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#88600 (450/622) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tmonk> i always got confused when i was younger and saw magazines
<tmonk> where canadians have different prices
<tmonk> i questioned my father. "if we give equal rights to black people why not canadians too?" |
#77143 (398/578) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> ... wtf?
<Trinexx> everytime I look over at the TV, Groundhog Day is on again |
#87882 (294/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Liontamer> Aight, gonna roll in a few, and I'll be gone until probably midnight
<djpretzel> what's up? just work?
<Liontamer> WWE's in Baltimore; got tix
<djpretzel> oh my
<djpretzel> next time I ask, and the answer involves adult males groping each other for spectacle, just lie and say work |
#86748 (248/454) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<datagram> he's half japanese half vietnamese
<datagram> which means he'd be 1/2 okay with me saying gook
<Lordnynex> thats a reasonable mathematical approach to racism |
#86255 (755/905) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Saul has joined #general
<Saul> Man, today was awesome.
<Saul> We all got sent home like 5 hours early because the whole system shorted out and went down.
<kilik> explain.
<Saul> Well, in our office, the doors are always left open because the air con doesnt work.
<Saul> And as a result flies come in from outside.
<Saul> Last year we got some of those electric fly killers installed, you know the ones that glow blue and zap the flies that fly into them?
<Saul> Well today I'm at the watercooler taking a 5-min break.
<Saul> And I swear to God, the biggest bluebottle on the face of the Earth buzzes in.
<Saul> It's like 3 inches long.
<Saul> Goes straight for the zapper and flies into it.
<Saul> The explosion knocked out the power to the entire floor. |
#78993 (503/697) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sanguini> Dear Sir/Madam,
<Sanguini> You are a lucky winner in our "Win a Tomahawk Cruise Missile" competition.
<Sanguini> Please send us your GPS coordinates to claim your prize. |
#87845 (333/549) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Fravec> Can i see you on the webcam?
<Jamie> no. I got to do my hair and stuff
<Fravec> you dont have to
<Jamie> I dooo :)
<Fravec> I wont look at your face anywayz |
#87607 (666/806) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+r4v5> so i just learned that hank aaron was black
<+aydiosmio> was?
<+aydiosmio> he's still alive
<+r4v5> i just learned that hank aaron is alive |
#87368 (331/461) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<[F12]Nick> ummm does neone know how to change my font back from size 26...i can read about 3 messages at a time and they all intimidate me
<[E09]SEANO> File > Settings > Colours and Fonts
<[F12]Nick> also...my homepage is meatspin.com...my username seems to be shabongbong and there black porn all thru my recent documents
<[F12]Nick> i think i need to lock my door
<[F12]Nick> next time i go out |
#87350 (503/609) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Dexi: I found this auction on eBay...
Dexi: "Learn how to earn over $500 a day with this system!"
Dexi: Starting bid: $557.00
Grim: ...lmao
Dexi: I think might know what the system is... ;) |
#87102 (236/484) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pallet> oh my god
<pallet> my daughter has been missing for a whole week now
<pallet> i'm so scared, i don't know what to do
<zene> my daughter isn't missing
<zene> that makes me a better parent right?
<zealo> i'm pretty sure it does |
#86852 (317/501) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jeeves> so we got these new sliding filing shelfs put in today
<jeeves> and a bud was grabbing some files, so he hit the latch to slide the shelf over
<jeeves> pushing it against some other shelfs
<jeeves> so i ran and stood inbetween the closing shelfs
<jeeves> and shouted "Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level!- No, all of them!"
<jeeves> naturally, my bud was startled and stopped
<jeeves> so I started laughing my ass off and walked out of the filing room
<jeeves> nobody got the joke :(
<op> dude you're a geek
<jeeves> i know |
#86099 (17/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<nazgjunk> <oohal> Phate, problem is that you don't really have access to porn in the shower <-- you need porn to jack off?
<nazgjunk> o.O
<oohal> it just helps
<Phate> nazgjunk, i was going to reply "It helps having the shower located next to your parents room who frequently have sex" but thats wrong =\ |
#85737 (46/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
OnionsAhoy: jacking off is like playing solitaire, you only play so that when you win you get to see the cards do that flip out thing |
#85329 (2618/3044) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<upparoom>So this chick I know is suing her Birth Control maker
<upparoom>She started taking it and gained a bunch of weight.
<upparoom>She went from a size 5 to a size 22 and lost most of her hair.
<upparoom>I'm thinking...
<upparoom>thats some pretty damn effective birth control.. |
#86110 (364/514) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Hehe, in Aus the legal age is 18 and no one cares, just as long as you say you're over 18 :P
<Stueh> I walked into a store when I was 14 to buy smokes, and the guy looks at me and, instead of asking how old I was, he was like "What's your birthday?" and I gave the answer I'm used to "5th Febuary, 1989." Then just thought "FUCK!"
<Stueh> He then looked me up and down and goes: "You know, if you go outside and run around the block four times, you'll be four years older "
<Stueh> So I went out for 10 minutes, came back in, he asked me my birthday, I said 1985, and he sold to me :)
<Stueh> Welcome to Australia! :) |
#86063 (325/513) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* custardpringle was talking about how she regularly sleeps in the art building thursday nights because she works late thursdays and has art hw due first thing fridays
<Eiko> what do you sleep on?
<custardpringle> there is a lounge. with couches.
<custardpringle> I try not to think too hard about them.
* Eiko spent a week of freshman year in college sleepingin the Physical Therapy lab after doing something horrible.
<Eiko> so I know that feeling
<Ellie> Uh oh?
<Eiko> well, my freshman roommate was, uh, very amorous...
<Eiko> ...and I stopped enjoying having to find somewhere else to sleep other than my own bed on weekends...
<Eiko> ...an I was staff on the campus radio station...
<Eiko> so yeah, to save my life I slept in the PT lab for a week until my roommate stopped wanting to kill me for broadcasting twenty minutes of fucking.
<Eiko> I note it was not a live broadcast.
<Eiko> I taped it and played it on the air. |
#85582 (292/412) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kogita> Google ads: PDF Password Cracker! Recover Acrobat PDF file to allow read, edit, copy, and print with PdfCracker.
<Kogita> right next to it: Secure your PDFs! Secure, encrypt and send PDF documents by e-mail with PdfCrypter.
<Kogita> Which one do you trust? |
#86239 (750/860) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bricker> Hey natpen, we’re trying to come up with some nicknames for Jennings, did you have any?
<natpen> Well, one time we were about to have sex and he was too drunk to get it up. So we laid there awhile and it was pretty awkward. Then, he stood up on the bed with the covers wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, and screamed “I’M BATMAN”. I almost shit myself.
<Bricker> Holy shit, are you fucking serious? Please tell me you’re making that up.
<natpen> No, I’m not. The weird thing is, after he got into the role, he finally got it up, and it was the best sex of my life. So I usually call him batman. |
#86021 (448/602) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Coff> We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
<Cyg> New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard. |
#85719 (887/991) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail |
#78156 (511/731) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Pan Man 120: wow she is pretty hot
Pan Man 120: i'd hit that so hard the person who could pull me out would be the next king of england |
#85826 (134/344) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Dexi: This girl has issues
Dexi: she had what, a 2 day "relationship" with a guy she had never met
Dexi: and shes freaking out because he wasn't into it and broke up with her.
Cynic: EXACTLY!
Cynic: She's freaking out more than I was when I was dumped after 2 years! Well, freaking out more verbally...
Dexi: you killed a cat... |
#85808 (164/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DaveLegg> police van just stopped outside for a minute lol
* DaveLegg closed utorrentComment: irc.kick-ban.me.uk #kick-ban
|
#85791 (421/577) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89. |
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