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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..53545556575859..596Next> |
#6562 (341/510) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot. |
#51643 (339/527) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ryan`> god i fucking rule
<ryan`> my brother stole money from me
<ryan`> so i mixed elmers glue with a bit of water
<ryan`> then i spread some over my sisters little hand puppets
<ryan`> and threw it half way under his bed
<ryan`> now hes grounded all next week for "jacking off with her hand puppets" |
#51015 (340/484) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Nail: my chemistry teacher has bad grammar
Traceur: how so
Nail: princiPAL laws of quantum numbers
Traceur: he put principle?
Nail: no
Nail: put principal
Traceur: do yuo know the difference between those two wordS?
Nail: yeah, principal is like the school administrator
Nail: because he's your pal
Traceur: 'principal' also means 'main'
Traceur: a 'principle' is a concept
Traceur: your principal failure comes from not understanding the principles of grammar.
Nail: fuck you. |
#46060 (340/528) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(+lab-rat) 22. What is the largest native carnivore in England?
(+lab-rat) Here's your 1st hint, the last character in the answer is: r
(+lab-rat) Here's your 2nd hint, badge_
(+sodiepop) badger
(mac23) badger
(alexC) badger
(+StiGs) badger
(TIMMY_) badger
(+Turbo) mushroom mushroom
(+lab-rat) Winner: Trainee alexC Answer: badger Time: 23.422 Streak: 1 Points: 5 WPM: 3 Rank: 37thComment: Gotta love trivia!
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#34786 (340/512) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<p2p> I was reading some thing this morning about a new condom with a built-in vibrator
<shxrobert> oh great the rubber that makes you come as you put the fucker on
<p2p> the downside is you have to shove the AA battery up your ass
<Gollie> downside? |
#33880 (340/452) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<wardrobe> well that was fun
* wardrobe walked into housemate's room. I said "hey have you been painting?" as I could smell paint. he said "yeh" and then I realised I was leaning on a wall. |
#33035 (340/562) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(fleet): what I love about this channel is that no matter what I say, temp0 tells me to rail myself with a metal pole.
(temp0): i like you fleet
(fleet): really?
(temp0): NO! FUCK OFF AND RAIL YOURSELF WITH A METAL POLE |
#140026 (339/635) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Nighthawk]> why's everyone so quiet?
[Nighthawk]> someone die in here?
* Sane_Traitor inconspicuously drags a black plastic bag out the back door
* Louwhoo whistlesComment: #rantradio
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#115085 (339/451) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
DinkyDogg: me and porn has always been kinda like israel and nuclear weapons
DinkyDogg: i've never claimed to have porn but they all know i do |
#68399 (337/471) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
TrogL> overnight the janitors turned off the master DO NOT TURN OFF THIS SWITCH switch
TrogL> they routinely ignore the DO NOT ENTER OR WE WILL CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE YOU THROWN OUT OF THE COUNTRY sign
TrogL> one of these nights I'm just gonna stay in the server room overnight with my favourite axe
TrogL> I want them so terrified of even LOOKING at the server room they'll emigrate first
TrogL> I'm finding less and less polite ways of saying 'WHAT PART OF STAY THE FUCK OUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND'
TrogL> apparently 'DANGER, DO NOT ENTER' doesn't cut it |
#17887 (339/472) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ShowHour> Any hot girls with a cam free for chat?
<Hot^Gay_Male> yes
<Hot^Gay_Male> msg me |
#1355 (339/463) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<McGrue> The truth, like a penis, sometimes slips out at inopportune times. |
#56852 (338/498) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Ducky: So here I am, on Google earth, spying on my ex, when she calls.
Ducky: and I’m all freaking out, because I’m thinking that she knows I’m spying on her.
Leila: Dude, you know that Google earth isn’t live right?
Ducky: Shit. Now she thinks I’m stupid and an asshole!
Leila: You TOLD her that you were spying on her?
Ducky: Um… yeah.
Leila: wow, you are stupid. |
#53876 (338/502) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
darkkittengod: whats ur favorite kind of asian?
spectr060: female |
#20950 (338/472) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* strang3r licks eZ_T4B's ass
* strang3r kicks eZ_T4B's ass
<strang3r> u know they really shouldnt put the "l" right beside the "k" |
#304514 (337/427) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@nukespoon> okay so a bit of a crisis
<@nukespoon> the project folder for this program is called "cuntbollocks"
<@nukespoon> i have to upload this in 15 minutes
<@nukespoon> and i don't know how to rename it without fucking shit up |
#56197 (337/497) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rusty> have you ever really thought about when people call themselves a bad motherfucker?
<Rusty> i mean wtf
<Rusty> "fear me! for not only do i engage in sex acts with a parent, but i suck at it!" |
#51430 (337/495) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
CannonSpiker0023: So there I was the last man on my paintball team
MPike: wow, you do paintball?
CannonSpiker0023: Taking head from these guys who were hiding behind some boxes across the street
MPike: cool
MPike: wait
MPike: what?
CannonSpiker0023: HEAT
CannonSpiker0023: I MEANT HEAT
MPike: Is "paintball team" some kind of code?
CannonSpiker0023: STFU
MPike: For "gay sex group"?
CannonSpiker0023: GAWD IT WAS A TYPO
SRYelznik: Or was it?
CannonSpiker0023: GAH |
#46051 (337/467) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<top-cat> there was an article in the guardian recently suggesting that after the EU arguments "anglo-german relationships hit an all-time low"
<top-cat> evidently two world wars were not as serious as an argument about economics |
#22756 (338/448) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<LarsC> i'm a fuckign ninja.
<exii> Dude, you're not a ninja.
<DJTodd> A fucking Ninja?
<LarsC> yeah. i fuck you, and you don't even know I was there.
<Dayv> I heard your girlfriends have that problem. |
#16712 (337/458) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Deke> living with a Tobin is odd
<Deke> so Cass started cleaning up, since she found out that people're
<Deke> coming over
<Deke> and found 2 20GB drives in the couch
<Deke> most people find coins
<Deke> we find disk drives |
#111 (337/595) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jestuh> i was trying to go the speed limit so i didn't get a ticket but a cop got me in a school zone
<DigDug> How much?
<jestuh> i'm talking about need for speed not real life |
#302849 (336/474) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Thinpy> Well, my first day at work didn't go at all well.
<Thinpy> Even though I'm probably the only competent IT person there
<Thinpy> well, as you might know I've been unemployed and living in my own place for three months
<Thinpy> in that time i have adjusted to living in a... relaxed environment
<Thinpy> for example, i have been wearing mostly loose-fitting sweatpants
<Thinpy> so when I need to drain the ol' bladder
<Thinpy> i have perfected a move at home by which I yank 'em down and start peeing in one fluid (lol) motion
<Thinpy> today at work I needed to pee and went into the work toilets
<Thinpy> since I was alone in there I kinda instinctively used the move
<Thinpy> only to discover that work pants, held up by a belt, do not come off as easily as my sweatpants might
<Thinpy> and I urinated copiously into my pants. |
#301921 (336/474) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dhar> you know how I started work at that Italian restaurant last week?
<Curris> yeah
<dhar> it's called Ristorante Tiberian and I never the Command & Conquer reference until I had this customer in
<dhar> he came in wearing a t-shirt with a red logo on it
<dhar> and when I served him he said "praise kane"
<dhar> I was so confused, I thought he was like some religious nut
<dhar> when I delivered his food I noticed the logo on his shirt was the NOD logo
<Curris> hahaha
<dhar> I almost dropped his plate cos I was laughing so much |
#294629 (336/420) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@isosceles> im at the pharmacy
<@isosceles> getting sleeping pills for my wife
<@isosceles> and then i realize: i need to get vaseline (for chapped skin/oil pastel) and baby wipes (for makeup removal)
<@isosceles> but then i stopped, after realizing how horrible that would look at the register |
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