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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..73747576777879..596Next> |
#128138 (287/505) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Options> well, guess my parents dont want me playing phoenix wright in the house anymore :(
<Sylon[DMS]|Around> throw your DS in their face and yell OBJECTION!
<Options> that is....AN AWESOME IDEA |
#77824 (287/449) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[JaMiNkLe] i am retarded.. trying to install Linux on my old dual 800 and it wont boot from the cd i tried everything then just after looking in the bios for the last time i went to open the cd drive to smash the fucking cd and it was upside down wasn't it >.< |
#66499 (287/407) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
jade: I was too lazy to get up and turn off the light, and there was an umbrella sitting beside me, so I put up the umbrella instead of turning out the light |
#57411 (287/549) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rjx> you know what i do in case of a flaming?
<Rjx> stop
<Rjx> drop
<Rjx> and rofl |
#52911 (287/411) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Damian> Ever since my male cat died, my female one won't leave me alone.
<Damian> I think she's lonely without him.
<Ren> I think she just wants to get laid.
<Damian> I think you need to shut the fuck up about my cat. |
#45668 (287/415) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%Ebola> My last job was in CSR with a very small re-sale phone co. Once a month we were all expected to make collection calls to customers who were late with their payment. After several attempts one day to a particular number, a lady finally answered. Me: May I speak to ___ (customer's name)? Lady: He's not here. Me: This is ___, with ___Phones, your phone company. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of
<%Ebola> being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it? Lady: .... How did you get this number? It's unlisted. Me: *blink*... Ma'am? This is the phone company. We GAVE you this phone number!Comment: #netroNet on irc.netronet.com
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#28977 (287/421) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<danamania> oh this is lovely - mum went to the vet to pick up sasha, and bought a few things back. I'm looking over this bottle of pet shampoo thinking I'd do kokomo's coat.
<danamania> The back of the fricken bottle says "Not tested on animals" |
#16676 (287/472) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Stinkysteven67: I love married with children. Its a great show.
Lucy17: It's ok, One thing that bugs me about that show,
In the pilot series they had Al bundy sounding like he was from Brooklyn
or something when they are supposed to be from Chicago.
Stinkysteven67: Where do you think brooklyn is dork?
Lucky17: Its in new york goofball, chicago is in illinios.
Stinkysteven67: Oh sorry, I've never been good at geometry.
Lucy17: Umm yea.. |
#13813 (287/463) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Leo-chan> I have a large warehouse full of large weapons of mass destruction
<webrunner> Destroying mass is against the laws of thermodynamics!
<Leo-chan> screw the laws of thermodynamics!
* Leo-chan pulls out a perpetual motion machine
* webrunner stops the machine
* webrunner holds out a "Thermodynamics Police" badge |
#9214 (287/453) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<lukeiyo-e> my housemate alex used to deliver drugs on his bike
<lukeiyo-e> .. from a chemist he says
<kodos> speed on a bike
<lukeiyo-e> peddling crack |
#8320 (287/471) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<K-Ecchi> SABER DATED A GUY
<Saber> YOU HAVE NO PROOF
<K-Ecchi> YOU TOLD ME
<Saber> I HAVE NO PROOF EITHER |
#4718 (287/433) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<tormy> hey when u burn games in discjuggler, under the advance tab... should the block be 2048?
<DCBastard> leave the advanced tab alone
<DCBastard> if you were advanced you'd know how to use it |
#1097 (287/644) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[D1] You know, I started the slammer routine.
[D1] when everyone was playing for pogs
[D1] I put down my slammer
[D1] and it started a huge trend
[D1] then EVERYONE played for slammers
[Guilty] You put it on the pile?
[D1] yeah
[Guilty] Thats just stupid
[D1] I was a high roller.
(McMoo) are you guys discussing pog tactics?
[D1] yes |
#309185 (288/304) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<lucky> i got into it with an asphalt contractor at work and then had his truck towed for being in a handicapped space.
<SatNiGHTS> did you shout at him "MENTAL HANDICAPS DON'T COUNT!"?
<lucky> the best part? the lines are barely visible because HE didn't paint them as he was hired to do last summer. so he didn't see them.
<lucky> he came storming in, scared my paraschiz resident (poor guy), and demanded he be "payed what he was owed for his time in August". i told him that according to our records, he was paid exactly what he was owed - in that, he was paid for what he did, not what the original contract said. He never re-striped the lot or sealed the south end of the cul de sac.
<lucky> he wouldn't shut up. i asked him to leave. he didn't. i told him to leave. he didn't. i made his truck leave without him while he was making an irate phone call.
<myself> did he see it in mid-tow, or only after it was gone?
<lucky> mid tow. told him they regularly monitor the handicapped spaces, it is after all a senior community. his reply : "YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE FUCKING SYMBOL!!!!" my reply: "my point exactly." |
#306523 (285/403) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Chelsea: My mom just found out that furries exist
Chelsea: Because she SAW some
Chelsea: TWICE
Chelsea: and she keeps asking why I think they're creepy
Maddie: OH GOD
Chelsea: and i dont want to be like
Chelsea: "mom"
Chelsea: "i have to level with you"
Chelsea: "furries don't just enjoy dress up"
Chelsea: but anyway she was like "they were cute! they looked like they were having fun! why are they creepy?"
Chelsea: CAN'T THE MEDIA EXPLAIN THIS FOR ME
Chelsea: THIS MUST BE HOW CONSERVATIVE PARENTS FEEL WHEN THEIR KIDS ASK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE |
#306442 (286/398) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
#xkcd, approx. five minutes after a discussion involving quantum mechanics:
(DerpNauce) I love how #xkcd-masturbation is completely empty
(Random832) wait
(Random832) how did you manage to observe a channel in a completely empty state
(ellipsis) aaaand we're back to quantum mechanics, awesome |
#305789 (286/376) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+replicated> talking to a friend in japan now
<+replicated> she thought she was gonna die lol
<!Suriko> tsunamis can do that
<!Suriko> is her house/relatives okay?
<+replicated> yeah all good
<+replicated> she's in yokohama
<+replicated> so no tsunami
<+replicated> but still scary as shit
<Doomfest> ask her if her figurines are fine
<+replicated> this is why you never get laid doom |
#141263 (286/396) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<swight> "DARPA Advances AI Program For Air Traffic Control"
<swight> C`mon they GOTTA call that SkyNet
<jonathans> haha
<jonathans> yeah
<jonathans> It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are at the arrival gate. |
#61302 (285/497) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Delphy> heh, a man died of dehydration when he became stuck between two water tanks |
#55247 (286/432) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Jarn> My entire belief system is under attack.
<wotnarg> ?
<@Jarn> I just found a microsoft product that is not only easy, but GOOD. :/
<@Jarn> I can't believe it.
<@Jarn> Has everything I've stood for... been a lie?
<@Jarn> Curse you, Windows Movie Maker 2.1! You are shaking the foundations of my life!
<@Jarn> Help me!
<@Jarn> What do I do? What do I believe? I'm so confused!
<wotnarg> Don't worry...
<wotnarg> It was probably made by a small company that was bought out.
<wotnarg> Like Halo.
<@Jarn> Thank you, I believe I understand now.
<@Jarn> My faith was shaken, but came out stronger in the end.Comment: #wotlinux
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#51075 (286/444) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Affinity> You're friends with james, therefore you must have a double-digit IQ.
<[i2]dErF> i dont have icq |
#42476 (286/406) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
ilanbg: oh man, in school today i had to present a biography thing on aristotle, some philosopher, and we needed to come up with a slogan that'd remind us of whatever the subject, and i didn't yhave one, so I walked to the front of the class, no idea what to say, and just said the first thing that came out of my mouth
ilanbg: and it was "It's the thought that counts."
ilanbg: i got an A. |
#31217 (286/518) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Segosa> hahaha
<+Segosa> that was brilliant
<+Segosa> I was playing MTA
<+Segosa> and i joined a server with 2 people on already
<`> what was brilliant?
<+Segosa> both dutch, and they were talking
<+Segosa> they were planning on ganging up on me
<+Segosa> but they didnt know i spoke dutch
<`> hehehe! :D
<+Segosa> so they were talking and i always knew what they were saying so they never got you
<+Segosa> got me*+
<+Segosa> and just before i left i said:
<+Segosa> de volgende keer moet je het harder proberen (Next time you'll have to try harder)
<+Segosa> :P
<+Segosa> and they're like "WTF" "BASTARD!"Comment: MTA is Multi Theft Auto (Mod to play GTA:VC online)
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#25626 (287/489) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<shmooo> i cant wait to see my gf tonite
<shmooo> im gonna eat her sweet pussy
<gortho> we're happy for you
<shmooo> it's like sweet strawberries
<psmylie> what?!?
<psmylie> ...
<psmylie> you're a virgin, aren't you? |
#4762 (286/453) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<tatsumi> I wish I could look up and see the stars.
<Toen> you can, if you go outside
<tatsumi> ...... go where? |
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