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#309308 (35/75) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< vanu> what if like
< vanu> the higgs boson is the heart of a particle
< vanu> and it gives them mass because that is what keeps them ATTRACTED TO OTHERS
< vanu> oh shit
< vanu> i've solved it
<@sta|ker> no
<@sta|ker> you're juset high
#307740 (34/48) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<n0idx80> I have a very nice laptop with 4GB (takes 8) that the cpu fan makes a horrible noise, and I just can't bear to open it up
<Chainsaw> You feel that dust bunnies are animals too and deserve to live?
#306775 (29/55) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Nine: what is the most stereotypically hipster song?
Nine: preferably one that many people would recognize
#303166 (32/48) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<indigo> some of my fish are not very smart.
<indigo> i have some that are small catfish (1-2") with a sucker mouth
<indigo> i startled some, and they jumped above the waterline and clung to the glass in the air.
#276906 (51/71) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
xxx: told my boyfriend I wanna wake up to oral pleasure
xxx: and I woke up in the morning, cuz he was trying to stick his dick into my mouth
xxx: fuck
#309219 (26/42) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Kain_Dragoon> lol..... just ran google translate on a page full of names of hentai doujinshi
<@Kain_Dragoon> its funny shit
<@Kain_Dragoon> its so literal
<@Kain_Dragoon> Relocation of the capital hundred raw vagina
<@Kain_Dragoon> ROFL
<@Zinic> And this is why I don't do this
#307252 (45/75) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
HelgeSverre: ....
Lemmiwinks: You make some very good points
Lemmiwinks: .,.,, mine are all wonky
#304001 (45/87) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Liam: Are you familiar with Cleverbot?
Scaramouche: Yes.
Scaramouche: She's fun.
Liam: I have two instances of cleverbot talking to each other.
Liam: Although a lot of what they're saying is quite dadaistic
Liam: -Why are all your family and friends working?
-We are not.
-Yes you are.
-Why do you think so?
-Because your math skills are horrible. 198 minus 7 is 191.
-My marbles are right where I need them. Under the feet of my enemies...
Liam: -I have no marshmallows.
#300564 (32/58) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Alpha_Bling: You know what a masked booby bird is?
Alpha_Bling: from galapagos islands?
BadSpoon: probably similar to a bearded tit
#300402 (45/63) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<lewwy> so i invited some chicks over tomorrow night to build a computer
<lewwy> cuz they're sorta interested in how computers work etc etc
<lewwy> but they cancelled on me this morning...
<Splinton> Ah, thats not good.
<lewwy> yeah i wonder if i scared them off after i started reffering to at as "wild unprotected pc building"
<Splinton> ...
#258726 (43/55) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AtoB> I needed an extra xp cd, so i downloaded one and formatted my computer. When i was about to reinstall, i found out that i had forgot to burn the cd...
#311302 (37/69) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dn5> I have int start = 1476620495; and int end = 1476620495 (unix timestamp), but if I have int res; and then res = end - start, res returns 0 when printf with %d
<dn5> why?
<izalove> because it's the same number?
<fstd> duh
<dn5> okay thats not supposed to happen haha
<fstd> ,reset
<candide> Days since our last accident: 0
Comment: ##c at freenode
#311121 (38/78) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<atom_bomb> my girlfriend has been pressuring me to write a book about about my engineering methodology
<atom_bomb> (after i told her how much money the agile software alliance makes)
<atom_bomb> my methodology is essentially a longwinded justification of procrastination
<atom_bomb> it just happens to be scrum-compatible and highly effective
#306043 (27/113) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Akensai: if there is a hell, im going to it.
Akensai: research paper due: april 11 - i wrote it 10 minutes ago
Akensai: and i wont lose any points.
Akensai: opened an image in notepad, renamed it to research-final.docx and submitted, knowing full well it would take him 2 weeks to grade
(7:22:21 AM) Akensai: so i get an email an hour ago "The doc you submitted is corrupt, can you email it to me real fast? Sorry about this."
Akensai: so i wrote it in about 45 minutes and sent it
Akensai: he read it, got an A
Akensai: most of it was bullshit and broken reference links that i purposely placed, fake URLS to highly prestigious colleges/etc, just broke links and made em look real
Akensai: not my fault is a source is MIA
Akensai: 3 pages of made up crap that i didnt research, turned in more than a week late, written in 45 minutes. 98% A
#301914 (24/108) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Stormgren> She's sorta hitting on him
<Stormgren> but she's a known oddball
<Stormgren> like if you broke up with her, you'd find squirrel skulls hanging on your doorknob crazy
<Jesus> cleaned skulls, or still bloody?
<Jesus> also, does that crazy translated into depraved sexual acts?
<muchomas> depraved or not, it'll end in tears
<Dopey> is she single?
#300966 (24/138) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
******: they say that an oracle dba, having passed all oracle exams and received every oracle certification, can kill a man with a single sql query
#305600 (18/124) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<liarmoose> I'm just mad 'cause I know it's irrational to get revenge by throwing up on the cat.Comment: #lfs:1 otherworlders.org
#305467 (11/123) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< ArtForz> work is failure to efficiently procrastinate.
#310904 (-36/84) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Phase> what html do function does function calls actually generate?
<Phase> if youcan't tell, i didn't speel welo
<Phase> sleep'
<Xena> can you words that again?
<Phase> well'
#309813 (3/137) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(Discussing random number systems)
<brousch> What if I'm using a headless system with no disk?!
<brousch> And no network
<mfarver> a headless system with no disk and no network is a brick.  Typically those don't have much use for entropy
<mfarver> sufficient entropy is not a feature I look for in a device to support the short end of the couch.
#309810 (5/143) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
VioletFox: so lets say you have been married for 10+ years and you are still in love with your wife.  theres a disaster of somer kind, zombies or something. and you also recently had a baby. its at most 1 year old. And something happens, there is only enough time to save one. who do you choose?
lewdicus: Wife, for the following reasons:
lewdicus: 1) Society has invested a LOT in making her functional. The baby is comparatively worthless
lewdicus: 2) She can walk
lewdicus: 3) Infant mortality has only been low for the last 200 years - probably the baby would have been dead had I been born in a different time anyway
lewdicus: 4) Babies are pretty easy to make
lewdicus: 5) The societal infrastructure for making new adult humans is probably gone, but the reproductive infrastructure for making new babies is always there
lewdicus: 6) Sex
lewdicus: 7) Love
lewdicus: QED babies suck uninstall life.exe
VioletFox: lol
#308419 (-57/117) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kelso> I try my best to avoid myself.
#304083 (-27/177) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<geeknik> YouTube is infinitely more enjoyable when you completely hide the comments section on every video
#302169 (-38/162) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> froggey: [Link to circuit diagram]
<scgtrp> what's that thing above the transistor?
<froggey> a diode and a thing
<scgtrp> yes, what's the thing?
<froggey> dunno
<froggey> solemnwarning?
<solemnwarning> It's a box with a diagonal line through it
<froggey> that's what i thought
* scgtrp facepalms.
<froggey> scgtrp: go find a box with a diagonal line through it
#295147 (-35/165) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Tex> there was an incident a while back where someone threw out a baby
<Tex> ended up in a recycling center
<Lucifer7> what's worse than a bucket of oh hell i've said this too many times
<Tex> in the machines
<Tex> they had to shut the whole place down
<Tex> biohazard nightmare
<Lucifer7> wow
<Lucifer7> their entire operation shut down in an infant
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