QDB: Latest Approved Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..9101112131415..584Next>
#300111 (127/149) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<raco> Why criticize masturbation? Better to self-release and get it out of your system then commit a sex crime.
<lanter> Wow, I really hope you meant "than" rather than "then."
#241911 (113/137) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mokeylace>: I like to do a breakdown of how much time I spend every day fucking off on certain activities, and how much this correspondingly costs my company
<mokeylace>: for instance, it just cost my employers $37 for me to trim my fingernails
<mokeylace>: earlier it cost them $75 for me to read some webcomics
<GL>: hahaha
<mokeylace>: I'm hoping that when I submit my findings they'll find it wise to hire someone to scratch my nuts for me in the next budget period
<mokeylace>: marc are you still looking for a job?
<JukeboxHero>: always am
<JukeboxHero>: wait what
<Eric_>: lol
<JukeboxHero>: That's not fair I wasn't paying attention FUCK YOU ERIC
#310374 (86/100) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@DigDug> whoa, adobe is dropping flash linux support
<@|silicon> I say we go to their house and wreck up the place
<@DigDug> i say we send them a cake
<@DigDug> maybe they'll drop mac and win support too
#304729 (41/137) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
ned: wifi on the acela is so fucking gay
ned: i cant load gmail
Rabbi-Work: wow ned
Rabbi-Work: maybe you could say it's "ineffective" or "disfunctional" instead of using gay as a pejorative
ned: wifi on the acela is so fucking dysfunctional
BONUS: im ineffective and disfunctional and take offense to people using ineffective and disfunctional as a pejorative
#301383 (63/121) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Biff> i bought a server off ebay this past friday, and they said SHIPPED WITHIN TWO BUSINESS DAYS
<Biff> i'm still waiting for a response, a tracking number, ANYthing...
<Biff> and this seller has like, a 99.99% positive rating, with like, 60,000+ ratings
<Biff> i'm gonna turn that shit into 99.98
#309932 (89/133) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Gilded> Damn ideology dealers
<Gilded> I once bought a two ounce bag of nihilism
<Gilded> Later I found out it had no value
#303788 (91/125) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< the_wench2> Aikar: I removed --spider, but now I get files :(
< d3x> the_wench2, did you mean flies?
#309290 (21/75) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<nsz> " JavaScript allows you to change the <a> href after you click on it" whatcanpossiblygowrong
<dalias> dont worry goatse got shut down long ago :)
#307929 (27/69) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Stoffleberg: U jbiw ;c
Stoffleberg: Pffft
Stoffleberg: Wow.
Bran: U jbiw
Stoffleberg: English how does it work.
Stoffleberg: I know*
Stoffleberg: My keyboard was a bit to the side.
Bran: ueaj that's what i guessed
#306637 (49/93) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Timmeh> aw man, Lucian Freud died
<crikes> 88 is very old for an artist
<@Digga> unspecified illness
<@Digga> WE ALL KNOW HE SLIPPED
#302875 (61/87) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ddkt78> whats the word for the state of ignoring something, like facts and stuff?
<noodles_rock> Ignorance?
<ddkt78> no can't be it...
#302087 (58/106) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pokoko222> are you guys allowed graphing calculators on exams?
<amine> no
* Kage is
* dx is not
<pokoko222> why i dont get it
<pokoko222> it is dumb
<dx> It depends on the exam
<pokoko222> why waste time finding 6 points when i can just push a button
<lament> that's my perspective on foreplay
#300379 (42/82) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryo[Geo110]> Professor: These faults are known as dip slips.
<Pryo[Geo110]> Professor: The dip slip has a slot, called the dip slip keyhole.
<Pryo[Geo110]> Professor: The hanging wall is thrust upwards into the keyhole in the reverse dip slip fault.
<Asaph> That last one is NOT real.
<Pryo[Geo110]> it is, and I swear to god, this is the best class in the history of classes.
<Pryo[Geo110]> A 90 year old man just said "Dip Slip" over 50 times in under 5 minutes, in a completely legitimate scientific lecture. My life is complete.
#310109 (49/77) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<shree> there was a hackerspace in london
<shree> it had IP video cams, that you could point at different stuff, through the website
<shree> I used to go on there
<shree> watch the people
<shree> especially at night - some of them slept there
<shree> they would know I was there because the camera moved
<shree> some of them would cover it with stuff
<shree> it made me feel less lonely though
<shree> I felt like, them covering the camera, is real interaction in a way
Comment: #/g/sicp on Rizon
#309120 (137/173) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<chernobyl> Last night, Chewbacca and I were having a conversation in my billion dollar mansion about how much we hate people who lie on the Internet...
<mabus> well there's lying, and then there's exaggerating about your wife and apartment
#307486 (2/138) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<centrinia> I am going to make something similar to a home pregnancy test device.
<robb_www> but it will be made of RAZORBLADES
<robb_www> and it will always say "not anymore"
#309784 (14/68) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Noseless> AirmanPika: you happen to know anyone working for NSA?
<AirmanPika> personally? no
<Noseless> ok
<sluissa> noseless: my dad knows a retired NSA employee... oddly enough he's one of those people who won't stop talking.
<ender|> has to make up for the time spent silent during work? :)
<sluissa> that's what I figure
<sluissa> 40 years spent unable to talk about anything, he's going to make up for it in the last 10
<Noseless> why I'm asking: I have an AES (iirc) encrypted bitcoin-wallet... I was hoping they could open it using their backdoor :D
#309395 (28/82) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BlackoutIsHere> Hey, how much space does it take to host a debian package repo?
<cZk> the same amount it did 7 years ago
Comment: Found in #ramnode @ irc.esper.net
#297618 (70/102) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Elleo> we should invent a dance called the Mersenne Twist
<@Elleo> where you just move about randomly
<@Elleo> but with an even distribution
#257924 (117/137) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Orbixx|Work> We just got hold of a workmate's phone as he went out on a break. We composed an SMS to all his contacts reading:
<Orbixx|Work> "I know your secret. Cant talk now. Chat later."
<Orbixx|Work> 3 replies so far.
<Orbixx|Work> He isn't back yet.
<Orbixx|Work> Brace for impact.
#301267 (28/100) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<segosa> hey guys, let's write a befunge program
<segosa> i'll go first
<segosa> >          v
<shawnz>            ^
<shawnz> oops
#302835 (40/82) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Somebody> Who knows, maybe you created AI, and have a bot speaking instead of you.
<fahadsadah> So what if I have?
<fahadsadah> Is that a crime?
<fahadsadah> Are you prejudiced against bots?
<fahadsadah> Brb, oil chang^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hperforming typical human activities
#301909 (79/119) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Sebas> Heh, so I have this "Insult Dictionary" which has witty insults for every occasion, as well as a translation into 4 different languages
<Sebas> But it seems that, although the translation is generally correct, every now and then they went for an interpretation instead
<Sebas> So "Moron" comes out as "Naked savage" in the German translation, and "Greasy bastard" becomes "Filthy Italian"
#310308 (90/110) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@swight> Ikea Bags Stuffed With Skeletons Found in Sweden
<@swight> good luck putting them back together
#310299 (38/72) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<JordiGH> I can't figure out what to name this module.
<JordiGH> misc.py it is, then
<JordiGH> Then I'll have etc.py, general.py, and other.py
<roryg_> wait until you have util.py, utils.py and utils2.py
<roryg_> "utils2.py: even more util"
Comment: Freenode #montrealpython
save page | share <Prev1..9101112131415..584Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,500 quotes approved; 9,678 fermenting; karma: 191.3823