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#26299 (189/325) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DarkSmile> I have no soul, either
<DarkSmile> I gave mine to a girl
<DarkSmile> She was like: "And?"
<DarkSmile> Bitch. |
#27902 (189/373) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ned> rofl
<Ned> Sud N' Fud
<Ned> When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead
<CB[UN1]> you forgot the usual line
<CB[UN1]> "hey stop im only 12"
<iX|Blue|afk> lol
<iX|Blue|afk> i usually get "woof bark bark" |
#28797 (189/335) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<poopy> Out of convicted rapists, 57% admitted to reading pornography. 95% admitted to reading the Bible.
<mst_> biblese.cx?Comment: #geekissues
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#30255 (189/393) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Scott> I thought they were all saying "Hi, Hitler!" Makes sense, since they're waving... |
#30416 (189/333) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pyxl> my schedule says I'm taking physics this year
<matterless> Good, it builds character.
<pyxl> your sympathy is overwhelming |
#30461 (189/375) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Calisa> "After his arrest in 1990 police found photographs that Black had taken of himself: one showed him with a wine-bottle up his anus, another with a telephone-handset, yet another with a table leg."
<FifthColumn> Sadly the inspectors drank from the wine bottle, talked on the telephone, and beat a minority with the table leg before they found the photographs. |
#31111 (189/349) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<efeX> I got an email off a clan leader today
<efeX> He offered me a "nap"
<efeX> with his "division"
<efeX> So im guessing im invited to some sort of nerd orgy
<efeX> Which quite frankly both fightens and excites me
<efeX> infact, bbl |
#31744 (189/363) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(AtomicBadger) my crotch itches
(AtomicBadger) damn aftershave
(vash) ... |
#32744 (189/371) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@tadashi-> i remember everytime chinese new year rolled on by
<@tadashi-> the teacher would make us do a parade through the school
<@tadashi-> and i'd fucking lead it cuz i was the only azn in my class
<@tadashi-> i was like wtf |
#296599 (189/333) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Woofcat> I never got why Satan was torturing people
<Woofcat> I always picture hell as some huge Dojo where everyone learns Krav Maga and is really buff from working out.
<Woofcat> I mean you are trying to build an army. |
#302296 (189/353) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
James: i just suggested to evan that we stand up a VM in our vSphere infrastructure running MS-DOS 6.22
James: copy a few select files to it
James: and create this as autoexec.bat:
James: c:\doom\doom.exe
James: DOOM in vsphere. win.
Jordan: hahahaha
Jordan: cloud computing doom?
James: exactly
Jordan: I knew this is exactly what university server admins do with their time |
#308799 (189/265) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Vyk> Ender, what happened with your motorcycle?
<Ender> Motorcycles are not good for deer hunting
<FiestaJoe> well you got it in one shot
<FiestaJoe> and it dropped right where it was hit
<FiestaJoe> cost of ammunition seems expensive though
<Ender> $6700 per shot |
#103050 (188/258) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<KR> I don't think anyone ever manged to compile that package
<Cygnum> crap. Any tips anyone?
<KR> divine assistance?
<Cygnum> right. i'll light some candles, sprinkle some holy water on the keyboard and shout "the power of christ compiles you!" before pressing enter. |
#267616 (188/272) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<vels_7> My computer was beginning to run slow, so i decided to reinstall windows. I have my own xp serial but no cd, so i downloaded one, and formatted the computer.
<vels_7> ...
<vels_7> then i realized that i had forgot to burn the cd. |
#297486 (188/356) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[~Knoeki] a guy comes with a piece of paper with tubgirl printed on it.
[~Knoeki] showing it to me to shock me or something
[~Knoeki] so I looked at him asking why he'd show me
[~Knoeki] and he was like "wtf?!" because I diddn't seem disgusted at all ;_)
[KillerGeek] Did you show him goatse to try to shock him back?
[~Knoeki] nah, I just told him to find me something more recent to jack off to.Comment: #zomgwtfbbq, irc.p2p-network.net
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#300892 (188/336) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<abiff> I don't like beer in cans
<abiff> That's why I drink it |
#301176 (188/388) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mike_W> my toilet is having issues, evidently i've been blaming my cat for pissing in the basement by error
<Mike_W> when my toilet is flushed, my furnace in the basement gets a golden shower
<Worf> and then the furnace turns on and the smell propagates throughout the house
<Mike_W> it's not a _lot_ an ounce out of a gallon
<Mike_W> but over time that's been the cause of this issue i've been near ready to get rid of my cat over
<Mike_W> and enough to rust out the top of the furnace ductwork
<Mike_W> I found the issue today when i was rebooting the terrastation after the power outage and mary was upstairs. she flushed the toilet, I got wet (terrastation is next to furnace)
<Mike_W> it doesn't propagate through the house thankfully, it's just in the basement area
<Mike_W> i've been trying to find where the cat was pissing for a month
<Mike_W> turns out it's been me all along...sigh |
#304006 (188/258) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Danny: Have you heard Microsoft's new Windows line?
Danny: "Windows. life without walls."
Danny: Damn right. All kinds of shit can just walk into your house whenever it damn well pleases. |
#37391 (189/359) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<asdfasdf> You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and is like, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," and does his thing, then he puts the mike down but forgets to turn it off. Then he says, "Man, all I want right now is a blow-job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess goes runnin' up towards the cock-pit to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy in the back of the plane goes, "Don't forget the coffee!" |
#44247 (188/326) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<vhold> "a government mandated wireless protocol that transmits to the receiver how many calories and other nutritional information they will receive from their food purchase."
<Skud> vhold: wtf?
<vhold> I just made that up and put it in quotes to make more interesting |
#45519 (188/320) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Aero`> i have created food
<Aero`> without injury
<Aero`> hooray |
#50174 (188/332) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Raynor> yo yo yo hows cornell
<Jolteon> cool, im actually not months behind in school work like last year
<Zoinky> that's because it hasn't been months since you started |
#53836 (188/402) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NPR> HEY
<NPR> NICE HOUSE
<NPR> BE A REAL SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT
<NPR> YOU NEED PROTECTION IS WHAT I'M SAYING
<NPR> "OOPS" INSURANCE
<NPR> THE SORT OF PROTECTION THAT ONLY A PUBLIC RADIO SERVICE CAN OFFER
* NPR knocks over your lamp
<NPR> OTHERWISE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN
<NPR> YA FOLLOW!? |
#55152 (188/438) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<lm> hehe, my sis hates me now
<lm> I'm always joking about how fat she is
<losre> uh, she's hot actually
<lm> yah, but it's still funny to joke about it
<losre> sure
<lm> I was making jokes again and she started throwing pencils at me
<lm> then I said "you're a very naughty girl! roll to your room and think about what you did" |
#58591 (188/406) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
pancreas: If homosexuality is a disease, can I call in gay? |
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