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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..69707172737475..596Next> |
#221161 (296/392) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@mikesch> the woman sitting across from me has a weird tinyhand.
<@mikesch> with the same french manicure that her other, regular, hand has.
<@jop> are you picturing it around your cock
<@mikesch> I am now, you fucker. |
#118292 (295/629) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<rmuser> gravitational lensing |
#52252 (296/450) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gordonjcp> Tesco petrol pumps have a button to press if you want to pay at the pump
<gordonjcp> it's got a braille label
<gordonjcp> don't know what it says though
<gordonjcp> "Get the fuck off the road!" possibly |
#45437 (296/404) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Drew> next to that one i found funny is the barcode reader at Regal (movie theater)
<Drew> it had a warning
<Drew> do not look into laser
<Drew> it had it in braille tooComment: #cam, irc.drivemeinsane.com
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#35688 (296/518) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Toxic_Bunny> Funnies thing in my life: Saw a chick at lan, with a bigger porn collection than all my friends combined |
#194565 (295/551) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<protospork> I just clicked on a random image link in a conversation about cocks
<protospork> man that was smart |
#134980 (295/471) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<seraph> Hm
<seraph> I just got an e-mail from a friend's mom
<seraph> subject like "Are you able to give the gift of life?"
<seraph> I think it's about a blood drive, but it never actually explicitly says so
<seraph> Highlights from body text:
<seraph> "What a great opportunity to 'visit' and catch up."
<seraph> "It takes about an hour and you get the best cookies!"
<nodoze> ...is she hot? |
#70213 (295/499) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<JamesF1> I was sat in a lecture today at Uni, and I saw drawn on the desk:
<JamesF1> "I graduate in 6 weeks, and I'm still immature enough to draw on desks"
<cmad> rofl!Comment: The joys of Cardiff University...
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#65516 (295/513) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<snoozedell> what's your favorite planet
<alman> pluto
<alman> oh wait |
#63878 (295/421) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tydel> this fat chick walked up to me at the club tonight
<tydel> she's like "I like vodka, buy me a drink"
<tydel> I was like "I like blowjobs, buy ME a drink"
<tydel> kind of a conversation ender |
#61575 (295/481) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
SC ALTHACK: somehow emotional final goodbuys seem to have less meaning when you get home an hour later and can talk to the person online like nothing happened |
#57297 (295/473) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BigBuddha> alia: is there any command to see if there are any usb devices hooked up to your system?
<@alia> get off your lazy fucking ass and look at your usb ports?Comment: #chules.net @ irc.shellsnet.org
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#56620 (295/435) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Br0> Who DOESNT want a laptop that doubles as an easybake oven?
<@Br0> I mean come on
<@Br0> cupcakes while playing doom 3?
<@Br0> I know I want them
<%conscio> bake at UT2003 for 45 minutes |
#32921 (295/523) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Skizot> my boss is a moron
<Skizot> he walked in an i had left mirc open
<Skizot> he asked what it was...
<Berry2K> bussiness relations?
<Skizot> i told him a new support program by microsoft
<Berry2K> :)
<Berry2K> haha
<Skizot> he says" do i need it"
<RightField> lol
<Skizot> i told him no... it's for really techincal people and n00bs
<Berry2K> WTFLOL
<Skizot> he asks what's a n00b
<RightField> omg
<Skizot> i told him that's what they call microsoft programmers |
#25114 (295/455) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@[TeMpEsT]> ok, let me get this straight. you called me a power bitch, tried to ping me off line, went around asking for the chanserv password, and then tried to evade a ban. and now you want me to op you and your damn bot so you can try to take over the channel?
<|TheRaR|> no, you only need to op the bot
<mazrim> oh, you stupid stupid fuck. |
#11264 (295/443) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Saber> I had a full can of soda
<Saber> and I slipped
<Saber> and dropped it above my KB
<Saber> and I caught it
<Saber> but THOUGHT it was upside down
<Saber> so I inverted it
<Saber> and it turns out
<Saber> it was rightside up |
#122388 (294/574) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<X-Istence> Oh that was just epic. I two girls one cupped my entire family
<lordoden> lmfao
<lordoden> oh god
<lordoden> thats horrible
<X-Istence> The TV is run over DSL right
<ALT_HACK> wow
<X-Istence> so whenever the TV is on (DVR type system, TVoIP)
<X-Istence> the download speeds drop to practically 0
<X-Istence> So I intercepted teh packets, and ran an MPEG 4 stream of 2 girls 1 cup to the DVRComment: #nerdgy irc.freenode.net
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#87882 (294/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Liontamer> Aight, gonna roll in a few, and I'll be gone until probably midnight
<djpretzel> what's up? just work?
<Liontamer> WWE's in Baltimore; got tix
<djpretzel> oh my
<djpretzel> next time I ask, and the answer involves adult males groping each other for spectacle, just lie and say work |
#70665 (294/500) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+ba> I'm saying that five-fourths of Americans can't do fractionsComment: #WPI
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#67551 (294/452) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Bulrog Cartman: Well, my sister got in an argument with her boyfriend in Monday, and when he walked out the door she punched the window in anger
LitlMsScareAll13: o_O
Bulrog Cartman: Lost some blood, got light-headed, I had to call 911
LitlMsScareAll13: Wonderful.
Bulrog Cartman: Her right hand is all bandaged up now, she won't be using it for 10 days
Bulrog Cartman: She gets to pay for the window too, although she can easily afford that
Bulrog Cartman: and she works with her mouth, so the hand won't be a huge problem
Bulrog Cartman: wait, that came out wrong
LitlMsScareAll13: ..........
Bulrog Cartman: She's a telemarketer |
#54228 (294/498) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mizerock> lucas, judging by your IP...you live in new zealand?
<nforbes> ...
<nforbes> The Netherlands
<nforbes> .nz is New Zealand
<lucas> Mizerock, judging by your latest statement, you live in the USA?Comment: irc.vaccus.org #main
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#50718 (294/420) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell> Funniest. Funeral. Ever. |
#50234 (293/455) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Ryozen: How's it going?
MinisterlnBlack: not too shabby
MinisterlnBlack: waiting for someone to come pick up my broken ass car
MinisterlnBlack: heh
Ryozen: Doh, that sucks
Ryozen: What happened to it?
MinisterlnBlack: there was an accident.
MinisterlnBlack: ::cough::
Ryozen: Heh, did you kill anyone?
MinisterlnBlack: nah, the sorority girl in front of me got lucky
MinisterlnBlack: heh
Ryozen: You rear-ended a sorority girl? *cough*
MinisterlnBlack: haha
MinisterlnBlack: man, my accident just got 10x cooler. |
#34828 (294/502) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<everest> hahahahaha
<everest> this gas station offered "unleaded, premium, chronic"
<everest> err
<everest> evidently none of what i just said is true.
* everest erases all of your memories
<SlackDug> wha .. what just happened?
<SlackDug> i feel like i blacked out
<everest> must have been an isolated and completely natural incident
* Swight takes away everest's "flashy thing"
<everest> this wouldn't be the first time i've gotten in trouble for flashing my thingComment: #geekissues
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#26308 (294/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Methodical Pain: but tomatoes are fruits
TheOffspring326: no they're not!
TheOffspring326: they merely prefer the company of other tomatoes, thats all! |
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