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#26371 (249/473) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
fallouswk > bwahahahaha. coworker comes in with a problem, gets halfway into the explanation and then pauses and says "umm, it smells like you've been farting in here" "yes, I have" "I'm going to leave now" "I think that would be best" |
#360 (249/478) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sphynx> crushes suck
<sphynx> i hate em
<sphynx> the dilemma, the desperation
<sphynx> the hopes dashed etc
<shirazz> the masturbation
<shirazz> hehehe
<bark> the masturbation is ok.
<Kyoto> hey.. the masturbation is good.. |
#307080 (246/416) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aNavi> i like my women how i like my video games
<dd7> 12 years old and made in japan?
<aNavi> yes
<aNavi> ah, fuck |
#306409 (248/306) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< iFarmer> I've come to the conclusion that the employees of my local library are idiots
< iFarmer> "Scan our QR code to browse our library database on your smartphone!"
< iFarmer> I scan the QR code. It says:
< iFarmer> "Scan our QR code to browse our library database on your smartphone!" |
#305947 (248/320) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+wklyver> man, you ever get something to work, but you aren't quite sure how
<+Cuntism> i made my gf cum once
<+Cuntism> does that count |
#301829 (248/510) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< shortcircuit> So here's a fun joke to play on your Star Trek loving friends. Ask them what the name of Star Trek V was, but don't let them look it up online.
< shortcircuit> Most people I've asked get it wrong; they give the name for Star Trek VI instead.
< SilentAgony> attack of the clones
< Mattijle> empire strikes back? |
#265271 (248/490) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
asrskz: Don't tell me who won the 2000 election. I have the coverage on disk but I have not gotten around to watching it. Don't spoil it for me
Alexius: hehe
asrskz: Only last week I found out that Clinton was re-elected in 1996.
Alexius: Yup.
Alexius: Wait for the next two seasons. They're really shocking!Comment: #TVTorrents
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#86748 (247/455) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<datagram> he's half japanese half vietnamese
<datagram> which means he'd be 1/2 okay with me saying gook
<Lordnynex> thats a reasonable mathematical approach to racism |
#57199 (248/474) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kilonum_NAKED> my father wants back in my life
<ataraxia> get dressed first |
#56641 (248/404) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
mjl69> 98.5% of dna is considered to be junk dna with no known purpose. maybe it's xml tags. |
#56390 (248/438) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
ELLIS THOMAS : My question is HOW CAN I SWEAR ON BBERG?
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Hello Ellis, there are certain words that are restricted on Bloomberg's messaging system. If you would like to simulate a swear word, you can substitute a letter with a symbol, such as an asterisk
ELLIS THOMAS : THANK YOU, THAT'S F*CKING FANTASIC.
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Is there anything else I can assist you with? |
#52718 (248/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<HypnoGenX> I know about as much about mobile phones as I do about girls.
<HypnoGenX> They're both noisy and frightening, yet they make me want to touch them. |
#52346 (248/384) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ryan> i bought a 2 way radio at walmart today
<ryan> and went and sat outside home depot
<ryan> yelling codes over their radios
<ryan> "WE GOT A BLEEDER IN PLUMBING!"
<ryan> "who the hell is this?"
<ryan> "rafiki...." |
#33333 (248/424) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mindstorms> so, you up for writing "definitely not a bomb" on your luggage and running around with a bag of sugar screaming "oh no anthrax!?" and wearing an outfit that consists of nothing but metal, just for some more fun in the metal detectors. |
#31202 (248/518) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<^Fizban^> I had a friend in college that wrote perl poems all the time
<^Fizban^> Guy was nutz
<^Fizban^> our $life = \$love and $togetherness;
<^Fizban^> and: foreach my $sweet (@first) {
<^Fizban^> little: until ($we . $met) { last 'and' }
<^Fizban^> }
<^Fizban^> if ($now . $we) { goto marry; $we . $shall }
<^Fizban^> bless our $life, More;
<osmaker> that's kinda sadish
<^Fizban^> warn "behave";
<^Fizban^> if (ignored) {
<^Fizban^> select paddle;
<^Fizban^> listen (protests, pleading);
<^Fizban^> shift overknee;
<^Fizban^> until (bottom == red) {use paddle};
<^Fizban^> study;
<^Fizban^> require apology;
<^Fizban^> if (no) redo; |
#27872 (248/442) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<uTi|Veridian> my HLTV tops out at about 30 people - then lags like your mom
<cyde> so tell me... if i used my mom in conjunction with your server... could we top 60?
<uTi|Veridian> can your mom handle 30 teenage boys?
<cyde> the question is....can 30 teenage boys....handle my mom? |
#27226 (248/442) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dilbert> i've got an idea that would help artists from having their music pirated
<Dilbert> instead of naming all their
<Dilbert> songs
<Dilbert> just give them a number
<Dilbert> like 1, 2, 3 so on
<Dilbert> and if everyone does that
<Dilbert> nobody online will be able to find the songs they are looking for
<Dilbert> or something
<Dilbert> i dont know
<Dilbert> forget i said anything |
#20513 (248/433) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(`dM`): I took a girl on a date to a lan party.. she seemed throughly bored
(DaMuppet): lol
(doggie^): hahaha
(DaMuppet): omfg dM
(DaMuppet): you;re joking
(DaMuppet): pls tell me u r
(`dM`): no. = I'm not joking. it was an impromptu lan party. and then the guys started trading porn
(`dM`): it was downhill from there |
#16780 (248/430) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Slime> Whenever hot chicks come up to me I always end up, like, vomitting everywhere and somehow my pants fall down, and then someone has a black eye, and everything goes wrong |
#15982 (248/376) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[Shinji] I think he threatened to kill me actually, although it was so badly spelt that I wasn't sure if it was a death threat or a request to see if I wanted another cappuchino |
#13407 (248/421) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@durin> wanting to work for redhat is like wanting herpies
<@KrON> theres no i in herpes
<@KrON> that sounds like a personal motto |
#8618 (248/404) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Inflex> Oh my lord
<Inflex> This is so wierd.
<Inflex> In fact, it's wack.
<Noonan> what is
<Inflex> Non engineering classes.
<Inflex> They're like 40% chicks.
<Noonan> heheh
<Noonan> sometimes more
<Inflex> It's so fucked up.
<Inflex> When I walked in, I thought I was in a bar.
<Noonan> hahah
<Noonan> Welcome to the real world
<Inflex> This new world scares me. |
#8537 (248/496) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jackal-> someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it on my keyboard
<jackal-> hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my cruel master and free me from this prison
<jackal-> omg
<jackal-> bad cat |
#6777 (248/421) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FindUrFire> how old are you rad,alone?
<SUPER--RAD> i'm 22 years old alone & with others i'm still 22 |
#4790 (248/417) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DAL9000> my pseudogirlfriend's preacher was like, all over her
<DAL9000> and she's not very liked at her church
<DAL9000> cuz they think she's seducing him
<trep> pseudogirlfriend, haha
<DAL9000> yes
<DAL9000> that's a fancy word for stalking interest. |
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