|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..55565758596061..596Next> |
#28912 (334/470) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Maidros says "They had me evaluate network monitoring software last year."
Maidros says "The stuff that will tell you where people are surfing and such."
Maidros says "I ran it for a week, found that *I* was the worst offender, and told the boss it was too expensive."Comment: some random mush chatter
|
#307310 (333/383) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* Pryoidain is now known as MSWord
<MSWord> Oh Hi! I'm Microsoft word!
<MSWord> Hmm...I'm not really sure what you're doing here..you're using my equation editor an awful lot.
<MSWord> Oh! I see alot of numbers in parenthesis before these equations!
<MSWord> Huh...They don't quite match up though. See you have (1),(2),(3),(1),(3),(4),(1),(2),(5)
<MSWord> I can help! Let me just automatically reformat those into a list!
* MSWord DESTROYS ALL FORMATTING TO THIS POINT
<MSWord> What? You want me to stop automatically generating lists and go back to previous?
<MSWord> But..I was just trying to help!
<MSWord> Here, I'll fix it.
* MSWord RESETS ALL NUMBERS, FORMATTING, TAB INDENTATIONS, AND FORMULA LAYOUTS
<MSWord> There, Back to a blank slate!
<MSWord> What?
<MSWord> Hey why are you undoing?
<MSWord> Hey, don't go in there, those are my settings!
<MSWord> But, that's the autocorrect setting! That's me! What are you plan-
* MSWord is now known as Pryoidain
<Pryoidain> This is exactly how I am going to explain to my idiot math teacher why Microsoft word is a fucking HORRIBLE choice for a math homework submission. |
#262692 (333/641) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Elleo> someone should open a geek pub that only plays prog rock called The Progress Bar |
#87845 (333/549) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Fravec> Can i see you on the webcam?
<Jamie> no. I got to do my hair and stuff
<Fravec> you dont have to
<Jamie> I dooo :)
<Fravec> I wont look at your face anywayz |
#55564 (333/479) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Swishy> the star trek article on wikipedia
<Swishy> is larger than the intercourse article
<Swishy> SURPRISE! |
#50083 (333/569) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Code_Dark> Girl: so today was like our first offical date and it was like perfect
<@Code_Dark> wewt.
<@Akamu> It's a trap!
<@Code_Dark> !!!
<@Akamu> it's to perfect.
<@Akamu> I bet she's was once a man.
<@Code_Dark> ...
<@Code_Dark> hahahaha
<@Code_Dark> that would explain her erection.
<@Code_Dark> ...
<@pseudo> ...
<@Akamu> haha
<@pseudo> that would mean shes still a man.
<@Code_Dark> oh.
<@Code_Dark> that would explain my erection.
<@Code_Dark> ...
<@pseudo> ...
<@Akamu> hahahaha |
#31010 (333/591) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<chaz> When I was 4 or 5.
<chaz> My parents had a computer (Btw my dad built his 1st one before I was even born) and it had a dos shell program that booted and was called menu
<chaz> menu listed all your programs
<chaz> and games and stuff
<chaz> well, This program has parental controls, etc, so the setup program was password proteected
<chaz> I hacked to the dos shell, and figured out the admin executable and changed the settings (hey I was 4.. that was hacking back then)
<chaz> all for the purpose of naming my sisters games.. 'Michelles games suck' and my games 'Charles games Rule'
<chaz> and take away her favorite game
<chaz> out of her list.
<evee> hahha, you're mean!!!
<chaz> shebeat me up a lot. |
#27948 (333/461) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<hkhenson> we may need to modify the expected collision between our galaxy and andromeda
<finite> everyone lean left |
#16527 (333/454) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CraNKGod> YOU KNOW WHAT'LL BE NEAT ABOUT LIVING ON MY OWN
<Funk> Being able to run up and down the hallway naked but for a sock on your erect penis?
<CraNKGod> BEING ABLE TO DRINK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MILK JUG
<Funk> Oh.
<Funk> Man, you need a better imagination. |
#6649 (334/518) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(talking about a guy that worked at the world trade center)
<@PowrSlave> this poor fuck is getting divorced cuz of 9/11
<@PowrSlave> lol
<@PowrSlave> his wife filed
<@PowrSlave> he didnt go into work that morning and went to his mistresses' house instead
<@PowrSlave> had his phone off
<nonzeRo> haha
<nonzeRo> lucky guy
<@PowrSlave> he turned it on at around 11:00 and his wife was like "OMFG ARE YOU OKAY WHERE ARE YOUR?"
<@PowrSlave> hes like "im at the office honey. whats the matter?"
<@PowrSlave> lol |
#301489 (332/420) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Anoria> but the replacement parts are coming out of a $3 camera from ebay, so maybe something weird happened to this particular screen. there were no polarizers in either of the parts cameras.
<Bunsen> Man, this is why we need mantis shrimp vision.
<Anoria> I'm simply dying to know what you mean by that.
<Bunsen> Mantis shrimp have freakishly detailed perception of light.
<Bunsen> Like several more pigments than us, plus sensitivity to horizontal, vertical, and circular polarization.
<Anoria> yikes.
<peer> what does a shrimp need with that kind of vision?
<Bunsen> Hell if I know. Ask one.
<Anoria> I know there are beetles whose carapaces circularly polarize light, but I somehow doubt they share habitat
* Anoria reassembles the camera with both polarizers in place so they don't get lost in case someone eventually figures out what to do with them
<Anoria> or not polarizers. gratings. whatever.
<Bunsen> Oh my, I had forgotten that mantis shrimp are also capable of snapping their claws hard enough to cause cavitation and sonoluminescence.
<Anoria> wtf they're physics shrimp
<Bunsen> Exactly.
<Bunsen> Put 'em in heavy water, and I'm pretty sure they'll discover fusion.
<c0nsumer> why have you not done this yet?
<Bunsen> Because I, for one, do *not* welcome our new fusion-powered optics-researching crustacean overlords.Comment: I'm going to start a band called Physics Shrimp.
|
#300807 (332/478) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mr_daemon> I also set a reminder to clear the floors on the days the roomba is scheduled to run
<mr_daemon> Because Roombas are a bit like puppies
<mr_daemon> Somtimes you come home to find a bunch of shredded papers and kleenex all over the floor, electronics tossed around and wires everywhere with the roomba in the middle, its red light pulsing |
#249424 (332/472) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+hairypicklebuns> I got a piece of beacon stuck in my teeth
<&rtil> did it come with a lighthouse |
#142387 (332/666) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Omen> GBLT = gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual
<glasnost> GLBT*
<glasnost> GBLT sounds like a sexual deviant sandwich |
#73065 (332/492) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Dextrose> you ever taken half a pill?
<molly_mushroom> yeah. twice. |
#58994 (332/500) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<rm-fr> jesus fuck, my ass has been like Celine Dion's mouth all damn day
<DesScorp> wrapped around her husband's cock?
<Verjigorm> Sitting beneath an ENORMOUS nose?
<rm-fr> randomly spewing out copious amounts of crap
<rm-fr> I'm not sure I care for the implications of either of your answersComment: #bifemunix on EFnet
|
#33829 (332/468) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool." |
#13553 (332/499) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Phen-Away> I just figured out what scroll lock does
<AutistiCat> What does it do?
<Phen-Away> You see that light by caps lock? Well, it turns on when you press scroll lock |
#8305 (332/466) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Saber> just when I manage to convince myself I'm a superior being, I walk into a door |
#308942 (333/349) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<munin_> roughly it is modeling language and the brain, or, a graph-theoretic approach to modeling how language is represented in the brain
<munin_> she is teaching a graph to speak english by having it read reddit
<munin_> the first 2 phrases it learned were 'm night shamalamadingdong' and 'cockjuggling thundercunts'
<munin_> so it seems to be working
<munin_> she is going to try and get 'cockjuggling thundercunts' into her dissertation |
#303898 (331/401) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<AndrewBC> My favorite password is "incorrect"
<AndrewBC> that way when I get it wrong, they remind me
<AndrewBC> "Your password is incorrect" |
#277318 (331/471) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<dioz> god damn i need to shit
<dioz> woops
<dioz> does anyone else have the constant problem of typing into the wrong terminal?
* azn_jesus wonders what the right terminal for that was |
#269623 (331/641) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jed> god DAMNIT what did i DO WITH IT
<jed> i packed a bowl, right here
<metallic> jed: how high are you?
<jed> i'm not
<jed> that's why i'm LOOKING FOR THE GOD DAMNED WEED |
#129207 (331/581) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<miska> does anyone know how to change sex in WoW?
<SaxxonPike> When you play WoW, sex won't ever change |
#87368 (331/461) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<[F12]Nick> ummm does neone know how to change my font back from size 26...i can read about 3 messages at a time and they all intimidate me
<[E09]SEANO> File > Settings > Colours and Fonts
<[F12]Nick> also...my homepage is meatspin.com...my username seems to be shabongbong and there black porn all thru my recent documents
<[F12]Nick> i think i need to lock my door
<[F12]Nick> next time i go out |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..55565758596061..596Next> |
|