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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..9596979899100101..596Next> |
#162518 (544/712) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Raws> that was epic
<Raws> so I called western union, right
<Raws> and I get this texan lady on the phone with a long drawl
<Raws> shes all like "you are aware that this is probably a fraud you stupid effing moron" and I just say
<Raws> "don't worry ma'am"
<Raws> "I'm from the internet"
<Raws> it just came out of my mouth
<sboob> LMFAO
<Raws> she just said "ok" |
#151403 (284/576) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bob_work> Well, that was a disturbing message on the AS400
<Bob_work> "System Operator not found."
<Bob_work> I'M RIGHT HERE!!!
<Bob_work> LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!!!
<GeekSoldier> haha.
<GeekSoldier> you've got an existentialist mainframe.Comment: #If it starts singing "Still Alive", I'm outta here.
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#138941 (449/633) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Siege> oh dear lord
<Siege> i might have fucked up bad
<Siege> i was taking this test in my anthropology class and the question asked about the last common ancestor between chimpanzees and humans
<Siege> im pretty sure i accidentally wrote something like "although they share many similarities, the humans and chinese branched off into different species ages ago"
<Siege> instead of chimpanzeesComment: irc.lessthanthree.us #<3
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#140026 (339/635) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[Nighthawk]> why's everyone so quiet?
[Nighthawk]> someone die in here?
* Sane_Traitor inconspicuously drags a black plastic bag out the back door
* Louwhoo whistlesComment: #rantradio
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#203271 (2543/3413) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Croc> Okay well I got this new girl home
<Croc> One thing led to another and you know
<Croc> well in the awkward moment after sex
<Croc> but before anything else happened yet
<Croc> I had the strangest impulse
<Croc> I took some left over cum and smothered it on her forehead and said "Simba..." |
#152127 (206/550) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@jig[g]ster> yeah ignore me i'm on acid :P (methamphetaminelly speaking)
<@jig[g]ster> er, metaphorically* |
#197642 (549/719) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Foxhill> lmfao @ a debt collection agency agreeing to my offer of paying off 8086.98 in monthly installments of a pound
<Foxhill> "final repayment month - November 2694"
<Foxhill> and thats WITHOUT interest |
#197639 (159/439) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Flibberdy> what are the requirements in the US for a place to be classed as a city?
<Kefga_X> crime
<nsh> organised prositution
<NQM> They use the Giger scale. |
#177942 (5/509) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<rm-rf> they have all these talent audition shows
<rm-rf> I think they'd be much more interesting if they would flog the people who totally suck
<@AndroSyn> heh
<@AndroSyn> would that make you horny? :P
<rm-rf> imagine how much better Last Comic Standing would be if they'd beat the guys in the elvis-themed chicken outfit
<rm-rf> not horny, but it'd definitely get me moving in the right direction
<@AndroSyn> heh
<rm-rf> or the fat kids on those dance shows
<rm-rf> just imagine their sweaty, leotard encapsulated rolls jiggling in time with the thwack of the bamboo cane
<rm-rf> ok, I'm horny nowComment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#150312 (570/760) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Amul Muzz said:
Why do I get the feeling that this is really a mob, just waiting for someone to say something they do not agree with?
chrismjr said:
That's the best description for the internet I've ever heard |
#157626 (10/440) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(@Rjx`) It is all well and good for children and acid freaks to still believe in Santa Claus but it is still a profoundly morbid day for us working professionals. It is unsettling to know that one out of every twenty people you meet on Christmas will be dead this time next year....Some people can accept this, and some can't. That is why God made whiskey.Comment: #geekissues
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#152432 (402/600) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Guillotine> If anybody wants to participate in the greatest April fools of all time, I need a .wav of the rickroll song and .tga version of every .5 second interval in the video
<+Guillotine> (I think you can see where I'm going with this)
<@Iriel> Hell?
<+Guillotine> Probably |
#162955 (488/660) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Faustus> The combination of a barbiturate induction agent and a nondepolarizing paralytic agent is used in thousands of anaesthetics every day. Supporters of the death penalty argue that unless anesthesiologists have been wrong for the last 40 years, the use of pentothal and pancuronium is safe and effective
<@Faustus> how the fuck is lethal injection safe? |
#151945 (0/578) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
hippies91210 : i labeled my dick with my label maker
hippies91210 : wanna see?
Bigboi1765 : ...wat
Bigboi1765 : yes
hippies91210 : wtf?
hippies91210 : fag |
#194565 (295/551) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<protospork> I just clicked on a random image link in a conversation about cocks
<protospork> man that was smart |
#190128 (260/548) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<steven> Ahruman: brainfuck is as esoteric as i have gotten
<steven> i wrote a speech synthesizer in brainfuck once
<steven> it worked better than Alex... but i lost the code one day
<astrange> you wrote a speech synthesizer in 8-bit fixed-point?
<Ahruman> I wrote a fish in BASIC one, and it was ___this big___, but it got away.Comment: #ubuntu
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#157664 (818/1046) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<y-yeah> UGH one of our birds died
<y-yeah> how to properly dispose of parakeet corpse
<stynxno> toilet
<bp> blender
<duckstab> do you have a deep fryer |
#176915 (370/562) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* scooter mails the fist of death to one of the sales guys
<~scooter> he calls up and asks "how is the project for $client going?"
<~scooter> uhh, i have no idea what you are talking about. in fact, i don't see that we ever got a request for $client to build anything. the status is that you never entered a request.
<~scooter> "*clickety* *clickety* you should have one now."
<~scooter> i look and see "build a project for $client per the phone conversation we're having now"
<~scooter> "what's the status on it?"
<~scooter> i bit the end of the phone and cracked itComment: #geeks
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#173329 (2422/3368) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> There. I have allocated two weeks' worth of vacation time, starting on September 7th.
<Apollo> September 7th? You're going on vacation the DAY that Spore comes out? wtf dude
<Trinexx> Exactly.
<Apollo> oh
<Apollo> OH!
<Apollo> Fuck, I gotta do the same D: |
#154662 (266/558) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<tgies> my mom stopped saying that we should shoot all illegal immigrants because she saw a video on the news of a guy jumping a fence and then making the signum crucis
<tgies> that's pretty fucking funny
<tgies> they all deserve to die until such time as we have conclusive mom-reviewed evidence that some of them are catholicComment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org:6660
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#150311 (1284/1430) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK |
#149306 (183/447) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ThePug> So what is the etiquette for "finding usb drive in dryer"? |
#187397 (833/1001) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
osirisx11: i had an awkward moment with my boss just now
osirisx11: he went for the pound and i went for the handshake, and i shook his fist |
#185861 (-3/855) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Nebiros> can i ask about AIDS / STD?
<Nebiros> i had sex with a prostitute 2 days ago.
<Nebiros> i did penetrate her vagina with condom,then time ran out so,i was in a hurry and she gave me a handjob with condom covering my penis.After that i continue to penetrate her vagina.Does this tear the condom microscopically to allow HIV transmission?
<Nebiros> Moreover,after that i pulled my penis out of her vagina to fixed my condom,then it slipped.She then covered my penis with the slipped condom invertedly for 3-5 seconds (it only touches the penis head & part very close to the head).By the time i realized, i re-adjust my condom properly and continue to penetrate her vagina.
<Nebiros> Does this transmit HIV or STD?
<Nebiros> Sorry for my english.Comment: #Demonoid irc.p2p-network.net
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#165659 (215/523) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Doc> I really liked the ending to Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, honestly.
<Doc> I thought it would be rather Lord of the Ringy, but it turned out to be quicker, better, and more emotional
<Yutz> You could have had Edward make out with Mr. Tumnus, then it would be nice and Lord of the Ringy
<Doc> My first thought wasn't "gross" but "I'm sure the internet has already done that" |
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