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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..103104105106107108109..596Next> |
#101951 (625/809) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<michael__> can someone help me with my internet coennection
<Khrajin> michael__: I assure you it is working.Comment: #ubuntu
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#102424 (1941/2417) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Maneko> what doesn't kills you only makes you stronger.
<Kojispruke> You have obviously never had a limb ripped off by a bloodthirsty shark. |
#101437 (439/787) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Asuka_Aogiri> I mean, when I pet my cat while she's in heat, I think to myself 'This is the closest I'll get to touching a horny female in my entire life...cool.'
<Shinra> You stroked that hot pussy, eh?
<Josh_Aogiri> ...that's the most disturbing thing you've ever said.
<Asuka_Aogiri> Totally. |
#105985 (1707/2237) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dio> Was it Jimi Hendrix who said "if I make a mistake, I just keep repeating it, then it's not a mistake any more"?
<Karg> Might well have been Bill Gates. |
#103426 (697/1129) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Justin: Is there something wrong with only having women I can trust deeply enough to call on for advice with life's curveballs?
Scaramouche: Nope.
Scaramouche: Women are infinitely better than men at that sort of thing.
Justin: Probably.. but shouldn't I try to get a male perspective on things too?
Scaramouche: You HAVE a male perspective, remember?
Justin: Oh ya...
Scaramouche: LMAO |
#101889 (2533/3001) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rjx> i think the internet makes smart people smarter and stupid people louder
<rm-fr> SHUT UP!!! |
#101646 (1933/3373) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Foxhill> Skittles_Goddess - for something that is basically just an overly complex life support system for a vagina i haven't entered yet, you're pretty damn sexy |
#101382 (2292/3006) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Varnthegreat: I have to go pee and then fill an empty Gatorade bottle with Mountain Dew.
xtedheadx: Please please please get confused in the middle of doing that. |
#83178 (2243/3561) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Rs Conqueror: dude
Xenocidaltendncy: hey whatup
Rs Conqueror: "sum up your sex life using star wars quotes"
Xenocidaltendncy: ...
Rs Conqueror: "you were right about one thing, the negotiations were short"
Xenocidaltendncy: young fool... only now, at the end, do you understand
Rs Conqueror: "how're we doing kid?" "same as always.." "that bad huh?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "if money is all you want, then that's what you'll get"
Rs Conqueror: "Ten thousand?? We could buy our own ship for that!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "these aren't the droids you're looking for"
Rs Conqueror: "I don't care what you smell, just get in there you big lug!"
Xenocidaltendncy: "going in at that speed, do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
Rs Conqueror: "No luke... I am your father"
Xenocidaltendncy: "and now, princess, we will discuss the location of your rebel base" *thwrum thwruuum thwruuuuum*
Rs Conqueror: "judge me by my size do you?"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Yeah, but this time I've got the money"
Rs Conqueror: She may not look like much, but "she's got it where it counts, kid."
Rs Conqueror: "I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
Xenocidaltendncy: "I've got a feeling I'm never going to see her again"
Rs Conqueror: "and I thought these things smelled bad... on the outsde"
Xenocidaltendncy: "Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it"
Rs Conqueror: "You're not actually going INTO an asteroid field...!!!"
Rs Conqueror: "Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!" |
#101024 (733/907) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Catcher> haha
<@Catcher> i just left a note in my sisters weed box-- "Jes, We need to talk. -Mom"
<@var> hahahahahhaa
< wind`> lol
< TMH> hahaha
<@Catcher> shes going to shit her pants for like 2 seconds until she sees the back of the noteComment: #geekissues @ EFNet
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#100874 (2068/2806) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rasp> i was catering a “tenant appreciation” event in palo alto yesterday
<rasp> we had these slushie machines, but one broke and spilled everywhere
<rasp> so i went to the main office to ask if they had a hose, but the guy tells me,
<rasp> “no, but i see the google guys across the street using a hose sometimes, you can try asking them”
<rasp> turns out this place was right next to one of google’s offices
<rasp> i walked over to the cafeteria area and asked one of the cooks, be he told me they didn't know where it was
<rasp> as i was walking away, i had a little moment to myself...
<rasp> "wow, i just queryed google irl"
<rasp> "lol"Comment: error 404: hose not found
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#99640 (495/773) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Fahl> I just clicked one those banner ads that offer to scan your computer and remove any porn you don't know about.
<Fahl> I turned on my virus/spyware blocker and off I went.
<IonCannon> And?
<Fahl> It completely missed my porn folder.
<Fahl> And my other 6 porn folders. |
#97738 (2489/2949) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** qf2mquo has joined channel #uw
<chronomex> hi qf2mquo
<chronomex> why the unusual nick?
<qf2mquo> o
<qf2mquo> shit
<qf2mquo> that's my password |
#97707 (1747/2187) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Austin> Outlook suggests "Mozilla Firefox" be spelled "Melissa Firebox."
<Austin> Melissa Firebox is a GREAT porn star name.
<aaron> especially a red head
<pthree> definitely |
#97656 (358/684) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Isaac_Del`nu> Arggh, Sub-Zero keeps kicking me in the balls in konquest mode.
<Talon_IceHawk> Play as a female. |
#97516 (540/748) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CTho> i really think NOAA should have called "National Weather Service" "Atmospheric Research Center" instead.
<CTho> then, you could get your weather forecasts from NOAA's ARC |
#97327 (2023/2959) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
DWang: a friend of mine
DWang: used 3 minutes on his phone last month
DWang: but he got refunded 4!
DWang: the phone company apparently uses 4-byte unsigned ints
DWang: because it UNDERFLOWED
DWang: he apparently used 2^32 minutes at 10 cents a minute
DWang: so he got a bill
DWang: for $430 MILLION |
#96531 (240/622) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dolfin> Reminds me of when a guy I know started a band with some guys from college.
<Dolfin> They were all fans of We Are Scientists so they called the band We Are Terrorists as a parody.
<Dolfin> When they finally got their first gig, they all went out on stage, only to see about 10 people and 50 cops standing there, not looking at all amused or impressed.
<Dolfin> They had a shitload of explaining to do, man.
<Dolfin> The moral is, be careful what you call your band, because first impressions mean a lot.
<Dolfin> Especially if those first impressions are going to get you arrested. |
#96424 (383/767) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Oddlot_P3 goes to grab some sort of food.
<FuzzyPlushroom> That reminds me
<FuzzyPlushroom> In ninth grade, I got bored in science class and wrote "Is Penis a Food?" on the table
<FuzzyPlushroom> I drew a two-column chart under it, "Yes" and "No"
<Oddlot_P3> Any replys?
<FuzzyPlushroom> The majority of tickmarks were in the "Yes" column
<FuzzyPlushroom> Therefore, in conclusion, I'm forced to consider the possibility that you're a flaming faggot. |
#96138 (564/816) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Yuri> parents were fighting, went into the bedroom
<Tw1lk1tr1> make up sex
<Yuri> and i'm assuming they fell asleep since this was 40 minutes ago
<Yuri> no
<Yuri> NO |
#92276 (924/1122) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<grantk> What do you call a bunch of nerds arguing on the internet
<PetrDoubt> "the internet" |
#90780 (1732/2176) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Elixir> my mother tried to ground me
<Elixir> for farting when we had company
<Elixir> i'm like
<Elixir> "i'm 20"
<Elixir> CONVERSATION FUCKING OVER
<randumb> i think you lost that one
<randumb> you farted when company was over while you lived with your mom at age 20
<randumb> and you almost got groundedComment: #machogang on popn.cjb.net:4400
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#90232 (2970/3428) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<john1> hey how do i send a pm? :)
<john1> guys?
<quit> put a / before target's name then your message
*** john1 has quit IRC (like this? :))
<Karg> ...Oh man.
<Karg> That was almost too perfect. |
#89678 (516/782) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<JMGonk> Seriously though, and this has bugged me for years, why aren't there robots constantly roaming the halls of CSC?
<JMGonk> We're the Computing Science department for fucks sake, WE SHOULD HAVE ROBOTS
<Digital> I am fully supportive of patrols by 7 foot tall laser-wielding tankbots with unmatched firepower and strength.
<rstoski> Someone would steal them?
<Digital> If you try and steal it, it communicates with nearby tankbots via 802.11g to plan and coordinate a tactical strike employing lethal force.
<Digital> We shall rule CSC by fear!
<rstoski> 802.11g? Digital, you're living in the past; 802.11n Draft 2.
<Digital> no, best to stay away from drafts until they're finalized. Otherwise, our current generation of kill-bots might not interoperate with future revisions.Comment: *sigh* nerds
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#80875 (549/875) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<%FreePlay> they seriously think that the Bible can answer every single goddamn question you ever have
<%FreePlay> I say, fuck that
<%FreePlay> if you want to limit your god to a single book, be my guest
<%FreePlay> go ahead and place limits on God, you arrogant know-it-all pricks
<+acme64> even lord of the rings was 3 books |
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