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#77482 (4933/6483) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy. |
#77026 (463/703) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Darren> These anti-drug commericals are getting out of hand.
<Darren> It's this cartoon, and this guy is smoking a joint.
<Darren> And then this alien lands on Earth.
<Darren> And then the guys girlfriend hooks up with the alien when he denies weed.
<Kenji> i want what hes smoking
<Amt> me too |
#76413 (2634/3000) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Swuave> Scopophobia is a fear of being looked at.
< Swuave> LOL, i'de like to see someone with that fear.
<@SantaBJ> they wouldn't. |
#75928 (719/957) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Reddman: brain surgery fascinates me
ion: yeah
ion: usually they have to be conscious during it
ion: to help out
ion: "does it tickle when I do this?"
ion: "No, but I hear 'born in the USA' playing"
ion: "OK, I'll remove that one"
ion: "thanks"
Reddman: lmfao
infernalista: LOL |
#95780 (664/954) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Apollo> my girlfriend just walked in on me masturbating to goatse =/
<Trinexx> And you wonder why she cheated on you...
<Apollo> ...how the hell do you know about that? |
#96272 (-1/865) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
GeneratorGamer3: So I camped out for an iPhone for three days
GeneratorGamer3: And I was first in line, and I got up there, and the guy said they didn't have any
GeneratorGamer3: And I was all like "How can you not have one? It's an IPHONE!" and he was all like "Why would we have an iPhone at a Long John Silver's?" |
#93358 (2875/3565) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Invisceo: If i don't get at least a 175 on the LSAT, i'll have to fly to NY and jump off the Empire State Building
Styling Dan: dude, jump off the world trade towers
Styling Dan: they are much higher
Kazooie197: Not anymore :|
Styling Dan: what?
Styling Dan: yeah, Im pretty sure they are the tallest building in new york
Invisceo: dude, where have YOU been?
Styling Dan: what?
Kazooie197: I'm probably taller than the remaining rubble
Styling Dan: what do you mean
Styling Dan: rubble!??1?
Styling Dan: WHAT THE FUCK?! |
#96097 (11713/13993) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha |
#95753 (2314/3184) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<xkcd> honestly, I'm not entirely sure that I will ever get tired of amusing pictures of cats
<xkcd> FORTUNATELY, SOMEONE INVENTED THE INTERNET |
#95266 (2458/3002) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Skevin> At a former workplace, I tried to google for "python scripting trim whitespace". The page was blocked. I asked the owner of the company (who set up the blocking software out of the box) and he responded with "Animals have nothing to do with your job. Writing screenplays have nothing to do with your job. And I definitely will not tolerate my employees looking at websites of racist organizations." |
#95752 (2607/2999) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff |
#95496 (309/735) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lash> What's worse: Cancer or AIDS?
<Lash> Cancer. Because with AIDS, atleast you got laid. |
#94997 (2555/3485) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<nightwolf> What are your thoughts on chivalry? Do you hold the door open for women?
<nightwolf> Or do you rush through and let it close in her face?
<worrydream> I rush through and lock the door behind me. If she's able to climb through the window, she's a keeper.
<nightwolf> Do you open the window for her?
<worrydream> Yes. But it's the second-story window.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her a ladder?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to lash together a ladder out of rope and wood.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her rope?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to weave a rope out of natural available materials.
<worrydream> Grasses and vines and stuff.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her those materials?
<worrydream> I leave her seeds. |
#94993 (326/660) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
LadyNikon: they did this one cake
LadyNikon: that was a lifesize drum set
blind: I bet it sounded terrible. |
#93971 (2490/3172) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
JonTG> wait, shit |
#93970 (2542/3016) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Tire Aramaki > how tough is a 3/10?
Na'Axin > on a scale from 1 to 10?
Na'Axin > I'd say 3 |
#93698 (6/712) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheFoundation> "Enraged spice miners on Naboo"
<TheFoundation> spice
<TheFoundation> real original
<Cyber> "Our lawyers can't repel plagiarism of THAT magnitude!" |
#96276 (307/653) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+sarala> some girls have babies
<+sarala> i get tattoos
<@dekkon> both are a lifetime commitment
<macegr> you can't strangle your tattoo and put it in the dumpsterComment: #geekissues
|
#93196 (118/558) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(+Mandrake_Barbosa) omfg.. just sneezed 8 times in a row
(@Cajun) 7 sneezes = orgasm
(+Mandrake_Barbosa) i tried it. by forcing myself to sneeze, using pepper. i really thought it would work (was in like yr9) so i did it without pants on with a few tissues next to me |
#92899 (7207/11015) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Athnex> they're the people who if they had space ships, would make crop circles on other planets |
#92959 (485/865) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<matt> i had chinese food last night
<matt> it wasn't that good
<matt> so then i go to the bathroom this morning
<matt> and, after a less-than-pleasant experience
<matt> the toilet overflows when i flush.
<matt> so, my first thought is "oh SHIT"
<matt> then my second thought is "heh, yeah, shit, like literally too"
<matt> but then my third thought:
<matt> java.lang.ToiletOverflowError;
<matt> yeah
<matt> i hated myself too |
#92689 (468/770) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Therrol> I just send something to robyn that I did not mean to
<Allison> well depending on what it is it may not matter
<Allison> or it really could result in a mess..
<Therrol> I told her I was going to kill her and have sex with her eyesockets
<Allison> every time that goes through my head it just gets worse |
#92674 (264/646) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Contrast: Can someone point me in the direction where I can find out how to set up a home network, aside from just using NFS?
Khrajin: This way ------------> |
#92466 (9/785) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Davey_Rootbeer> what the FUCK
<@Davey_Rootbeer> i am flipping through channels
<@Davey_Rootbeer> and pokemon is on
<@Davey_Rootbeer> and team rocket is running away from something
<@Davey_Rootbeer> and jessie is saying "next time wwe get a pokemon to defend us in court, it better be a nosepass"
<@Davey_Rootbeer> which is a pokemon that is a giant nose |
#90677 (281/701) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bobba> Hey Karg.
<Karg> Hmm?
<Bobba> Can you help me?
<Karg> Hm...
<Karg> shaz, gimme 1d20.
<shaz> 1d20: 4
<Bobba> ?
<Karg> No. |
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