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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..92939495969798..596Next> |
#239876 (270/776) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Tyr> wow... epic story from my boss
< Tyr> so, i sent him an email letting him know i'm selling a laptop to see if the company might want to buy it
< Tyr> or if he might know anyone else
< Tyr> turns out he does
< Tyr> see, he has this friend that's notorious for sleepwalking and peeing in random places
< Tyr> he apparently got up and peed on his laptop this weekend
< loodWork> I guess when he woke up...
< loodWork> *puts on sunglasses* ...he was really pissed off...
< loodWork> YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH |
#242212 (313/631) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<&tgies> I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
<&tgies> Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.Comment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org:6660
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#239574 (285/755) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dark_nite666> Lol, at my friend's birthday party
<Dark_nite666> It was all internet nerds
<Dark_nite666> and when his parents brought his cake out
<Dark_nite666> all it said was "The Game"
<Looce> LOL
<Dark_nite666> everyone in the room went "FUCK"
<Vidi> lmao
<Dark_nite666> then he proceeded to say the cake is a lie
<Dark_nite666> and they took it away
<Dark_nite666> and we all got ice cream and mountain dew >_> |
#238597 (561/855) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
syberghos : Wives are like video games; they're lots of fun to play with, but it's all over once you beat them. |
#235037 (625/807) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@Iridium) I had a weird dream last night.
(@Iridium) similar to the email shit, a paparazzo managed to get high res, incontrovertible pictures of Sarah Palin on a farm fucking a horse.
(Lid) she was fucking the horse? as in she was wearing a strap on behind a mare?
(@Iridium) No, she was up under him.
(@Iridium ) I kinda figured normal people wouldn't be concerned with the details of that part. |
#239100 (-10/1200) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dark_nite666> Lol, at my friend's birthday party
<Dark_nite666> It was all internet nerds
<Dark_nite666> and when his parents brought his cake out
<Looce> cake's a lie?
<Dark_nite666> all it said was "The Game"
<Looce> LOL
<Dark_nite666> everyone in the room went "FUCK"
<Vidi> lmao
<Dark_nite666> then he proceeded to say the cake is a lie
<Dark_nite666> and they took it away
<Dark_nite666> and we all got ice cream and mountain dew >_> |
#237075 (647/869) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Yahoo> God, don't you hate it when the internet seems to be exhausted?
<Yahoo> The feeling that there's nothing left to do on it.
<Yahoo> Nevermind, found something |
#235864 (927/1023) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Tom> here's a tip, you can't substitute a washing machine for a dish washer
<Ben> ...
<Tom> can you hear the noise from up the street?
<Ben> no... which way around did you mix them up?
<Tom> I tried cutlery in the washing machine. it's scratching the door up
<Ben> !!!!!! are you insane?
<Tom> nowai
<Ben> knives at 1200RPM
<Tom> it won't be 1200RPM
<Ben> it will when it gets to the spin cycle
<Tom> !
<Tom> brb |
#235527 (-1/705) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
KamEHiTsu: but nothing is definite in this world if it doesn't last long enough to matter
x3RoZ: you know you're pretty deep sometimes
x3RoZ: but you miss the mark more than often
x3RoZ: loooool
KamEHiTsu: the misplaced philosopher
KamEHiTsu: hm, i just dropped my head phone into my cereal
KamEHiTsu: now it's delicious |
#234785 (367/601) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<cogwheel> So at Longs Drugs there was a rack of "wellness" pamphlets for various ailments. One was called "Women and Migranes". First thought to cross my mind was "Cause and Effect" |
#232484 (60/336) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Mark: nah, that's mostly good to go but FUCK PHP's GC is embarassing
Sean: :(
Mark: like, you have to unset() array items when you're done with them or it'll just hold on forever
Sean: ok, so it is like REAL WORLD garbage collection, where they will take the small trash, but leave your couch for a few weeks? |
#214880 (206/542) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<~SHAGGSTaRR> "Whats the best thing about fucking a transvestite?
<~SHAGGSTaRR> Reaching around and thinking it's gone all the way through."Comment: timboss #dirt
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#181037 (185/431) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<IMP`> hey guys i got a question, who remembers which way you twist a ball mouse's bottom thing so that the ball comes out?
<IMP`> is it the direction of the arrow, or opposite the arrow? |
#232968 (255/457) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> I had a hard drive that was rattling like hell once. Me, being stupid with hardware at the time, unscrewed it and booted the computer
<Trinexx> the drive lept out of the drive bay and bounced around in the case.
<Trinexx> Needless to say, I ended up replacing more than just the hard drive -_- |
#230434 (274/584) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MajorWood> fack
<MajorWood> i just clogged the toilet
<MajorWood> had to put on a latex glove to manually unplug
<LiquidManZero> You fisted your toilet...? |
#213370 (347/621) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jck_true> What's the config key to change the HTTP_USER_AGENT for firefox?
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: Miley Cirus nude
<CoJaBo> Er
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: general.useragent.override |
#224378 (1828/2268) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
*** Joins: Skrail (~Pleinair@8B4C4265.CA199EBB.127733F1.IP)
<Skrail> Well, I obviously didn't think that one through
<Skrail> So, my USB stuff was acting silly, so I decided to reload the kernel usb drivers in an attempt to fix things.
<Skrail> So I happily type sudo rmmod usbhid into the terminal, tap enter on my keyboard, and then had an epiphany.
<Skrail> "Why," I thought to myself, "I'm using a USB keyboard and mouse!" |
#176291 (473/623) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pyro> my desk is complete I think
<Chroder> i cant believe it took you 3 days to build an ikea desk |
#205783 (220/540) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
chuckstud: C# is terrible
chuckstud: it's like visual basic raped c++ and c++ didn't get the abortion |
#184809 (370/550) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* ~Rofflesama grabs Amyl and puts him on the 20 yard line.
* ~Danke goes for the kick.
[Amyl] was kicked by [Danke] [IT'S GOOD!!] |
#178576 (281/545) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+sev> pegasus
<+sev> wake yo ass up
<@pegasus_> ?
<@pegasus_> i'm awake
<+sev> IRC dance competition
<+sev> go.
<@pegasus_> <o> \o/ <o/ \o>
<+sev> __o__ -_o__ --o__ _-o-_ __o-- __o_- __o__ }o{
<+sev> that's a wave followed by a goatse.
<@pegasus_> you win.
<+sev> yay! |
#164080 (574/734) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Well I think the turning point in our relationship was when I said something weird (as a joke) and kinda freaked her out
<DamnedPixie> and that was?
<Stueh> Well we were having sex
<Stueh> And I wanted to say something for a laugh
<Stueh> So I was like "I wish I were you right now." |
#164029 (278/544) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Hehe we were joking around at work (she's a student there)
<Stueh> Her: Your hand is on my hip
<Stueh> Me: INCIDENTAL CONTACT
<Stueh> Her: You're standing awfully close
<Stueh> Me: It's a cramped working environment!
<Stueh> Her: You're staff, I'm a student
<Stueh> Me: ... I think you're hot.
<Stueh> Her: Me too.
<Stueh> *we both walk off in opposite directions*
<Stueh> So now, although we're cousins (but no one knows it) all her friends think we're dating =) |
#150316 (538/740) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend. |
#151082 (251/477) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MotoToad> so, anyone wanna guess what a tornado sounds like?
<MotoToad> I was like 10 blocks from the one last night that hit the Georgia Dome.
<bmatt> mt, did you get to see it?
<MotoToad> no, didn't even know what it was when it was happening
<MotoToad> just sat there smoking a cigar thinking "damn, that train is hauling ass for being downtown"
<Dezmo> thats a mild storm in TX or OK
<Dezmo> but atl shits its collective pants
<MotoToad> dez, that's because there are things in Atlanta worth money :P |
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