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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..51525354555657..596Next> |
#285 (347/587) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> that was the night those gay dudes were hittin on me
<BlackDeth> and the one offered me money to go sex0r him
<BlackDeth> they prolly saw i was wrecked
<BlackDeth> and thought they could take advantage
<BlackDeth> boglins own
<ikkenai> so how much did he pay you
<BlackDeth> he didnt
<BlackDeth> he just offered
<ikkenai> oh
<ikkenai> so you did it for free |
#301134 (346/518) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Gargamale> word
<mademoiselle> excel
<+fiveiron> powerpoint
<+fiveiron> By your powers combined, I'm an overpriced office suite! |
#300835 (346/462) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> It's bad when I'm watching a porno and I suddenly realize "Hey, I know this song. It was in that other porno." |
#121898 (346/622) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+twk3V`Hucky[hbfs]> I have a ritual called 'terminator'. I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. |
#75285 (346/490) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Buck> a religious discussion on digg is like asking which power ranger is the strongest in kindergarten |
#51077 (346/500) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@yt): i need something that symbolises my alter-ego. Bowler hat, briefcase, umberella, monacle
(@yt): etc
(rocksicle): your alter-ego is the penguin? |
#48786 (346/540) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<craptastic`> it's 3 in the morning, i'm drunk, and a bunch of my buddies bet each other to jump into a freezing cold lake while naked, the one who stayed in longest won the $100 bet
<craptastic`> so i strip down and jump into the lake, nearly dying from shock, when i turn around to see them grabbing my clothes and running
<craptastic`> being pissed i get out of the lake and run after them, i decide to shortcut it through the bushes, when i slip and fall on my back
<craptastic`> i get up and continue on, when about a minute later my sack starts itching and burning...turns out i fell into a patch of stinging nettles, got my balls, my crack and my upper back
<craptastic`> after i recovered my clothes, i spent the next two and a half hours hunched over on my couch whining like a baby as my balls burned to the point where it felt like they'd shrivel up and fall off
<craptastic`> this was a sign from god that i need to find new friends and get a life |
#24380 (346/496) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DocUK> whats a dropship
<supernorn2000> a ship that drops things, preferably passengers
<supernorn2000> But in Halo it drops vehicles
<Skumby> usually it drops them gently too
<Skumby> Otherwise it'll be called a bomber |
#301609 (345/493) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<redcurl> i have successfully creeped myself out to the point i can't sleep
<redcurl> i was reading an article about stange things, like the bermuda triangle and they mentioned shadow people
<redcurl> you ever see something out of the corner of your eye? like a person or something but it's not there when you turn to look? or it walks through a wall or something?
<TMH> only when i'm baked as hell
<redcurl> we used to have that really bad at my old house- there was a long hallway all the rooms were off and if you were at the kitchen table you'd see someone walk from room to room without anyone else there.
<redcurl> i hadn't thought about it in years.
<redcurl> so now i'm all creeped out
<TMH> shadow people coming to get youuuuuuu
<redcurl> SHUT UP
<TMH> actually no really have you thought about them
<TMH> if they hide a lot maybe they just want to be left alone
<TMH> and if they can walk through physical objects then surely they can't actually touch physical objects
<TMH> how do they live? how do they eat? do they reproduce?
<redcurl> shush
<TMH> MAYBE THEY REPRODUCE BY SLEEPING WITH US
<redcurl> i don't want to think about it. i'll get more creeped out.
<TMH> oh god oh god oh god
<TMH> ever had a really good sex dream?
<TMH> SHADOW PEOPLE
<redcurl> STEVE WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN
<redcurl> WAAAAAH |
#54547 (345/511) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
includestdioh: in hebrew i read about a sentence a minute because i basically brute force every word
includestdioh: because you have to fill in the vowels yourself
Nomihn0: mm
includestdioh: sort of like when chatting on AIM with twelve year olds |
#52272 (345/523) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
-koroaway : So ...
-koroaway : a tanker truck full of beer crashed into a bus full of kids on their way to play hockey. In a snowstorm
-koroaway : does it get any more Canadian than that? |
#51684 (345/485) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Dave: I checked for wireless networks here, and I found some (protected though). One of them is named Linksys (how original), andother is HomeWireless (mine), then there was one called RobandKelly, and a 4th one called "RobandKellyaregay" |
#50245 (344/480) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<JakQ> you know what's ironic?
<JakQ> breaking a pair of safety glasses and having the shards fly up and hit you in the face |
#32073 (345/485) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* doky was kicked by Mortegro (banned:The maximum number of AOL users (0) has been reached.) |
#30404 (345/465) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao: 100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high. |
#27407 (345/503) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kweeky> Heh. :P
*** Quits: HotPants
<Kweeky> I have some good stuff in there. :P
*** Quits: MiniReapa
<Kweeky> lol. On every single sentence I said, someone quit. :P
*** Quits: `Horn
<VA_Pel> should we tell him to stop talking, or to talk more?
<Kweeky> ...
<VA_Pel> and the spell is broken
<Kweeky> I didn't say anything, that's why. >:P
*** Quits: Isojalka |
#304897 (342/484) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Henry> i'm fine with girls
<+Henry> they just don't like me tbh
<%primality> that's normal, Henry
<%primality> girls generally dislike most people
<%primality> you have to get past their firewall of hormones and rage
<%primality> iptables -P GIRLS DENY
<%primality> that's their config
<sudokun> lol
<%primality> you have to invoke iptables -A GIRLS -p relationships --sgender male -j ACCEPT
<sudokun> primality, that'd make girls whores
<sudokun> since there's no source identifier, they'd accept all males
<%primality> bah
<%primality> iptables -A GIRLS -p relationships --sgender male --sname Henry -j ACCEPT
<%primality> ^ fixed
<+Henry> this is why I should never ask for relationship advice in #linux
<+Henry> but on the other hand, I feel like I understand girls a little better now O_o |
#303054 (344/642) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<osxdude> Wow facebook.
<osxdude> An app just asked me if I thought my mom was a virgin |
#302845 (344/510) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@fewyn> so i send my mom a text saying happy mother's day i get one back saying "ty, send treats for my dog in farmville plz" |
#301226 (344/532) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<crschmidt> twitter is terrible
<crschmidt> but i use it as well
<crschmidt> i, in fact, twitterd from the altar, when I got married
<crschmidt> and 6 phones in the audience went off |
#294792 (344/484) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Xarian: My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... |
#47360 (344/550) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Talikira> (\_(\
<Talikira> ( o-o)
* Milon_Eliad beheads tali's creature with text
<Talikira> o( ( ")( ") |
#11724 (344/501) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zardoz> cool. calculated pi to 18 decimal places.
<Trucci> know what would have been cooler?
<Trucci> ANYTHING |
#10052 (344/519) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kiz`> a semi decent looking girl can get laid whenever she wants
<Kiz`> just go up to a guy
<Kiz`> "sex?"
<Kiz`> a guy can't do such things
<Yuffie> Maybe you haven't gone up to the right guy? |
#94 (344/565) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<iMike-> call tech support and be like yeah my friend stole windows 2000 from officemax and he burned it for me
<iMike-> and it's not working properly |
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