|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..86878889909192..596Next> |
#60815 (269/523) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<don> bruce lee could fight all of the batmans (batmen?...) at once and he doesn't need any fancy gadets or a car or even a shirt
<don> just a wooden pole and some really cheesy zooms
<don> and whooshing noises when he punches
<don> that's not sound effects
<don> that's the air, scared of his fists, jumping out of the way
<don> there was literally no air resistance when that man moved
<don> it's a well known fact that every major earthquake in the 70's is attributable directly to the earth trying to get away from bruce lee |
#51913 (269/439) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Neon> Well, there's a surefire boner-killer. Watching porn on Windows Media Player and realizing that you have the MSN music plugin enabled, showing the girl you'd like to ask out soon the title of what you're watching. |
#35726 (269/467) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AaD-Marine> YAY
<AaD-Marine> its the 1 year anniversery of my BIOS
<AaD-Marine> it just became 1 year old
<AaD-Marine> happy birth day to you MV85010A.86A.0069.P25
<AaD-Marine> HAPPPY BIRTHDAY |
#32415 (269/509) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Raist> anyway.. gotta go to the vet
<Raist> see whats up with my dong's eye
<Raist> er
<somniloquy> O_O
<Raist> X.x
<Raist> dog |
#29816 (269/431) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pakaran> How is everyone?
<Gordon> difficult to say
<pakaran> ok
<pakaran> I was asking out of politeness
<pakaran> not out of desire for total knowledge |
#25144 (270/424) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ebony> Did anyone else realize that the media-dubbed "The War Against Terrorism" comes out as "TWAT"? |
#22537 (269/459) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<percilicious> !8ball Am I sexier than Leonardo Dicaprio?
<ChanServ> percilicious: Yes.
<percilicious> !8ball You're just saying that to get in my
<ChanServ> percilicious: Yes.
<percilicious> !8ball Well given the fact that I would never sleep with an online bot, am I sexier than Leonardo Dicaprio?
<ChanServ> percilicious: No. |
#19317 (269/419) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
MOONKISSED> you know if i had a .25 for everytime you people made no sense i'd be rich
Quasadu> moon: If I had 10 cents for everytime a man in a spacesuit came up behind me, gave me a weggie and said he loved me, i'd have forty cents |
#12768 (269/427) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<eltawater> anyone know the name of a (mathematical) function which calculates how many times a number M fits into a number N?
<eltawater> i.e. 20,4 = 5
<eltawater> ?
<Biddle> Division?
<AlleyCat> divisor
<eltawater> er
<eltawater> *smacks head into desk* |
#10702 (269/512) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jubei301> So I walk into the room with the cat on my shoulder, facing backwards, and my stepdad is trying to watch TV, and I step in front of him, point at my cats ass, and say "ARG! shiver me timbers, its me one eyed parrot" and he laughed for a long time....my mom was just staring at me like im some kind of pervert.
<Jubei301> What? doesnt everyone use their cats brown-eye for their punchlines? |
#7782 (269/404) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<faustwork> she looks good
<chaommm> is she hot?
<faustwork> id bang her
<chaommm> that doesnt mean shit
<faustwork> id bang her with no beer
<chaommm> WOAH |
#7701 (269/422) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ludwigvan> haha you can't kick me
<bobthecow> oi someone op me
<Felix1> bob type alt-f4
<Ludwigvan> hehe
*** bobthecow has quit IRC (Leaving)
<Ludwigvan> HAHAHAHAHAHAH SHE FELL FOR IT!!!!!!!!
<Ludwigvan> HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAA
<Astro}> oh my god ...
<Felix1> :D
<Felix1> oops :p
*** bobthecow has joined #buttermenthol
<bobthecow> err
<Ludwigvan> ahahahahahhahaha ---> bob
<Astroy}> hahaha you idiot bob
<Felix1> sorry bob :D
<bobthecow> my dad was looking over my shoulder and even he laughed |
#755 (269/532) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<saboteur> sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
<saboteur> like when i get a wood standing up
<Damien> lol sab
<saboteur> and its hard to hide
<phase5> same
<phase5> or like, when your walking down the street
<phase5> and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
<phase5> and drags on the ground
<saboteur> haha
<saboteur> yeah exactly
<k> or when you lie down and planes crash into it |
#354 (269/491) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Penfold has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
*** Penfold (abullard@missing.linc.ox.ac.uk) has joined #keble
<Penfold> Excess flood my arse
<Ganesh> no thanks |
#201 (269/526) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<iMike> the bible should be rewritten to more common language
<DigDug> yeah, like c++ or perl
<D1> in comic book form |
#183 (269/544) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> i was playin CS
<BlackDeth> and i accidentally ran over my whole team with a tank
<BlackDeth> i got booted off the server :/ |
#294688 (268/484) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@malphas> I got stuck with the same prof for this linux course
<@malphas> as the last one
<@malphas> the same one who, halfway through the course, just stopped responding altogether so he could focus on his off-hours mailing list.
<@malphas> The first assignment:
<@malphas> Scenario:
<@malphas> The new CIO just transferred over from the finance department and during your first meeting says "My golf buddy was telling me about something called a seven layer model. Maybe we should get some of them for our network, What do you think?" You politly explain that the model is not a product and you will send a memo explaining what it is.
<@malphas> I'm *sorely* tempted to write mine from the perspective of a true Admin. Someone who realizes the opportunity presented here to obtain new hardware for future use. |
#69640 (268/440) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[helf] my trip was stupid. it was my fault :P the problem that is. i had forgotten and left automatic updates enabled.. so it would download updates, restart itself and our hard drive protection hardware/software would kick in on reboot and revert any changes made.. so it just sat there all morning looping
[helf] i got there and all the public machines were rebooting
[helf] the nontechnical lady was all 'they wont stopp!!!!!!" |
#61687 (268/408) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Man, I just had quite a College Student moment
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was eating a slice of pizza, and a big glob of sauce fell onto my shirt
<CtrlAltDestroy> I looked around for some paper towels or napkins or whatever to wipe it off with
<CtrlAltDestroy> Couldn't find any
<CtrlAltDestroy> So I wiped it off with my shirt |
#60114 (268/404) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
lowbacca1977: clearly, dating is a very odd thing
TwoTone Strauss: yeah. here's hoping i never have to be a part of it
lowbacca1977: never be a part of dating? going the mail-order bride route?
lowbacca1977: cuz i've got a 2 for 1 coupon if you're interested
TwoTone Strauss: no, i just hope to ....
TwoTone Strauss: uh
TwoTone Strauss: yeah, im not gonna talk to you anymore tonight |
#58303 (268/454) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SC> I hate family.
<SC> One of my Aunts was over. Complete Health nut. She's fucking crazy when it comes to food and health. Everyone was over for my BDay
<SC> So I'm bbq'ing some works of god- Steak, Burgers, Chicken, the good stuff. They are literally cooked perfectly, works of art. Absolutely fantastic.
<SC> We talk my aunt into some of the food, who otherwise refused. Finally she agrees
<SC> She takes a steak, and a burger, jams it in my blender, turns it on, adds some orange juice
<SC> by this time I'm shreaking, and the blender is filled with some orange-brown goo.
<SC> She pours it in a large glass, and drinks it.
<SC> Never have I seen: A) A blender used in such a way B) That many people staring in awe at someone drinking a steak and burger.
<SC> My family is nucking futz. |
#54567 (268/450) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<nox> hey sto, let's play a magic trick!
<nox> pick a card! BUT DONT TELL ME!
<sto> lol okay
<nox> it WASNT the 15 of Diamonds!
<sto> uh..yeah
<sto> er, what?
<nox> i like to do magic tricks with no room for error! |
#53711 (267/475) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Monxe> I have this chemistry class full of people who apparently get off acting as if they're 5. So, while leaving the class, I look over to my friend and say, "Man, I think the retardation in there is contagious."
<Monxe> Suddenly I pause, look up, and realize that we're right across from the special ed. hallway. |
#44889 (268/440) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<chevell> not to sound bigoted, but racist jokes are hilarious
<crudesunlight> Agreed.
<chevell> i wonder why there aren't any caucasian jokes?
<crudesunlight> You white boys don't need any help looking stupid. |
#44809 (268/430) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<laid_back> haha man get this so my brother got suspended from school today
<teqman> what did he do
<duffman> what did he do
<laid_back> cause he says to one kid "hey would you have sex with a fat kid" and this other kid goes "no why" and then my brother goes "cause nash (another kid) is really desperate"
<laid_back> so nash say "tell it to the teacher"
<laid_back> and my brother goes "hey mister smith would you have sex with a fat kid" and the teacher got this weird look on his face and ran down to the office and told the principal
<laid_back> and so the principal is talking to my brother and he says "you were insinuating that mr smith was a child molester" and my broither goes "NO, what insinuated that he was a child molester was the way he reacted"
<laid_back> so they suspended himComment: #system on irc.dal.net
|
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..86878889909192..596Next> |
|