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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..191192193194195196197..596Next> |
#40757 (85/211) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FlatEric> I'm bored
<FlatEric> where's my alcohol?
<nougatmachine> you could help me clean up dishes
<nougatmachine> that would give you something to do
<nougatmachine> I have a feeling that in the choice between booze and dishes, booze will win
* FlatEric looks to see how many dishes are in the sink
<FlatEric> yesComment: #macobserver, irc.hashmark.net
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#40755 (251/397) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Crispy> New Studies show that an American's attention span is |
#40752 (267/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<WillDeed> god damn I'm smooth
<WillDeed> so I went to 7-11 to buy a pack of smokes
<WillDeed> and the chick starts flirting with me because
<WillDeed> well
<WillDeed> you know
<WillDeed> she pulls down a pack, hides it, and says "sorry, we're out of those *giggle*"
<WillDeed> and I tried to laugh without laughing to show courtesy but to show it wasn't funny
<WillDeed> and it came out as a snort
<WillDeed> and the rest of the transaction was made in silence
<WillDeed> and I kinda ran into the door when I was leaving
<WillDeed> <- smooth |
#40749 (103/185) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<lonely_soul> Lol my little cousin,went on the pc one day,and he decided to type in his moms name,and a porn site came up, lol and he's like MOM! why do you have these pictures on here,and shes like thats not mine! and hes like well it says its your site,its your name.:P lol he still thinks its hers.
<Hurricane> Whats her name? |
#40748 (27/177) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<NSA> I hate having sex...
-!- mode/#maddox [+l 94] by Q
<+amcrypt> Why?
<NSA> It's just not fun.
<+amcrypt> ^_________________^
<NSA> OH shit.
<NSA> Wrong window
<NSA> FUCK
<NSA> I thought this was #christian
<NSA> bash that and I will rip your face off |
#40740 (171/295) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mohadib> so anyone got any suggestions for a good mysql disaster recovery plan?
<Toxik> mohadib, erm.. you go rm -rf / and then reinstall linux/gentoo r11 with 2.6.8 kernel and install mysqld?
<mohadib> ok so you got the disaster... now how do i recover? |
#40735 (-1/229) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ozbear> linux users remind me of the jews trying to find the land of milk and honey...wandering through the wasteland for 40 years |
#40712 (201/363) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[GTF] I don't know what's worse; that I dreamed about putting my ex-girlfriend in a woodchipper, or that I woke up with an erection. |
#40660 (0/282) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<[ELP]> whoa i'm typing to you
<[ELP]> I didn't realise it
<[ELP]> I thought I was imagining the conversation |
#40653 (79/255) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Desh> GEORGIA SUX
<doughnut> so does your mom
<doughnut> like a vacuum cleaner
<doughnut> just sucks and sucks
<Desh> my dad told me stores of when my mom gave him head
<Desh> she likes to spit it out and suck it back in >__>
<doughnut> ...................wtf
<Desh> i know things im not supposed to know :( |
#40674 (24/126) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@lucid> I need something to do.
<@lucid> I dont start work until tommorrow
<@PJD> hrmm
<@PJD> watch porn
<@lucid> nah, thats a night thing
<@PJD> order some pizza
<@lucid> im broke
<@PJD> hrmm
<@lucid> hah
<@lucid> I have herb and diet coke
<@lucid> thats about it
<@PJD> go to a mall and tell kids santa claus doesnt exist |
#40726 (2/132) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
-!- dogmeat [dogmeat@pcp01841549pcs.owngsm01.md.comcast.net] has joined #wtf
< dogmeat> fags!
-!- dogmeat [dogmeat@pcp01841549pcs.owngsm01.md.comcast.net] has left #wtf []
-!- dogmeat [dogmeat@pcp01841549pcs.owngsm01.md.comcast.net] has joined #wtf
< dogmeat> except darkwise!
-!- dogmeat [dogmeat@pcp01841549pcs.owngsm01.md.comcast.net] has left #wtf [] |
#40669 (240/338) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Mookeh> Pf, I'm taking head from a guy who duct taped himself to a ceiling trying to replace a light bulb
<jez> wtf
<Oranz> WTF
<Mookeh> OMG, worst typo ever! I meant HEAT! |
#40668 (254/372) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<iSharQ> Apparently, my friend texted "I want to kick your shaven puppy" to his girlfriend.
<iSharQ> The wonders of T9 predictive text. |
#40657 (153/287) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< kitt> i'm trying to install linux for the first time
< kitt> but i can't find the setup.exe, any help |
#40652 (119/257) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
jill ea: after great and lengthy procedures taking an excruciating two hours i finally figured it out. woo! all for 3 seconds of glory.
nyis024: sounds like my sex life |
#40643 (158/250) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<StormSeeker> "Like a campsite, you should always leave your sexual partner in better condition than when you got there." |
#40641 (176/282) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Blade_Leader> I think that these viruses would be more effective if the virus writers got someone who spoke english to write the bait lines |
#40638 (215/305) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Whoahey> Yeah, y'know those headphones we sell where it blocks out all other sound but still lets you listen to music?
<ColonelPanic> Yeah
<Whoahey> Y'know how I always say that everyone always puts them on and their friend always says the same thing
<Whoahey> "Can you hear me?! You're a complete tool! <insert random insult> ...did you hear that?"
<ColonelPanic> Heh right.
<Whoahey> Some guy and his girlfriend came in and tried it
<Whoahey> Might I add, she was friggin' gorgeous
<Whoahey> He puts on the headphones, usual conversation ensues -- "Can you hear me?" ::dude shrugs::
<Whoahey> And I'm not even kidding, the girl yells out at the top of her lungs "I FUCKING CHEATED ON YOU WITH MIKE!"
<ColonelPanic> holy shit lol
<Whoahey> The guy just laughs, shrugs and points to the headphones.
<Whoahey> I swear, everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and were like O_O |
#40615 (153/341) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dani> im cold! *goes to get blanket*
<caz> I'M A DONKEY! *goes to get psychiatric help* |
#40593 (273/417) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@god> i love how google always puts celebrity deaths under the "entertainment" section. |
#40586 (42/172) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dragonblight> I drink tea.
<That-uK> I drink coke.
<DigitalPyro> i smoke cock
<apotheosis> you win.Comment: Bored in gameSurge #postal2
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#40583 (427/603) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< bien> i'm going to go have a shower.
< Zoo> Have?
< vera> You're supposed to take showers.
< Zoo> It's the difference between a Canadian and an American mindset.
< Zoo> Canadians have things, Americans take them.Comment: #kuro5hin/SlashNET
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#40487 (112/240) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SpazMatt> gah i just realized my zipper was down but the sad thing is I noticed when my dog was eyeing my pants |
#40492 (70/214) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<bda> I need a job where I can get laid in the line of duty.
<beady> teacher?
<claws03> grade school?Comment: #geekissues
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