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#108878 (406/668) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
NeverWakeUp1229: So I had a major conflict between my ego and my cock today
MotherBound0: don’t the two go hand in hand?
MotherBound0: or dick in hand?
NeverWakeUp1229: Whatever
NeverWakeUp1229: So I was turning in my essay at the same time as some hot chick in my history class
NeverWakeUp1229: We both go for the stapler, and naturally I snag it first
NeverWakeUp1229: So my cock goes, “Be a gentleman and offer her the stapler! It’s one less step for you to go to get in her pants.”
NeverWakeUp1229: And my ego says, “No, don’t be a pussy. You don’t owe her shit.”
MotherBound0: so what happened?
NeverWakeUp1229: I offered her the stapler and she told me to go ahead and use it first
NeverWakeUp1229: Best of both worlds
MotherBound0: you possess the most fucked up sense of logic ever |
#57383 (407/543) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
weird_aunt_martha: ok...so I'm at work today...
weird_aunt_martha: I sneezed. And there's a guy across the wall from me, in a different department. And he hollers over the cube wall 'Martha? My conference call says bless you' |
#37057 (406/504) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<cow_crap> ok I came to class early one day, considerably early
<cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback by
<cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said, without thinking, "that's what all the girls say"
<cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot
<cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins |
#35719 (406/522) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<menno> damnit
<menno> nvidia mousemat broke my table :(
<DEATH> wtf?
<menno> yeah, it was one of those selfsucking mousemats
<menno> when I tried to pull it off it took half of the table with it |
#92169 (405/677) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Vergo> man...
<Vergo> back in the old days... we had smarter idiots... |
#47823 (405/557) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TheYamiUsagi> Halo is like Christianity. It's probably okay, but the ignorant fan base ruined it for me. |
#300769 (404/648) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Nick A dot: so you dont believe in aliens?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: no
Nick A dot: so you believe that in this whole unfathamably huge universe, we're the ONLY life?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: yep, thats the way God made it
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: and theyre not mentioned in the bible so they obviously dont exist
Nick A dot: i see... do you believe in dinosaurs?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: well yeah of course, weve found their remains!
Nick A dot: yeah, but THEYRE not mentioned in the bible
xXH0tsuMm3RfUnXx is offline |
#295489 (404/550) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<workthrick> I just got laid
<workthrick> off |
#294923 (404/566) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Anemia says: *sigh* as soon as I changed my status on facebook back to single... all the ads changed into "dating site" or "how to get back together with your ex" >:( |
#56819 (404/548) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(Deranged): I think my girlfriend is cheating on me...
(Deranged): I gave her one of those certificates for her birthday that say "Good for one hour of great sex anyway you want it."
(Deranged): She got this huge expression of joy on her face, kissed me on my cheek thanking me, then runs out the front door yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!" |
#910 (403/543) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kury^> the other day i found out that my Uni's fire evacuation policy for ppl with wheelchairs is to 'push them into a room, close the door, escape and then give the room number to the firemen' |
#307521 (403/447) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<UmlautBanana> do we have a y/n bot in here
<SeriousBot> n
<UmlautBanana> okay
<UmlautBanana> ...wait what |
#302228 (403/657) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@heels> i wanna be a hooker
<Doomstalk> heels: You're already a whore in your own way
<Cuzza> heels: you're already a whore
<Cuzza> ^5 Doomstalk
<Doomstalk> ^5 Cuzza
<Cuzza> ...
<Cuzza> GET OUT OF MY HEAD
<Doomstalk> GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES
<Cuzza> WHAT THE FUCK MAN |
#301599 (403/525) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Jingleboy: Love how the Business version of Vista has "have fun on your PC" unticked |
#300940 (403/521) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ttvd> wow i wrote "switch wives" instead of "switch views" in email.
<ttvd> response is going to be interesting |
#295466 (403/613) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<dragongame> Welcome back, Peasant McDohl, to A DRAGON EATS YOU.
<dragongame> Your ability scores are: Str: 6, Dex: 4, Con: 6, Int: 6, Wis: 4, Cha: 3.
<dragongame> Fight a Giant!
<McDohl> !fight
<dragongame> You roll a 1. A dragon eats you. |
#59266 (404/586) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Michiko> yes, well, my landlord got a puppy.
<Michiko> It won't die
<Michiko> I'm not sure if it's a real puppy or a stereo with a puppy cd in it
<Michiko> Because any normal animal would have passed out by now |
#49878 (403/599) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Victorian_Skunk> Is there a new virus going around? My Windows has suddenly changed to another language! I think it's Croatian.
<Dan> You Got Serbed!Comment: #rpgnet
|
#31827 (402/550) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<niteshade> awww this is shit.
<niteshade> my router's stuck in a routing loop
<Sendai> power cycle
<niteshade> i mean at UPS
<Sendai> Your router runs UPS?
<niteshade> no I mean I ordered it and it's come through oregon, into seattle, back to oregon and into seattle again. I just checked and it's back in oregon. UPS is looping!
<Sendai> lol
<beer> lol. that doesn't bode well
<niteshade> no shit. I ordered it to replace a crappy dlink that kept fucking with my network
<beer> dlink r good
<niteshade> nup this one was going into routing loops
<niteshade> am I in the twilight zone? |
#31761 (403/523) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two" |
#16564 (403/554) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<billyblacktop> yo yo yo, sup my niggas?
<jimmy2toes> your not black
<billyblacktop> how do you know that?
<jimmy2toes> I hacked your webcam, and now I can see you
<billyblacktop> yeah right you cant do that
<jimmy2toes> I can and I did.
<billyblacktop> ok then what color hair do I have
<jimmy2toes> Hmmm, let me zoom in a bit. Blonde, and you are white, about 6' 2", your room has an emenim poster and your bedspread is yellow and blue.
<billyblacktop> holy fuck man im telling the cops
Quits: {billyblacktop} (billyb@235.253.473.232) (Quit:)
<jimmy2toes> LMAO, that was a friend of mine, I just set up his comp today, and showed him mirc, he doesnt know my nick, what a fat tool!!!
<nellcarterlookalike> A fat tool indeed. |
#299781 (402/560) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Hobbesy: Ghost, this is an intervention
Hobbesy: You're obviously a raging alchoholic
Ghostrider: No I'm fine
Ghostrider: why?
Hobbesy: No Ghost
Hobbesy: It has to stop
Ghostrider: *sigh*
Ghostrider: where did I post? |
#298611 (402/508) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<hayden> her: "i thought since you're good with electronics you could tell me whats wrong with my ipod..."
<hayden> her: "i dropped it in a lake, but-"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake?"
<hayden> her: "yeah but the little sticker didn't turn red"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake" |
#296072 (402/520) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<keiretsu> today at uni the lecturer was trying to open up his powerpoint presentation
<keiretsu> he opens Powerpoint from the start menu and clicks the Save button at the top (with a blank document currently open)
<keiretsu> while he's navigating around someone tells him that he clicked the save button and he responds "yes, that's to save a file"
<keiretsu> and he navigates to his lecture presentation thingy and double clicks it and it prompts him wiht the "do you wish to overwrite" dialog and he clicks Yes
<keiretsu> and the whole lecture theatre started laughing out loud at him and some guy was shouting "GG"
<surfichris> lol
<keiretsu> he closes powerpoint and navigates to it in windows explorer and double clicks it and it's now a blank document :p |
#294656 (402/618) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<drac> I was in a public restroom today and the box that contains the toilet paper rolls has a side that can't be seen until you're sitting down
<drac> so I wrote "I pissed all over the toilet seat" on there |
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