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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..33343536373839..596Next> |
#69719 (421/661) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BlackCat22> North Korea wise men discover Nuclear Fission.
<BlackCat22> What would you like to research next?
<BlackCat22> >Miniturization (85 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Refrigeration (67 turns)
<BlackCat22> >The Radio (45 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Crop Rotation (8 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Literacy (1 turn) |
#55422 (422/606) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Modoc> I had a person ask me at work how I learned about computers. and I said you remimber dating in HS he sead yes. And I sead I don't.Comment: #mIRC :)
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#12193 (422/574) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<missing> a chick walks by, u wish u could sex her
<missing> but ya standin on the wall like u was poindexter!
<akaIDIOT> since when is sex a verb?
<corngrits> i had sex
<corngrits> isnt that a verb ?
<ceraph> no, thats a miracle |
#85791 (420/578) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89. |
#67390 (421/571) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<eieioh> i completely trashed my vocal cords this weekend while playing a few gigs with my band..i'm not supposed to talk
<eieioh> tonight i was at work and they put me on delivery instead of in the kitchen like i usually do
<eieioh> i made nine deliveries before 8, when we stop delivering..and all but two of the customers called to complain that i was rude and impolite because i didn't say anything
<eieioh> and my boss, whenever someone complains, wants the person who was complained about to apologize to the person complaining
<eieioh> but my boss wouldn't let me because of my voice. but finally i got tired of people calling..so i told him to let me take it
<eieioh> here's what i said to everyone.."sir/ma'am, i apologize for your dissatisfaction but i have esophagal cancer and this job is helping me pay my chemotherapy expenses."
<eieioh> my boss and i were laughing so hard, but it hurt so much to laugh i nearly puked.
<eieioh> one of them came in to give me a tip. :D |
#35093 (421/577) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<takkaria> so, anyway, yeah. who wants an argument about something? I'm bored
<Scoth> takkaria: You're wrong |
#308280 (420/486) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot. |
#55808 (420/592) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SteelHard> how r u ?
* Gen|G^2 is now known as Gen|G^ZZZ
* Gen|G^ZZZ gives SteelHard an a,e,y and o before he goes
<SteelHard> what ?
<Gen|G^ZZZ> how can i put it nicely...
* Gen|G^ZZZ is now known as TheEnglishLanguage
<TheEnglishLanguage> OH GOD IM DYING |
#297561 (419/537) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ProtoTom> WTF's a woofer?
<Jizzle> It's a special speaker reserved for making "woof" sounds in some songs
<Jizzle> WHO LET THE DOGS OUT for instance
<ProtoTom> seriously?
<MACROX> yeah...the runtime complexity of producing that sound was way to high
<MACROX> so they implemented it in harware |
#304957 (418/522) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Bombs> you're Canadian. you guys live in igloos, right?
<Kirk> You're American. You guys live in McDonalds', right? |
#297780 (418/566) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kylierenea> I have the COOLEST teacher in my substance abuse class!
<kylierenea> I was in my substance abuse class today
<kylierenea> we were on the topic of marijuana
<kylierenea> and she started telling this story...
<kylierenea> she said "one day i was pulling weeds from my garden"
<kylierenea> and she's this really nice, old lady too..
<kylierenea> and she says "while I'm pulling weeds i see this small plant.."
<kylierenea> "and i think to myself, this looks like marijuana"
<kylierenea> "so i bring it up to my nose and smell it and i'm like.."
<kylierenea> "this SMELLS like marijuana..."
<kylierenea> then she says "so i take it inside, grind it, roll it, and smoke it"
<kylierenea> "and I'm like, 'this IS marijuana!" |
#148598 (418/614) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LordLicorice> I made Goatse talk once
<LordLicorice> In a Scottish accent
<LordLicorice> There was some Budweiser thing
<LordLicorice> where you could upload your portrait
<LordLicorice> and assign eye points, lip points, etc.
<LordLicorice> and make yourself say things
<LordLicorice> so I uploaded Goatse
<LordLicorice> made him talk
<LordLicorice> chose Scottish accent
<LordLicorice> made him recite scripture about the End Times |
#114245 (418/524) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Prrrrostata> in the back of national lampoon they had little round stickers that had a picture of a screw on them
* JacklynHyde hoists an eyebrow
<Prrrrostata> you could stick them over the heart on bumperstickers
<Prrrrostata> "I <screw> my german shepard" |
#69899 (418/612) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<willy> when i say POS it means parents over shoulder. which means no cussing. got it?
***
<willy> ugh, POS.
<foonisha> WOOO PORN FUCK DAMN SHIT TITTIES BOOBS GOD DAMN FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT
*willy has signed off |
#35474 (418/598) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+fleet> morning
<+ke1th> morning honey.
<+fleet> aww sweetie, its been ages since you said that
<+ke1th> for this convo to go on anymore.. we'd just sound really gay.
<+fleet> well, according to some other deviants, they're already under the impression I am gay
<+dxd> fleets not gay? :o
<+fleet> yes, unfortunately, I am as straight as a ruler
<+dxd> :<
<+ke1th> one of those plastic ones that bend?
<+fleet> all the way round baby |
#35205 (416/638) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LabRat> google is smart so I don't have to be. |
#31235 (416/578) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kaelic> Broadband, although more expensive than dial-up, is actually saving me money through excessive piracy. |
#300810 (415/659) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL. |
#150313 (415/619) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<fugi> when mccain wins the election and invades iran, do we get to yell "Monopoly!" and put hotels across iraq, iran and afghanistan? |
#301149 (414/502) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+endemDan> i need to find a new job, where customers are not so retarded
<@Gusterbuster> Someone call you and say 'Can you hear me now?'
<+endemDan> no i have had that happen before, but this is even worse
<+endemDan> a customer calls in support from their cell and says she cant find the function she wants to take a pic with
<+endemDan> so i get her phone model blah blah blah, then ask what exactly shes trying to do
<+endemDan> she says 'i see pictures of people where they are holding their phone and are in the picture themselves, how do i take a picture of myself and my phone if the camera does not come off the phone'
<+endemDan> she continues with 'also how are they getting a picture of themselves from the front if i can see the flash?, like the camera is facing away from them during the picture. how do i do that?'
<+endemDan> i couldnt even respond or laugh, i was just in complete awe that someone was actually serious about this question
<+endemDan> then i asked her if she has ever looked at herself in the mirror, and freaks out thinking i just called her ugly or some shit and demands to speak to my manager
<+endemDan> so i put her on hold, get him over and tell him the story and he doesnt believe me and gets on the phone and has her repeat everything she said and then asks her about the complaint against me
<+endemDan> he asks her the same exact thing (it has been about 10 minutes since the call started) and then, then she finally gets it and understands that taking a picture in a mirror is how the people do it
<+endemDan> i dont understand how people like that function in life
<@Gusterbuster> Yea. However you get to sit on your ass all day and answer a phoneComment: endemDan works at verizon
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#142409 (414/836) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<`Penguinz> vagina sounds more like a sickness than a body part
<`Penguinz> "i can't come in to work today, I have vagina"
<`Penguinz> "It's all over my face!" |
#61121 (414/558) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Ked|work> You know you've used linux more than google when typing 'man pipe' into the search bar doesn't instantly seem like a bad idea. |
#109825 (412/846) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<||bass> irl convo snippet between lenina and me
<||bass> lenina: why don't you ever say my name when you cum?
<||bass> lenina: why can't you be like "oh yea hilary hilary you saved the world!"
<||bass> me: oh yes yes hilary yes! you saved the world!
<||bass> me: ...
<||bass> me: press B to begin a new quest!
<||bass> lenina: arrrghhh!Comment: #nobodysworld on irc.deltaanime.net
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#49489 (413/567) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> LMFAO... Dude, I've been reading too much bash.org... You know how I'm resigning wednesday, right?
<0_o> yah, and?
<evilAdmin> Well, I figured I'd try something. I walked into the b0sses office and said, word fo' word, Gimme a raise or I'll tell your wife everything...
<0_o> okay...
<evilAdmin> I've gone fron $22.5/hour to $26/hour...
<0_o> wtf? It worked?
<evilAdmin> Maybe I shouldn't quit after all.. I wonder how many times I can pull that before he fires me :P. |
#35545 (413/567) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<flouch> i spilled mt.dew on my crotch
<flouch> now it looks as if i wet myself
<XX01XX> Interesting... because I piss on myself and then tell people I just spilled Mt Dew
<SiFL> which is also interesting because i piss in mt. dew containers and tell peoples its soda |
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