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#51854 (389/543) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mark> oh yeah. so my roommate got me to sit down and play need for speed underground on the xbox. he thought it would be funny because i was drunk, so i would fuck up, and he would laugh at me. except i ended up doing better and beating a bunch of races i wasnt able to do sober.
<Mark> which means im a better driver when im drunk
<Mark> i just have to find a way to explain that to the police. |
#51840 (441/623) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dudicon> Hmm.
<Dudicon> What I just did started out ridiculously lazy, but then... I don't know what happened.
<Dudicon> I was too lazy to get up and get a piece of paper, so I decided to print a blank page from the printer.
<Dudicon> But... I couldn't open any new files in Word Perfect, because I had the max number open already
<Dudicon> So I went through all the files to see which I could close
<Dudicon> Then closed that one and made a new file
<Dudicon> But it wouldn't let me print it blank
<Dudicon> So I put an "F" on the document and made the font white.
<Dudicon> Then printed it
<Dudicon> Just to move this piece of paper 18 inches closer to me.
<BaronSamedi> ...
<BaronSamedi> Dud, kill yourself. Your life is now complete.Comment: #almea
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#51788 (41/297) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< rebug> if god hates fags how come Jesus was so damn hot?Comment: Theological debates on IRC
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#51650 (412/644) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<hylix> Syntacs, I know where you live.
<Syntacs> Big deal, I've known that for years.
<hylix> i've sent a team of magical sheep to mutton bomb your house
<Syntacs> And they were delicious.
<hylix> you baa-stard. |
#51739 (528/678) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Clo Poud: my dad
Clo Poud: is pressuring me into buying a car
Rodri316: Clo Poud
Rodri316: Keep your dad's volume constant
Rodri316: and lower his body temperature
Clo Poud: rodri
Clo Poud: what the FUCK
Clo Poud: are you even TALKING ABOUT
Rodri316: according to Gay-Lussac's law, his pressure should decrease |
#51625 (486/624) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell |
#51684 (345/485) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Dave: I checked for wireless networks here, and I found some (protected though). One of them is named Linksys (how original), andother is HomeWireless (mine), then there was one called RobandKelly, and a 4th one called "RobandKellyaregay" |
#51643 (340/526) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ryan`> god i fucking rule
<ryan`> my brother stole money from me
<ryan`> so i mixed elmers glue with a bit of water
<ryan`> then i spread some over my sisters little hand puppets
<ryan`> and threw it half way under his bed
<ryan`> now hes grounded all next week for "jacking off with her hand puppets" |
#51642 (307/427) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pentavite> i need help with my programming class
<Pentavite> what's an execution error?
<GenericLoser> It's when you kill the wrong person. |
#51634 (368/572) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<f1agrant> I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident. |
#51623 (228/406) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot. can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs. |
#51619 (358/528) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
eefstr_12: theres no fresh water where I am, we have them delivered
sze_mai: here's what you do
sze_mai: feed a couple of monkeys salt and follow them
sze_mai: you'll find a water source for sure
eefstr_12: one question, where do I get monkeys
sze_mai: dunno, I'm an expert in water, not monkeys. |
#51616 (90/268) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<S0nFez> Oh shit oh shit, i just accidently sent a DL380 G4 server and couple of desktops to a sheet metal company!
<favgame> lol wtf are they going to do with that
<S0nFez> Fuck i phoned them and they refuse to say they have them!
<s0nFez> right action plan.
<s0nFez> 1)phone courier and get signatures proving they signed for them
<s0nFez> 2)fax signatures over to those dodgy wankers and threaten legal action
<s0nFez> 3)arrange same day courier to pick them up and deliver them to right address. if this doesnt work im so badly fuxed.
<favgame> want an easier method?
<favgame> 1) wait till sunday
<favgame> 2) go to market and find the store selling a £3000 DL380 G4 server as "big computer, abit noisy" and offer the bloke $50
<favgame> bound to be cheaper than a sameday courier |
#51607 (233/419) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Psychopomp> Hows the packing going?
<Entropy> I solved a dilemma! =D
<Psychopomp> What dilemma would this be?
<Entropy> I'm leaving out clothes for tomorrow, and washing all the dirty clothes tonight, but what to do with the underwear etc I wear to bed? I don't want to cart it around dirty all day tomorrow
<Psychopomp> Sleep nekkid?
<Entropy> Obvious solution = sleep n3kkid
<Entropy> Wow, same wavelength
<Psychopomp> Well, the way i look at it, how could it be a dilemma if being naked is even a POSSIBLE solution?
<Psychopomp> You can fix anything by stripping
<Entropy> Interesting theory
<Entropy> Let's test your thesis. From now on, whenever I face a problem, first thing I'll do is take off all my clothes and see if that works |
#51602 (141/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
The Magma Hawk: I can see the Presidential race 20 years from now.
The Magma Hawk: "Have you ever tried an MMORPG?"
The Magma Hawk: "I tried WoW once, but I never leveled." |
#51593 (127/311) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Florgenblorken: did i tell you my cousin ran away
Caracarn52: nope
Caracarn52: Go on.
Florgenblorken: hes like a drug addict and just bad news in general, and he hates his parents. so i hear from my dad last week he ran off with 1200$ and has been gone for about half a week. but heres the fucked up part. he asked me last time i saw him, "hey dude ive been thinking of running off think i should?" and me being an idiot says, "yeah man sure why not" since i thought he was joking
Florgenblorken: whoops |
#51588 (26/242) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
blucracksmurf: my whole life i thought men only had a couple feelings: angry, amused, wow that was dumb, and ow that hurt.....now i'm discovering there are more
blucracksmurf: i can't decide if i like it
Seven11Slurpes: there are only 4 for straight guys. What you are, I don't know anymore
blucracksmurf: i hate you |
#51585 (247/411) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
blucracksmurf: i tried to read the case study on why windows is more stable than linux, but IE crashed while opening the pdf |
#51577 (26/260) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Theropissed> Hey tuqui
<Theropissed> I enlisted.
<Tuqui-tuqui> yes vash :D
<Tuqui-tuqui> schweet!
<Tuqui-tuqui> you have server IP?
<Theropissed> ...
<Theropissed> as in
<Theropissed> joined the army.
<Theropissed> ...
<Tuqui-tuqui> oh...Comment: #cainslair, etg
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#51574 (204/370) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
bryan1835: using php5 with xml is like beating a midget in a footrace.
bryan1835: it's so freaking easy, it's not even funny.
bryan1835: okay, it's a little funny. |
#51570 (11380/13270) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fabz> I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
<atsleek> lol
<Nefemus> what? |
#50346 (15/363) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<orgbot> i broke a G string while fingering a minorComment: orgbot talking about his guitar
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#51533 (187/341) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<val1s> anyone know any hassidik jewish porn websites i can redirect my old companies website to? |
#51518 (357/471) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GenericLoser> So in PE today we were asked to name swimming strokes.
<GenericLoser> One of the less intelligent girls in the class responded "doggy style". |
#51502 (237/487) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
K2xL: can you imagine a chat convo in java?
A_TEENS: dude stfu before i extend MyFist and implement yourFace.
K2xL: you're way ArrayListOutOfBounds. be careful before i garbage collect your gf.
K2xL: how's your gf anyway? isn't her private members public?
A_TEENS: hey... shutup man. her class is PROTECTED.
K2xL: Oh yeah? How much instanceOf() has she given you? What does her GetSome() method return?
A_TEENS: You'd get a stack overflow error bitch.
K2xL: Or NoSuchElementException ;)
A_TEENS: ... Fuck(Object You).Comment: k2xlgames.com
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