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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..91929394959697..596Next> |
#251320 (2/508) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Zac2: "Scientists Find Gene That Makes You Good at Halo Also Makes You a Premature Ejaculator"
Jed_Reality: New Macbooks announced. |
#251308 (334/576) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Buck> if you got like thousands of chameleons together
<Buck> could you use them as a monitor? |
#247654 (510/748) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<joseph321> hey guys can i ask a question?
<Stueh> Shoot
<joseph321> my girlfriend hasnt had her period in like 4 months do you think somethings wrong?
<Stueh> Erm ... you sure she's not pregnant?
<joseph321> yeah shes 4 months pregnant
<DanceNigga|Work> You can't be serious
<Stueh> Kid, it's not too late for an abortion, you know that right? |
#240218 (392/738) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MiracleBlue> I had the worst nightmare
<MiracleBlue> In my dream I was on the computer right
<MiracleBlue> And anyway, I was visiting a website and this pop up came up
<MiracleBlue> And installed malware on my machine
<MiracleBlue> And the porn king (you know that dude with the long hair and bald spot)
<MiracleBlue> His voice was coming from my computer
<MiracleBlue> Talking about porn
<MiracleBlue> I was like FUUUUCK
<MiracleBlue> And I immediately went to download.com and tried to download AVG
<Flawlessdave> That's not a nightmare. A nightmare would be if you were stuck with Norton
<MiracleBlue> Dear god |
#162354 (307/639) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<skumby> i think only japanese chicks can get away with blue hair, a miniskirt, and a severed tentacle hanging from their twat |
#148127 (199/435) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+MK> Dude, like, 90% of all people use shared or dynamic IPs
<+Nabaztag> MK: I don't.
<+Nabaztag> My ISP doesn't do that.
<+Syniphas> that's like saying "My girlfriend wouldn't cheat on me" |
#257305 (364/680) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<&Axe> I would like to congratulate my wife on her successful breast-reduction operation.
<&Axe> It was only a bit of backache, you selfish bitch. |
#229169 (254/540) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< BlueWeasel> man
< BlueWeasel> first hurricane ike
< BlueWeasel> now a report about Windows 7 Beta coming
< BlueWeasel> the disasters just don't stop |
#176177 (433/659) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< pixie> Heh, looking at what things contain iron, its quite weird that I lack iron
< pixie> I eat plenty of things that contain it
< ari> So you eat plenty of iron but are anaemic? Why, that's ironic.Comment: ##pink
|
#256043 (429/591) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<GargajCNS> i'm going to fucking kill myself right now so i can submerge to hell and work there for years to get a promotion, so by the time other people die, i'll be in a position to torture their fucking souls for getting on my fucking nerves at work |
#253988 (591/761) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Fox> oh yeah, mr little brother got in trouble at his college today, it was pretty funny
<Fox> the first day of a huge lab class and the teacher was trying to introduce himself and be friendly with everyone, and asked "Are there any stories you'd like me to tell about myself?"
<Fox> and my brother wasn't paying attention and half asleep so he said out loud what he was thinking at the time, what he meant to say to himself as a joke
<Fox> "Tell us about the first time you masturbated"
<Fox> he said the teacher turned bleach white, and the girls in the class turned red, the rest were laughing |
#250885 (2664/3178) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Tomm> ... I am speechless.
<Tomm> I was randomly watching Youtube stuff when I saw a link to Never Gonna Give You Up
<Tomm> And I thought to myself... "Hey, that's a cool song, and I haven't heard it in a while"
<Tomm> So I clicked it
<Tomm> ...Chocolate Rain.
<Tomm> I JUST GOT FUCKING REVERSE RICKROLLED. |
#247571 (397/721) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jeanette> FUCK THE LETTER O.
<Jeanette> I HATE IT FOREVER.
<Jeanette> ..
<Jeanette> FAREVER |
#247324 (197/545) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<onslaught86> Oh man.
<onslaught86> I just saw a cat get hit by a car.
<onslaught86> Most uncool.
<Sharkdog> :(
<Sharkdog> I love cats.
<onslaught86> They didn't stop.
<onslaught86> Jerkoffs.
<onslaught86> I went door knocking to see if it was anyone's cat, no-one knew.
<onslaught86> One guy said he'd call the ranger to have the poor cat taken away.
<Sharkdog> I hope you did that subtly.
<Sharkdog> "Hi ma'm is that, perhaps, your dead cat there run over in the middle of the road?"
<onslaught86> Oh god.
<onslaught86> Sharky, you have made my brain think very nasty things.
<onslaught86> "Oh hai! ^_^ I gots runned overs. :(" |
#189485 (2366/3564) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<goldfish> I took this little green pill for a headache, on my Granny's recommendation.
<goldfish> I woke up in the backyard three days later, no trousers on, talking to Elvis about the infinite.
<goldfish> Granny was yelling out a window at me, "Get up you baby! I take three of those and do my grocery shopping." |
#247109 (595/825) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Skittles_Goddess> it takes some guts to be the small penis guy
<@teejay> you have no idea
<@teejay> oh shit |
#150317 (697/873) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Neko: how long has it been since i've seen you?
Rawr: since December 9th
Neko: dammit i wanted you to do the math and tell me how many weeks
Rawr: three weeks, three days?
Neko: oh good thank you
Rawr: why, is someone asking you?
Neko: no
Neko: i was bleeding then, and i need to keep track of when i need to buy more tampons
Rawr: ...
Rawr: you are the least romantic person EVER |
#242611 (446/686) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@danhm> I like lasagna but hate making it
<@danhm> it's like the antithesis of a baby |
#235178 (749/845) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs |
#173028 (439/615) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Shadow_mil> we don't need biodegradable condoms. Normal condoms already do enough to protect the environment. |
#155550 (3302/3646) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TEHd> walkin home last night from the bars, reasonably wasted, stumbling everywhere, etc.
<TEHd> cop pulls up alongside me and charlie
<TEHd> says "You boys been drinking tonight?" in a pissed off, you're getting a ticket voice
<TEHd> charlie stares directly in his eyes, waves his hand in front of him and says "these are not the drunks you are looking for, move along"
<TEHd> cop laughs his ass off and drives away |
#242345 (45/397) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<briareus> QTParted sucks my donkey asshole
<Gr33n3gg> Since when do you have a donkey asshole?
<briareus> since I've been running QTparted |
#118914 (206/540) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@jonathan|roh> do you ever accidentally type more than 1 character
<@jonathan|roh> like type "helloo world"
<@jonathan|roh> I do
<LoX`> sometimes
<@jonathan|roh> and I feel guilty when I delete the extra character
<LoX`> I tend to spell "tomorrow" wrong
<LoX`> lol
<@jonathan|roh> it's like I brought that character to life
<@jonathan|roh> and now, I'm deleting it
<LoX`> oh wow
<LoX`> That's definitely something you don't hear everyday
<@jonathan|roh> I feel even more guilty if I delete the first occurance rather than the accidental occurance
<LoX`> You feel guilty over deleting characters?
<@jonathan|roh> you don't?
<@jonathan|roh> what kind of heartless beast are you? |
#245012 (265/517) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Ailure> what is divisible by zero?
<blackhole89> a miserable little pile of exceptions |
#242982 (179/449) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
keegan: has anyone made a "Super Lehman Bros" videogame yet?
keegan: you jump and hit the block but instead of coins falling out you get worthless mortgage-backed securities
keegan: also put expensive suits on mario and luigi |
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