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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..38394041424344..596Next> |
#240218 (392/738) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MiracleBlue> I had the worst nightmare
<MiracleBlue> In my dream I was on the computer right
<MiracleBlue> And anyway, I was visiting a website and this pop up came up
<MiracleBlue> And installed malware on my machine
<MiracleBlue> And the porn king (you know that dude with the long hair and bald spot)
<MiracleBlue> His voice was coming from my computer
<MiracleBlue> Talking about porn
<MiracleBlue> I was like FUUUUCK
<MiracleBlue> And I immediately went to download.com and tried to download AVG
<Flawlessdave> That's not a nightmare. A nightmare would be if you were stuck with Norton
<MiracleBlue> Dear god |
#227397 (392/506) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
newts: This VIP branch is complaining that it's network connections seem to be down ATM.
newts: We failed them to the backup systems which are also not responding.
newts: We failed them to the tertiary systems (they're VIP).
newts: Suddenly it's mentioned that they're in the middle of a hurricane.
newts: Huh.
newts: Wonder if that could be the problem. |
#190078 (392/506) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Calgary> !calc 42/12
-Vectra[22]- ** (CALC): 42/12 = 3.5
<Calgary> !calc 53/3
-Vectra[22]- ** (CALC): 53/3 = 17.666667
<StFu145> !calc 23/0
*** -Vectra[22]- has left #CalculatorBot (connection timed out)
<StFu145> oops |
#107683 (392/508) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday. |
#35046 (391/671) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<railed> overheard at a 13-year old's slumber party: "I WOULD NEVERRRR PUT ONE IN MY MOUTH!! THAT IS SOOOO GROSS!! EWWW!" 3 years later: "hmph rrph mmmph you love me right? hurf mmmph"Comment: #quakeed
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#34689 (392/542) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tharaka> my computer said "shutting down in 60 seconds"
<tharaka> and i set the clock back to the 1st of april
<tharaka> and now it says "shutting down in 4 days"
<tharaka> hahaha.. stupid microsoft
<tharaka> oh fuck!
* tharaka (tharaka@c210-49-185-160.werrb1.vic.optusnet.com.au) Quit (Connection Reset By Peer) |
#18436 (392/533) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* oddjob throws a rubix cube at jitspoe
<jitspoe> ow
* jitspoe looks puzzled |
#2353 (392/522) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<korb> anyone got a nuked vers of kof2000n??
<korb> anyone got a nuked vers of kof2000n???
<blazemore> quick, add more question marks, i think it's working |
#302269 (390/572) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Vasir: there was an evil dick staring at me all day
Mel: O_O WTF.. um are you okay?
Vasir: yeah i'm fine. it was starring me down through the windows all day though. i'm pretty sure it had malicious intent
Mel: Are you okay?
Vasir: yes.
*10 minutes or so pass*
Vasir: you know Mel, we never talk much anymore...
Mel: I know, but Vasir, why are you talking about dicks?
Vasir: I'm not?
Vasir: OH FUCK. I meant DUCK! AN EVIL DUCK WAS STARRING AT ME! NOT AN EVIL DICK! |
#301230 (391/593) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<coil> i dont like what bleeds
<ShadowHntr> did i just wreck your haiku?
<[1NF0]> you got the center |
#299404 (390/520) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<RadRac> what is wrong with my life!
<RadRac> My boyfriend found my bra in the bag he brought to football practice
<RadRac> and the coach of the varsity is now wearing it as a hat |
#295604 (391/519) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<archtech> An interesting experiment: cover your eyes fully so that no light leaks through. You'll always think you see some light leak through. Ask your friend to turn off the light, or do nothing. When he turns it off, you'll still see phantom leaking light.
<awormus> now I know the guy who is sitting next to me is on this channel because he's sitting here with his hands over his eyesComment: #phpc freenode
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#131422 (391/711) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<lolage> Holy shit. Most epic idea ever.
<lolage> In the history of mankind.
<lolage> A rocket-coffin.
<lolage> You get put in standing upward. Door gets closed and you get launched into the sky
<lolage> with a parachute attached to your body
<lolage> the door blows in mid air
<lolage> parachute autodeploys
<lolage> you float, dead; down into someones garden
<oohal> lolage, you've got issues
<lolage> Oh man. I'd better get started on the blue prints. |
#60704 (391/573) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Blackstrat04: i have a headache though, thats pretty cool
dbounce09: that sucks
dbounce09: have some excedrin w/ a beer... that should do it
Blackstrat04: im at work
Blackstrat04: i dont have any excedrin |
#34159 (391/559) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Rjx> so I'm sitting with some friends in college
<Rjx> and drinking some soup
<Rjx> and I say "hey, this soup is thicker than a norwegian"
<Rjx> and I look up
<Rjx> and there's this girl glaring at me
<Rjx> and I think "wait a minute"
<Rjx> so I say
<Rjx> "er du norsk?"
<Rjx> her: ja
<Rjx> oops.... |
#12227 (391/573) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@RuneCaster> hitting a 9 year old on a crosswalk is probably bad for your driving record though
<@RuneCaster> all I remember was I was on my way to the arcade to play TMNT
<@RuneCaster> and suddenly it was sky ground sky ground sky ground sky ground sky ground pain |
#297004 (390/522) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
John: i need something perverted to say to my gf
John: i'm just not perverted and dont know anything about that stuff
Ethan: say "I want you inside of me."
John: okay |
#296679 (390/496) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@impossible> my buds and i share dedicated server hosting
<@impossible> so we all paypal our one friend for the monthly payment
<@impossible> so for the last four months it's been paypal messages like, "less teeth, more attentino to the balls"
<@impossible> and he got an email today saying his account has been permanently closed for adult services, which is a violation of paypal usage |
#267960 (390/494) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<palomer> I invented a new programming language
<palomer> now I'm wondering what to do with it
<palomer> ho hum
<Axle> what's it good for?
<palomer> programming:P
<Raevel> you're already ahead of a lot of the others |
#56603 (390/528) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> I feel like a dolt
<evilAdmin> sitting in a meeting with da b0ss
<evilAdmin> I screwed up a IT expendature report... Put down Win 2003 Enterprise when we needed standard just from downloadin' it off BT as a habbit. It stuck another $3000 on the report by accident.
<evilAdmin> B0ss asked me about it. My first reaction, I kid you not, was this little hand-twitch thing that would have otherwise been CTRL-Z.
<evilAdmin> The b0ss caught it. He said "Did you just press Undo?", and I said "Yeah, now I need to enter the infinite money cheat". He just stared at me.
<evilAdmin> Then him and his 4 goons all started laughing at me :(. My job sux |
#301516 (389/505) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* nuintari facepalms
<nuintari> i never thought this would actually happen
<nuintari> I just had a customer ask if we used IP addresses
<nuintari> the ensuing discussion turned into him _demanding_ that we not make him use an IP address, because they made him vulnerable to attack
<nuintari> no amount of calm explaining was reaching him, so I start talking extremely sarcastically
<rm-rf> what would he like to use?
<brad> postal addresses!
<brad> maidenhead grid squares!
<nuintari> "no sir, you sir, if you choose not to use an IP address, what happens is, the data packets arrive to your computer on the backs of very small, hard working amoebas"
<nuintari> I disabled him from DHCP.... let him never get an address, and said, "but unfortunately, those little bastards have been on strike for years, your choices are IP address, or cancel service"
<nuintari> then I told him that this was by far and wide, the dumbest request I had ever heard |
#300947 (389/541) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<meanolthing> hmm
<meanolthing> is pornography in or out?
<aizakku> in
<aizakku> then out
<aizakku> then in
<aizakku> then out again |
#83745 (389/513) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<InkyGhost> So, I work for a college, managing one of their labs. The college had problems with people abusing the printers, so they switched to a "pay-per-page" system.
<InkyGhost> Our printer, however, is free and unmetered, but for Computer Science stuff only.
<InkyGhost> We've turned a blind eye to people printing off reports and whatnot, but lately someone's been abusing it. So, we're locking down the printer a little more.
<InkyGhost> What broke the camels back was some student repeatedly printing out this 30 page excerpt called "The History of Judaism" 4-5 times a day for 2 days.
<Morigann> So, when the students complain, you'll just tell them to blame the jews?
<InkyGhost> If it would not get me so incredibly fired, that would be the notice on the printer. |
#62151 (389/565) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Pan Man 120: wtf
Pan Man 120: birds sleep?
Robin: ...
Pan Man 120: it makes sense but i always kind of thought they flew around all day |
#51854 (389/543) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Mark> oh yeah. so my roommate got me to sit down and play need for speed underground on the xbox. he thought it would be funny because i was drunk, so i would fuck up, and he would laugh at me. except i ended up doing better and beating a bunch of races i wasnt able to do sober.
<Mark> which means im a better driver when im drunk
<Mark> i just have to find a way to explain that to the police. |
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