> FiZi
<Tac0> are u connected to the internet?
<FiZi2> What the fuck do you think |
#301594 (349/533) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<SEAL> You know how Toyota is having a ton of problems
<SEAL> With the accelerator pedals getting stuck at full throttle
<SEAL> Well, they really need to change their slogan
<SEAL> To something besides "Moving Forward"
<SEAL> The irony is astonishing |
#297640 (348/698) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Cronos> Farrah Fawcett dies, and goes to Heaven.
<Cronos> God says to her "You've been such a good sport, I'll let you have one wish."
<Cronos> She wishes for all the children of the world to be safe.
<Cronos> Michael Jackson appears beside her.
<Cronos> God says to Michael "You've also been a good sport for this, you may have a wish as well."
<Cronos> He wishes not to be black in Heaven.
<Cronos> Billy Mays shows up beside him with a bottle of Oxiclean |
#261856 (349/527) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Bobsentme> So, at work, HR decided to put up signs with some of the classic monsters (Frankenstein, The Mummy, Wolfman, etc) and slogans like "You'll get wrapped up in reading blah, blah, blah" and "Reading is electrifying" for halloween
<Bobsentme> Well, apparently, they also decided to put up, on the wall outside the cafeteria a whole timeline of GLBT contributions throughout history
<Bobsentme> GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered.
<Bobsentme> So, as I'm walking down the hall, I look over at the GLBT wall, not really paying a lot of attention, until I get to the end...
<Bobsentme> Where someone had placed one of the HR halloween signs, with the Boogeyman on it, that read "Have you checked YOUR closet lately?" |
#246970 (349/445) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<zach[w]> You know, I really think the phrase "Wookiees can load their bowcasters with both standard and explosive-tipped quarrels.[citation needed]" is a perfect description of Wikipedia. |
#54010 (349/509) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Sara> I've discovered that there are certain things that I just can't say without people saying "No, it's just not right when you say it"
<Sara> Like I'm too nice and innocent or something :/
<The_Taped_Crusader> sara
<Sara> hmm?
<The_Taped_Crusader> just imagine your dad saying "lol hax" and you'll understand.
<Sara> Oh godComment: dchub://404hub.no-ip.com
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#52386 (348/536) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Valdek> rofl
<Valdek> my sister's friend alyssa just came into the kitchen when i was getting some grape juice
<Valdek> and yelled "don't ever cum inside a girl!"
<Valdek> and threw a pregnancy test box at me |
#18593 (349/502) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<hello_c> jon: you god damned pervert!
<count^> jon isnt a pervert.
<hello_c> how do you know?
<count^> because im one, and he's never at the meetings. |
#306540 (348/470) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?Comment: #lulz
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#306012 (347/477) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
panjohnl: Bad joke time! So Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
panjohnl: Helium doesn't react.
panRJK: you know what I say to that?
panRJK: He He He |
#294955 (348/560) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<fleebailey33> lmao
<fleebailey33> i am repairing a computer
<fleebailey33> i open the dvd drive and i find mature moms volume 18
<fleebailey33> its not a burned copy either |
#54315 (348/520) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<er> So a Mafia boss is on his death bed, and he calls his grandson over
<er> and he says, "Son, I'd like you to have my gold-plated revolver."
<er> But the son replies, "You know, grandpa, I don't really like guns. Can I have your Rolex watch instead?"
<er> The boss says, "Listen to me, son. Some day, you'll be boss of the family, have a beautiful wife and a big house.
<er> And then, one day, you come home and your wife's in the arms of another man.
<er> What are you going to do, point to your Rolex and say, 'Time's Up'?" |
#39938 (348/468) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<NuBus> Windows was funny
<NuBus> with the usb keyboard
<NuBus> I plugged it in
<NuBus> A window popped up. Windows has found a USB Composite Device!
<NuBus> Would you like to install the driver?
<NuBus> Installing driver
<NuBus> I've installed the driver!
<NuBus> Windows has found a USB Human Interface Device!
<NuBus> Would you like to install the driver?
<NuBus> Installing driver
<NuBus> I've installed the driver!
<NuBus> Windows has found a USB keyboard
<NuBus> Would you like to install the driver?
<NuBus> Installing driver
<NuBus> I've installed the driver!
<NuBus> Windows gets very excited when things work. It tells me over & over.
<NuBus> "look mum! look what I did huh huh huh I did it huh I did I did!"
<NuBus> on linux I just plugged the fricken keyboard in and started typing. |
#213370 (347/621) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Jck_true> What's the config key to change the HTTP_USER_AGENT for firefox?
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: Miley Cirus nude
<CoJaBo> Er
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: general.useragent.override |
#51100 (347/491) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
donchongo: i wonder what possesed some one to invent play-doh and silly putty
Wildfire: poop dries out to fast
donchongo: that really put a screeching halt to my thought process |
#48324 (347/467) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<HellPopeHuey> So, didja get some real work?
<Epoch> yeah, today I cleaned viruses off a pc at a baptist church... viruses obtained by SURFING PR0N
<HellPopeHuey> Jesus saves... your History |
#34040 (347/541) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+Woody```> I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me. |
#27523 (347/521) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<QuizMan> when I first got the internet my dad showed me porn
<waffy> he did?
<QuizMan> yes
<QuizMan> and he said do you like it
<QuizMan> and i said yes
<waffy> haha jesus.
<QuizMan> and he said TOO FUCKING BAD DONT GO THERE
<waffy> rofl
<waffy> your dad is awesome. |
#5259 (347/478) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye..... |
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