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#56249 (301/509) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Advocate> Hey guys, wanna hear a riddle? ^^
<Advocate> There's jill and jack on the floor, dead
<LightFang> They're fish
<Advocate> I hate you |
#50945 (301/461) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Erika> WTF
<Erika> I JUST TOOK MY WATCH OFF...
<Erika> TO PUT IT ON MY DESK.
<Erika> EXCEPT I PUT MY SPOON ON MY DESK AND MY WATCH IN MY CUSTARD.
<Erika> FUCKComment: #snoopy on irc.double0.net
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#44255 (301/463) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
somebody124: so... wes and his parents are gonna be gone all weekend....
somebody124: he has an unsecured wirless network.....
somebody124: are you thinking what im thinking?
putdownthestick: we should steal his car!!! |
#35766 (301/499) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* soulbleed changes topic to 'Do you like: Shaved [4] Trimmed [0] Bushy [0] Landing Strip [2] Heart [1] fuck it aim for the ass [1]'
<johnnyqu_> haha, best topic ever
<johnnyqu_> but what's it about?
<@soulbleed> ..................... |
#35083 (301/533) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker |
#30373 (301/421) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* [NYC] has joined #emu
<[NYC]> yo
<[NYC]> whats this channel for
<splice> making fun of people who ask legitimate questions |
#29639 (300/434) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@[UGP]SirSteam) ITS ALL FUCKING FUNNY TIL YOU ARE MARRIED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) THEN THE LAUGHTER FUCKING ENDS GENTLEMEN
(@[UGP]SirSteam) BE WARNED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) oh hi honey i was just talkin to the gu
—› quit: ([UGP]SirSteam) (~ssmith@SirScoots.user.gamesnet) (Read error: EOF from client) |
#24177 (301/489) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Faight> Reproduction is stupid.
<AndrewLB> You want sex, don't you?
<Faight> I have a 6 year old brother.
<Faight> He's an annoying little bastard, but I love him.
<Faight> =/
<AndrewLB> That was quite possibly THE most disturbing answer you could give. |
#7224 (301/457) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's, All welcome. Place for 500"
<Minko> grrrr
<Minko> You can all come, but I'm not gonna be there
*** mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's <Minko> You can all come"
<Minko> Stop it guys, I'm busy this weekend
<Minko> I've got big things planned
*** mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's <Minko> You can all come <Minko> I've got big things planned"
<Minko> Aaargh |
#305147 (300/424) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MurderMachine> So.
<MurderMachine> My rectal went something like this:
<MurderMachine> "Tell me when it feels uncomfortable"
<MurderMachine> "Dr Donaldson I'm lying on a bed pointing my ass at a relative stranger. It's already less comfortable than I'd like." |
#301607 (300/420) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mabbo> So, last night I discovered that my flatmate is functionally retarded
<Mabbo> Matt asked "Wait, which one is actually a star, the sun or the moon?"
<Mabbo> Keeping in mind, this is a guy who is in uni to become a primary school teacher.
<stiglet> Was he drunk?
<Mabbo> Stone sobre.
<Mabbo> Ben and I laughed, thinking he was joking
<Mabbo> he just stared back at us. "Seriously, I know one of them is, but which one?"
<Happysuggs> ...
<Happysuggs> SPECIAL
<Mabbo> I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps the standards to get into Uni of Edinburgh aren't what they were made out to be. |
#67080 (301/519) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Inkyghost> Steve Irwin died the way he lived.
<Inkyghost> With animals in his heart. |
#60175 (300/556) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<NIM^Outithj> I parked the car and turned to her, by the time I turned my head her shirt was already half off
<NIM^Outithj> And she was like Touch my breast
<NIM^Outithj> I was like what?
<NIM^Outithj> She was like Touch my tits
<NIM^Outithj> so I started the car and drove her home
<Malawar> ...
<[JS]-nowhere> well that was anti-climatic
<NIM^Outithj> Once I started driving home she started on this complex like 'WTF, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TITS? OMG THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME ISN'T THERE... ETC...'
<NIM^Outithj> So to shut her up, I reached over and grabbed one, and sweezed it twice, and on each squeeze I made the hook sound skeeter from that cartoon doug used to make
<NIM^Outithj> then put both hands back on the wheel like nothing had just happened :pComment: #empiresmod / gamesurge
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#57705 (300/486) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<apeiron> Chewie[]: all four of my grandparents died because of cancer
<incarnadine> YOU HAD 4 GRANDPARENTS!??!
<incarnadine> er... wait
<incarnadine> nevermind |
#49282 (299/489) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TrogL> Found a new use for a chainsaw. Daughter's boyfriend wouldn't wake up. Ran the chainsaw outside his window. He bolted out of bed yelling "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" He was still twitching three hours later
<Phoon> ROFLMAO
<Phoon> that's why nothing will beat a 12 gauge shotgun for home defense
<Phoon> Even a cat burglar with ice water in his veins will shit himself at the sound of a 12-gauge being pumped
<Phoon> you don't even need to fire it
<Phoon> hell, you don't even need the gun... just the cocking mechanism and a bottle of carpet cleaner to get rid of the shit stain |
#42992 (300/438) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[@WhipSmart]: for every story you hear about a dog saving someone's life, there are probably a million where the dog just sat there and watched them dieComment: Quakenet #funchat
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#34820 (300/434) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ushi> only on the internet is it acceptable to find out someone's basic information and status by fingering them |
#6473 (300/442) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<trance> ooo the heat is on in my house, my dad must have gotten a raise |
#1730 (300/460) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping? |
#205 (300/554) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(D1) ignore me
(D1) 9 out of 10 women do. |
#64908 (299/449) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Draconx> codered, aplay < /dev/urandom
<kepstin> if you hear noise, it works
<codered> oh FUCK
<codered> that was loud
<codered> I woke up my gf....
<codered> I think I just shit my pants |
#53872 (299/521) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<snarffles> Jesus I am so damn tired
<snarffles> I could literally fall asleep right here...
<snarffles> werrrrrrrwre34334""%%^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
<mellomeh> wow, you have fallen asleep in a comic fashion on your keyboard and managed to press enter despite your 'head' hitting keys nowhere near it
<mellomeh> you've also managed to hold shift near the end of that |
#53824 (298/522) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< withnail> thats another thing, in video games you always have to shoot bosses in the head or the one giant eye or something. i know this wouldn't work in transformers, but just once i'd like to see a game where the commander radios in the information for you to fight the giant monster and it comes through " well sir we've studied him deeply and it would appear his weak spot is right in his testicles, so shoot there repeatedly"
< withnail> i mean just once |
#44923 (299/389) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<CAPS-LOCK> And now for some good news... Remember that HD I was whining about? I managed to get the drive up and running long enough to get the data off of it.
<CAPS-LOCK> I did so by stuffing paperclips down the hollow stubs of the power pins, removing a power connector block and exposing the wires, and using alligator clips to connect the power wires to the ends of the paperclips
<CAPS-LOCK> \o/
<Pliong> that's impressively ghetto |
#35140 (299/481) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<_Sarah_> sorry, had a little visitor in a red sleeper show up
<Jason> is that code for your period?
<_Sarah_> LOL!
<Jason> ive bought tampons before, i know all about them
<_Sarah_> no.. it was my son, he got out of bed.. heh |
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