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#8784 (-3/235) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<blazed> yeah, what do you guys do when nobody is watching you?
<PMonk> roll my boogers into a ball and play with them, measure my dick with a tape ruler, chew my toenails..
<princealbert> try to suck my dick.. im making progress
<heurist> clamp the area between my asshole and testicles with my fingers, the 'taint' as its often called, then i jerk off.. when im about to ejaculate, i can delay it for like 10 secs, then it flies across the room. |
#8782 (219/355) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<maywood> Has a PC ever been known to start mysteriously working after it was thrown out a window?
<kevin> Nope, I've never known throwing a PC out the window to help. However, what I did find while I was working at my last job was that intimidation *does* work. When I was having a particularly bad day, I used to take some old equipment that we wouldn't have been able to sell outside, and go Office Space on it. Then, I'd bring the carcass inside, and leave it in plain view, to serve as a warning for the other computers. It worked remarkably well. |
#8776 (2/368) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Yurmaster> I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. |
#8775 (83/272) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GC> i bought new disposable razors
<GC> they have two blades each
<GC> i am astounded
<xen`> my mach 3 has 3 blades
<GC> and it costs more
<xen`> meh, it works good
<xen`> i can shave my asshair and my face and not have to go through 5 razors |
#8774 (-1/367) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ryk> the world would be a lot better place if more chicks were giving up the buttpussy. |
#8771 (119/285) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bishun> dont get fresh with me
<hydro-> but i'm using the all new summers eve douche
<hydro-> it says i can be fresh whenever i want |
#8769 (84/224) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mat> all chicks are whores, they just charge differently
<Tippytoes> mat do you have a girlfriend?
<Mat> what do you think ;)
<NuTCAsE> i havn't heard him use the word bitch recently
<NuTCAsE> so i'm going with "no" |
#8768 (-4/345) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<wokness|homework> Without the powers of Vi ---> (Me: "Cute girl with you go out with me?" Her: "No.")
<wokness|homework> With the powers of Vi ---> (Me: Cute girl will you go out with me?!" Her: "Yes.") |
#8767 (91/225) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<undrewb> I keep telling you, you can come work for me
<MMouse> what would i be doing?
<Tippytoes> cleaning his house
<undrewb> delphi programming :)
<MMouse> urgh
<MMouse> would i have to learn delphi? |
#8766 (12/212) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ryk> one of my favourite passtimes spotting boobjob scars.
<Ryk> nothing sexual about it. just like to beat the airbrush. |
#8765 (18/236) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bru> marriage is just a cover for individualised prostitution |
#8764 (-1/296) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Finno> Elton Johns tribute toJohn Denver, he reworded Johns Classic, Annies song - "You Fill Up My Cessna" |
#8762 (9/288) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Afterglow> tom what's the wallop command for mirc? you know?
<relapse> slash onotice i am gay |
#8761 (33/239) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jamesm> good porn would be a chick taking it up the arse while configuring a dns server
<jamesm> the guy could do a zone transfer to her secondary
<jamesm> if you know what i mean |
#8759 (118/275) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jamesm> is it worth going to see Moulin Rouge?
<Tippytoes> dont be a fag
<MMouse> i saw it twice. it was excellent
<Tippytoes> i rest my case. |
#8758 (-3/255) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tom_> do you agree that PI > 3
<buz-> no |
#8757 (216/399) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kurt> Good day prospective employer, I am both smarter than a hatful of periwinkles and prettier than two bags of smashed assholes. Fail to employ me at your own risk. |
#8756 (93/255) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<arioch> deathwarrior: you have guests over how do they feel about you masturbating in front of your computer?
<deathwarrior> umm
<deathwarrior> they like it |
#8755 (223/381) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<radead> (number of slashdot posts x ultima online character level)^(number of dime sized zits on face)/(girlfriends had before + 1) = sizeOf(nerd)
<radead> girlfriends had before + 1 so we don't get a divide by zero error |
#8753 (138/278) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mat> what's a mac sysadmin?
<Ryk> bru's a mac sysadmin.
<Bru> someone who can remove shrinkwrap from macromedia and adobe packages and knows the difference between appleshare and appletalk |
#8752 (168/328) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Linguica> do you even know what facetious means
<pickle_hammer> yeah I am facetious
<pickle_hammer> all the way
<pickle_hammer> I go to facetious parades and stuff |
#8751 (153/317) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Toke_ waits for pills to kick in
<Linguica> toke have you been toking
* Toke_ wonders why his desk is sticky
<Linguica> toke have you been stroking |
#8750 (213/353) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mantra> the other guitarist in my band owns my soul
<mantra> i sold it to him in third grade for a peanut butter cup
<mantra> he still has the little yellow paper |
#8748 (177/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bayls> I'm downloading "two girls in the woods stop to kiss and piss.mpg".
<Bayls> And it turns out it's an mpg of two chicks in thw woods who stop to kiss, and then piss.
<Bayls> Dunno what I was expecting. |
#8745 (99/271) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fraggle> when i typed lesbian i almost typed debian |
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