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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..71727374757677..596Next> |
#68398 (290/422) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
TrogL> the person handing out official photo id will not give you your official photo id unless you have your official photo id
TrogL> 3 people are trying to get her to see the catch-22 and she's not getting it
[...]
TrogL> the lady with the ID's gave up and is now handing them out at random
TrogL> she's not even checking to make sure the picture matches
TrogL> apparently I'm a skanky blonde
TrogL> the guy next door's picture shows him bleeding profusely from a head wound
TrogL> gotta love low-bid contractors |
#68041 (291/437) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bubba> don't they have laws against lying in advertising?
<bubba> this coax cable i just bought says "Connects satellite and digital cable sources with no signal loss"
<glasnost> "Comes with complementary 'Fuck you, second law of thermodynamics' bumper sticker" |
#67118 (291/409) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[thrukriz] guys do you know how to use MYSQL?
[samble] 'fraid so
[thrukriz] afraid of what
[samble] you asking me shit about it |
#54387 (291/523) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Thero> WHAT THE FUCK
<Thero> i just got yelled at for eating ham
<Thero> WHY ARE MY PARENTS PISSED ABOUT ME EATING HAM
<Thero> i didn't eat the ham to begin with
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a plane?
<Thero> no?
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a train?
<Thero> ....
<|silicon> did you eat it on a bar?
<wind> did you eat it in a car?
<hydro> did you eat it in a box?
<hydro> OR WITH A FOX? |
#49344 (291/443) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DannyCat> Bah, I've been awake too long. I go to wash my hair, start the water, let it run for a bit, check it to make sure it's warm enough, turn the water off, stand there looking at the faucet, and it takes me a couple seconds to realize I missed a couple steps. |
#45596 (291/471) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jessica> ok back
*geek throws the stick again |
#29664 (292/434) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sendai> where the heck do you find a 6litre bottle of coke
<sendai> ah...
<sendai> tis a 2l bottle
<sendai> dana photoshopped it to say 6l :p
<danamania> tis tis
<Kreator> same place you get those giant novelty bears from
<danamania> photoshop has giant novelty bears?
<goodby> yes!
<goodby> Filter -> Other -> Giant Novelty Bears |
#29314 (291/445) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<T|Vegi> is iga here?
<T|Vegi> where are you igaaaaa
<Aurielle> Call him a leprechaun.
<Aurielle> He'll show up.
<Aurielle> LEPRECHAUN
<iga-shadow> hi
<iga-shadow> oh poo
<GodOfWonders> IT WORKED! |
#26287 (291/445) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<stormo> im watching the best movie atm..
<Aurian> why is it so good??
<stormo> any film where a clown fingerfucks a nun has got to be good
<Aurian> okay, i now consider myself lucky for not watching it
<Aurian> isn't it meant to be about ninjas???
<stormo> now they're having actual sex
<stormo> yeah
<stormo> the nun is a ninja in disguise
<Aurian> ahh
<Aurian> and who's the clown?
<stormo> another ninja
<stormo> look, i'm not watching this film for it's complex and involved plot |
#14776 (291/464) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Psinic> windows 98 is like that drunk uncle that thinks he knows everything and always tries to convince you he was a CIA operative, and when you argue, he gets violent and then passes out. |
#5598 (291/571) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades. |
#3908 (291/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Jei-Dijitaru has quit IRC (Do we really need warnings that the lead in paint will kill you? Keep in mind that these people have already made a conscious decision to CONSUME PAINT.) |
#519 (291/505) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<smcn> one of these days
<smcn> i'm going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
<smcn> then i'm going to look at him and go >=D |
#41 (291/655) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<_Riddler_> i was in the grocery store today
<_Riddler_> and I got this boner
<_Riddler_> I dunno
<_Riddler_> Maybe it was the melons
<IceWizard> Riddler: YOU SAW THE CARROTS |
#309761 (291/311) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@b0lt> why is the OS X trackpad scrolling speed setting hidden in the accessibility settings panel
<tuple> because if the apple way isnt right for you, you must be handicapped |
#308567 (290/334) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Cypher: So I just let a cat in
Cypher: fed it a bit
Cypher: had it sit on my lap for the better part of an hour
Cypher: and I've only just realised it isn't actually my cat |
#305281 (289/393) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<RGM79> so yeah, the java instructor thought it was necessary to warn us
<RGM79> because of something that happened years ago for one of his classes
<RGM79> we are told explicitly that we can't write code in MS word
<RGM79> and that he does not grade .doc files |
#300671 (290/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DCoder> cute
<DCoder> my Amazon.co.uk recommendations consist of C++, Hacking, and Malware Forensics books
<DCoder> ...
<DCoder> and a Zapf Creations Barbie
<DCoder> wtf |
#35546 (290/534) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mog> its kind of amusing how much of an idiot my sister is
<mog> so my mom gave my sister and I $30 to get food and what not for 5 days
<mog> so on the first night I suggest to my sister "Why don't we go to the grocery store and pick up stuff like cans of soup so we can eat those all week"
<mog> "NO I WANT MCDONALDS LETS GO TO MCDONALDS"
<mog> so now because she rather get fast food than use common fucking sense, at day 3 we're down to $3
<mog> and now she's bitching at me because of it
<Allahkat> Sell her for food money.
<mog> I was considering it
<Allahkat> Or just kill her and throw some sister on the barbie.
<mog> ew
<Allahkat> Sis-ke-babs |
#33694 (289/525) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Cloud): I see retarded people.
(@NeoMatrix): Stop looking in the mirror. |
#29673 (290/458) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Confessor> I remember one time in boot camp.
<@Confessor> When I tried to ask the RDC for a head call... 'bathroom break.'
<@Confessor> I forgot the 'call' part.
<@Confessor> I ended up respectfully requesting head.
<@Confessor> From my drill instructor.
<@Confessor> And thus ended any hope of a political career. |
#21790 (290/433) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] - [0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again... |
#307516 (288/340) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Polynomial> there's a weight loss clinic on my way to work called Beacon
<+Polynomial> someone spray painted over the 'e' so it reads "B acon" instead
<slc> haha awesome
<+Polynomial> not only that, but they did it on the slogan too...
<+Polynomial> "Lose weight fast with B acon!"
<slc> rofl
<slc> whoever did that needs an invitation to the league of internet superheroes |
#301342 (289/383) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DrSunglass> So, my family just upgraded to HDTV satellite TV.
<DrSunglass> The thing I notice most is that the fine print in commercials is now clearly legible. |
#297793 (289/389) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TrumpetSamurai> That's it? Tongue piercing? Psh. My "rebellious moment" in college overturned an authoritarian government in South America. |
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