QDB: Latest Approved Quotes
DreamHost About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev123456..594Next>
#310347 (38/48) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Rozzie-mob> Ohok
<Rozzie-mob> Apparently when I was younger I ate the dogs worming tablets
<Rozzie-mob> But it was okay because I took the correct dosage
#307328 (53/91) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Xynth> Seriously, who starts their name with an X? How do you even pronounce that?
#307122 (41/77) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+Nortaneous> goddamnit
<+Nortaneous> after five tries, i finally remembered how to open the run program dialog instead of switching workspaces
<+Nortaneous> so i opened the thing and accidentally typed irssi instead of putty
<+Nortaneous> nothing happened
<+Nortaneous> so i opened it again
<+Nortaneous> typed irssi *again*
<+Nortaneous> but on my third try, i got it
<+Nortaneous> opened putty
<+Nortaneous> got the login as dialog
<+Nortaneous> and tried to login as irssi
<+Nortaneous> i'm moving to a fucking cave in the woods.
#305982 (49/77) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Grievre> I just realized this was the best way to describe it
<Grievre> San francisco looks like a city designed by dr seuss
<Grievre> all the hills
<Grievre> houses are all pastel colors and different shapes
<Grievre> everyone wears weird outfits all the time
Comment: #furaffinity on #furnet
#304215 (50/94) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Juliet|Awesome> going to "bed" so I can "read" a "book", maybe "learn" a little more "esperanto"
* Juliet|Awesome is now known as Juliet|pr0n
* Juliet|pr0n is now known as Juliet|Zzzzzzzzz
<PovAddict> o_O
<Juliet|Zzzzzzzzz> stupid dvorak
Comment: freenode #stackoverflow
#304157 (59/83) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<dogel> my mother said to me last night after i asked her to sign something
<dogel> "you know how to forge my signature, do it yourself"
#303953 (42/72) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Bentley> mIRC script is what happened when bash and csh got together and had a kid, and then dropped acid and took overdoses of thalidomide
#303792 (35/69) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<emFox> Kali ma!
* emFox rips Novu's still-beating heart out of his chest and lowers his body into a flame pit.
<emFox> Bali Mangthi Kali Ma!
<Novu_Ferret> This is how I know he loves me
#303097 (46/60) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@i_c-Y> what exactly is "irreconcilable differences" for a divorce?
<@zeno> You know... one person insists on the D_n notation for a dihedral group, the other on D_{2n}.
#300320 (40/62) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
halcy0n: yanno what i fkn hate
halcy0n: .....the motion activated toilets
halcy0n: dude...you cant fuckin move!
bladezor: hahaaaa
halcy0n: you like just twist one way and its a fuckin shit water bidet.
halcy0n: doesnt help that the toilet flushing is powered by a fucking boeing 757 engine
#311245 (37/51) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<nacht> I sold body armor in a rite aid parking lot yesterday.
<Naraka> I love everything about that.
<nacht> Ohio ftw
<nacht> Are you a felon? No? Here buy this AK and 2000 rounds out of my trunk.
#310959 (57/63) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<%n473> so I migrated our first client site to our new cloud environment yesterday
<%n473> and literally the very first browsing log we got
<%n473> on our first site
<%n473> first cloud-active client
<%n473> was a pornhub search for "big ass blonde lesbian milfs"
#309886 (58/74) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> Fucking around with computers is how I became a registered Hex offender.
#302643 (54/60) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
sunny_mousey: you are on your way to alcohol poisoning town.
SudoJones: do hety have laoiqikcer store ther
Comment: #inportb on freenode
#308489 (46/76) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<acenasir> asl angel?
<Tech_Angel> Dude, did you really just use asl?
<IT_Sean> He did.
<IT_Sean> HE MUST BE PUNISHED!
* IT_Sean gets the bullwhip, the mustard, and the geckos
<Tech_Angel> the geckos? you really are serious
<IT_Sean> Yup.
* Tech_Angel leaves Sean to play with acenasir while she gets lunch
* IT_Sean gives acenasir a 10 second head start
<adamaze> run boy
Comment: #spiceworks / freenode
#307708 (59/91) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* rycuda has just been offered an amp
<@Al> After being given a shock like that it's wise to have a coulomb-down period
<@mgsts> I'm trying to decide watt a suitable punishment for these awful puns is
<@OneCruelBagel> mgsts: it's not his volt, he has troubles at ohm.
<@OneCruelBagel> We should let him have some peace faraday.
#307314 (55/77) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<amarainein> sudo -u bitch make sammich 2>/dev/null
<amarainein> that's how it's done
<robin> amarainein: Why do you want to become the bitch to make a sammich?
<amarainein> i was ordering her- oh, never mind
<amarainein> it's never funny if you have to explain it
<robin> sudo -u bitch is more like possessing her to make a demonic sammich as the walls drip with blood.
<robin> Lights flicker, and bitch suddenly finds herself making a sammich against her very will!
<robin> Yet charged to her filesystem and CPU quota!
<amarainein> exactly. and in /dev/null, noone can hear your screams
#306376 (50/62) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* tanuki_ wonders idly why HDSLRs don't pull rows from their sensors in a different order
<tanuki_>if we have a 10-line sensor, for instance, instead of pulling 1-2-3-4-5..., we could pull 1-5-10-3-7-2-9-4-8-6 or something
<tanuki_>it seems like that'd get rid of the worst part of rolling shutter: the diagonal wobble
<tanuki_>there'd still be some rolling shutter but it'd be distributed across the entire frame instead of being concentrated at the bottom
<dif>u should write up a technical white paper about this
<dif>instead of typing it on irc where it'll scroll of your audience's screen
<dif>i'll read it.  i promise.
<tanuki_>Consider this a very rudimentary form of peer review
<tanuki_>Talking about it on IRC allows for an instant "it won't work because [reason], dumbass"
<tanuki_>instead of the whole months-long writing of the paper and submission to a journal for official peer review...
<tanuki_>just to be told the same damn thing: "are you really that much of a dumbass?"
<cwage>are you really that much of a dumbass?
<tanuki_>Yes. Yes, I am.
Comment: freenode #photogeeks
#302974 (41/61) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Sculptor> i learnt binary numbers at the age of 7
<Sculptor> 2nd grade math
<Sculptor> commie countries always had great math courses
<CStubing> commie countries couldn't afford any more digits
Comment: EFnet#c++
#302416 (39/47) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not...
#301428 (69/115) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<DobyMick> god, inglorious bastards is such a sick movie!
<DobyMick> so what if the "good" guys are jewish and the "bad" guys are nazis, its still violence and murder!
<DobyMick> i mean, how would people feel if someone made a movie where the positions were reversed?
<Fulup>They already did. It's called a documentary.
#311531 (41/55) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<pflanze> in any case, I can see why you changed your userid from ``bigassniggaonascooterdrinkingcaprisun`` before launching the business
#311370 (50/68) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Helix_Mouse> breadsticks are delicious
<Helix_Mouse> I want a breadstick
<MilesGates> >:C
<MilesGates> Whats the magic word?
<Helix_Mouse> accio breadstick
#309820 (40/54) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< MadCamel> I'd like TMW to get an email address that current TMW admins always have access to. Then I can hand off all control to TMW and stop being the middleman. That way if I get hit by a bus TMW'd be fine. Though I'd like
to think that having me around as server-cowboy is handy and would like to keep helping..
* Ablu writes a letter to all bus drivers...
< MadCamel> I always say hit by a bus, because that happened to a friend. And he didn't plan for it. His irc clients stayed logged in for 3 years. Nobody had keys to his client's servers or authority to talk to the
datacenters. They had to fax around his death certificate to get it straightened out.
< MadCamel> Rather sobering
#309051 (231/245) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
DaMan: ALX: We fixed the y2k crap months ago.
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19100!!"
Jenny: omg.
HEX: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!
DaMan: crap.
--
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19101!!"
Fred: that is curious. how does it come up with the year 19101?
DaMan: It just prepends "19" to the number of years since 1900. Forgot to fix it last year, heh.
--
!!SYSTEM: TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19102!!"
Fred: Im pretty sure we are now the only platform in the nebula with a remaining y2k bug :-P
Grayson: ha.
(O)DaMan: Should be fixed now.
--
!!SYSTEM> TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19103!!"
!!SYSTEM> DaMan changed topic to "Happy New Year 2003!!"
--
!!SYSTEM> TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19104!!"
DaMan> The hell?
KoderKane> Are you sure you recompiled the binary or whatever after fixing it?
DaMan> I think so.
--
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19105!!"
Zer0: Holy Carp, we skipped the whole second millennium and went right to the 19000's XD
DaMan: Im planning a "Back to the Future" remake.
nobody: In the yearrr Nineteen One-oh-five- if DaMan is, still alive... Will he fix, that damn bot?
--
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19106!!"
Nimda> Well at least he has an excuse this year..
lollz> he does?
Nimda> Yeh, he got hit by a bus.
CoJaBo> o_O
--
***  TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19107!!"
DaMan> My new years resolution for this year: fix y2k bug in trigon
CoJaBo> And just like last year, you'll completely blow it off.
--
! TRIGON changed topic to "Happy New Year 19108!!"
CoJaBo> derp: qdb.us/75182
DaMan> Yeh, ill fix it someday.
--
! TRIGON changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19109!!
< @DaMan> ^someone remember to remind me round when next December rolls around, to fix that.
--
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19110!!
< CoJaBo> At this rate, it'll still be saying that well into the next millennial roll-over XD
<@DaMan> You fix it then.
--
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19111!!
< Frylock> DaMan: I totally meant to remember to tell you this last month, but- Fix the damn bot!
< DaMan> Righty-o.
--
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 19112!!
< CoJaBo> ...
< DaMan> ah, crap.
--
< DaMan> I did fix it; honestly, it just got to be a nuisance, everyone asking "did ya fix the bot?" "is it still bugged?" "will the bot be there this year?" etcetera, ad nauseum.
! TRIGON has changed TOPIC to: Happy New Year 20113!!
< DaMan> dear god.
save page | share <Prev123456..594Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,841 quotes approved; 8,749 fermenting; karma: 189.6182