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#303953 (41/71) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bentley> mIRC script is what happened when bash and csh got together and had a kid, and then dropped acid and took overdoses of thalidomide
#303792 (35/69) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<emFox> Kali ma!
* emFox rips Novu's still-beating heart out of his chest and lowers his body into a flame pit.
<emFox> Bali Mangthi Kali Ma!
<Novu_Ferret> This is how I know he loves me
#303097 (46/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@i_c-Y> what exactly is "irreconcilable differences" for a divorce?
<@zeno> You know... one person insists on the D_n notation for a dihedral group, the other on D_{2n}.
#300320 (38/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
halcy0n: yanno what i fkn hate
halcy0n: .....the motion activated toilets
halcy0n: dude...you cant fuckin move!
bladezor: hahaaaa
halcy0n: you like just twist one way and its a fuckin shit water bidet.
halcy0n: doesnt help that the toilet flushing is powered by a fucking boeing 757 engine
#311245 (37/51) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<nacht> I sold body armor in a rite aid parking lot yesterday.
<Naraka> I love everything about that.
<nacht> Ohio ftw
<nacht> Are you a felon? No? Here buy this AK and 2000 rounds out of my trunk.
#310959 (55/61) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<%n473> so I migrated our first client site to our new cloud environment yesterday
<%n473> and literally the very first browsing log we got
<%n473> on our first site
<%n473> first cloud-active client
<%n473> was a pornhub search for "big ass blonde lesbian milfs"
#309886 (56/72) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> Fucking around with computers is how I became a registered Hex offender.
#302643 (51/57) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
sunny_mousey: you are on your way to alcohol poisoning town.
SudoJones: do hety have laoiqikcer store ther
Comment: #inportb on freenode
#308489 (46/74) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<acenasir> asl angel?
<Tech_Angel> Dude, did you really just use asl?
<IT_Sean> He did.
* IT_Sean gets the bullwhip, the mustard, and the geckos
<Tech_Angel> the geckos? you really are serious
<IT_Sean> Yup.
* Tech_Angel leaves Sean to play with acenasir while she gets lunch
* IT_Sean gives acenasir a 10 second head start
<adamaze> run boy
Comment: #spiceworks / freenode
#307708 (58/88) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* rycuda has just been offered an amp
<@Al> After being given a shock like that it's wise to have a coulomb-down period
<@mgsts> I'm trying to decide watt a suitable punishment for these awful puns is
<@OneCruelBagel> mgsts: it's not his volt, he has troubles at ohm.
<@OneCruelBagel> We should let him have some peace faraday.
#307314 (55/75) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<amarainein> sudo -u bitch make sammich 2>/dev/null
<amarainein> that's how it's done
<robin> amarainein: Why do you want to become the bitch to make a sammich?
<amarainein> i was ordering her- oh, never mind
<amarainein> it's never funny if you have to explain it
<robin> sudo -u bitch is more like possessing her to make a demonic sammich as the walls drip with blood.
<robin> Lights flicker, and bitch suddenly finds herself making a sammich against her very will!
<robin> Yet charged to her filesystem and CPU quota!
<amarainein> exactly. and in /dev/null, noone can hear your screams
#306376 (48/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* tanuki_ wonders idly why HDSLRs don't pull rows from their sensors in a different order
<tanuki_>if we have a 10-line sensor, for instance, instead of pulling 1-2-3-4-5..., we could pull 1-5-10-3-7-2-9-4-8-6 or something
<tanuki_>it seems like that'd get rid of the worst part of rolling shutter: the diagonal wobble
<tanuki_>there'd still be some rolling shutter but it'd be distributed across the entire frame instead of being concentrated at the bottom
<dif>u should write up a technical white paper about this
<dif>instead of typing it on irc where it'll scroll of your audience's screen
<dif>i'll read it.  i promise.
<tanuki_>Consider this a very rudimentary form of peer review
<tanuki_>Talking about it on IRC allows for an instant "it won't work because [reason], dumbass"
<tanuki_>instead of the whole months-long writing of the paper and submission to a journal for official peer review...
<tanuki_>just to be told the same damn thing: "are you really that much of a dumbass?"
<cwage>are you really that much of a dumbass?
<tanuki_>Yes. Yes, I am.
Comment: freenode #photogeeks
#302974 (40/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sculptor> i learnt binary numbers at the age of 7
<Sculptor> 2nd grade math
<Sculptor> commie countries always had great math courses
<CStubing> commie countries couldn't afford any more digits
Comment: EFnet#c++
#302416 (36/44) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not...
#301428 (68/114) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DobyMick> god, inglorious bastards is such a sick movie!
<DobyMick> so what if the "good" guys are jewish and the "bad" guys are nazis, its still violence and murder!
<DobyMick> i mean, how would people feel if someone made a movie where the positions were reversed?
<Fulup>They already did. It's called a documentary.
#311531 (40/54) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pflanze> in any case, I can see why you changed your userid from ``bigassniggaonascooterdrinkingcaprisun`` before launching the business
#311370 (50/68) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Helix_Mouse> breadsticks are delicious
<Helix_Mouse> I want a breadstick
<MilesGates> >:C
<MilesGates> Whats the magic word?
<Helix_Mouse> accio breadstick
#309820 (39/53) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< MadCamel> I'd like TMW to get an email address that current TMW admins always have access to. Then I can hand off all control to TMW and stop being the middleman. That way if I get hit by a bus TMW'd be fine. Though I'd like
to think that having me around as server-cowboy is handy and would like to keep helping..
* Ablu writes a letter to all bus drivers...
< MadCamel> I always say hit by a bus, because that happened to a friend. And he didn't plan for it. His irc clients stayed logged in for 3 years. Nobody had keys to his client's servers or authority to talk to the
datacenters. They had to fax around his death certificate to get it straightened out.
< MadCamel> Rather sobering
#309051 (224/238) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
DaMan: ALX: We fixed the y2k crap months ago.
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19100!!"
Jenny: omg.
DaMan: crap.
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19101!!"
Fred: that is curious. how does it come up with the year 19101?
DaMan: It just prepends "19" to the number of years since 1900. Forgot to fix it last year, heh.
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19102!!"
Fred: Im pretty sure we are now the only platform in the nebula with a remaining y2k bug :-P
Grayson: ha.
(O)DaMan: Should be fixed now.
!!SYSTEM> TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19103!!"
!!SYSTEM> DaMan changed topic to "Happy New Year 2003!!"
!!SYSTEM> TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19104!!"
DaMan> The hell?
KoderKane> Are you sure you recompiled the binary or whatever after fixing it?
DaMan> I think so.
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19105!!"
Zer0: Holy Carp, we skipped the whole second millennium and went right to the 19000's XD
DaMan: Im planning a "Back to the Future" remake.
nobody: In the yearrr Nineteen One-oh-five- if DaMan is, still alive... Will he fix, that damn bot?
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19106!!"
Nimda> Well at least he has an excuse this year..
lollz> he does?
Nimda> Yeh, he got hit by a bus.
CoJaBo> o_O
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19107!!"
DaMan> My new years resolution for this year: fix y2k bug in trigon
CoJaBo> And just like last year, you'll completely blow it off.
! TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19108!!"
CoJaBo> derp: qdb.us/75182
DaMan> Yeh, ill fix it someday.
! TRIGON changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19109!!
< @DaMan> ^someone remember to remind me round when next December rolls around, to fix that.
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19110!!
< CoJaBo> At this rate, it'll still be saying that well into the next millennial roll-over XD
<@DaMan> You fix it then.
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19111!!
< Frylock> DaMan: I totally meant to remember to tell you this last month, but- Fix the damn bot!
< DaMan> Righty-o.
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19112!!
< CoJaBo> ...
< DaMan> ah, crap.
< DaMan> I did fix it; honestly, it just got to be a nuisance, everyone asking "did ya fix the bot?" "is it still bugged?" "will the bot be there this year?" etcetera, ad nauseum.
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 20113!!
< DaMan> dear god.
#308371 (27/47) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bob> At last, a public opinion poll that gets the opinions of ordinary Americans on the issues that matter! Apparently, two thirds of Americans polled think that Barack Obama is better suited to defend against an alien invasion than Mitt Romney, according to a survey from National Geographic Channel
<ramsey> those are really the things that matter
<ramsey> but I'm more interested in who is better suited to get us through the impending zombie apocalypse, since it's more impending than an alien invasion
<bob> i'd probably still choose the black one.
<ramsey> wow
#308117 (60/80) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Baljem: BBC News Headline "'GPS brain cells' seen in pigeons"
Baljem: look, dipshits, it may come as a surprise
Baljem: but there are perfectly good methods of navigation that existed for quite some time before GPS
Baljem: so could we /please/ stop referring to anything to do with being able to fucking navigate as 'satnav' and 'GPS'?  before I have to come and smack you around a bit?  kthx
RS_Asleep: Baljem: Now they could use an iPhone and have always up-to-date information and the pigeon could use them 53 brain cells for something else! ;)
Baljem: impossible
Baljem: nothing with 53 or more brain cells would buy an iPhone in the first place ;)
#305243 (43/67) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
cmca: so i've been playing starcraft a lot late at night and i think its starting to infiltrate my real life
cmca: me, emi, kyle, and paul were coming back from lunch and we got to the door that requires a key card. and we all just stood there, everyone waiting for someone else to swipe theirs
cmca: and my first thought was "shit, i missed the minerals when i set the rally point for the drones"
cmca: and then i shook myself and swiped my card...
#302911 (36/46) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+psypete> sometimes i want to poop
<+psypete> but then i try to go and i can't
<+psypete> and i feel like i've let myself down
<+ashi> It is natural to become attached to something you carry inside you for an extended period of time.
<+ashi> Feeling it grow ... and move.
<+ashi> Still, you have to let go when the time comes.
<+rowboat> thats some shitty advice
#291749 (42/56) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Max[Tea`age]> just sneezed my headphones across the room
#309641 (55/77) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
ttvd: i can dress my roomba in french maid outfit
ttvd: sadly, probably not the oddest thing i have done
Comment: EFnet
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