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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..152153154155156157158..596Next> |
#52386 (349/535) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Valdek> rofl
<Valdek> my sister's friend alyssa just came into the kitchen when i was getting some grape juice
<Valdek> and yelled "don't ever cum inside a girl!"
<Valdek> and threw a pregnancy test box at me |
#52311 (253/425) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TriviaBot> Trivia: In 1973 israel shoots down 13 __________ mig-21s?
<synth> american
<Mike> syrian
<TriviaBot> Made Man Mike was correct. Answer: syrian Time: 11.281 Earnings: 33750 Rank: 78th
<synth> syria has planes?
<Mike> it did
<Mike> israel shot em all downComment: irc.jaundies.org #trivia
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#52306 (234/412) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sef> We were cleaning out my friend's storage space today because his parents paid us 25 bucks each. :o
<Sef> And we found some interesting things.
<rstlne> oh?
<Sef> A vibrator. Some weird gloves. And a book. "The New Joy of Sex"
<Sef> We stuck the vibrator in the dishwasher that was there.
<Sef> Then we went back to his house and found out his parents are going to give the dishwasher to his grandmother.
<Sef> So..
<Sef> Either way, someone's going to open up the dishwasher and get a surprise.
<Sef> Big orange floppy penis. |
#52304 (229/423) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kasyx> How do you circumsize a redneck?
<Kasyx> kick his sister in the jaw
<Ceno> but rednecks don't have teeth?
<Kasyx> touche |
#52272 (345/523) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
-koroaway : So ...
-koroaway : a tanker truck full of beer crashed into a bus full of kids on their way to play hockey. In a snowstorm
-koroaway : does it get any more Canadian than that? |
#52156 (288/410) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
NoVwith A Bullet: lol, get this
NoVwith A Bullet: I'm chillin' here in cooper hall after hours
NoVwith A Bullet: building's all locked up
mattye15: yah
mattye15: lol
NoVwith A Bullet: security guards walk by and are like "yo, just to let you know, it's locked up, so if you leave, you can't get back in, and don't let anyone in"
NoVwith A Bullet: about half an hour later, I hear this knocking at the door next to me
NoVwith A Bullet: I ignore it
NoVwith A Bullet: it gets louder
NoVwith A Bullet: still ignore
NoVwith A Bullet: the person is freakin' POUNDING on the door when I decide to get up and look
NoVwith A Bullet: it's the security guards
NoVwith A Bullet: they locked themselves out
mattye15: LOL
mattye15: thats funny
NoVwith A Bullet: oh BOY do I feel safe on this campus!
mattye15: wow
NoVwith A Bullet: Best part? They left again without getting their keys |
#52575 (233/379) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<boof> fucking fat fuck customers at mcdonalds
<boof> You know how bartenders can refuse to sell alcohol to someone if they are clearly intoxicated to the max?
<boof> Well, I'd like the same power, however in regards to obseity. Too fat? Have trouble walking? Sweating in the airconditioning? Short breath from walking from the door to the counter? No sale, unless you buy something from the Salads plus menu and a bottle of water.
<fury> lol |
#52533 (289/441) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<SaxxonPike> so i'm wiring up this playstation to db25 (parallel) converter.
<SaxxonPike> since i'm gutting out an extension cable and resoldering, the solder gets funny with new wires.
* turm0i1 has joined #idle
<SaxxonPike> and every time it was like...
<SaxxonPike> i couldn't get it to fit
<SaxxonPike> it just wouldn't wrap around like it was supposed to.
<SaxxonPike> no matter how hard i tried pushing it in, it was pretty damn resilient.
<SaxxonPike> and when i did get it in, it flowed over the edges sometimes.
* turm0i1 has quit IRC (Quit: Saxxon, get your fucking mind off your primal urges just ONCE THIS WEEK PLEASE. I got NO time for that shit cause I'm at work)
<SaxxonPike> solder is a funny thing, you know. |
#52504 (439/601) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<^Spike^> I had my first character censored on City of Villains
<@Stumpy> whyfor?
<^Spike^> They did not appreciate 'Captain Coathanger the Abortionist'
<^Spike^> (He had pirate hooks for hands!)Comment: He's going to hell one day...
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#52451 (106/300) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Lo_Pan> i came first and third in the 2005 world masturbation championships |
#52405 (239/459) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<elfodox> so the boggle solver works... I'm going to set some high scores on web-boggle :)
<elfodox> it takes a while to parse the 3.6mb dictionary file :(
<elfodox> if my dad gets a supercomputer for his company, I'll use it to solve boggle at never-before imagined speeds :P
<fr_gment> At mind boggling speeds, perhaps? |
#52373 (118/390) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<an0n> If I was in a pool naked with Elisha Cuthbert and she was flirting with me, I wouldn't be shitting because I saw the principle of my highschool.....
<an0n> .....I'd need to see like...Jesus giving me the finger or some shit.
<an0n> God would have to carve "Thou shalt get out of the fucking pool" into the tiling.
<an0n> The offensive line of the Raiders would have to rope me from the edge of the pool and DRAG my ass out.
<an0n> Shit, she could whip her cock out and I'd still have to float around and think about it for a while.
<an0n> She could be like "I've got a set of false teeth grafted onto the inside of my vagina and it has a taste for cock" and I'd still be floating there going "I wonder if she does anal? WTF? Where did the Raiders come from?"Comment: irc.sorcery.net #nodewar
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#52346 (248/384) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ryan> i bought a 2 way radio at walmart today
<ryan> and went and sat outside home depot
<ryan> yelling codes over their radios
<ryan> "WE GOT A BLEEDER IN PLUMBING!"
<ryan> "who the hell is this?"
<ryan> "rafiki...." |
#52297 (163/339) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jarn> I read this article about how poets and artists get up to 3 times as much sex as everyone else.
<Jarn> I started feeling REALLY creative after that... |
#52274 (278/428) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<molo> everything ignus says on join is awkward
<molo> i don't think it has ever been normal
<molo> like
<molo> hi
<molo> or
<molo> sup
<molo> it's always 'my parents just remarried' or 'i dream about sex with my sister' |
#52268 (148/338) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sc0rian> i keep putting my fucking boxers on back to front
<Sc0rian> wtf is wrong with me
<RotoSequence> I think you want to let the cock in from the backside |
#52252 (296/450) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gordonjcp> Tesco petrol pumps have a button to press if you want to pay at the pump
<gordonjcp> it's got a braille label
<gordonjcp> don't know what it says though
<gordonjcp> "Get the fuck off the road!" possibly |
#52230 (201/371) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
swtSeduction75: my mom just told me to wear a thong
DaceIre: cool!
DaceIre: Way to go mom!
swtSeduction75: well that was one of the two options
DaceIre: what was the other one?
swtSeduction75: uh
swtSeduction75: to not wear anything
DaceIre: Bad mom! |
#52148 (395/599) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<farlax> gardening was a pain yesterday...
<foam> Hmm, tell me about it
<farlax> I did the front of the house (shrubs), and the back (flowerbed)
*** Join: christ0pher (christ@otaku.freeshell.org)
<farlax> I started out by trimming my thick bush
<farlax> my BF asked me to do it... it was blocking his view
<christ0pher> you going into the porn business, farlax?Comment: Context, context, context...
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#52194 (44/288) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<eclipse> Ebonics are kinda like women. I don't understand either of them, but they're both kinda neat. |
#52174 (40/278) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(Zombiwulf) Using someone else's pc is like borrowing a jockstrap. |
#52155 (231/431) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
homerundude85: i had a dream that i was playing poker with the devil
dackattac: Really?
dackattac: Did you win?
homerundude85: yeah i did
dackattac: Sweet
dackattac: What did you win?
homerundude85: a trip to heaven and a diet soda
dackattac: I knew the devil was somehow associated with aspartame. |
#52153 (315/527) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(+Akiros) OMG A GIRL MSGED ME ON AIM
(+Akiros) WHEW that was awesome
(+Akiros) i logged out immediately
(+Akiros) this rocks, i bet this is what sex is likeComment: irc.lessthanthree.us #<3
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#52131 (126/364) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Freddie> I think you have sand in your vagina
<DJ_Yami> wtf is a vaginaComment: #atthepark on etg
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#52124 (376/536) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<digitok> Talon: Enable PM
<Talon> one sec
<Talon> done
<digitok> Thanks
<Talon> ok.. why did i do that if your not gonna PM me?
<digitok> I just wanted to see if you're still my bitchComment: #spiderslair on Webchat
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