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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..132133134135136137138..596Next> |
#2479 (220/384) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Screwy> I went on a 30-day diet
<Screwy> and lost 30 days |
#2496 (220/376) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Carisear> Ever since i put the "Tires by Firestone" bumper sticker on my car, no one seems to tailgate me anymore. |
#4278 (220/466) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard |
#4698 (220/390) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CrazyClimber> top dangling modifier of the day:
<CrazyClimber> "A jet going 100 m.p.h. slammed into a deer, which ruptured a wing fuel tank and dumped 70 gallons of gas on the runway. "
<CrazyClimber> i knew about cows and methane, but...
<me_tew> Dammit, when are they going to REQUIRE that fuel tanks on deer be moved away from the wings. |
#6538 (220/390) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<_404notfound> Best prank ever: while your male friend is sleeping, slip a condom on him, and get one of your female friends to lie next to him until he wakes up.
<BobTheMilkman> 404: or better yet, a male friend |
#8106 (220/358) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<flee> for some reason it never occurred to me until now how odd it is for elmer fudd to be singing about his "spear and magic helmet" while bugs cross-dresses.
<6> I know, it makes so much sense until the cross dressing
<midi> you can say that about lots of things. |
#11705 (221/412) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Joins: Nighters (mmckesso@HSE-Toronto-ppp179585.sympatico.ca)
<Temujin> NIGHT
<Temujin> Perhaps you can arbitrate this disagreement.
<Nighters> Temujin loses.
<Nighters> disagreement arbitrated.
<Temujin> GODDAMMIT |
#204 (219/491) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(|Chris) i felt boobies tonight!
(McMoo) did they belong to a womang? |
#1704 (219/399) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tress> I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. |
#6928 (219/387) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<piman> DAMMIT NETSCAPE!
<piman> DO NOT FREEZE WHEN MY MOTHER WALKS IN AND I AM LOOKING AT PORN! |
#8490 (219/426) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aquacavi> well what if i told you i was pregnant
<helminthes> IS IT MINE?!?!
<aquacavi> yours or the dogs
<helminthes> IT'S THE DOG'S
<helminthes> IF HE DENIES IT TELL HIM HE CAN'T TALK |
#8782 (219/355) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<maywood> Has a PC ever been known to start mysteriously working after it was thrown out a window?
<kevin> Nope, I've never known throwing a PC out the window to help. However, what I did find while I was working at my last job was that intimidation *does* work. When I was having a particularly bad day, I used to take some old equipment that we wouldn't have been able to sell outside, and go Office Space on it. Then, I'd bring the carcass inside, and leave it in plain view, to serve as a warning for the other computers. It worked remarkably well. |
#9232 (219/375) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<blaky> be back, gotta clean a fan
<chomp> did shit hit it? |
#305367 (219/295) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<samurai_> whoa
<samurai_> this must be the internet equivalent of blacking out and waking up the next day to find you don't remember a thing
<samurai_> seems i had an account for a porn site i hadn't used in 30 weeks
<samurai_> from where apparently i'd downloaded over 20 gigs of videos
<samurai_> none of which i have anymore or recall seeing
<samurai_> well they wished me happy birthday today and that's how i knew it even existed
<samurai_> i feel like an undercover agent who was brainwashed and given a new identity
<dd7> as a pervert?
<samurai_> yes
<samurai_> yes indeed |
#308304 (219/279) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Jan> dude when's the last time I've slept I'm seeing things
< Jan> I mean
< Jan> wait what do you call it when you see with your ears |
#308438 (219/247) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Migs> what does it mean when critics say a movie is "smart?"
<gildean> they didn't understand it |
#19872 (220/370) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<raz> i'd have to take off the valves, replace the fuel pump
<raz> flush the engine out, take the heads off, order the new lines
<raz> the spring pressure is going to be hard to handle in my garage
<raz> i'm not sure which new fuses i would need, so i'd have to look that up
<raz> besides that, i haven't used a blow torch in a while and not sure which ends to taper off
<guyen> dude it's a fuckin' oil change |
#21595 (219/379) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Crembo> in UT2k3, killing 6 people is "Monster kill".
<Crembo> in Quake3, it's "Excellent".
<Crembo> in CS, it's "Kicked by console". |
#21682 (219/342) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<dbl-d> tinkerbel hates me today :)
<b> I think she's hating everyone today
<schmolli> hate her back
<b> Eh, I find it irritates people who hate me more if I'm obsessively friendly back to them.
<schmolli> I would think that it would irritate them more if you slashed their tires and burned down their house
<b> you may have a point |
#21841 (219/421) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Darien> I'm trying to decide how to ask Kristen out
<Darien> should I go the 'I was thining of catching a movie, wondered if...' route
<Darien> or the 'We need to go to a movie, like tonight.' route
<Darien> or what?
<dsalkjdsa> first of all, you need to start it off with 'bitch'
<dsalkjdsa> THEN you say ssomething strong and pushy, bitches like that
<Darien> yeah
<Darien> that's true'
<dsalkjdsa> bitch, get in my car, we're going to a dinner and movie; by dinner i mean we're going to have sex, and by movie i mean we're going to tape it.
<dsalkjdsa> oohh yeahhh.
<dsalkjdsa> something like that :) |
#24395 (218/364) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<poohbear0> hey what's cracken asl
<Teeks> 80/f/Near you, loverboy.
<poohbear0> i am a girl and i am 14/f/virginia
<Teeks> Oh. Well, let us start again, shall we?
<Teeks> I am 18, handsome and Nordic. |
#30167 (219/401) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* OverlordQ changes topic to 'Forget Bayes, We need the Stalin Mail Filter (TM) -- it detects spam, hunts down the spammer, and exiles them to Siberia.' |
#32540 (219/455) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gdh> Does the name 'Pavlov' ring a bell with anyone?
<cpufreak> sounds russian
<gdh> You missed the joke, dear :)
<cpufreak> explain. |
#33216 (219/443) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<chiDEEZE> go fuck yourself
<mindstorms> itd be cool if there was somoene named "yourself"
<mindstorms> and he was like constantly being raped |
#34916 (218/480) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rokkr> humor's a good thing
<Rokkr> i always said if you're an ugly guy and you want to get laid you have 2 choices..play an instrument or make women laugh
<tack> or rape them
<Rokkr> that's not laid tack, that's assault =p
<tack> hey, you do things your way, i do things mine |
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