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#116245 (3072/3416) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> Holy crap that was awkward...
<Trinexx> neighbour of mine called and asked me to attend a surprise party she was throwing for her husband
<Trinexx> About 30 minutes after he showed up, she announced to him and the rest of us that she was pregnant.
<Trinexx> Mike says "Honey, I've been meaning to tell you, but..."
<Trinexx> "I'm sterile."
<Trinexx> I grabbed my coat and left. |
#114096 (2371/2643) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Timmay> Jeez, my dog and cat were sleeping down by the couch
<Timmay> Dog lets out a hideous fart, cat wakes up, stares at dog, slaps him accross the snout with her paw, and walks off
<krm> Aaahahahahaha
<Timmay> Sometimes I think my cat has more control over this household than I do :( |
#106854 (504/724) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Hanazawa> so it's my mom's birthday on the 26th, and I want to see a band called The Birthday Massacre on the 27th, so my schedule looks like "mom's birthday / birthday massacre?"
<Cecil_Harvey> :I
<Hanazawa> and this amuses me |
#106776 (182/574) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<w3nis`> Man i love clueless people with open wireless networks
<w3nis`> ill never pay for internet again |
#105771 (953/1081) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you |
#104056 (1087/1237) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_- |
#102516 (473/723) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< fydo> i wish i had a kitty :/
< grelli> fydo: our friends across the hall have kittys
< grelli> it's the best plan ever
< grelli> we visit and play with them
< gaius> we play surgeonComment: "gaius" is a bot that randomly says things.
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#113524 (265/887) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<woody> So, you hear about Resident Evil 5?
<woody> Apparently, people are having a cry because you kill black people in it.
<adam_grif> So it's a problem solving game then. |
#110372 (350/818) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Beastage> notice how life and fail have same letters?Comment: irc.neowin.net, #neowin
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#106799 (53/655) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Emmles> Guess what?
<Stueh> What?
<Emmles> I just had my first pee as an 18 year old
<Emmles> It was intense. |
#101511 (1707/2573) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Cherokee> In other news:
<Cherokee> An African-American Congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal.
<Slayden> What about Slaynisha?
<Cherokee> She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that people on the street can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks didn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
<Cherokee> I can hear it now... A weatherman on the gulf coast saying...
<Cherokee> Wazzup, mutha-fuckas! Her-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo' ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket!
<Cherokee> Bitch be a category fo' !
<Cherokee> So grab yo' chirren, yo' Hos, be leavin' yo' crib, and head fo' da nearess guv'mint office fo' yo
<Cherokee> FREE shit! |
#101481 (2490/3126) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SaxxonPike> mmm, steak
<SLASHSPIT> you guys don't respect the environment, do you?
<SaxxonPike> I respect a good dinner
<SLASHSPIT> how can you eat that? cows are like one of the largest contributors of methane gas
<SLASHSPIT> which contributes to global warming and stuff
<SLASHSPIT> so what are you all doing for the environment?
<SaxxonPike> I eat the fucking cowsComment: #das-cove
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#101461 (761/957) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rendrag> just remember your car actually has to stop at stop signs
<Rendrag> my driving teacher only told me my wheels must stop rotating
<Rendrag> i took her at her word
<Rendrag> and slid it round the corner onto the main street at 60 with all four wheels locked up
<LDM> hahahahahaha, Nice one.
<Rendrag> needless to say i had to sit my test a second time :) |
#101348 (620/978) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@MetalOverlord> 69 IS DIVINE
<@lemmayoshi> 70 is 69 with one watching
<@MetalOverlord> LAME
<@dlong> 68 is me eating out a snowman
<@CatGirlFetish> what in the fuck |
#102774 (-2/624) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SuperCornNut> I've been using Subversion for month, and I only just now noticed that its name is an wordplay. |
#112136 (362/676) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Thalagyrt> i've just brought it up in the admin board, i'll give it a few days for people to discuss
<Sam> Cool.
<Thalagyrt> then i'll let you know and you can decide if you want to help out or not :p
<Sam> thanks.
<Thalagyrt> there will be an initiation ceremony involving a goat, three frogs, a crooked wooden stick, and a condom
<Sam> I'm not a fan of condoms.
<Sam> I'll go without.
<Sam> The rest is fine.
<Thalagyrt> okay. |
#111114 (641/875) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> So, we were all sitting around, trying to decide who would cook tonight.
<Trinexx> Someone got the wonderful idea of making ME cook, despite the fact that I once caught ramen noodles on fire. I, of course, told them it was a bad idea. They didn't believe me. Gave me a recipe and very precise directions. I finally agreed to do it, but only if they understood that they eat at their own risk.
<Trinexx> So yeah, we've all got food poisoning now. |
#111110 (241/591) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<wishes-> i always worry when my banks captcha has 4 letters/digits
<wishes-> and they're 'pray' |
#109825 (413/845) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<||bass> irl convo snippet between lenina and me
<||bass> lenina: why don't you ever say my name when you cum?
<||bass> lenina: why can't you be like "oh yea hilary hilary you saved the world!"
<||bass> me: oh yes yes hilary yes! you saved the world!
<||bass> me: ...
<||bass> me: press B to begin a new quest!
<||bass> lenina: arrrghhh!Comment: #nobodysworld on irc.deltaanime.net
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#108807 (104/904) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Dear Penis,
<Stueh> I don't think I like you anymore.
<Stueh> You used to watch me shave, now all do is stare the the floor.
<Stueh> It used to be just you and me, a paper towel and a dirty magazine. You know, that's all we needed to get by.
<Stueh> But now it seems that things have changed, and I think that you're the one to blame.
<Stueh> Oh penis, I don't like you anymore.
* Penis blinks
<Penis> Dear Stueh, I don't think I like you anymore. 'Cause when you get to drinkin', you put me places I've never been before.
<Penis> Why can't we just get a grip on our mand to hand relationship? Come to terms with truly how we feel? If we put our heads together, we'd just stay home forever.
<Penis> Oh Stueh... I still like you... Let's work on it...
<Stueh> Dear penis, I think I like you after all.
<DamnedPixie> Man... that was touching
<Stueh> You're telling me... |
#106497 (1960/2696) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: psivamp is taking pics of her tits aparently
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: ooh, I joined at just the right time
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: a tit is a kind of bird
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: aww |
#104211 (427/619) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
ALGORYTHM: my vps is genius, i can't ping it or access it but it's sending me emails saying email is down |
#103191 (261/569) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
23:31 < avoozl> hmm there is a disk failing in my machine
23:31 < avoozl> going klunk klunk every half an hour
00:01 < avoozl> the bad news is that the disk is really dying
00:02 < avoozl> the good news is that i cannot find any mount points/raid entrys/lvms that actually _use_ that disk |
#102982 (292/630) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Crab> is it 2007 or 2008?
<Joshwang> 07
<Crab> k
<Crab> I AM IN TOUCH WITH REALITY |
#102697 (2061/2375) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rowan> gonna go to the store when it opens and buy some caffiene/caffeine
<&segosa> caffeine.
<Kotjze> i before e except in a lot of words
<&segosa> or you could just know how to spell words and not require stupid rules
<Kotjze> exactly
<Rowan> i dont think ive spelled that word much
<Rowan> and i keep running into words that ARENT I before E
<Rowan> like weird, atheist, broom
<Kotjze> broom? |
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