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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..52535455565758..596Next> |
#292278 (343/457) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Royall> Being famous means your name isn't underlined in red when you type it in Microsoft Word |
#69534 (343/487) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Orochi> Give a man a fish he will eat for a day....
<@Orochi> However, if you teach a man to fish he will bore the hell out of you on the outdoor living channel |
#50716 (343/485) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
nurv3947: So, I was talking to one of my friends, and she's kinda fat, right?
nurv3947: And this woman walks up to us, looks at my friend and asks "Are you pregnant?"
nurv3947: And she says "Yes, I got gang raped by twelve donuts." |
#50475 (343/489) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rohoho> dude
<Rohoho> your not gonna believe this
<Rohoho> some bastard is picking my mangos
<Ranju> go fuck him up
<Rohoho> brb...
<Ranju> kk
<Rohoho> WTF
<Rohoho> he fucken hit me!
<Rohoho> with my own mango |
#49768 (343/499) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<|404notfound> I think there's something wrong with me
<|404notfound> when I'm downloading at like 5 kB/s, I don't get angry or annoyed
<|404notfound> I get nostalgicComment: Aniverse: #megatokyo
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#48107 (343/535) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@dma> root@laureate:/etc/ssh# cowsay -f sodomized `fortune`
<@dma> _________________________________________
<@dma> / When confronted by a difficult problem, \
<@dma> | you can solve it more easily by |
<@dma> | reducing it to the question, "How would |
<@dma> \ the Lone Ranger handle this?" /
<@dma> -----------------------------------------
<@dma> \ _
<@dma> \ (_)
<@dma> \ ^__^ / \
<@dma> \ (oo)\_____/_\ \
<@dma> (__)\ ) /
<@dma> ||----w ((
<@dma> || ||>>
<@dma> well that didn't come out like i wantedComment: #d&d on ZiRC
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#32616 (343/475) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<double_a> everytime I check in here its like a doctors office waiting room..........silence
* Mayseth coughs
<double_a> *sound of magazine page turning |
#306677 (341/461) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<maxson> honestly
<maxson> it's weird because
<maxson> normally, i'd get to know her better before asking her out
<Leaff> you're asking for relationship advice froma 12 year old?
<Leaff> oh
<Leaff> ok
<maxson> the only way i'm going to get to know her better is by asking her out
<maxson> so it's like a dilemma
<maxson> also yes
<maxson> irl this would be creepy
<Leaff> yup
<Leaff> irl me hanging out with you would be creepy
<maxson> yup
<Leaff> irl a lot of things that people do on the internet would be creepy
<maxson> like talk to people while looking at porn
<Leaff> exactly
<maxson> "hey james how's it going"
<maxson> "HRRNG oh fine URRRGH you?"
<Leaff> "are you fapping"
<Leaff> "LOL NOPE NOT AT ALL"
<Leaff> "DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WOULD SUGGEST THAT"
<maxson> "did you piss your pants"
<maxson> "you're in the ballpark"
<Leaff> i think we should end this part of the conversation right now
<Leaff> before it gets
* Leaff sunglasses
<maxson> out of hand?
<Leaff> out of haFUCK YOU |
#53326 (342/468) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<JokerzWild> my sis went into court today
<JokerzWild> with 1 charge
<JokerzWild> came out with 4Comment: irc.crazyass.net #crazyass
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#40211 (342/510) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<laurent> i went to go support a user earlier
<laurent> turns out this hottie in the sales department was having mouse problems
<laurent> and shes talking to me while wearing a veeeery revealing top combo
<laurent> and she goes under her desk to unplug the mouse and turns out shes wearing a thong under those tight pants
<laurent> think unsexy thoughts. think unsexy thoughts. no boner. no boner. uhh lets see if the cidr is /26 that gives me 6 bits to play with which is 64 minus two gives me 62 usable hosts on the subnet
<laurent> *whew* no bonerComment: Just another day at the office...
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#31933 (342/540) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sdfdtailgrep> Things I learned today:
<sdfdtailgrep> * About 10% of all people on the road are good samaritans
<sdfdtailgrep> * It's actually quite fun to be stuck in a ditch, when you have a mp3 CD player and some music.
<sdfdtailgrep> * Snowplows in Guelph cover both directions of a rural road every 30 minutes
<sdfdtailgrep> * Les Quebecios have a swiss-army knife of knowledge, tools, and experience when it comes to rescuing stranded cars
<sdfdtailgrep> * All the winter tires in the world are not going to stop you from being a complete dumbass
<sdfdtailgrep> * Flat land does not mean solid land, there might be a ditch under that snowComment: #railfan irc.oftc.net
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#17023 (342/490) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+TlMMAH> hey gary
<+TlMMAH> what is porno that i should download
<+TlMMAH> i am putting my dick into your hands here
<+TlMMAH> not literally but, you know |
#133 (343/632) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Bobby20> I had this really weird dream once that I dropped my penis in the shower and I couldn't get it to go back on |
#302661 (341/393) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mango> Duck.
<Mango> s/D/F/
<chanbot> Mango meant: (Censored).
* chanbot was kicked from #depot by chanbot: No swearing.
<Mango> :D |
#297701 (341/429) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
ilikeanime12: lol universal is making an Asteroids movie
MDidget: ...
MDidget: why?
ilikeanime12: I don't know
ilikeanime12: but hey
ilikeanime12: at least there is no plot for them to fuck up
ilikeanime12: unless they don't have an asteroid and a space ship in the movie
ilikeanime12: in which case yeah they fucked up |
#296915 (341/513) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<_Pooky> Watch out for the 700cal sandwichs tho.
<lion42> _Pooky, I'm on a 4000 calorie diet. I can have all the sandwiches I damn well want. :P
<Uncertain> that's no diet, that's a monster
<_Pooky> No shit...why are you on a 4k diet?
<_Pooky> Weight training or something?
<lion42> Pancreatic insufficiency. Because I don't dump out enough enzymes, I don't absorb calories or.. anything at all, really, as well as other people do.
<lion42> 4000 is my normal, average, maintaining my weight diet.
<_Pooky> Ok, that makes sense then.
<_Pooky> That's got to make for messy bowel movements.
<lion42> Yes, my shits are festive. |
#261527 (341/467) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper. |
#77336 (341/607) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<zap> What's worse iggy?
<iggy> what?
<zap> Giving your boss the system documentation, all 800 pages of swedish-chef York-desh-born Bork Bork Bork and visio diagrams of many chefs interconnected with kitchen utilities and wiring with various details
<zap> (ie, IP: BORK.BORK.BORK.BORK, System Name: Borka_de_Borka!)
<zap> or finding out that, with the help of the manual, he restored approximately /40GB/ of data spanning 3 DLT tapes (in a very unfriendly autoloader), to the proper locations, with the proper permissions, having never done this before?
<iggy> wtf
<zap> Thats what I thought.
<zap> Even more interestingly, he hasn't commented on the booklet or asked me about it. He did, however, let a bork slip as he was leaving for lunch today after asking some dumb questions about licensing.
<iggy> ... |
#65178 (341/485) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dsfargeg> right, I don't even know how to start this calculus question :(
<cjr> I've got a phd on mathematics
<dsfargeg> really?? what do you do now?
<cjr> ?
<cjr> ohhh, i meant a .pdf
<dsfargeg> fuck you |
#54684 (340/524) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
gravybythepint: dude, this girl is of such low moral fiber she doesn't even know what sin means
D1ckhead Dan: Opposite over hypotnuse
gravybythepint: i hate you |
#34625 (341/513) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@Brant) I'm such a fucking moron sometimes
(@Brant) I was just listening to one of my band's songs
(@Brant) and I was like "Wow I like this song I should try to learn the guitar part" and picked up my guitar
(@Brant) then realized
(@Brant) :|Comment: he must be tired
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#34520 (341/527) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Djinna> i saw a pin this afternoon that says 'just because i'm a gay man doesn't mean i'll turn down a blowjob from a woman'Comment: #bifemunix
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#32260 (341/525) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+commodore_dude> anyone wanna make me a magic 8-ball in java?
<+x24> ask again laterComment: #gideontech
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#20115 (342/522) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* Iago is still unsure that he's ready for a LTR
<JtHM> Lesbian Toddler Rave?
<JtHM> no one's ready for that.
<Iago> Long term relationship
<JtHM> I'm mildly disturbed that Lesbian Toddler Rave was the first thing that sprang to mind when I saw LTR |
#15840 (341/495) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Lyon> erll, i'm ogg yo trsf snf dlrrp
<Lyon> oops
<Lyon> well, i'm off to read and sleep
<Derian> looks like you need all the dlrrp you can get. |
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