|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..114115116117118119120..596Next> |
#122335 (233/495) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<bp> 'i am legend' should have taken place in west philadelphia
<bp> and ended with the guy moving to bel-air |
#55997 (234/372) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Porque> So, per usual, my town is filled with rednecks.
<Porque> Needless to say, this makes the day more interesting when there's a dead deer in the middle of the road.
<Porque> Since there's such little traffic going through here every day, a deer died in the middle of the road. The bus driver pulls over by it, and I'm sitting there going "wtf are you waiting for, move the damn carcass".
<Porque> So we end up waiting for about a minute. I'm still sitting there, stunned by the stupidity, when this redneck BLAZES down the street in his truck, stopping on a dime right by us. The guy hops out with a chainsaw, revs it. HE SAWS THE HORNS OFF OF THE DEER AND LEAVES THE BODY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.
<Porque> Turns out someone on the bus called the guy on a cellphone and let him know. |
#54161 (234/440) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<crunchy_dave> hey man
<crunchy_dave> were u hangin out with jonno today?
<Battleaxze> ya rly
<crunchy_dave> dude you say that to everything
<crunchy_dave> if you couldn't say 'ya rly' all day your head would explode
<Battleaxze> what!
<Battleaxze> I have so much willpower it oozes out
<crunchy_dave> convince me.
<Battleaxze> OK, how about this:
<Battleaxze> if I say 'ya rly' again in the next 24 hours i'll give you ten bucks Tuesday
<crunchy_dave> o rly?
<Battleaxze> ya rl-- STFU |
#52306 (234/412) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sef> We were cleaning out my friend's storage space today because his parents paid us 25 bucks each. :o
<Sef> And we found some interesting things.
<rstlne> oh?
<Sef> A vibrator. Some weird gloves. And a book. "The New Joy of Sex"
<Sef> We stuck the vibrator in the dishwasher that was there.
<Sef> Then we went back to his house and found out his parents are going to give the dishwasher to his grandmother.
<Sef> So..
<Sef> Either way, someone's going to open up the dishwasher and get a surprise.
<Sef> Big orange floppy penis. |
#50250 (234/432) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Myke> Two radio antennae on a roof decided to get married
<@Myke> the ceremony wasn't much
<@Myke> but the reception was excellent. |
#50085 (234/430) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Asaga> holy crap, Elec's a girl1?
<CtrlAltDestroy> no, she's a girl2
<Asaga> XD
<Asaga> is anyone here a girl3?
<CtrlAltDestroy> Girl3 hasn't been released yet, still in beta stages
<Asaga> oh
<Asaga> beta testing the new version of girl?
<Asaga> Girl 3.0
<CtrlAltDestroy> It's done really good in tests, but there are still a few problems
<Asaga> I hope they fixed the Period bug |
#46518 (234/464) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mary_christine> is anyone else depressed today?
<James> NOT IF YOU ARE HAHAHA |
#46442 (233/427) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<%PortoRob> okay, this is a good story
<%PortoRob> the pastors daughter and i fooled around
<%PortoRob> and it involved carrots
<%PortoRob> in her
<%PortoRob> when we were done, we put the carrots back in the fridge
<%spock1104> LOL
<%PortoRob> and her mom put them in stew that night
<%spock1104> oh man
<%spock1104> that's awesome
<%PortoRob> so we're at the table, eating, and KJ and are trying not to laugh as her mother, sister, two brothers, and father eat carrots that were only hours before firmly embedded into her vaginaComment: #WPI
|
#44470 (234/360) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* sexylady69 has joined #phishtank
* sexylady69 is now known as craig`
<craig`> ahem. |
#31566 (233/421) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Wintyr: I totally emasculated my father.
Wintyr: I took my little brother and put him in my old ballet recital dress, put lipstick and a bow on him, and then paraded him around the house in it...
Wintyr: In front of the dinner guests...who started, like, whistling at him and shit...
Wintyr: All the while he's like, "Look look! Cole pretty! Cole pretty!" and all happy about the dress.
Krylo: Hahahahahah
Wintyr: My dad is just standing there with this horribly lost look on his face, saying, "I...I do have a boy...right...?"
Wintyr: It kicked so much ass. |
#30979 (234/420) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Huntress> couldn't avoid laundry any longer, ran out of undies
<+Kaelic> what? how?
<+Kaelic> all you need are like 6 pair to last a few months...
<@Huntress> HUH
<@Summoner> TMI Kaelic TMI!
* +Raven puts on his gas filters and scientifically pokes Kaelic with a probe
<+Kaelic> don't worry, I'm not wearing any right now |
#25462 (234/410) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<VgameT> hahahaha, aol just froze
<Mooseka> VGAME THAT'S LIKE SAYING DROWNING VICTIMS ARE WET |
#18953 (234/534) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kevyn> That's how I always play The Sims. I put one fat old guy and one little girl in a one room house and try to get her to pee in front of him. |
#18870 (235/379) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Peptis> i'll catch you guys later. i'll be gone until the 28th
<Peptis> gotta go home and pack
<Twinge> noooooooooooooooo
<Peptis> you going to miss me?
<Peptis> is that what the no was for?
*** Peptis has quit IRC (Vacation!)
<Twinge> no, I just dropped my bread buuter side down... |
#16715 (234/400) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Omega> why do your parents hate you
<Rai> they dont like it that I never come home... I've become somewhat of a drifter of late, till I work things out with airlines/bus
<Rai> I travel to friends houses on my bike, up and down the highway and sleep where I can
<Rai> its fun
<Omega> lol
<Omega> so your a hobo
<Rai> we prefer to be called "domestically challenged" |
#16359 (234/402) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<knox> i used to use zippers but my foreskin got stick in it
<knox> i went to velcro and had some pubic hair problems
<knox> now i just wear dresses |
#15787 (234/388) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<SiZZuRp> what has 7 balls and screws old ladies?
<Chibi-Trunks> iunno
<SiZZuRp> the lottery |
#15654 (234/375) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Dead_Poets_Society> Phuser has this talent to point out the obvious
<Phuser> Dead_Poets_Society is receiving oral sex from a hamster |
#13359 (234/398) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he ______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf? |
#11526 (234/418) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<futard> IS YOUR NAME
<futard> NICK BECKER?
<strangury> no.
<futard> ok good
<futard> beacuse then you'd be me
<futard> and that'd be awkward |
#5406 (234/411) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
*** Swish changes topic to '"I never pirated it....it was donated. by the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow..."' |
#2300 (234/432) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Monkie> I am NEVER getting involed with a girl that has a communications problem again
<Monkie> =|
<matts> she didn't know how to use her cell phone?
<Vern> lol
<notlosman> lol
<notlosman> hahahhaah
<Monkie> actaully
<Monkie> yes
<Monkie> =| |
#296744 (233/425) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+k0tash> I once had a hard drive clunk-clicking
<+k0tash> Strange noises, wierd sounds and tick-ticking
<+k0tash> I thought I would wait
<+k0tash> And procrastinate...
<+k0tash> but now all my data is missing :( |
#294406 (232/546) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(Bucks) That is why you hate midgets?
(@Fantasy) yep, I blame that evil midget in rehab
(refused) no rehab is complete without an evil midget
(@Fantasy) headbutted me in thr balls
(refused) LOL
(@Fantasy) and he was perfect height
(refused) rofl
(Bucks) rofl
(@Fantasy) his head was literally crotch height
(refused) who the fuck even does that
(@Fantasy) that midget
(refused) ... yeah obviously... but wtf.
(@Fantasy) after you spend a month making midget jokes
(refused) lol
(@Fantasy) to a cocaine addict in rehab
(@Fantasy) than on family/friends day having all your friends make fun of his midget kind
(@Fantasy) he came up and said something like "stop shitting, dog"
(refused) you kinda deserved it then
(@Fantasy) I laughed
(@Fantasy) he said you want to start something
(@Fantasy) I said say it to my face
(@Fantasy) and LAUGHED
(@Fantasy) he headbutted me in the balls
(@Fantasy) I was on the ground
(refused) yeah of course
(@Fantasy) crying
(refused) I'd give that fucking midget a medal
(@Fantasy) so he squatted down and said "stop messing with me"
(@Fantasy) right in my face
(Bucks) what an wesome midget
(@Fantasy) had to get a new roomate after that
(@Fantasy) since the midget was my roomate
(@Fantasy) and since then I've been afraid of midgets |
#92436 (233/607) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Nyschashi-Seikun> so yeah, I downloaded this random porno
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and it's a black porn movie
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and out of nowhere
<Nyschashi-Seikun> they start rapping
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and this skinny white guy, who is apparently the producer
<Nyschashi-Seikun> pops on screen with them
<Nyschashi-Seikun> and dances as they rap
<Nyschashi-Seikun> ;/ |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..114115116117118119120..596Next> |
|