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#310576 (57/61) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@kitchen> I logged into yahoo account after probably 100 years of not. got email "unexpected login attempt" even yahoo wasn't expecting me to ever log in again
#309242 (57/81) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Elizacat> our government couldn't stop a baby from choking on a plastic bag if it was on the congressional floor
<Elizacat> half of the house would say the baby should be allowed to die
<Elizacat> from its own stupidity
<Elizacat> and the other half would be too busy attaching riders to the bill to take the bag off the baby's head
<Elizacat> so in the end, the bill to remove the bag from its head, would contain funding packages for at least 10 gov't agencies
<Elizacat> then the senate would bicker that it's GOP legislation to remove the bag and that there should be a total ban on all bags everywhere
<Elizacat> in the end a supreme court ruling would rule it's unconstitutional to remove the bag from the baby's head, rendering it moot
<Elizacat> during all this
<Elizacat> obama just stays silent
<Elizacat> and prefers to focus on the fiscal cliff
<Andy> DISTRACTION
#305935 (33/69) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< JustBurn> that was only fun if we were still in the DOS ear
< JustBurn> *era
< abadidea> DOS ear? is that what you get if you play games which only use the beeper for too long
< abadidea> sorry, i can't hear you over the ringing, i have a bad case of dos ear ;<
Comment: #nesdev
#305207 (68/86) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<stump> I like working early, then after work I can do activities
<shifomg> wait, you have a life? when did that happen!?
<stump> I meant Legos
#302185 (48/86) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stewart> One of my mates is trying to quit nicotine lozenges... by smoking
#309185 (179/187) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<lucky> i got into it with an asphalt contractor at work and then had his truck towed for being in a handicapped space.
<SatNiGHTS> did you shout at him "MENTAL HANDICAPS DON'T COUNT!"?
<lucky> the best part? the lines are barely visible because HE didn't paint them as he was hired to do last summer. so he didn't see them.
<lucky> he came storming in, scared my paraschiz resident (poor guy), and demanded he be "payed what he was owed for his time in August". i told him that according to our records, he was paid exactly what he was owed - in that, he was paid for what he did, not what the original contract said. He never re-striped the lot or sealed the south end of the cul de sac.
<lucky> he wouldn't shut up.  i asked him to leave. he didn't. i told him to leave. he didn't. i made his truck leave without him while he was making an irate phone call.
<myself> did he see it in mid-tow, or only after it was gone?
<lucky> mid tow. told him they regularly monitor the handicapped spaces, it is after all a senior community. his reply : "YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE FUCKING SYMBOL!!!!" my reply: "my point exactly."
#308836 (64/70) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aydiosmio> I don't anticipate the world moving away from keyboards any time soon for the sake of productivity
<nydel> aydiosmio: i think the world will split into people who use touch-screens & people who have shit to do
Comment: #2600 on irc.2600.net
#304895 (38/70) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< jMCg> With something's not right I meant: I just measured my temperature, and although I feel hot, it says 34.
< jMCg> I think I should try that again.
< jMCg> Much better results: 35.8
< jMCg> Lets see what it says when I put it in m
< apanek-work> ...
< jMCg> y tea.
#311181 (34/58) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Maali> hm, google scholar fucked up the autogenerated description of my phd thesis
<Maali> it basically shows broken random crap like A#$*UAD $FFVCVADFHSD *OIRWEIUNC and then 'by darwin himself'
<Maali> looks like darwin was summoning the kthulhu so i wont even bother changing the description, it's just perfect!
#311162 (61/69) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<VesicantDerp> Is there a name for selling your blood plasma, then using that money to get super fucked up on a normal amount of booze while you're low on blood?
<SpaceMarine> no
<SpaceMarine> but there really should be
#311148 (56/70) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Flanders> $markov Mozilla
<ChelsieBot> Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT lol GOOD IDEA, CHELSIEBOT!
<Kawa> Hold up
<Kawa> Did she just notice she got in a loop?!
#311143 (65/75) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<devilmaydry> play pso2 while working
<~Drakkar> ncan't
<~Drakkar> -m
<~Drakkar> +m
<~Drakkar> -n
<~Drakkar> writing
<InfiniteOregano> i like that you made sure to add the m that you took away even though there was no m to begin with
<InfiniteOregano> you can't have negative ms floating about
<InfiniteOregano> breaking reality
#311142 (99/105) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<l0de> oh shit that "walked over my grave" feeling when someone's IRC nickname is your root password
#311141 (119/129) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<slidercrank> is that true that Spanish programmers have to write ¡ along with ! in their code? such as "while (¡var!) {..}" The same with the ternary operator: a=¿b>0? b; -b;Comment: ##c++:
#305915 (58/88) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lolth> Apparently at some point the city designer got a fetish of one-way streets, and unless you know your way around, you're in for a big surprise...
<Crazy-Cabal> How do you have a fetish for roadways? I mean I even accept jet planes getting it on but...
<Midwoka> Roads have curves...
<Midwoka> ...Though, depending on your sexuality, you might be put off by the man-holes...
#304195 (85/123) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NCommander> Don't let someone with an uncontrolled seizure history give you oral sex
#309167 (59/105) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bob> how does Pandora not have an xbox app.
<jmather> bob: because it's not pandora's box
#308272 (94/138) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jerith> I have a friend called ed.
<jerith> We once got him a shirt for his birthday. It said "the standard text editor".
#306378 (77/107) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
dcNate2: wow the UN says internet access is a human right?
Crispy`: dcNate2: Yep./
dcNate2: free internet for all?
Crispy`: well
Crispy`: I have a dream
Crispy`: that one day, we will break free from the chains of oppression
Crispy`: all of God's children
Crispy`: DSL users
Crispy`: cable users
Crispy`: satellite internet users
Crispy`: will be united as one under an internet that imposes no caps!
Crispy`: No restrictions! no limits! No censorship nor greedy corporate owners!
Crispy`: We are all free and equal under the tubes!
dcNate2: judge me not by my ISP, but the QoS of my connection!
#306373 (37/69) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Judith: I sleep face down because my nose gets cold.
You: So you can't breathe, but at least your nose is warm.
Judtih: NO, it's like swimming. You tilt your head when you want to breathe.
#259327 (54/82) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Nohc> I feel like playing video games\
<+Nohc> but I have too much work
<+aero> Has that stopped you before?
<+Nohc> good point
#310438 (87/119) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+element> i hope im not bleeding out of my asshole
<Tarball`> famous last words
#309659 (58/104) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mgodzilla> windows has given me a recedin' hairline...unix has helped me grow a beard.
#304914 (120/228) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Drumroll has joined #main
*** html has joined #main
*** head has joined #main
*** title has joined #main
*** body has joined #main
*** h1 has joined #main
* Drumroll please...
<html> X
<head> X
<title> Hello world! </title>
<body> X
<h1> Hello World! </h1> </body> </html>
*** Drumroll has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** html has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** head has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** title has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** body has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** h1 has quit IRC (Quit: )
#304639 (72/140) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> I still want to start a stoner metal band because it's so damn easy
<Sebas> The guitarist gets 40 seconds to find the next chord, the drummer has to stick to like 5bpm, the bassist just fuzzes about a bit, and you slap tons of distortion on the vocals
<al> Bach would be proud
<Sebas> Only if he were around in our day and age
<Sebas> Bach to the Future
<nwagers> for the record, that was terrible
<Sebas> One might even say it was the vinyl straw?
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