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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..48495051525354..596Next> |
#58082 (356/518) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Emerl> Ok, so I ordered pizza from Dominos last night. (It's the only place in town that delivers.)
<Emerl> When the delivery guy walks up, I notice two weird things. 1. He's not wearing a name tag. 2. He is fat and has pizza stains on his shirt
<Emerl> So then I take the pizza and pay. He's squirming, real suspicious-like. When he gets the money, he runs out and gets into his car, and does a burnout as he accelerates away.
<Emerl> I open the pizza box and it looks like fucking Pac-man
<Emerl> This fucker got hungry and ate my pizza
<Emerl> Anyway, I reported him and got him fired
<Emerl> Apparently, this wasn't the first time this happenedComment: ...
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#50388 (356/496) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Slater_> I HATE sticky keys!
<Slater_> I specifically remember being just about to take that perfect headshot in Counter-Strike, tapping the shift-key to sneak a bit forward for a clean view. ...and then...
<Slater_> "Hello! We think you must be severely handicapped, since you just pressed the shift key. We will now close your game and teach you a bit about using your computer with no hands. Love thy Windows experience!" |
#39781 (356/466) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<phil> alright, guess what song i'm drumming on my keyboard
<phil> jhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhjhj
<ecks> wipeout....
<phil> wtf how'd you know?
<ecks> we're at a LAN party and you're sitting right behind me, dumbass
<phil> touche sir, touche |
#30462 (356/484) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GoAt> "change your body shape overnight!"
<GoAt> these claims are getting worse every day
<peasant> i call dibs on triangle |
#29638 (356/546) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Unleaded> I did something really geeky just now
<Ex0duz> watched star trek ?
<Unleaded> I was reading a magazine, and I glanced at the bottom right hand corner of the page expecting to see the time... :/ |
#29027 (356/508) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Magus`> My mom keeps assuming I'm gay.
<Magus`> WHich makes no sense.
<Magus`> I'm like... "My friend is coming over."
<Magus`> "Is he handsome?"
<Magus`> "I.. guess?"
<Magus`> "You're gay, aren't you?" |
#25228 (356/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Scofco> I neeeeed to gain weight
<Scofco> speaking of which, gonna go make dinner
* Scofco is away: making lasagna L:on, P:on
*** Scofco is now known as Scofco-away
*** Scofco-away is now known as Scofco
* Scofco is back from making lasagna. Awaytime 1min 14secs.
<Scofco> so much for that plan
<Jason> Wow, that was quick.
<Scofco> opened the freezer and saw some ice cream
<Idioteq> MASTER CHEF |
#14014 (356/497) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Chelle> I'm gonna get something to eat - brb
<GreenDragon> If they had an eating contest Chelle would win.
<Slerte> Nah, I could eat her under the table any day.
<Slerte> err |
#300071 (355/555) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[elita] neone care to spare 400 dlls?
[carbine] Lemme check my system32 folder |
#207123 (355/651) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<flyinsqrl> friend wants me to put 2.22 gigs of shit on a 2 gig flash drive
<Coratee> that should work
<Coratee> you just have to really want it |
#76837 (355/505) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GnrlMc> The closest you ever got to asking her out was using the characters of her name as iterators in your programming projects... |
#70659 (355/545) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rockdots> lol, that was one nice freudian strip
<rockdots> * strip
<rockdots> * slip
<rockdots> ahahaha
<rockdots> oh, the irony |
#56166 (355/439) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Darien> I love my job
<Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make his chair lean back
<Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it
<Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so
<Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.' |
#50000 (355/551) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<celti> Ahh!
<celti> No more sticky spacebar
<celti> ...fuck.
<celti> If you laugh, I will murder you. |
#3909 (355/661) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BombScare> i should go buy a skateboard and go sk00l some kids at the park
<BombScare> since im an expert at all 3 tony hawk games, i should have no problem pulling off those tricks in real life |
#305620 (354/454) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Gale_> my sister's neighbor is a dumbass
<Gale_> "Look at me, I'm going to have an unsecured wireless network and not change the default login settings for the router!"
<Gale_> My question is should I protect their network and change the login settings on the router just to teach them a lesson, or should I leave it be and let my sister borrow their connection whenever she feels like?
<Gale_> I did that to my neighbor a couple of years ago.
<Gale_> put a password on it and changed the router login info.
<Gale_> The router was in the dumpster a few days later and a new unsecured network showed up at the same time. |
#296664 (354/548) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< carbine> Go act mature somewhere else. This is the internet buddy. |
#266625 (354/560) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
kwenda: this lady who works here is so disgusting
kwenda: fat and ugly
kwenda: she rubbed my hair in the middle of a meeting
kwenda: i stood up and left the meeting without saying anything
kwenda: went to supercuts and got a shampoo and a haircut
kwenda: walked back into the meeting and sat down |
#70545 (354/546) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Clipsy> There's a review on slashdot of a book called "Creating Web Pages with Ajax," and I was thinking
<Clipsy> I'd like to make a book called "Creating Web2.0 Content for Dummies"
<Clipsy> and then when someone opens the book
<Clipsy> a boxing glove on a spring comes out and punches them in the face |
#55338 (354/498) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Da5id> So, this 13 year old kid was bitching about how metallica sold out and stuff and how terrible it was to have your idols become lame when you're his age
< Da5id> my response was, "Yeah man, I know, I remember when metallica sold out when I was your age too" |
#50199 (353/569) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
capn_midnight wtf? I put down 300, and it said I was winning at 255, then it said that someone else won the bid at 244 and change.
Phantom ha><0red by 3-b4y!
kSquared I have you leading the bid at $255
kSquared with 32 seconds left
kSquared want a screenshot?
capn_midnight I even refreshed 3 times and it said I was winning
capn_midnight sure, kSquared, that would be great
Phantom Python, "haxored by e-bay"
* JM has joined #gamedev
JM Whohoo!
JM I just cheated some dude out of a winning bid! |
#34477 (354/508) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<umopepisdn> About a month ago one of my tires popped.
<umopepisdn> I ended up cutting about half of the tire off of the rim with a pair of scissors because I didn't know what to do.
<umopepisdn> Then I realized that the spare tire has got a rim on it.Comment: Ah yes... nerds and cars =)
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#33776 (354/562) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* RSX-2003 has joined #futuremark
<RSX-2003> lol omfg...
<RSX-2003> my friend might get suspended from school
<RSX-2003> she's enrolled in child developement, so she has to work with the special kids on campus
<RSX-2003> and they had their own dance, and my friend cintheia was the DJ
<RSX-2003> and she put on the song by black eyed peas called "lets get retarded"
<the_stick> LOL RSX-2003
<gfjgfjgfj> LMAO
<RSX-2003> if she didn't start laughing she probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble
<Stonefish> You don't want to know how much I'm laughing :)Comment: #Futuremark
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#32827 (354/568) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Allahkat> You know how they make like, "Totally 80's" cds? They should make Pity-Party cds. "Just Got Dumped"
<Allahkat> "No One Home For Christmas"
<bunnieWork> "I Eat Ramen With My Cats Every Night"
<Allahkat> HAHAHAHA
<Allahkat> "I Chat In IRC 24 Hours A Day"
<Allahkat> Oh...wait...
<bunnieWork> HAHAHa...ha.
* bunnieWork sobs
* Allahkat polishes her gun |
#31568 (354/538) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Moushi> My friend is over
<Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now
<Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time
<Moushi> And I can hear... sounds
<Moushi> What do I do
<BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens undergarments and a scary rubber mask
<Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me!
<BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site
<Moushi> His dad's a lawyer
<Moushi> He would sue me
<BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could just hire him as your own lawyer
<Moushi> hahaha
<Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn
<Moushi> 't be my friend
<BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big scary rubber mask on?
<Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick him in the balls?
<BHedL> theres no money in that
<Moushi> You make a compelling argument. |
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