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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..979899100101102103..596Next> |
#141669 (2278/2522) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@Gunrun) Pringles are clever
(@Gunrun) they're like... self regulating
(@Gunrun) if you can't fit your hand into the tube to get more
(@Gunrun) then you probably shouldn't be getting more anyway |
#141217 (643/807) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<AgentRenegade> you know you spend too much time on your computer when you watch a clip of a website on the news, and instead of looking at the website itself, you focus on the fact that the station uses Firefox.. |
#146181 (564/992) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> my uncle used to tell me that there were 3 rings of marriage
<@Rjx> the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering |
#145685 (622/872) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
lbreeves2: its official
lbreeves2: I have spent far too much time on the internets
lbreeves2: I was just typing my paper and was trying to type "Jewish laws"
lbreeves2: It came out "Jewish Lawls"
lbreeves2: so I backspaced it... and typed the same fucking thing again |
#142409 (414/836) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<`Penguinz> vagina sounds more like a sickness than a body part
<`Penguinz> "i can't come in to work today, I have vagina"
<`Penguinz> "It's all over my face!" |
#144904 (2279/2599) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
<phlux> 420,001* |
#143423 (2410/2978) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
*** dawg88 has joined #medical
(dawg88) hi, are all people in this channel doctors?
(+Reggae) yup.
(dawg88) i just wanna know how the possibility of a father to inherit a sickle cell anaemia gene to his son???
(+Reggae) humm, does his son has a sister?
(dawg88) yeah
(+Reggae) is she hot?!
(dawg88) fuck you |
#142920 (2652/3372) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<paddypower> i saw these condoms
<paddypower> the inside is lined with some chemical that numbs your dick
<paddypower> so you can last longer
<Mongrel> or wear it inside out, and you don't even have to wake her up :D |
#144151 (516/876) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<abc> I think it's time to switch to a new job.
<Wizard> why?
<lifesazoo> piss poor excuse for a wizard .. a real wizard would just know |
#142884 (2348/2910) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Elliotd123> How many members of a certain demographic does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Elliotd123> A finite number. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question. |
#142667 (1379/1789) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Turra> the 5th element is awesome
<Kar> Boron?Comment: #TGi
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#142387 (332/666) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Omen> GBLT = gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual
<glasnost> GLBT*
<glasnost> GBLT sounds like a sexual deviant sandwich |
#141584 (2461/3017) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Crucius> I had the best race home from work today
<Crucius> I pull out from work on my motorbike, and theres a guy on another bike right next to me, who sees me and like takes off
<Crucius> so I take off after him, and we're like dodging in and out of traffic hard out
<moxie> lol
<Crucius> and we stop at a set of lights, next to this guy on a scooter
<Crucius> lights go green and we're off again
<Crucius> doing like 120ish in a 50 zone
<moxie> lawd
<Crucius> get to the next set of lights
<Crucius> and like a minute later, the guy on the scooter arrives agaibn
<Crucius> lights change, and we're off again, but we get hed up by a big assed queue of traffic we cant get past
<moxie> D:
<Crucius> so we're sitting there waiting
<Crucius> and the guy on the scooter goes by in the cycle lane
<Crucius> and we just hung our heads |
#141301 (474/756) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< grey> So I had an idea today
< grey> of something that could amuse me, if only because I know out there somewhere, someone else would laugh
< grey> I want to get an ebay username of something creepy, like "WatchingU.P", then buy stuff like a telescope or pinhole camera, then leave feedback like "A+++, Fast Shipping, You should get that mole checked!" |
#141262 (706/906) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CoolCookieCooks> when i was a child i thought being disabled was another gender because they had seperate toilets. |
#140978 (326/668) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kittynoy> One day I'd need to explore the part of the room that isn't the couch... |
#140839 (272/724) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<snow_> going to go watch this video about a guy who masturbates
<snow_> 12+ times a day
<snow_> some uk channel 5 documentary called "i can't stop masturbating"
<snow_> this gay looking dude just wacked it in the bathroom of a convenience store
<snow_> and they got it on camera
<snow_> of like his upper body
<snow_> and him jacking away
<snow_> why did i download this |
#140596 (279/763) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LoveLight> it would be cool if a woman gave birth and pushed so hard that the baby fired out of her cooter at incredible speeds, then the umbilical cord acted like a bungee cord and the baby went right back in
<AppleBoy> o_O
<AppleBoy> where the hell did that idea come from?
<LoveLight> idk
<LoveLight> an intoxicated mindComment: From ##physics on Freenode
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#140454 (590/958) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<1moreplz> having sex during a thunderstorm rocks. you can pretent you're taking part in the conception of the antichrist |
#139874 (1735/2179) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Stueh> So you know how I started working at an all girls school?
<Stueh> Well
<Stueh> I had to see the school nurse for a checkup, as they's due at the start of term
<Stueh> She started asking me all these questions and putting it down on this form
<Stueh> and she goes "How tall are you?" and I reply "Limp or erect?"
<Stueh> She just grinned and said "limp please" so I said 178cm, then she raised an eyebrow and gigled, then asked "erect?" and I said "About 1 foot taller"
<Stueh> Then this horrified look just comes across her face, and I'm wondering, well, why is she so horrified if she edged me on?
<Stueh> Then I realised she's looking behind me... I turn around, and there's this group of year 11 students
<Stueh> I'm like "I'm talking about my height" and this one, with a big grin, goes "You grow a foot when you get a boner?"
<Stueh> "Yes I do and no you can't."
<Stueh> The nurse looked like she was going to fucking kill me XD |
#140546 (286/660) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Johnny> has there been a zombie tv series?
<Luigi30> the osbournes |
#113631 (150/546) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
VampiricVegan: did you know that man is cognate with the sanskrit verb root 'man', meaning to think?
VampiricVegan: so man means thinking being or something of the sort, etymylogically
VampiricVegan: etymologically?
VampiricVegan: etymology means the study of truth
VampiricVegan: so i'm pretty sure it's etymologically, because tymos is truth in greek
VampiricVegan: this has been your language lesson for the day
scythen32: did you know that the chinese common slang for prostitute is "chicken," because they sound exactly the same?
VampiricVegan: the words or the people and animals?
scythen32: yes |
#140289 (2510/3084) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
iGenius52: i have a ladybug in my keyboard...
GogetaFour: LOL
GogetaFour: nice
iGenius52: i tried to take a pic but my phones acting weird
iGenius52: so i took a video instead
iGenius52: but i was listening to rocky music
iGenius52: so now i have a vid of a ladybug running across my keyboard with rocky training music in the background |
#132949 (-15/1011) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<G-Flex> OH GOD ANOTHER FAT GUY OUT OF NOWHERE
<G-Flex> JESUS
<G-Flex> what the fuck is wrong with Ohio |
#122198 (444/814) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<bustatunez> it's like that couple from the folk tale
<bustatunez> where the woman buys her husband like a penisring, and the husband makes a necklace for her by cutting off his penis
<bustatunez> or something, I forget
<bustatunez> the point was that christmas fucks you up |
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