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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..56575859606162..596Next> |
#301013 (335/537) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@pheedbaQ> proffalken: bust is unimportant, so long as they have a vagina.
< FearTheBeaker> I disagree.
< FearTheBeaker> You have to stare at teh bust more often than the vag.
<@pheedbaQ> I thinkyou mean "get to" not "have to"
< proffalken> or "compelled to by forces beyond your control"
<@pheedbaQ> And be that as it may, I can stare at women's breasts all day. But at the end of the day, I'm geting into
far fewer vaginas than breasts I'm staring at. Hell, by definition I'm getting no more than half as many
vag's as breasts I'm looking at.
<@pheedbaQ> Therefore, the breast is a relatively abundant resource, while the vag is a scarce and precious commodity.
< proffalken> like diamonds vs. uranium
<@pheedbaQ> Exactly
< FearTheBeaker> eh, sometimes you get depleted uranium.
< proffalken> better than cubic zirconium
< FearTheBeaker> that sounds painful.
<@pheedbaQ> diamonds are nice to look at, but when it comes right down to it, it's just a bunch of carbon that has
been crushed together. While uranium is harder to find, self-depletes, and it's dangerous to handle both
the source of the uranium, and the uranium itself.
<@pheedbaQ> Just like vagina.
< FearTheBeaker> in that case, use protection. |
#301010 (1056/1178) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Vivisector> I kind of lol'd when the Tibetan restaurant closed down and turned into a Chinese restaurant |
#301005 (272/504) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Kage_Jittai: I had a dream last night... that my "uptime" command broke, and I couldn't fix it...
Kage_Jittai: actually... I could fix it... but it required rebooting :(
Kage_Jittai: I ended up crying |
#301003 (120/304) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
The_Jack_of_Clubs: itll be all over reddit tomorrow
The_Jack_of_Clubs: and then digg the day after
The_Jack_of_Clubs: and then again on reddit in 3 months but not as popularly rated the second time |
#300987 (222/368) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> a whole directory of flv files I downloaded have spontaneously converted to mp4 format
<@Rjx> it's a christmas miracle! |
#300960 (454/704) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Also, I came up with the best Metal band name ever
Are you ready?
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
That’s it! Parenthesis, seeking female keyboardist, exclamation point, end-parenthesis. That way, every flyer for your show, you’d make whatever band was above you on the flyer seem like total posers.: Imagine the following on a telephone pole near you:
**************************
12/06 at The Pound, all ages:
BIOHAZARD
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
DISCONFORMITY
************************
or:
***********************
12/19 at CBGBs:
SLAYER
(SEEKING FEMALE KEYBOARDIST!)
NILE
DEATHCOOCH DEBACLE
SOCIOPATHIC REMRANT
*********************** |
#300948 (370/600) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< idiopath> if 50 cent and nickelback did a bad music supergroup you could call it 45¢ |
#230058 (284/486) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Rictoo> CAN U DO THIS WITH SHORT HAIR
<GoneFishing> yes
<GoneFishing> caps lock is functional to anyone with a keyboard, long hair or not |
#143464 (874/988) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high |
#142941 (477/631) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mgregory> Setting IE to 'secure' is a lot like putting on your seatbelt in a crashing plane |
#300769 (404/648) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Nick A dot: so you dont believe in aliens?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: no
Nick A dot: so you believe that in this whole unfathamably huge universe, we're the ONLY life?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: yep, thats the way God made it
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: and theyre not mentioned in the bible so they obviously dont exist
Nick A dot: i see... do you believe in dinosaurs?
xxh0tsumm3rfunxx: well yeah of course, weve found their remains!
Nick A dot: yeah, but THEYRE not mentioned in the bible
xXH0tsuMm3RfUnXx is offline |
#240606 (128/274) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< whatsinthename> whats the command to turn on conference mode for this channel
< doub> just "hi!" is sometimes working
< inflex> change your nick to something like Sweet16Candy |
#300611 (933/1099) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over. |
#120247 (-1/403) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@m0rb> haha you quit wow entirely?
<@sloth> i hate relying on 16yos to have fun in a game
<octal> unless the game is analComment: #**** efnet
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#117933 (9/497) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+MMDE> i was supposed to scare my lil bro who was lying in the bed in the dark
<+MMDE> but it was my mom... and i placed my hands on both her tits
<+MMDE> she didnt have on anything
<+MMDE> they're hot
<+Yumichika> u make me feel normal MMDEComment: irc.p2p-network.net/#demonoid
|
#300988 (4192/4516) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<massacre> Rosti, can I ask you something as a close friend?
<Rosti_LFC> you could ask me something as a complete stranger, but go ahead
<massacre> Do you reckon Emma would go out with me if I asked her?
<Rosti_LFC> errr....
<Rosti_LFC> ask her yourself?
<massacre> no fucking way until I get a second opinion
<Daz> dude she's in the channel
<massacre> no she isn't
<Rosti_LFC> yeah she is mate, look up
<Rosti_LFC> she got op'd yesterday
<massacre> fuck
<massacre> PLAN B
<massacre> spam the channel
<massacre> with text
<massacre> so it goes
<Audia> hi
<massacre> off her scrollback
<Rosti_LFC> ahaha
<massacre> FUCK
* massacre has quit (PLAN C!!!)
<Audia> I'm going to go install Windows 7 right now
<Audia> so I'll be offline for a bit
<Audia> if he gets the balls to come back in here in the meantime tell him the answer is yes
<Rosti_LFC> rofl
* Audia has quit (QUIT)
<Rosti_LFC> that was some hardcore nerd courtship ritual right there
<Daz> Oh man, I wish I could fuck up asking a girl out that badly and still succeed |
#300976 (282/384) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<HalfNote5> From XP setup screen: "Record data to CD as easily as saving to a floppy disk!"
<HalfNote5> ... maybe it IS time to retire it." |
#300971 (380/516) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Monotone> wtf is this shit? you're telling me I spent my entire military career physically attaching 25 year old encryption devices to my body and treating night vision equipment like it was the holy grail of sensitive technology
<Monotone> and an insurgent can basically just log on to a live feed from any US aircraft's FLIR?
<Monotone> face
<Monotone> meet palm
<Monotone> "fielded so fast that it was done with an unencrypted signal. It could be both intercepted (e.g. hacked into) and jammed"
<Monotone> WE NEED THIS NOW HERE'S A CHECK NO WE DON'T CARE THAT IT'S MISSING FUNDAMENTAL FEATURES
<Monotone> thank fuckin christ we're not fighting the Chinese, those hacker units from C&C Generals would sell our entire fleet of aircraft on Ebay and bog down SIPRNET with penis-enlargement spam two weeks into the conflict |
#300964 (237/419) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Decline> how do I stop being in insert mode, al?
<Sebas> Pull your pants up. |
#300953 (281/425) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> how the fuck Newton figured this shit out without the internet is beyond me
<@Rjx> in my first year I had a lecturer who would make us all say "we're not worthy" when he put a picture of newton up on the screen
<@Rjx> he'd actually stop the class until people played along
<@Rjx> quite a few of the class members were international students from saudi arabia, they'd never seen wayne's world
<@Rjx> so he actually set them a homework assignment to watch it |
#300940 (403/521) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ttvd> wow i wrote "switch wives" instead of "switch views" in email.
<ttvd> response is going to be interesting |
#300934 (395/565) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Computer> dude so i locked my keys in my car the other day at school.. asked this girl if i could borrow her phone (because my phone was locked in my car). she overheard me asking someone to come help me get my car unlocked, and is like "hey i have all that stuff in my car dont worry about it"
<Computer> this crazy tatooed girl has this car-theft kit in her back seatt
<Computer> i dont even go with her, she asks what kind of car i have and generally where it is, and says BRB
<Computer> comes back and is like hey its open
<Computer> and im like what? are you sure it was the right car?
<Computer> she looks at me like "oh crap, youre right"
<Computer> i should have got her phone number or somethingComment: freenode, #defocus
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#300810 (415/659) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL. |
#300780 (229/399) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
gAmmA: Olivia Munn is single
gAmmA: I'm going to California
Axoren: No you're not.
Axoren: You're gonna google her and jack off. |
#300771 (959/1051) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Marcus] : So I'm filling out an injury report for one of our stunt men...
[Greta] : Oh no what happened?
[Marcus] : He busted his nose in a stunt no big deal it happens. But the answers for the questions on the forms...
[Marcus] : How did the employee injure himself: his head was getting pushed into a toilet.
[Marcus] : Would this be a common work place injury: yes
[Marcus] : Statement made by employee: it's ok john, next week I get to hit you with a car |
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