<@Sebas> The only reason the French started a civil war was so that they could win for once
< Brat> I dreamt that my cat had become unsatisfied with all the love and affection that I gave her and that she started looking online at cat "personals", which are really just pages and pages of people's hands in the "cat petting" position, with profile information like "looking for a loving cat to stroke" "SWM looking for classy cat", etc. etc.
< Brat> It ended up with me getting on my knees and promising that I'd give her twice as much attention.
< Brat> :( Then I woke up.
< cunt^chocula> I think there will be Michael Jackson sightings the way there are Elvis sightings now
<gauze> having sex with a girl who weighs twice as much as a normal girl doesn't make it a 3some
<mistah_j> If you watch porn in reverse it's about a guy who vacuums jizz of a woman's face and then takes his Pizza back to work
B9|work: Nothing inanimate is so important that it can't be left behind because you don't feel like making another trip.
***girasquid doesn't own many animate things
***B9|work has 2 kids and a dog. They are very animated. I can't leave them behind. It's not legal. :D
***girasquid has a roomba
B9|work: oooh
< RichiH> my newest addition the the list of things You Don't Do Using Your Laptop As Workbench:
< RichiH> clean your multi-tool with lighter fluid
< RichiH> in related news, lighter fluid turns the black plastic of a thinkpad x31 white-ish
*** Alver hums a cheery tune
*** griffon trys to figure out why libpthread.so is being linked to his app
*** ianj buys a domain name
*** TriOx jailbreaks his iphone 3GS
*** Alver steals TriOx' iphone, runs a webserver on it, hijacks ianj's domain, makes it show goatse.cz from the httpd on the iphone, and lures griffon into thinking it's a page on libpthread.so
<Alver> MO-MO-MO-MONSTER KILLLLL
<DevXen> they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
<John> i would really appreciate it if you would stop IMing my girlfriend.
<DevXen> i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
<hypr> whats it called when u mix 2 tracks together
<teletitty> mixing?
<Xerol|Work> customer wants to buy an "external processor"
<Xerol|Work> i want to buy a "gun"
<Xerol|Work> and "shoot myself"
<Warchamp7> You don't carry external processors?
<Xerol|Work> not ones that go in the "USA Port"
<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
<TrumpetSamurai> That's it? Tongue piercing? Psh. My "rebellious moment" in college overturned an authoritarian government in South America.
<Alice> what's the most turned-on you guys have ever been?
<Bob> first time i seen my current girlfriend naked.. handjob, blowjob and titjob.. god damn.
<Carlos> Bob: you mean you jerked off her tit? does that even feel good for girls?
<kitsuta> Holy jeez this alcohol has a lot of alcohol in it
<kylierenea> I have the COOLEST teacher in my substance abuse class!
<kylierenea> I was in my substance abuse class today
<kylierenea> we were on the topic of marijuana
<kylierenea> and she started telling this story...
<kylierenea> she said "one day i was pulling weeds from my garden"
<kylierenea> and she's this really nice, old lady too..
<kylierenea> and she says "while I'm pulling weeds i see this small plant.."
<kylierenea> "and i think to myself, this looks like marijuana"
<kylierenea> "so i bring it up to my nose and smell it and i'm like.."
<kylierenea> "this SMELLS like marijuana..."
<kylierenea> then she says "so i take it inside, grind it, roll it, and smoke it"
<kylierenea> "and I'm like, 'this IS marijuana!"
<jimmiejaz> Doctors in Singapore say the virus that causes severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is present in the tears of patients with the disease.
<syberghost> Cry me a fever.
<DevXen> seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET.
<@monkey> so, is anyone else going to update their resume with "5 year google beta tester"?
<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"
<Seth> We were out fishing one time, and I was like, "So what would you do if I was dating your daughter?"
<Seth> And he goes, "I'd kill you."
<Seth> Straight faced, too. ;(
<Seth> And then he pulls out a knife, still straight faced.
<Seth> And then goes, "Just kidding man. She already told me."
<Seth> I damn near shit myself. ;<
<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens
<nutkase> i need to schedule an eye exam
<nutkase> with a different doctor who wont cuss me out and tell me i need ritalin
<hateful> lol, did you jump when he was putting in the drops?
<nutkase> no
<nutkase> but when he was asking me which one was better number 1 or number 2 i was like how come there numbered and i only get 2 options
<nutkase> and then he was telling me to read the lines, and he had the radio on in the background and i was asking him to turn it up cause i liked that song
<nutkase> finally he said god damn it can you pay attention so we can get this over with and i responded with sorry i wasnt paying attention
<hateful> lol
<nutkase> and he proceeded to tell me i needed ritalin