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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..142143144145146147148..596Next> |
#54699 (50/324) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
alannapurple: My boyfriend's RA sold him pot.
alannapurple: Do you understand how this is inherantly wrong?
silknsteelcn: Yes
alannapurple: oh thank god, someone does
silknsteelcn: I can't believe you're going out with someone who smokes pot. |
#54696 (633/791) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<joe`> I got overpaid $150 two weeks ago, i decided not to say anything
<joe`> now last week they UNDERPAID me $150, so I went to my manager to tell him to put it right and he comes out with "you didn't tell us when we overpaid you, did you"?
<joe`> I told him "I'll tolerate one mistake, but not two!" |
#54684 (340/524) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
gravybythepint: dude, this girl is of such low moral fiber she doesn't even know what sin means
D1ckhead Dan: Opposite over hypotnuse
gravybythepint: i hate you |
#54649 (272/482) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Leonard G: Welcome to HP Total Care. My name is Leonard. How may I assist you today?
some body: hi, how do you turn a computer on?
Leonard G: Please press the power button on the front panel of the system tower.
some body: is that the button marked power?
Leonard G: Yes, the big button in the front panel of the system tower.
some body: oh, I see a small socket
some body: what the hell, I just got electrocuted
Leonard G: I apologize for that. |
#54658 (19/399) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mrono> man
<Mrono> i had a nightmare last night
<Mrono> i dreamed that efnet started having chanservices
<Mrono> ugh |
#54654 (472/644) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hax> my boss just told a client his domain was "taken by korean cyber pirates"
<hax> we were on speaker phone with a client
<hax> and i toally lost it
<hax> then my boss yelled at me for laughing
<hax> and i told him "listen, if you're going to tell me korean cyber pirates pillaged his domain, i'm going to laugh"
<hax> "and try not to do it while i'm drinking a coke next time" |
#54648 (251/465) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TnT> In primary school, I carved up my dictionary so it could fit a gameboy
<TnT> and I would sneak in a few Tetris games during class.
<Avatar> <TnT>: are you shitting me?
<Avatar> you carved up a dictionary to fit a gameboy?
<TnT> Yep
<Avatar> you are the craziest man alive.
<TnT> I was soooo hoping someone else in the class would do the same
<TnT> so we could multiplayer Tetris
<TnT> and look like we're reading the dictionary
<TnT> but alas
<TnT> no one was game enough :( |
#54639 (249/419) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw. |
#54624 (273/417) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Dizzy: so i was talking to my bro down in his room right
Dizzy: and i look down and see an empty condom wrapper
Dizzy: and he knows i see it
Jak: lol
Dizzy: he goes "i bought them just in case, and i tested one"
Dizzy: what does he mean by "tested"???
Jak: oh god |
#54623 (258/456) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<maverick> I hate you leo, go fuck yourself.
<leo> Dont tell me what the fuck to do
<leo> Your not my fucking mom
<maverick> uhh, yeah i am..
<leo> ??????
<maverick> oh, i thought you said "your not fucking my mom".. |
#54622 (377/503) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Radial> i think my mother knows i watch porn
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows. |
#54619 (284/454) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Zook> fuck
<@Zook> Sister wants on -_-
<fire> ouch
<@Zook> Yeah.
<@Zook> but what she doesnt know is i added her sites to Windows HOSTS file.
<@Zook> to redirect to 127.0.0.1
<@Me> huh?
<@Zook> In other words she tries to access her sites and it doesnt let her
<@Zook> and In other words ill be back real soon :p |
#54586 (264/436) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
mfmagbal: Feeling down? Lift yourself up in a few easy steps!
mfmagbal: First, get a mirror and look at yourself.
mfmagbal: Then say "I'm so pretty/handsome!" with a big smile and everything.
mfmagbal: You'll feel better
mfmagbal: Don't use it too much though
mfmagbal: Because liars go to hell. |
#54583 (197/413) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Biablo> wrestling is 6 inches away from gay sex
<Gafgarion> 6 inches away? more like a thin speedo away from gay sex |
#54568 (275/487) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jkl> "This pornography-related article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it."
<jkl> That's the worst pickup line ever. |
#54567 (268/450) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<nox> hey sto, let's play a magic trick!
<nox> pick a card! BUT DONT TELL ME!
<sto> lol okay
<nox> it WASNT the 15 of Diamonds!
<sto> uh..yeah
<sto> er, what?
<nox> i like to do magic tricks with no room for error! |
#54547 (345/511) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
includestdioh: in hebrew i read about a sentence a minute because i basically brute force every word
includestdioh: because you have to fill in the vowels yourself
Nomihn0: mm
includestdioh: sort of like when chatting on AIM with twelve year olds |
#54555 (284/420) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<your2ndgirl> dont keep your cans of compressed air next to the can of wd-40
<your2ndgirl> just a word of warning
* your2ndgirl goes out to buy a new keyboard |
#54430 (186/394) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< calaf> I can't even have my cats in the room if I'm wanking
< calaf> they're other guys so they ruin it . . .
< withnail> so if they were female cats it would be cool
< bubbly> i'm trying to eat breakfast
< calaf> If a cat can form the thought, "If I jigger this doorknob with my paws, the door may open for me," then you know he knows what jacking off is
< calaf> Or, in my case four years ago, "I don't like that he's spending all this time with the girl and not me. I'm going to shit in her book bag."
< calaf> The General did that. The 911 of cat terrorism |
#54507 (222/398) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Slider> i went to little ceasers today
<Slider> and you know how they have those "Hot N Ready" pizzas?
<Matt> yeas
<Slider> well, their shirts said "HOT N READY" on the back and two blondes were the cashiers
<Slider> i burst out laughing |
#54444 (136/362) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
DarkBio Azriel: GOD!
DarkBio Azriel: WHY CAN'T MY STUPID CAT OBEY ME.
Lyon Darkheart: God's themesong.
Lyon Darkheart: And Ned Stark's.
Waddacku: It's a cat. They don't obey, they order.
ToasterStrube: Beacause it's not a dong Az
ToasterStrube: *dog
Lyon Darkheart: *snicker*
ToasterStrube: damn that was a bad typo...
Waddacku: It's not a dong, it's a pussy? |
#54442 (491/651) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dread> UR R R0nG j00 n3wbz! T4ht iz n0t m4thz, t4ht r t3h SUXX0Rz!1!! ZOMG URL4ME GET4LI3FLRN2PlYkTHXBYE1!1!
<Dread> ouch
<Dread> I think I sprained my brain trying to read that
<ct> you are wrong you new users of this system. That of which you speak is not related to mathematics, rather, it is something quite unacceptable. I swear to the Lord above that you are substandard in your abilities. Please, find a hobby which will distract you as you learn its intricacies. Thank you for your time and consideration, I bid you adieu.
<ct> translation is just one of the services I provide |
#54441 (381/565) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< plasmadis> One time my dad stole a roll of brightly-colored stickers from a butcher's counter that said "BREASTS" and went to the video store and stuck them on all the movies that looked likely to contain nudity. |
#54437 (176/352) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<xgamer04> I really hate MSN messenger. I wish people would use something else.
<DRAGONX6> I don't think it matters what chat program you use
<DRAGONX6> everyone's going to be away anyways |
#54432 (222/466) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Raisin> my mom is paranoid
<Raisin> i was messing around with a lighter and she thinks i'll become some freak who razes buildings for fun
<Raisin> she saw me in a fistfight once and is convinced i'll become a felon
<Raisin> and i lied once and she kept ranting that i'd be president someday |
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