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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..90919293949596..596Next> |
#17749 (265/432) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Crumbs> anyone know what the strongest painkillers you can buy are?
<Trukkie> guns |
#16652 (265/423) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DmDragon> all my cars are haunted
<DmDragon> i had one car where the glove compartment would keep opening at random times
<DmDragon> so it opened once and i just finally said "fuck you stay open" well the car stalled out the radio turned on and off and the flashlights started flashing while the windshield wipers started
<DmDragon> so i slowly reached over and closed it.. then the car just went back to normal |
#1943 (265/380) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ETP> heh
* Tocool is very confused
<ETP> tocool: so am I, but the key is to just say 'heh' so people think you understand
<Tocool> yea but
<Tocool> ...
<Tocool> heh |
#1547 (265/377) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<iMike> i was just thinking of hiring a man to service my septic system
<maff> is that the classy way to say you want to get fucked in the ass? |
#305381 (264/360) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dragonshadow> Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know. |
#303193 (264/490) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Yuyu> Im pretty handy at FAPS games though
<Yuyu> ...........
<Yuyu> FPS |
#301436 (264/374) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<IndianaJones> name one thing that would not be improved by an infusion of Patrick Stewart voice
<IndianaJones> you can't, can you
<Lofn> I was going to say sex
<Lofn> but that would be a lie
<IndianaJones> MAKE IT SO
<IndianaJones> ENGAGEComment: #nerd on sorcery.net
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#301188 (264/496) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Kirjava> it's not incest
<+Kirjava> our parents are divorced |
#299757 (264/378) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
AstralFire> I am horrified and amused. On the other side of the highway by my house, there is a horse farm. Waiting on the light to change, I realized I was behind a small sedan with a horse-themed license plate that reads "PWNIES." |
#163074 (264/890) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> I broke my microphone yesterday
<Trinexx> and my first thought was "FUCK, microphowned"
<Trinexx> -_- |
#92674 (264/646) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Contrast: Can someone point me in the direction where I can find out how to set up a home network, aside from just using NFS?
Khrajin: This way ------------> |
#76974 (264/420) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<zashi> I could get a few pounds of unrefined uranium
<Red_Herring> your ass would be in guantanimo before i could figure out how to spell 'guantanimo'
<Red_Herring> which in your defense, ill never figure out how to spell |
#61394 (264/426) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Retro> ok so this morning my friend brings in a huge tub of peanut butter
<Retro> crunchy style
<Retro> and says he'll give me 20$ to eat it all
<Retro> two hours later, I had twenty bucks and diarrhea |
#58885 (264/428) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<smiley1635> Anybody want a 9.1gb scsi HD?
<Strings> What colour is it? |
#55033 (264/394) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sanguini> My friend was over, he asked me to get "a good pron movie"
<Sanguini> I got him a prawn, swimming contentedly along
<Sanguini> He didn't like it :( |
#54801 (264/390) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sarah> lol, i was at a speech and debate tournament in 9th grade at a public high school in albuquerque. the counselor's office was right next to the culinary arts office. on the counselor's office window, there was a poster that said "Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem" and on the culinary arts window there was a poster that read: "Use the right knife" |
#54586 (264/436) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
mfmagbal: Feeling down? Lift yourself up in a few easy steps!
mfmagbal: First, get a mirror and look at yourself.
mfmagbal: Then say "I'm so pretty/handsome!" with a big smile and everything.
mfmagbal: You'll feel better
mfmagbal: Don't use it too much though
mfmagbal: Because liars go to hell. |
#50795 (263/429) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<J-Dawg> I was cruising through this one-sheep town here in Montana
<J-Dawg> and I had "Get Naked" by tommy lee playing at 3/4 power
<J-Dawg> which means my tires were slipping on dry pavement from the vibrations.
<J-Dawg> and this cop pulls me over
<J-Dawg> "Do you know why I pulled you over, son?"
<J-Dawg> "...because I had Tommy Lee blasting on my stereo?"
<J-Dawg> "Oh, that was Methods of Mayhem?"
<J-Dawg> "Yessir."
<J-Dawg> "Sweet! Have a nice day." |
#34659 (264/488) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<l0y4l153r> i got some questions about developing plugins for your software...
<Segosa> ah, ok, what language?
<l0y4l153r> english |
#31790 (264/456) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Limitless> The CX Registry has shut off the goatse.cx domain suddenly and without warning.
<Limitless> They have cowardly cited a section of their AUP with allows them to remove sites at their discretion.
<Limitless> :(
<Limitless> RIP goatse
<adam> soon, friends, goatse will just be a thing of legend
<adam> we have all participated in something magical
<Zee> adam
<Zee> NO
<adam> Zee: :(!
<Zee> goatse will live on
<Zee> FOREVAR!
<adam> in our hearts and reams
<adam> and vomit
<Zee> REAMS?
<Zee> Reams of paper?
<adam> dreams too
<adam> reams of dreams
<Zee> oh man that's deep
<Zee> that's like, five hundred dreams |
#30239 (264/432) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<zybl0re> dongs
<Zaphod> cox
<zybl0re> lol
<graham|KEKE> That, ladies and gentlemen, is the summation of the wit on the internet. |
#28352 (264/406) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dabz|Work> it IS friday today isn't it?
<pL1> yeh, it is
<pL1> cut down on the vodka
<Dabz|Work> thought so
<Dabz|Work> it's not that...
<Dabz|Work> noone else has turned up to work
<Dabz|Work> i'm sat all alone in a dark office
<pL1> creepy
<Dabz|Work> i was beginning to wonder if it was the weekend and I'd come in by mistake |
#20187 (264/432) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<aggiepm> OMG Kill me. I just tried to move my curser off my screen onto my desk to look at a paper document on my desk |
#14552 (264/372) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<prick> I hate parents who add letters to their kids' otherwise normal names
<prick> Or change them
<prick> "JESSICKA" "TIPHANIE"
<prick> Do you really think that your child will be unique or sparkling because of the confusion associatedwith their name?
<prick> All you're doing is setting her up for a lifetime of spelling out her name to strangers |
#14369 (264/436) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<_aa_> ebay just bought paypal
<tezzO> they did?!
<tardmac> what was their winning bid? |
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