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#16253 (215/363) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(neruaL) my mom's computer
(neruaL) just said "hey baby, you've got mail" in some seductive male voice |
#17361 (215/362) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@Thwark): if masturbating improved penis growth, not only would we all *know*, but it would have entire library wings dedicated to the study. |
#19539 (215/435) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Eldoran : Umm lets see, it was recess during 4th grade and I was reading Return of the King, I think it was at the breaching of the gate.. but thats beside the point
Eldoran : Then a quasi friend in my class approaches me, and tries to "call me out"...
Eldoran : and I'm ignoring him... so he snatches my book from me and throws it on the ground.
CptAwesome : So you stabbed him
Eldoran : Hes standing square to me, with his fists up, and I step foward snap kick him in the crotch, then follow thru on the motion bringing my other legs knee up to his decending chin
CptAwesome : then you stabbed him?
Eldoran : No :{
CptAwesome : so, when the hell did you stab him?
Eldoran : I never did!
CptAwesome : Then how was this a fight? |
#19710 (216/386) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
SpinalArchitect: OMG WUT R U GAY?
cochese04: Naw, I just sleep with guys to remind myself of how much I hate it |
#20071 (216/374) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Doughboy ponders
* Beryllium contemplates
* Doughboy slips Beryllium a penny
* Beryllium makes a template of the coin
* Doughboy turns Beryllium in for counterfiting
<Beryllium> I just wanted to open-source it! Money was meant to be free! |
#22892 (215/371) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kammerer06>if 4 out of 5 people suffer from Diarrhea does that mean the 5th person likes it. |
#25212 (215/391) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FiZi> HEY I FOUND A COOKIE CRUMB ON MY SHIRT
* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb |
#28890 (215/399) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<PRoWoRK> i like my vagina!
<[Piratez]> o.o
<PRoWoRK> ...sorry...
<[Piratez]> pro, this is the part where u type 'wrong chan' |
#29045 (215/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<StillAway> omg i got spam saying 'someone at work likes you'. they really dont target this shit well do they, I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB |
#29104 (215/361) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<wfg> at one place I worked, someone had an "rm -fr" in a build script for their software development team...the makefile was set up wrong so that it would start in / and do the rm -fr...and it traversed /net, which was the automounter directory.
<wfg> Blew away 40 servers before the build guy thought to wonder why his make was taking six hours. |
#30112 (215/405) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+Arilakon> mmm.. nothing more fun then downloading a german crack for an english game, and going into it and it's all like "ACHTUNG" and you're like "WTF" |
#18612 (215/381) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dragondyne> Everdraed: lets play some tetris motherfucker
<`Frieza> DD what version of tetris motherfucker do you have? |
#24020 (214/404) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Soulcleaver> In last week's episode, Jack fought Aku again and won in about 20 seconds, literally. That was just annoying.
<Soulcleaver> In an anime, it would take at least five minutes. (No DBZ jokes plzkthx)
<Kamui> Must... resist... making a DBZ joke...
<Kamui> Urrrrrrgh... Arrrrrgh... The urge... is too strong...
<Kamui> <Announcer> Tune in to the next episode, when Kamui fights the urge to make a DBZ joke! |
#25178 (214/354) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(PowrSlave) how r things?
(DAMMiT_) good
(DAMMiT_) well
(DAMMiT_) except for the fact that my 88 GT just got blown away by a Beetle with
a license plate labeled "KIWI" |
#30552 (214/462) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Summoner> Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing Hide&Seek.
<Summoner> Archimedes is counting down, Pascal takes off and hides, but Newton takes few steps, turns around, comes behind Archimedes,puls aout a chalk, makes a square 1 meter by 1 meter and steps in it.
<Summoner> Archimedes finishes counting, turns around and, praise the Lord, sees him immideatly:
<Summoner> - A-Ha, Newton!!!
<Summoner> Newton smiles and says:
<Summoner> - No, this is Newton per sqare meter, and that's Pascal. |
#142213 (214/360) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Orkie> it was pointed out to me earlier that i don't actually swallow a lot of the time when drinking anything :S
<Orkie> i'd never really noticed it before but even when i just have water i just tip the thing straight down my throat!
<Duo> Orkie: you'll make some man very happy one day. |
#296825 (214/390) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Oddlot: I guess I might have to re-install windows.
FuzzyPlushroom: Whose is it?
Oddlot: Joannas.
Oddlot: My cousins friends friend.
FuzzyPlushroom: she's paying you, then? :P
Oddlot: If she is, in weed.
Oddlot: Either that, or a bj, whichever works.
FuzzyPlushroom: Congratulations. You're officially a goddamn stoner.
Oddlot: Yeah.
Oddlot: I figured that much out. |
#303057 (214/280) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<feem> what are all these letters and numbers on my screen
<MFZ> feem: That is called "text". Some have the ability to "read". |
#308420 (214/256) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dazuro> ...
<Dazuro> why
<Dazuro> why
<Dazuro> why cant i have a normal family
<Dazuro> i pissed off mom and she threatened to mail my foreskin to my girlfriend. |
#308534 (214/272) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< CoJaBo> Update: The object seen landing near Gale Crater on MSD 49,269 at around 05:50:16 AMT local time has been conclusively identified by the Martian Space Agency to be a weather balloon. Due to possible radioactive contamination, Mars citizens are forbidden to approach Gale Crater until further notice. |
#310093 (215/235) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<vee> god my brain is so dumb sometimes
<vee> I looked out the window and saw a lot of birds and squirrels and I thought "yeah it's the weekend" as if they all normally have jobs to go to during the week |
#35172 (213/441) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* sadistic-ss is going to buy Calcium pills
<sadistic-ss> healthy and doesn't taste bad, like milk does
<kobok> sadistic-ss: Milk tastes good as long as you don't confuse the cow and the bull. |
#48754 (214/438) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<treb> what do you do to a command to make it run in the background?
<@Celestina> scare it?Comment: #cam, irc.drivemeinsane.com
|
#52843 (214/352) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(Nick) baaahahahahaahhaahaha
(Nick) my mom just said "the frosty the snowman cartoon is a political allegory for communism"
(Nick) because the magician is refusing to give up his possession for the good of the society
(Nick) and in the end the commies win |
#56717 (214/376) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mMkay> tried giving myself a tattoo once. a safety pin and an ink tube from a pen. i poked little dots of ink into my skin, one dot at a time. oh i thought it'd turn out cool
<mMkay> last night my girlfriend and i were watching tv and i had my legs on her lap and she started drawing on it. "what are you doing?" i ask her
<mMkay> "playing connect the dots."
<mMkay> :( |
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