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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..104105106107108109110..596Next> |
#28507 (245/407) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@John> why does there have to be sunlight
<@Luster> so us geeks know when to go to bed |
#18317 (245/400) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<nzc> actually
<nzc> i need to msg quat
<nzc> there we go
<nzc> and
<nzc> i have to eat
<cj_> and
<cj_> you have
<cj_> to take off
<cj_> your return key
<cj_> and only
<cj_> use it for
<cj_> special occasions
<cj_> like
<cj_> when you finish
<cj_> a sentence |
#17217 (245/421) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<PuyoDead> gahaha, I'm watching some porn live cam, and the girl is just sitting there eating doughnuts |
#10025 (245/390) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<a_passerby> I want a :D drive instead of a D: drive |
#3524 (245/482) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle |
#477 (245/471) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein |
#301943 (244/452) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> "This License Agreement is effective until terminated."
<scgtrp> NO WAY |
#56465 (244/446) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has joined #Ikaruga
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has left #Ikaruga []
< snacky> and don't come back
< NuclearDog> Yeah. Asshole.
< snacky> seriously
< snacky> that guy makes me sick
-!- EvilTaxi [blah@eviltaxi.rh.rit.edu] has joined #Ikaruga
< snacky> hello friend
< EvilTaxi> hello
< snacky> let's trade dessert recipes please |
#50253 (244/404) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
-!- Diana15 [RubyiyuX@CBL217-132-105-79.bb.netvision.net.il] has joined #geekissues
-!- mode/#geekissues [+b *!*@CBL217-132-105-79.bb.netvision.net.il] by debt
-!- Diana15 was kicked from #geekissues by c-rOCK [banned]
< Omnica> bot?
<@debt> assume so
< Omnica> you assume so cause what girl in the right mind would join #geekissues?
<@debt> yes |
#33896 (244/458) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ZekeMacNeil> lol
<ZekeMacNeil> my dad just IMd me for the first time
<TribGuru> Zeke: "a/s/l son?"Comment: #fark on irvingnet
|
#29503 (243/415) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Lippizanr> agh, my professor asks hard questions
<DJ-Pyro> sleep with him, much easier than doing actual work...and less painful
<Lippizanr> its a her.
<DJ-Pyro> sleep with her, much easier than doing actual work...and less painful |
#28684 (244/386) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Lilmissdjgrl> Do you want a cookie?
<EvilCouch> no thanks, I've got directories full of them |
#26220 (245/431) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Dilbert> my dad owns a company "Incestors inc."
<Dilbert> investors*
<Dilbert> i meant |
#5272 (244/417) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<django23> I have a stupid question: what does "sendmail" do?
<Epesh> django: you're right, that is pretty stupid |
#3165 (244/422) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<myst> so what about you? anything interesting?
<Joshua> i'm writting a book and i just left a naked lady in her bed seconds before her roommates came home.
<Joshua> it was like *pulls on pants* *roommates walk in*
<myst> what's your book about?
<Joshua> lol!
<Joshua> yup, you're a chick
<myst> lol
<myst> rofl |
#2959 (244/399) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Entomorph> blazemore, I know you
<Entomorph> oldskewl emu guy right?
<blazemore> heh yeah
<Apoc> irc is just wierd
<Apoc> no where else can you run into old friends that you have never met |
#2934 (243/449) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Potato> I've known her for years and I've always wanted to fuck her.
<Potato> But her last boyfriend was a 6 foot 7 black man.
<Potato> So I just don't try.
<Potato> I'm above average, but he was a giant black man.
<Potato> I mean, c'mon.
<Potato> He was like Godzilla, but black. Like Shaftzilla.
<memo> Did he smash Japanese skyscrapers with his dong?
<Potato> Yes.
<Potato> Yes he did. |
#2544 (244/405) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<bunni> your dick is small!!!
<bunni> i can't even see it!!!
<monkey> because i am girl!!!! |
#307551 (243/279) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
chelseamc: when i go through and close my tabs from last night in the morning
chelseamc: its like an internet hangover
chelseamc: WHAT WAS I DOING LAST NIGHT |
#304456 (243/325) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< Thaff> my trimmer says "Household use ONLY" on it
< Thaff> does that mean it is illegal to shave farm animals
< draco> not if theyre in your house
< Thaff> touche sir |
#299822 (242/436) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever. |
#294950 (242/572) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@swight> A black hole "is not a hole in the usual sense," says Amy Barger of the University of Hawaii Institute for Astronomy.
<@Rjx_> haha
<@swight> Thanks Amy Barger!
<@swight> she means you can't have sex with itComment: #geekissues
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#74348 (243/373) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
fibrosis> It has even been estimated that one in 10 Europeans are conceived in an Ikea bed.
dalamar> That's an awful lot of Ikea beds.
fibrosis> or a handful of very dirty beds |
#55588 (243/549) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
aishiteiru: So, I'm making a cake for my gf for valentine's day, right?
aishiteiru: Anyway... I start talking about how the smell is filling the house
aishiteiru: and it's making me hungry
aishiteiru: and then she asks what I'm making
aishiteiru: but I don't want to tell her, it's a surprise, right?
aishiteiru: so I say the first thing off the top of my head.
aishiteiru: "Chocolate boobies."
aishiteiru: She believed me.
aishiteiru: So then I started going on about how I was going to fill it with vanilla frosting
aishiteiru: and wondering about the logistics of attaching the nipple
aishiteiru: she COMPLETELY believed it all
aishiteiru: and she was freaking about it
aishiteiru: then I did that old line
aishiteiru: "...Hey? Did you know that gullible isn't in the dictionary?"
aishiteiru: she got it at that point.
aishiteiru: Cake mix: $4.
aishiteiru: Frosting: $5.
aishiteiru: Convincing your girlfriend that you're making a chocolate boobie:
aishiteiru: Priceless. |
#54349 (243/403) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Sol> is your call of duty "free"
<@Razgriz> if by "free" you mean "Obtained by multiple illegal acts"
<@Razgriz> then yes |
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