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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..50515253545556..596Next> |
#159372 (166/394) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&EvilFixIt> orwell missed by a few years with 1984
<Rob> what year did he guess |
#141263 (286/396) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<swight> "DARPA Advances AI Program For Air Traffic Control"
<swight> C`mon they GOTTA call that SkyNet
<jonathans> haha
<jonathans> yeah
<jonathans> It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are at the arrival gate. |
#302296 (189/353) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
James: i just suggested to evan that we stand up a VM in our vSphere infrastructure running MS-DOS 6.22
James: copy a few select files to it
James: and create this as autoexec.bat:
James: c:\doom\doom.exe
James: DOOM in vsphere. win.
Jordan: hahahaha
Jordan: cloud computing doom?
James: exactly
Jordan: I knew this is exactly what university server admins do with their time |
#302203 (546/688) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mio> shinji I AM YOUR FATHER
<Mio> AND MOTHER
<shinji> Go fuck yourself
<shinji> Oh wait |
#302192 (400/606) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> I-ripped-my-spacebar-out-of-my-keyboard
<fahadsadah> and-can't-figure-out-how-to-put-it-back-in |
#302145 (411/565) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< incluye> Oh my fucking are you serious
< incluye> Today's the day for Lesson 4.04 in Modern World Studies in my online course.
< incluye> GUESS WHAT ERROR I GET WHEN I GO TO IT |
#302050 (643/811) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Beanuritos> No way, I'm lazier than any of you.
<zetatech> i was so lazy earlier that while masturbating i just pretended i came
<Beanuritos> ...
<MorkDB> ...
<Beanuritos> respect |
#302228 (403/657) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@heels> i wanna be a hooker
<Doomstalk> heels: You're already a whore in your own way
<Cuzza> heels: you're already a whore
<Cuzza> ^5 Doomstalk
<Doomstalk> ^5 Cuzza
<Cuzza> ...
<Cuzza> GET OUT OF MY HEAD
<Doomstalk> GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES
<Cuzza> WHAT THE FUCK MAN |
#302132 (1150/1258) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> guys!
<scgtrp> someone make me fall asleep :/
<PhantmShado> ok, once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy named scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
<PhantmShado> but he wasn't asleep
<PhantmShado> so he went to irc
<PhantmShado> and was all "guys! someone make me fall asleep :/"
<PhantmShado> so a guy named PhantmShado said
<PhantmShado> "Once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy name scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
* Dritz has kicked PhantmShado (no recursion)
<scgtrp> i was enjoying that story >:( |
#302129 (451/603) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> i haven't had the chance to |
#302106 (535/717) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Deadhope> I got fired from Wal-Mart today...
<RainbowHugz> nice. why'd you get fired ?
<Deadhope> I made a kid crap himself , he was stealing and i decided to stare at him like an angry pedophile while yelling , WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!?!?
<Deadhope> The kid ran away crying leaving a trail of shit. Atleast i didn't have to clean that.
<2Tone> haahahahahahahahaha
<RainbowHugz> Best...reason to be fired ever.., i'm in tears right now. |
#302091 (1693/1845) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
PH: Note to car companies. Don't put "Best in class" and "In a class of it's own" in the same commercial. |
#302082 (475/699) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kolin> just googled myself and my dad no longer comes before me
<rye`sky> it's more romantic if you come at the same time
<Kolin> thats sick |
#302081 (234/504) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Codi: You could always buy a RealDoll. Fuck her when you're horny, she just lays there and doesn't bitch about how you never put the seat down or take out the garbage, and you can just shove her in the closet when you're not stickin' it in her pooper.
Jason: wtf
Jason: I always put the seat down |
#302018 (375/693) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ rotor> a friend of mine had a parrot and it loved being pushed around on it's back
<@ rotor> it would make "vrrrm vrrmm" type truck noises when you did it
<@ rotor> it was pretty cool |
#301623 (567/801) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Stingray_> Update: the situation is grim, folks. The RIAA have brought soldiers and are attempting to break into our offices. We've holed ourselves up in the server room, but we don't know how much longer we can hold..
<Stingray_> DISREGARD THAT. THE RIAA IS GREAT. WE HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH THE RIAA. PLEASE CONTINUE TO BUY RIAA-APPROVED MUSIC THROUGH YOUR STANDARD RIAA-APPROVED RETAIL OUTLETS. |
#302079 (1508/1696) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Toujiron> Probably best day.
<%Misty> What happened?
<+Toujiron> I have this felt super mushroom hat, right?
<+Toujiron> I wore it out today because I'm ridiculous
<+Doak> awesome
<+Toujiron> My roommate left his work boots at home and called me to ask me to bring them to him at work, because he wouldn't have time after class.
<+Toujiron> So on my way there, I go through an intersection I usually don't because I don't have a reason to go near there, and the setting sun is in my eyes, so I have no idea that there's a stop sign there.
<+Toujiron> I am immediately pulled over by a city patrol car.
<+Toujiron> The cop walks up to my window, looks at me, my hat, and listens to my speakers for a second which are playing a rainbow road remix.
<%Misty> Please tell me he broke down laughing
<+Toujiron> Without even asking me for my ID, he leans in and says, "Son, when there's a stop sign in front of you, you have to stop hitting the golden mushroom. I know it'll disappear, but it's the law, alright?"
<%Misty> Oh that's even better
<+Toujiron> Before I could even answer that he told me to drive safe and walked away.
<+Neo-Kamek> lolololol
<+Toujiron> I have never been so entertained to be caught breaking laws.
<+Doak> Best.
<+WingedBeaux> my wife just loled at that story tou
<+WingedBeaux> is there an opposite to f my life? cause that would be it right there |
#301950 (401/681) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
PartyGirl1450981: I set VLC to always look for subtitle files and use them for the corresponding videos
PartyGirl1450981: and I set it to always use the english subs for Damnatus
PartyGirl1450981: so the bob ross video I'm watching is slightly grim dark
PartyGirl1450981: hes talking about a beautiful blue color to start off with
PartyGirl1450981: and the subs are talking about how the universe has devolved into a hell of eternal war
PartyGirl1450981: I muted it for extra lols
PartyGirl1450981: and he's painting a cloud into the sky
PartyGirl1450981: "HUMANITY HAS NO ALTERNATIVE" |
#301957 (241/519) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<SnowGryphon> At a local internet cafe, I saw the most curious sight - a young man running a browser in a virtual machine and posting on PS3-centric forums. I became aware of the fact that the virtual machine software was linking the host and the VM so that the VM could use the net. Thus, I was given the rare privilege of witnessing an actual troll under a (NAT) bridge. |
#301943 (244/452) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> "This License Agreement is effective until terminated."
<scgtrp> NO WAY |
#301942 (570/682) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ryan> I had my car broken into. They ignored my two laptops, but instead took my iPhone charger and 3 cans of Grape Soda from my cooler. |
#301921 (336/474) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dhar> you know how I started work at that Italian restaurant last week?
<Curris> yeah
<dhar> it's called Ristorante Tiberian and I never the Command & Conquer reference until I had this customer in
<dhar> he came in wearing a t-shirt with a red logo on it
<dhar> and when I served him he said "praise kane"
<dhar> I was so confused, I thought he was like some religious nut
<dhar> when I delivered his food I noticed the logo on his shirt was the NOD logo
<Curris> hahaha
<dhar> I almost dropped his plate cos I was laughing so much |
#301846 (249/437) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<blast007> I just think of me being single as doing two things to benefit the world: I'm helping control the population, and I'm putting a lawyer out of work. |
#301829 (248/510) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< shortcircuit> So here's a fun joke to play on your Star Trek loving friends. Ask them what the name of Star Trek V was, but don't let them look it up online.
< shortcircuit> Most people I've asked get it wrong; they give the name for Star Trek VI instead.
< SilentAgony> attack of the clones
< Mattijle> empire strikes back? |
#301761 (388/518) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Reunech> So I take this physics test, my midterm if I'm correct, and I did alright. The last question, however, was a bitch. I spent more than half the test on it and by the end I had this ridiculously convoluted equation and was looking at a big fat zero out of five for that question. Which would suck.
<Reunech> At this point I figure: "Fuck it, I'm gonna get it wrong anyway."
<Reunech> So I underline it, write "this is very wrong" and then draw an arrow, just to be safe.
<Reunech> I get the midterm back with the comment "Its good to know when you're wrong," and only two points off.
<Reunech> I did better than my friend who studied for three days.
<Reunech> By three points.Comment: He hit me.
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