QDB: Submission Queue
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

AllBestWeekMonthRandom123456..325Next>
#311536* (?/1) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<poo_al> A friend of mine once went to a public toilet for a dump and found to his horror that the last person in there had wiped their arse with the toilet paper while still leaving it attached to the roll and then wound it back up out of sight. So as well as getting it on his hand, my friend accidentally wiped his arse with someone else's shit GROSS!
#311535* (?/3) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<wastrel> did you ever see that movie "toy story"
<wastrel> did you know they named all the characters after debian releases
<DarkPsydeLord> wheres woody?
<wastrel> iono
<phunyguy> lol
<DarkPsydeLord> wheres buzz?
<phunyguy> there was a Woody... a Sarge... I can't remember all of them off the top of my head.
<wastrel> your dumb and bad
<phunyguy> oh.
<Ben64> buzz, rex, bo, hamm, slink, potato, woody, sarge, etch, lenny, squeeze, wheezy, jessie, stretch, buster, bullseye
<Ben64> *mind blown*
<Ben64> "Debian's unstable trunk is named after Sid, a character who regularly destroyed the toys."
<Ben64> :O
<phunyguy> sid was a bad kid.  like wastrel
<phunyguy> btw, you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
* phunyguy backs away slowly because it was a terrible joke.
<wastrel> your dumb and bad
<phunyguy> my dumb and bad what?
<wastrel> face
<wastrel> hahaha
<phunyguy> lawl.
<phunyguy> you got me good, I guess.
<wastrel> that's what you get for making fun of debian
Comment: #ubuntu-offtopic @ freenode
#311534* (?/9) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<GargajCNS> so i was looking at my VR headset and realized
<GargajCNS> my parents always told me not to sit close to the TV, and now in 2017 i'm literally jamming TVs into my eyes
#311533* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<ben_vulpes> code is not fucking art
<ben_vulpes> code is a bespoke railway engine hauling your carcass across the desolate sea of capitalism
<ben_vulpes> imagine if every single container ship had an entirely custom engine humming along inside, and the three people who knew where it needed grease applied daily basically just live in it
<ben_vulpes> that's software
#311532* (?/4) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Shi-dublin> and face it, if cartoons were real yo ass would be 100% rizelmine
<Shi-dublin> big monster flappin titties
<Lastair> if cartoons were real i'd be like a ren and stimpy grossout closeup except it would never zoom back out
#311531* (?/6) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<pflanze> in any case, I can see why you changed your userid from ``bigassniggaonascooterdrinkingcaprisun`` before launching the business
#311530* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Archduke> i fucked a girl in a graveyard on saturday
<plaque> was the body warm at least?
Comment: x
#311529* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<ntnix> " it's suspected that Terri Schiavo's initial cardiac arrest was caused by electrolyte imbalance due to an extreme liquid diet."
<ntnix> Electrolytes are what vegetables crave
#311528* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
Greg88: Yo
Greg88: Where do I meet horny single moms tyler
Jameson USDA: Tinder
Greg88: Fug
Greg88: That shit degenerate
#311524* (?/12) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<@Liliana> I only know German and English, I learned French in school but forgot everything by now :<
* @nwh_work can speak English, Blemish, and Tarnish, and he's slowly learning Peevish as well
<@nwh_work> Tried taking an introductory Dervish course, but I failed. Too much whirling.
#311522* (?/15) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Viper168mob> I thought the name of this creepy guy just drove over was kind of unusual
<Viper168mob> I thought it might have something to do with kegs of alcohol in the creek
<Viper168mob> But didn't guess bootleggers
<esialb> dat voice recognition is even worse than dat handwriting recognition
<Viper168mob> Yeah I said the name of this Creek I just drove over
<Viper168mob> I didn't catch that one before I sent it
<esialb> "this creek i just" --> "this creepy guy just"
<ydem> love the creepy guy interpretation
<Viper168mob> Yeah it really Goetz abstract sometimes
<Viper168mob> And there you go
#311521* (?/9) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Rjx> why are 12 year olds on reddit
<Rjx> they should get on irc and hang out with convicted sex offenders like a normal kid
#311520* (?/12) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
witheld has joined #/home
<rcl> make out with Waffles?
<rcl> dude that's...
<rcl> you shouldn't touch animals... you know?
<witheld> what the fuck
#311519* (?/5) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Maali> too bad my tinder profile says it too 'trianglist in kewlers'
<visy> Maali: why are you not drowning in <preferred sex organ>
<GargajCNS> cos he cant bend down that far
#311518* (?/11) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Talgie> I don't buy iphones cause they always die as soon as a new one comes out
<ciara> ya instead you got a flip phone, the old bangers you can hear when you hang up on someon
<Talgie> Facts you know when its over
<ciara> i miss that, sometimes i wanna call you just so you can hang up on me
#311517* (?/10) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
-!- nikisaku has joined #depression
-!- Topic for #depression: The channel where Kipe is too slow to answer to antino who is fast to leave. :P
[Users #depression]
[@^Kipe] [@_Kipe^] [@Bootes] [ nikisaku]
-!- Irssi: #depression: Total of 4 nicks [3 ops, 0 halfops, 0 voices, 1 normal]
-!- Irssi: Join to #depression was synced in 1 secs
< nikisaku> wow, k
< nikisaku> i didn't expect this # to exist
< nikisaku> i was thinking that it would be perfectly funny when #depression would consist of 1 person but 3 bots and 1 person is way better
#311516* (?/10) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
[@perplexa] Austrian police issued a fine to a man dressed as a shark under new anti-burqa laws, Austrian media reported on Monday. The mascot was standing outside a new outlet of the McShark electronics store in Vienna when he was asked by police to remove his shark head. When he refused, he was issued with a fine, which can be up to €150 ($176).
[@ZniLe|entfernt] whats the conclusion, the politicians are idiots or the police are idiots or both ?
[@Longbow] ZniLe|entfernt - the conclusion is australians are idiots, and anyone living in their country
[@ZniLe|entfernt] *Austria
[@Longbow] oh shit
[@Longbow] misread that
[@Longbow] well, my statement still stands, both are shit
[@ZniLe|entfernt] lucky you
#311515* (?/12) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<NekoEd> Rest assured I will not be showing up to buy a computer naked
#311514* (?/16) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Nomikos> To celebrate Rube Goldberg day, I have used a webserver to trigger a script (via another webserver) that moves the mouse to the right a bunch of times and then centers it
<Nomikos> requesting the url from the Windows machine makes the focus switch to the Mac
<Nomikos> on Windows, of course, it's triggered with a keycombo'd AutoHotkeys script
<Nomikos> I have wasted about two hours so that I don't have to move my hands away from the keyboard to wiggle the mouse one screen over
<Nomikos> s/wiggle/move/
#311513* (?/13) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<haq_> yo if your shit doesn't have a seizure warning on it i'm not interested
<haq_> i don't care if it's a video game, a television show, or a bag of candy
<haq_> that's my new standard
<haq_> 'may cause undesired or harmful neural function'
<custo> hahahaha
<zeph_> "Sir, it's a toilet."
<zeph_> "WhAT KIND OF HARMFUL EFFECTS WILL THIS PRODUCT HAVE ON MY CHILD??"
<haq_> i'm getting ready to watch '10 HOURS BANNED CARTOON SEGMENT' on youtube with one of these noninvasive cranial magnetic stimulator hats and a pile of Alf-shaped pills I found in my great uncle's old guitar case
#311511* (?/23) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<GiMP> Ya it's alright, I was never close to her
<Talgie> Well still I am sorry about your cunt
<Talgie> AUNT AUNT AUNT FUCKING PHONE IRC AUTO GODDAM CORRECT!
<GiMP> Nah my cunt is just fine, functioning as usual. Actually used it last night
<Kard> TMI!!!!
<Talgie> well thank god for small favors, and apparently Kard is gay
#311509* (?/21) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Dr_pressure> Church is like book club except the book never changes and only one person gets to speak
#311508* (?/20) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<SirFinkus> woohooo
<SirFinkus> hype as fuck
<SirFinkus> seeing earth in a few hours
<Heads_Up> hahah just look at the ground dude it's right there
#311502* (?/27) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
* NekoEd has quit (*.net *.split)
* Tom has quit (*.net *.split)
* Aerdan has quit (*.net *.split)
* slav3_sergal has quit (*.net *.split)
* GoneDog has quit (*.net *.split)
* Loki has quit (*.net *.split)
* Archer has quit (*.net *.split)
* Josh has quit (*.net *.split)
* Nazaryn has quit (*.net *.split)
* kay has quit (*.net *.split)
* Coit has quit (*.net *.split)
* ShivalWolf has quit (*.net *.split)
<DracoTrapnet> oops
* DracoTrapnet plugs that back in.
#311500* (?/30) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
[15:09:53] <BenA>Apropo of yesterday, which concert cost 45cents?  50 cents, featuring nickelback.
save page | share 123456..325Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,664 quotes approved; 9,025 fermenting; karma: 190.2591