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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..194195196197198199200..596Next> |
#39994 (169/297) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<frosty-theaussie> i just brushed the dust off my desk now its floating towards in me in a big cloud
<frosty-theaussie> i think it might be sentient |
#39982 (161/301) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[JonnyS] anyone know if a stolen laptop is tracable if connectect to the internet?
[JonnyS] if i report my laptop being stolen, will the plice be able to find it?
[JonnyS] anyone want to buy a laptop? |
#40015 (87/193) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mike[F]> Dad (drunk): I used to be a porn star in college to pay the bills, thats how I met your mom!
<mike[F]> Me: Are you shitting me?
<mike[F]> Dad: Nah, I'm just fuckin with ya. She was the porn star. I just stumbled into the wrong dorm room and got my cock sucked.Comment: #i_r_teh_h4x on irc.gamesurge.net
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#40004 (87/213) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Segosa> i'm eating marmalade on toast
<@Segosa> homomade
<@Segosa> er
<@Segosa> homemade |
#39992 (116/248) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[f] Jism [jism@roach.infested.w-wasteland.com] has joined #linux
[f] mode/#linux [+o Jism] by X2
(Ark): Jis! just in time to test my new perl bot
(@Jism): k
(Ark): say hello to NIGGABOT
(@Jism): err hello NiggaBOT
(@NiggaBOT): Wording Incorrect: hello is SUP G'DAWG
(@Jism): dude wtf
(Ark): cool or what?
(@NiggaBOT): Wording Incorrect: cool is MAN THIS SHIT IS TIGHT!
(@Jism): Ark, i am going to stab you if you don't shut this fucking thing off
(@NiggaBOT): Wording Incorrect: stab is POP A CAP IN YO ASS
(@Jism): fuck this i'm outta here
(@Jism): bye
(@NiggaBOT): Wording Incorrect: bye is CHECK YOU LATER HOMIE |
#39984 (144/274) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Nick): nobody believed about my abs, so I took a pic of it.. nobody thinks I have a nice sized penis.. so do I have to prove you wrong again?
(Deranged): Exactly how far does your camera zoom? |
#39979 (-7/235) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<blacklabel> gay people suck
<Matchu> Yes, for small change |
#39975 (-2/104) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Firewitch> i have a dick... its in my filing cabnet.. =DComment: #boxtorrents @ irc.deltaanime.net
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#39964 (116/262) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> oh god that was funny!
<+kiracatgirl> ?
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> she just jumps in bed all of a sudden and looks at me
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "What time is it!?"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "It's 12:30 honey"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> ... "oh crap, the alarm was supposed to go off at 12:20"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "What are you talking about? You don't wake up until 6:20"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "What time is it?"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "It's 12:30"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> "ah, monkeys"
<+Keitarou-Booyaka> and she falls back down
<+kiracatgirl> monkeys?!
<+urgan> lol, mokeys |
#39945 (-11/287) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ruud> sleeping makes her 10 times sexier cuz she cant say no till itz too late |
#39944 (3/169) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Teromen> ekmf: irc taught me the correct use of : and made my ged score higher :D |
#39937 (85/203) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[@527] (20528) helf: gah, i was having an awesome dream!
[@527] (20528) helf: it had naken women in it, starcraft and computers
[@527] (20528) helf: but noooooooooo, my dad HAD to wake me up |
#39929 (119/247) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<skycreatoR> hehe awesome
<skycreatoR> today at my job (i work in a cinema) we had the premiere on shrek 2
<skycreatoR> and because of the ocation, green popcorn
<skycreatoR> then some little girl came over to my booth and asked why the popcorns were green
<skycreatoR> i said it was because we put mashed shrek down in the popcorn machine
<skycreatoR> then she began crying and ran away |
#39926 (8/212) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ircToonz> I like pot more than beer because I don't wake up in my own vomit when I smoke to much pot |
#39925 (0/218) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<olly> whats cookin good lookin?
<reegs> youd have to catch me on a very rare occasion to find me cookin |
#39920 (4/102) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<anarchy_x> heheh
<anarchy_x> one of ash's little friends just called "x, ashley said the b word and the f word"
<anarchy_x> i'm like "which?"
<anarchy_x> she's like "you know, the b word and the f word"
<anarchy_x> i'm like "i dont get what you mean"
<anarchy_x> "she says, you know, bitch and fuck"
<anarchy_x> i said "now i'm calling your mom to tell on you."
<anarchy_x> and then hung up before she could say anything |
#39892 (34/234) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@jk0> the teacher is kind of hot
<@psych0sys> i had a hot teacher once
<@psych0sys> took em 45min to put out the flames |
#39919 (81/195) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mrwinkey> I had to date ALOT of women before I found my wife
<mrwinkey> most of them were money grubbing sluts
<mrwinkey> I enjoyed the slut part way more than the money grubbing part. |
#39904 (201/369) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Puunukke> A Russian lieutenant stands on a cliff with his crew. He looks down, and points at one of his privates.
<Puunukke> - You there. Stand here on the edge, stick your right hand out and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant watches the soldier fall down and shouts to the next one.
<Puunukke> - You! Come here, point your left hand and left foot forward and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant again watches the soldier fall, thinks for a minute and shouts again.
<Puunukke> - You there. Come lie down here on the edge, put your right foot up and roll over to the chasm.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant continues until a general arrives at the scene shouting at the lieutenant.
<Puunukke> - Lieutenant Vasiljev, how many times do I have to tell you not to play Tetris at work? |
#39890 (91/217) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< drinker> CFC you're not a real criminal, are you?
< CFC> no... im a counterfeit one :\
< CFC> blame gamespy and its wierd as hell random nick generator
< CFC> i got Counterfeitcriminal and ArmouredCrack :|
< drinker> :-)
< drinker> you chose well between them. The latter sounds like a chastity
belt |
#39885 (0/156) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<xtalcy> i know the basic plot of star wars is the same as mall rats
<xtalcy> ive seen mall rats a bunch of times:)
<xtalcy> except instead of the girl with three nipples, theres yoda, and instead of the stage, theres the death star |
#39865 (85/215) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@fez> .dice -1
<@Q> fez: A 2139451499 shows on the -1-sided die.Comment: #maddox on irc.whatnet.org
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#39860 (69/217) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[23:03] <@tH> my friend's buying an ethernet switch from dell
[23:03] <%spazizoner> WHAT
[23:03] <@Knifa> LOL
[23:03] <@tH> and in the online checkout
[23:03] <@ReadMe> stop them, quick
[23:03] <@tH> it asks you
[23:03] <@tH> Q4. Will the product(s) be used in connection with weapons of mass
[23:03] <@tH> destruction, i.e. nuclear applications, missile technology, or
[23:03] <@tH> chemical or biological weapons purposes?Comment: We told him to tell him to awnser yes... not sure if he did it tho
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#39844 (132/284) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Demanther> your fired
<@Alien> you're
<@Jimstang> hahahaha the forener is correcting the American on english
<@Alien> foreignerComment: Jimstang's the American too :)
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#39831 (72/144) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<becci> where do you go to find out if a dentist is legit?
<spilt> hehe
<spilt> 1800DENTIST
<effnet> well
<effnet> if hes using rusty plyers to pull your teeth out
<effnet> he might not be legit
<spilt> she wants to know before i think
<becci> what if he works on your teeth for 2.5 hours and keeps saying "oh my...that's a lot of blood"
<becci> and "that etch really stops the bleeding good"
<effnet> toof had some dental work but her teeth are so big they had to use a jack hammer to operate on them
<luminol> if your zipper is down when the antesthesia wears off
<withnail> then your first treatment is free
<becci> can you guys shut the fuck up |
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