QDB: Top Quotes of All Time
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

#301862 (-17/757) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MegaMari> She's gone
<MegaMari> mom's gone
<Snack> I'm right here young man
<Snack> you're grounded
<MegaMari> not funny
<MegaMari> not even slightly
<MegaMari> she died this afternoon
Comment: efnet
#309063 (-17/129) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< munin> my brother in law sent my wife and i an e-mail telling us there was an iron golem on the roof and not to provoke it
< munin> i thought he was doing lsd for a few minutes until i remembered he was talking about our minecraft house
#300465 (-17/101) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Meta> MidComMobile: Hey, I'm moving back to the coast
< Meta> I'm going to study
< Meta> And I'm going to start over
* ProfessorBacon removes his pants
#303942 (-18/214) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fivre> Hello ladies. Look at your code.
<fivre> . return Iterables.filter(
<fivre> . . . . employees,
<fivre> . . . . new Predicate<Employee>() {
<fivre> . . . . . . public boolean apply(Employee e) {
<fivre> . . . . . . . . return e.isPartTime();
<fivre> . . . . . . }
<fivre> . . . . });
<fivre> Now look at mine.
<fivre> . return Iterables.filter(employees, {Employee e -> e.isPartTime()});
<fivre> Now back at your code.
<fivre> . return Iterables.filter(
<fivre> . . . . employees,
<fivre> . . . . new Predicate<Employee>() {
<fivre> . . . . . . public boolean apply(Employee e) {
<fivre> . . . . . . . . return e.isPartTime();
<fivre> . . . . . . }
<fivre> . . . . });
<fivre> Now back to mine.
<fivre> . return Iterables.filter(employees, {Employee e -> e.isPartTime()});
<fivre> Sadly, it isn't mine.
<fivre> But when it stops using inner-class-scented Java and switches to JDK 7, it could smell like mine.
<fivre> Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're in an IDE, with the code your code could smell like. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's a lambda expression, with two arguments of that type you love.
<fivre> Look again: the lambda is now a method reference!
<fivre> . return Iterables.filter(employees, Employee#isPartTime);
<fivre> Anything is possible when your code smells like fresh new JDK 7 hotness and not inner classes. I'm on a horse.
#185553 (-18/64) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<scalar> I just found the platic bag that my ex-girlfriend used to keep my first gray hair
#307870 (-20/152) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<shanty> are there secret handshakes involved in worshipping your balls?
<CB|MC> no
<CB|MC> you just cup them
<collin> lift and tickle.
#305320 (-20/672) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(While discussing the Amy's line of organic food products...)
Jesse: If I ever met Amy, I would kiss her full on the mouth.
Carrie: Would you stick your tongue down her throat?
Jesse: Yeah, and probably come back up with a delicious vegan burrito.
Carrie: That seriously made me want to puke.
Jesse: If you were Amy, you'd puke up delectable organic vegan soup.
Comment: Amy's food products
#182244 (-20/260) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<paul> fuckers
<paul> fuckers
<paul> fuckers
<paul> fuckers
<tyger> mushroom mushroom?
<jeff> SNAKE!
#308877 (-24/136) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tree_Hugger>  hey, how do I access to my eternal harddrive?
#302242 (-24/328) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tgies> http://qdb.us/101461
<tgies> if you did this irl a multitude of sunglasses would fucking appear on your face and fall all over the place in just a big heap
<tgies> and you would get a fucking special driver's license that entitles you to free chicken wings at any DMV office and the secret menu at arby's
<flamingspinach2> PlaceAtPC common_glasses_01 500
<G-Flex> no
<tgies> no
<G-Flex> don't
<G-Flex> spawnmass hkhangingpig 150
<flamingspinach2> what's that, deus ex?
<G-Flex> yeah
<G-Flex> yours was morrowind, right?
<flamingspinach2> yeah
<tgies> you guys are fucking nerds
Comment: #animutation on wgiowrb.dyndns.org
#311498 (-24/136) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@vistas> okay
<@vistas> you can invent anything at all regardless of defiance of physics or whatever
<@vistas> what would you invent that could make you a million dollars overnight
<lakembra> A million dollar bill
<@vistas> damn
#118259 (-24/930) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+zeppeh> i was fucking this chick once and she started crying.
<+zeppeh> she dropped her pacifier.
#310815 (-25/83) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Se7eN> in my early days of irc like 15 years ago
<Se7eN> there was this guy called Wiccy, Jigsy^ZzZzZ and others remember him
<Se7eN> and he would always "fluff" people he liked when the joined the main chan
<Se7eN> and i thought of it as like, fluffing someone's pillow to make their spot comfy upon arrival or something
<Se7eN> so for years i /me fluffed people
<Se7eN> and later found out it was a porn thing people do to "prep" male actors.
#188054 (-25/123) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<amorph> whats your girlfriends ass got in common with a 9V battery?
<amorph> you know its wrong, but sooner or later youre gonna put your tongue on it :D
#311447 (-25/73) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Crusher> when I invited the top dozen or so botnets in here in 1997 it was empty
<tev> Where *did* the bots go?
<Crusher> tev: we opped them all, put them on bitch and the resulting -o+k+b+o... resulted in a network flood that not only completly split eFnet, but also melted blackend's primary router taking down Internet access to half of Arizona for around a week, which caused them to delink from eFnet till 2005
#310745 (-25/83) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<powersurge> someone at work is having a breakdown
<powersurge> he's about 70% sure someone took his mousepad
<powersurge> but 30% unsure if he even had one to begin with
#304802 (-26/110) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ryan[WIN]> highway to the dannger zone
<ryan[WIN]> du na du na
<ryan[WIN]> du na du na
<sole> falling down on netflix streaming <3
<shea|eee> i hope a 23rd century historian-psychologist studies these logs and concludes that we're all suffering from a disorder discovered in the 22nd century called idiot's disease
<shea|eee> ^ EXHIBIT 28
#310741 (-27/95) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Bruno: Brogue is a fun little roguelike
Bruno: It's like a roguelike with everything superfluous stripped out
Wizard Lachesis: so basically a title screen and then you press enter and it goes directly to the "you're dead" screen
#201076 (-29/135) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Foxhill> i like everyone else to get married so i can sit here grinning that i'm not
<Foxhill> 'oh you had to cook dinner for your mother-in-law? i spent the night wanking in front of the internet, you lose'
#304083 (-30/168) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<geeknik> YouTube is infinitely more enjoyable when you completely hide the comments section on every video
#307998 (-32/204) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<~HumanNoMore> service hicupd stop
<~HumanNoMore> chkconfig hicupd off
<AlexR> aahhaha... STOP... you're making me laugh more :-(
#311508 (-32/112) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SirFinkus> woohooo
<SirFinkus> hype as fuck
<SirFinkus> seeing earth in a few hours
<Heads_Up> hahah just look at the ground dude it's right there
#310174 (-34/80) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<alise> "Europe is the national anthem of the Republic of Kosovo."
#200629 (-34/124) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<EternalSailorSaturn> and so i tell my gynecologist, well, you're putting so many things in my vagina, maybe i should charge you
#302169 (-35/157) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> froggey: [Link to circuit diagram]
<scgtrp> what's that thing above the transistor?
<froggey> a diode and a thing
<scgtrp> yes, what's the thing?
<froggey> dunno
<froggey> solemnwarning?
<solemnwarning> It's a box with a diagonal line through it
<froggey> that's what i thought
* scgtrp facepalms.
<froggey> scgtrp: go find a box with a diagonal line through it
save page | share <Prev1..585586587588589590Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,743 quotes approved; 8,841 fermenting; karma: 189.4473