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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..177178179180181182183..596Next> |
#44921 (161/295) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tinou> i need find a root pass over ssh protocol
<tinou> to get access on my school network
<@Phlip> There's a couple of ways to get the root pass
<@Phlip> (1) Have someone who knows it tell it to you
<@Phlip> Ok, I lied, there's only one wayComment: # on FreeNode
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#44928 (-1/283) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
-- F.R.A.N.C.E [31ms] has joined the channel.
<F.R.A.N.C.E> FLEEEEEE.
-- F.R.A.N.C.E has left the channel.Comment: Micah.
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#44926 (125/273) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@shrapnel> im going to create a doll with black hair, and a razor in one hand
<@shrapnel> i will call it
<@shrapnel> "Tickle me Emo"Comment: #tenor @ irc.gameradius.org
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#44923 (299/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CAPS-LOCK> And now for some good news... Remember that HD I was whining about? I managed to get the drive up and running long enough to get the data off of it.
<CAPS-LOCK> I did so by stuffing paperclips down the hollow stubs of the power pins, removing a power connector block and exposing the wires, and using alligator clips to connect the power wires to the ends of the paperclips
<CAPS-LOCK> \o/
<Pliong> that's impressively ghetto |
#44913 (239/447) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<phrog> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full. |
#44920 (80/150) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<jvarner> heh. Tennis commentator at the olympics:
<jvarner> "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... oh my god, what have I just said?"
<nougatmachine> w00t
<jvarner> another fun one:
<jvarner> "Julian Dicks is everywhere - It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
<nougatmachine> haha
* nougatmachine loves this extremely highbrow humor
* jvarner gives nougatmachine a melvin. |
#44914 (56/134) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SeaQaeS> hey!
<SeaQaeS> you guys wanne hear something cool?
<SeaQaeS> I've got a telepatic connection with my PC...
<SeaQaeS> My computer is in my room
<SeaQaeS> when I go downstairs to lay on the coutch and watch some tele.. I often
<SeaQaeS> get the feeling I have to go upstairs again (after 15 in or 2 hours or something)
<SeaQaeS> And when I go look at my screen, someone is talking to me on MSN
<SeaQaeS> so my computer is telling me telepaticly that someone is talking to me
<SeaQaeS> nice of him isnt?
<SeaQaeS> its true
<SeaQaeS> hmm.. now its telling me that noone gives a shit |
#44909 (223/331) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<shinster> i've sunk to a new low and am in the office on a weekend
<shinster> left my access card at my desk when i went to the bathroom before too...had to wait half an hour to find someone to let me back in
<shinster> it was like playing a badly designed fps where i couldn't open a door and nothing in my inventory would help
<shinster> kept walking back and forth trying all the door handles anyway |
#44901 (158/320) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[ Rjx ] either the chocolate in my pocket has melted, or this is something altogether more sinister |
#44906 (24/208) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<demian> yesterday when I got out of the AIX training class we had to do an evaluation and one of the questions was “AIX cons versus Solaris” and I put “girls don’t find AIX sexay. chicks dig Solaris. HOLLA!”
<sektie> chicks don’t dig solaris.
<sektie> wtf?
<sektie> it’s like comparing aids to genital warts.Comment: #gizmodo / irc.gizmodo.com
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#44891 (0/98) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<chevell> so there's this guy right
<crudesunlight> Right.
chevell> and he's walking across the street, minding his own business when BAM, he gets run over by a semi. and do you know what he said?
<crudesunlight> Wait, how could he say anything if he's just been hit by a FUCKING SEMI-TRAILER?!
<chevell> dammit, you beat me to the punchline |
#44889 (268/440) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<chevell> not to sound bigoted, but racist jokes are hilarious
<crudesunlight> Agreed.
<chevell> i wonder why there aren't any caucasian jokes?
<crudesunlight> You white boys don't need any help looking stupid. |
#44867 (137/309) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
NeM: i cant sleep man
NeM: its gay
aru: you're love sick
NeM: oh right, love is causing the immense pain in my throat when i swallow. genius. |
#44864 (121/225) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Futyre>OMFG some people should not be allowed to live
<Futyre>I work in a medical centre and this woman comes up to counter
<Futyre>And says, "I didn't get my quarter of an hour with the doctor"
<Futyre>Pretty common sort of a response really
<Futyre>Patients always whinge
<Futyre>So I asked, "Well how long do you think you had?"
<Futyre>To which she replied, completely seriously,
<Futyre>"Only about 15 minutes."
<Kitten>What a dumb fuck
<Futyre>I just kind of stared and told her that a quarter of an hour is 15 minutes.
<Futyre>My coworker just burst out laughing
<Futyre>Suffice to say she wants to register a complaint now.Comment: Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed.
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#44863 (1037/1543) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+Sprunk> I think the world should be run by a panel of scientists and kindergarten teachers
<+Sprunk> scientists know all the facts and kindergarten teachers know how to treat everyone fairly |
#44858 (165/319) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+UnityDivided> I say to my dad "So apparently Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader."
<+UnityDivided> my dad acts shocked and my mom says "Now why would you say something like that, didn't you just ruin the movie for him?"
<+UnityDivided> my dad and I burst out laughingComment: #wpi
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#44852 (143/257) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Segosa> I bet you can't type 'zorro' with only your left hand, and ALT held in.
<smethead> are you willing to bet
<@Segosa> yes.
<smethead> I'll try mkay
<@Segosa> ok.
* Parts: smethead (~smethead@4279929F.7BF7D4DD.E7626F04.IP) |
#44850 (219/361) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Segosa> IRC has taught me a girl in a bath tub isn't always a good thing. |
#44847 (141/283) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Lisa: your idea worked!
Lisa: you are the best ever!
Lisa: thats why you are my favorite
Lisa: Thank God for smart people
Phlip: :D I live to serve
Phlip: and to gloat
Phlip: but mostly to serve |
#44843 (171/321) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<scott> I didn't do it. I wasn't there. I never saw her!
<scott> And she didn't tell me how old she was! |
#44810 (107/201) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Bronxalicious> Best thing ever just happened
Bronxalicious> I'm cleaning up my room cause Brent's coming over with his comp right
Bronxalicious> But it's fuckin hot
Bronxalicious> So I take off my pants
Bronxalicious> and I'm just there in boxers vacuuming up thinking no-ones gonna see me
Bronxalicious> next thing my dad walks in, and i'm standing there with the vacuum cleaner and only boxers on
Bronxalicious> and my dads just :|
Bronxalicious> so me not thinking about what hes thinking about im like "hey you want a turn, im bored of this."
{[ Hman> LMFAO
Bronxalicious> and he just keeps staring
Bronxalicious> then walks off without saying a word
Bronxalicious> and then i suddenly realise that the vacuum cleaner is suspiciously near my crotch
Bronxalicious> so my dad now thinks i have sex with the vacuum cleaner |
#44809 (268/430) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<laid_back> haha man get this so my brother got suspended from school today
<teqman> what did he do
<duffman> what did he do
<laid_back> cause he says to one kid "hey would you have sex with a fat kid" and this other kid goes "no why" and then my brother goes "cause nash (another kid) is really desperate"
<laid_back> so nash say "tell it to the teacher"
<laid_back> and my brother goes "hey mister smith would you have sex with a fat kid" and the teacher got this weird look on his face and ran down to the office and told the principal
<laid_back> and so the principal is talking to my brother and he says "you were insinuating that mr smith was a child molester" and my broither goes "NO, what insinuated that he was a child molester was the way he reacted"
<laid_back> so they suspended himComment: #system on irc.dal.net
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#44802 (243/399) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<biounix> its horrible, i know
<biounix> but i'm not a writer
<biounix> and i have a BASIC vocabulary
<stan> 10 GOTO SCHOOL |
#44738 (96/270) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Perplexed> Brit, finish JR High and get back to us
<brittlala> ive finnished jr high. notice how finnished is spelled with 2 ns, ass gobbler |
#44718 (60/200) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<spongebill> it's a vicious circle... I have qdb open in my browser, can't stop reading random quotes, then I remember to turn back to IRC, see that somebody posted a link, it opens in a new tab, I look at it, close the tab and there I am, back at qdb |
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