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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..158159160161162163164..596Next> |
#50821 (54/250) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pashoshon> Hey, do you know when n00b hunting days are?
<Lukian> When?
<Pashoshon> Any day ending with 'y'.
<Lukian> Well, then forget about tomorrow.
<Pashoshon> At least we've got today! :P |
#50765 (323/511) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple iterator where we can use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get an error when you divide by zero"Comment: ...Im now failing that class...
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#50815 (197/399) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+mahangu> i have a theory
<+mahangu> linux geeks are better in bed
<+mahangu> seriously, take a guy who spends _hours_, even _days_ troubleshooting his ethernet card
<+mahangu> isn't he going to be more likely to find the clitoris?Comment: #freenode on irc.freenode.net
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#50801 (149/299) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
scythen32: man
scythen32: having ap stats at the end of the day is killer
so far gone fia: sounds like it might be
scythen32: it's like you've been wandering in a desert for ages
scythen32: the sun beats down harshly on your exposed skin
scythen32: you're exhausted, your throat parched parched
scythen32: you reach the top of a dune, and hark! civilization!
scythen32: water, shelter
scythen32: it's all there
scythen32: just a bit further...
scythen32: and then this guy comes out of nowhere and kicks you in the nuts |
#50795 (264/428) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<J-Dawg> I was cruising through this one-sheep town here in Montana
<J-Dawg> and I had "Get Naked" by tommy lee playing at 3/4 power
<J-Dawg> which means my tires were slipping on dry pavement from the vibrations.
<J-Dawg> and this cop pulls me over
<J-Dawg> "Do you know why I pulled you over, son?"
<J-Dawg> "...because I had Tommy Lee blasting on my stereo?"
<J-Dawg> "Oh, that was Methods of Mayhem?"
<J-Dawg> "Yessir."
<J-Dawg> "Sweet! Have a nice day." |
#50774 (147/309) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@philb> I have a new task at work, I have to improve traffic to the website by not changing anything or advertising
<@philb> I've decided to use chanting
<@philb> I'll tail -f the logs of the webservers on a giant projector screen in an abandoned church
<@philb> and chant a lot. |
#50770 (207/353) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AlexMax> the closest i ever got to even having a girlfriend is when i asked a girl out via aim and she said "brb" and signed off. |
#50726 (151/329) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
wietz0r: I got a poem
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish not for a big house
wietz0r: Or a large car
wietz0r: I wish for something small
wietz0r: Possibly with side-bars
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish only one wish
wietz0r: And that is to never ever fucking sneeze in someones face during sex again
BernardBlack: ahahahahhhahahahaha
BernardBlack: "oh god katie, I -=ATCHOO=-"
BernardBlack: now that would be an orgasm and a half
BernardBlack: *sneeze* *sperm* "er, ok2 |
#50722 (-4/400) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Cinsu> I'm 12...going to college would be odd.
<@Grodus> o_O Geez, 12 years old?
<@Grodus> Fresh from the tit, are we?
<@CFX> ROFL
<@Zero7> XD XD XD XD XD
<Cinsu> What the hell?Comment: #samus.co.uk IRC chat
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#50745 (386/528) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Philwelch> In my high school, I would print out the "this page is blocked" page that comes up when you run afoul of the content filter on the library computers, and post it next to the anti-censorship posters in the library.
<Philwelch> Long story made short, the library ultimately took down the anti-censorship posters. |
#50738 (121/273) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<seelet> the frat house down the road doesnt even have wep on
<seelet> wtf
<HaLLuCiN0> maybe they are to busy drinking beer, smoking weed, and fucking chicks
<seelet> :( |
#50736 (133/295) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<comet1604> shit, my nose just started bleeding
<whackazog> lay off the cock
<comet1604> ?
<whackazog> errr, coke |
#50729 (479/669) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
thewhathewhat: I understand how scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why cant paper do this to people? Why arents sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper cant beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When i play rock/ paper/ scissors, i always choose rock. Then, when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shit, im sorry, I thought paper would protect you." |
#50728 (219/357) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<h4m911> i think i am going to rather enjoy my workcentre's new policy of "we won't work on your shitbox unless you sit here and wait while we do"
<h4m911> that should cut down my work load by about 900%
<punch> heh
<punch> fuck that
<punch> i dont need Newbie McTalker hovering over me while i fix his emachine
<punch> "what are you doing now?"
<punch> "what program is that?"
<punch> "where did you learn to do that?"
<punch> "what caused that to break?"
<punch> "i just bought that machine a year ago brand new"
<punch> "what do you mean its a 486"
<h4m911> you're not bitter at all! |
#50723 (189/371) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kyrion> do NOT eat a hot pizza naked
<Kyrion> correction
<Kyrion> do NOT drop a slice of hot pizza on yourself when you are naked
<Fibbles> don't irc when naked
<Fibbles> freak |
#50718 (294/420) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell> Funniest. Funeral. Ever. |
#50716 (343/485) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
nurv3947: So, I was talking to one of my friends, and she's kinda fat, right?
nurv3947: And this woman walks up to us, looks at my friend and asks "Are you pregnant?"
nurv3947: And she says "Yes, I got gang raped by twelve donuts." |
#50715 (124/298) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(teh_Neo) Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head
(teh_Neo) fucking song is stuck in my head
(teh_Neo) teh_Neo just noticed the irony in that =( |
#50706 (253/413) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@pixeldust> man i got so much candy tonight
<@ash> awww, pixie still twick oh tweats!
<@pixeldust> stfu
<@pixeldust> what you do for all hallow's eve?
<@ash> scared little kids that came up to my porch.
<@X5-424> went to a costume party at a hotel
<@b0bby-d1g1tal> i shaved my pubes off and painted my sack up like a pumpkin
<@b0bby-d1g1tal> then jumped out of the closet bare assed when my girlfriend got home and said "trick or treat bitch!" and chased her around the apartment with my wang.
<@ash> o_O
<@X5-424> leave it to bobby to kill a conversation dead in its tracks.Comment: #red-eclipse
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#50704 (289/463) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Toba|Unix> And God said, trust not the tinyurl, for it is subtle and quick to abuse your trust. And it came to pass, that Robert did click the tinyurl and was assaulted from behind by gay pr0n popups. And god said, wtf? I told you...Comment: #wpi
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#50703 (207/369) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Gravier> speaking of jerri
<Gravier> I made quite the faux pas with her therapist the other day
<Gravier> I usually don't talk like this
<Gravier> but we were schmoozing a little bit
<Gravier> doing guy talk
<Gravier> you know
<Gravier> brought up that jerri is a very sexual person
<Gravier> she's hot, you know, stuff like that
<Gravier> well I noticed he had a new receptionist
<Gravier> very pretty girl
<Gravier> and I said so
<Gravier> well, my exact words were, "She's got a hot little body herself."
<croiduire> not PC?
<Gravier> well
<Gravier> his exact words back were "She's my daughter." |
#50695 (31/213) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
novwithabullet: man, now I have SMB2 music stuck in my head
Deuz MA: hahaha
Deuz MA: duh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh-nuh DOO DOO
doo doo do dittle doo, doo doo do dittle do ..
novwithabullet: oh man, you got that spot on
Deuz MA: LOL
novwithabullet: and then there's bum-ba da dum dum ba-dum ba da dum
Deuz MA: hahahaha
Deuz MA: i totally know what one that is
novwithabullet: I like to think of SMB2 as the first mario-party game
Deuz MA: I'm trying to think of how to write the boss music
novwithabullet: it's too fast
novwithabullet: dudududududu DU DU dududududududu DU DU |
#50658 (236/390) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[10:42] chad: you now your an asset to a company when they bail you out of jail. |
#50646 (13/355) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Julius: dude so my sis knows a girl right
Julius: an this girl
Julius: used mayo as a sexual lube one night
Julius: so
Julius: next couple of days
Julius: she gets unexplained orgasms
Julius: so she goes to the doctor
Julius: and
Julius: boom
Julius: maggots
Julius: a la vaginaComment: ... out of KY? Check the fridge...
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#50585 (242/448) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Joey-X> so im talking to my friend whose hanging out at my place for a joint homework effort and we start making bets on who will do what, like, I bet you 2 bucks you wont drink that expired milk or I bet you 3 bucks you wont go out on the fire escape and yell "WHITE POWER" or something
<Joey-X> and she bets me I wont show her my wang
<Phaser> WHITE POWER
<Joey-X> indeed, but anyway so I pull down my pants and this is the fuckin funniest thing..I wasnt hard yet and she grabs it(this is where I should remind you im not circumsized) and pulls the skin back and - no fucking joke - says 'it looks like a hydralisk'Comment: #quahog
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