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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..152153154155156157158..596Next> |
#44423 (201/337) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AI> do you know how to get legal free music?
<AI> call a random helpdesk
<AI> you'll get free music for at least 20 minutes |
#52230 (201/371) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
swtSeduction75: my mom just told me to wear a thong
DaceIre: cool!
DaceIre: Way to go mom!
swtSeduction75: well that was one of the two options
DaceIre: what was the other one?
swtSeduction75: uh
swtSeduction75: to not wear anything
DaceIre: Bad mom! |
#53280 (201/377) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Allies]stratus: how's everyone?
[Allies]iMmortal: im fine. feeling better than i did before. i just got off work
[Allies]stratus: things have been slow today
[Allies]Spinny: day after the holidays, everybody's busy at the retail stores returning everything
[Allies]iMmortal: yeah
[Allies]stratus: where do you guys work?
[Allies]iMmortal: UPS
[Allies]Spinny: fedex
[Allies]iMmortal: ...
[Allies]Spinny: ...
*iMmortal was betrayed by Spinny
[Allies]iMmortal: wtf!Comment: multiplayer games....so fun
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#61023 (201/443) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<LinearA> so my boss emails me this resume for a 10AM interview
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle to an adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!" |
#62079 (201/481) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<relsqui> my cat just lay down with her chin on my wrist. that's very very fuzzy.
* nova20 applauds relsqui for her perfect conjugation of the verb "to lie"
* nova20 gives relsqui a commondation on behalf of the Chief of the Grammar Police
...
<relsqui> and I just noticed you misspelled "commendation," which is hilarious only because of the context.
<nova20> well, it's the Grammar police, not the spelling polise.
<nova20> oh man
* nova20 facepalms
<nova20> that's "police" |
#65001 (201/433) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<swight> hope colbert wins an emmy
<timmo> pz
<timmo> emmy for most likely to get shot in the face by the cia
<timmo> for mocking the president
<swight> cia doesn't shoot people in the face, that's the vice prez
<timmo> toucheComment: #geekissues
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#69190 (201/371) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Biomech> I was at the opticians today, and the only way I could think of to describe a pair of frames to my girlfriend was "border-bottom: 0px" |
#73083 (201/403) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Arciel: Yeah but you know, cannibalism is really just another form of recycling |
#34223 (200/402) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<t|to> I practice being a bash.org mod by voting "negative" on all the quotes in the bash.cx queue |
#34396 (200/378) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<terra> I'm speaking UTF-8, fag.
<Daidoji> more like WTF-M8 |
#42441 (200/360) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
EvilAngel remembers, a long time ago, when his bf at the time answered the door knowing it was jehovah's witnesses. naked. and... wet. :)
<EvilAngel> I remember hearing *door creak* "yyaah?" "Oh MY! I'm... soo sorry!" "No, no dude, it's all right, we just came, come on it!" "UhhNO! We'll.... come back later!"
<EvilAngel> "..... You SURE? We have enough lube for everyone!!" |
#46427 (200/478) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
watchcorytwostep: hey do you know the harry potter spoiler?
DvngMnky: Nope, sorry.
watchcorytwostep: no thats good. im not talking to anyone who does. my friend warned me, i've managed to avoid it for 4 days now.
DvngMnky: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE
watchcorytwostep signed off at 11:59:36 PM. |
#46479 (200/392) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+bad_karma> Dude, are you deaf? I've been msg'ing you for 15 minutes!
<@Matsunaga> Yes, I am deaf. That is why I communicate exclusively on IRC, or else using a speech recognition program.
<+bad_karma> HAHA
<+baer> LOL
*** Matsunaga sets mode +b *!*@*.nyc.rr.com
*** Matsunaga sets mode +b *!*@*.bos*.verizon.net
*** bad_karma has been kicked from #anime by Matsunaga (Don't mock my disabilities.)
*** baer has been kicked from #anime by Matsunaga (Don't mock my disabilities.)
<@Matsunaga> I wasn't joking, you bigots! |
#49620 (200/390) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jmax> <@Jmax> lettuce.
<Jmax> <+cheeba> yo momma is like lettuce, 25 cents a head
<cythrawll> Your Mom is so fat, if she was a c variable, her initialization would look like this: yourMom = (TFAT*) malloc(sizeof(YOUR_MOM)); //Stack Overflow
<JugglingWolves> lmao |
#54270 (200/428) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ALGORYTHM> myspace is like goatse but for web designers |
#54864 (200/340) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Scorbutus> now theres 3 questions you dont want to hear when sitting in a room full of computers...
<Scorbutus> "what was that noise?" "whats that smell?" and "wheres that smoke coming from?"
<Scorbutus> especially when the answer to all 3 is...my router
<Scorbutus> :( |
#120088 (200/410) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<r4v5> man, some day watching teenage girls take their clothes off and masturbate will stop being so damn awesome
<r4v5> that is when i will know i am gay or dead |
#176553 (200/292) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< nitrogen> who played tony stark in the new iron man?
< curgoth> Robert Downey Jr.
< curgoth> best choice for an alcoholic ego-maniac evar
< Novel> I thought that would be charlie sheen
< jose_> i thought that was gw bush
< curgoth> ok, but no one is going to believe charlie sheen playing a genius
< curgoth> and, um, ditto
< curgoth> imagine either sheen or bush uttering the line "if my math is right - and it always is..." |
#213469 (200/264) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left |
#305703 (200/270) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%SxS> heh, this is why I tell my students to never use Wikipedia as a source
<%SxS> I have in front of me a paper that starts with "The internet was invented in 1976 by Al Gore". |
#3483 (200/346) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Darksyde> dood you make texas look like a big dildo
<blazemore> i'd rather be a big dildo than a small dildo
<blazemore> especially the kind the secretes fake jizz that tastes like oranges
<Geek-> lol
<Geek-> how would you know about that shit?
* blazemore is away |
#6354 (200/359) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<_Hawkeye_> I don't bareback
<_Hawkeye_> Fastest way to the grave
<Mthbeylt> I'm not sure, but I have a feeling this isn't about the relative merits of riding horses without a saddle. |
#8264 (200/373) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* fo0bar has silverware now
<jk> is that a new kind of heatsink?
<jk> :D
<fo0bar> no, it's a metal-based bio-nutritional transport system
<jk> the thing... you use to... dig... food.
<jwz> it's more of a food shim.
<fo0bar> appearantly the technology has been around for awhile, but I haven't been able to afford the genuine metal equipment... I've had to use the plastic replicas
<fo0bar> though proper transport systems are appearantly a requirement when an xx chromosome pair is introduced into xy's atmosphere |
#10019 (200/386) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mormi> Fucked my girlfriend up the ass last night...
<Sp[A]rK> no shit...
<Mormi> Well... some.. |
#15878 (200/356) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ouroboros> The large print giveth, and the fine print taketh away. |
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